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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this engagement is a farce?

136 replies

SweeetHomeAlabama · 27/02/2018 11:55

I’ve name changed for this to prevent outing myself.

My BIL met a girl with a daughter and fell in love. By all accounts they’re very happy. The girl has a son (we’ll call him James) from a previous relationship and they waited a good 6 months before introducing james to BIL. James’ real dad has been a major let down and within weeks of James meeting BIL, he gave him a Father’s Day card. He was calling him Dad in no time. BIL is fairly well off and his girlfriend didn’t have much before so now plasters every single thing they have/buy all over Facebook. BIL was visiting us yesterday and told us he plans to propose to his girlfriend. We asked if he thought they’d get married soon, he told us “No, she just wants her ring, she’s not too fussed about the marriage bit”.

I have to say, I really don’t understand the point in getting engaged just to have a ring. No doubt it’s so she can show it off on social media. I quite liked her when I first met her but I’m just unsure of her intentions now I suppose. She seems happy but I think that happiness might purely be because she has more money and a Dad for her child, rather than for actually being in love.

Not really my business I suppose but just wanted to vent a bit really. Her bragging does wear me down at times.

OP posts:
Eltonjohnssyrup · 27/02/2018 12:59

Is her name ‘beanie baby’ by any chance?

PumpkinPii · 27/02/2018 13:04

There's something quite grating about people boasting about something they have nothing to do with, can't take credit for and haven't achieved themselves.

user1490607838 · 27/02/2018 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluelady · 27/02/2018 13:07

Wow, user, just wow! Glad I don't live in your parallel universe.

PumpkinPii · 27/02/2018 13:08

Lol user very goady. I mean it's not true but thanks for sharing your thoughts.

PhelanThePain · 27/02/2018 13:10

😂 at goady user with the transparent trolling.

If you must troll at least put a bit of effort into it.

starlightafar · 27/02/2018 13:11

I agree user, but I think your comments will be called inflammatory
MC are not so desperate for immediate gratification, they work towards longer goals. It is literally the WC and particularly unemployed, who have the need to Facebook everything as though it's a huge achievement. So being engaged, rather than promoted, or moving to a bigger house. Because that's all they know how to succeed, which is sad really.
Referring to another thread on children by different fathers, that this is really common in women who are lowest in the socioeconomic scale. Because they have never been taught delayed gratification, nobody around them aspires to it, and all that can be enjoyed, has to be now. There is no time for wasting, because it would be boring. I agree it is really irresponsible to encourage a child to call your boyfriend daddy anytime before you are married, and even then they would be told that he isn't biologically, but loves them the same.
In the same social circle I know loads of women whose boyfriends are 'dad', and everyone around knows that except the child.
YANBU OP

MrPan · 27/02/2018 13:13

user is just trying to garner attention.

OP, you sound quite bitter and jealous, and not a great deal else. Ignore her, defriend etc - someone else's life is nothing to do with you, but it sounds like you are going out of your way to make it your business. So you can feel bad about her and the situation.

I like the sound of both your BiL and her too.

Elocutioner · 27/02/2018 13:13

You're not going to like everyone you ever come into contact with.

Just back off, and ignore the boasting when you do have to meet.

Bluntness100 · 27/02/2018 13:15

It's interesting that your issue has changed from your op, which was very heavily weighted to this woman being a gold digger only after his money, now it's you find her boasting wearying.

It's also interesting you're also affluent, as I'd have said uou don't like this woman and are envious of their financial situation

I'd think about what's driving you here. You don't have to tell us. But if it's a case of your super sensitive to her mentioning anything she has I'd probably recognise the issue is yours. Envy isn't nice emotion and the only person it damages is the person who feels it.

LaurieMarlow · 27/02/2018 13:17

User you'll need some stats to back up your goady opinions.

For contrast, I have a good friend with an oxbridge degree, an excellent job (6 figure salary, loads of perks), family money behind her, who met a guy and was pregnant within 3 months. Then she got pregnant again when her first child was 4 months. They didn't get married til a few years later. Does that make a difference? Hmm

Gemini69 · 27/02/2018 13:17

it's not 'just' a ring.... should anything happen to your BIL .. the 'ring' as Fiance will give her legal standing over his family.. she's quite the calculating little fish isn't she... I'd remind your BIL that even the engagement changes everything Flowers

p.s. Sounds like SHE lovebombed HIM Grin

SleepFreeZone · 27/02/2018 13:20

Bloody hell user I on the other hand know quite a few middle class professional people who did exactly that, including myself and my fiancé. So where does that anecdotal evidence leave your extensive research in the subject of class versus pregnancy?

Bluelady · 27/02/2018 13:20

Engagement ring = legal status
Engagement changes everything

Another one living in a parallel universe. They're all out today.

MrPan · 27/02/2018 13:20

legal standing over his family? Due to an engagement ring?

MN can be really weird at times.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 27/02/2018 13:22

What is this obsession with an antiquated class system and making sweeping generalisations about huge sections of society?

Are you basing this on watching Jeremy Kyle extensive research?

There's no place these days for a "them" and "us" attitude.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/02/2018 13:23

Other posters were quicker but since when does an engagement have a legal definition? It doesn't.

Marriage, yes - engagement, NO!

starlightafar · 27/02/2018 13:24

Lost read social theory on social class. There are many trends-not generalisations but actual commonalities-that are consistent with class. It is the basis of sociological discussion and academia.

MrPan · 27/02/2018 13:25

I think those comments are based on gcse sociology, taught by an inadequate teacher.

starlightafar · 27/02/2018 13:26

Read some Haralambos and Holborn for the basics Mr Pan

Bluntness100 · 27/02/2018 13:26

she's quite the calculating little fish isn't she

And he is just a poor imbecilic man who bears no responsibility for his actions. It's all that manipulative woman.

You're right. Always blame the woman. Men bear no responsibility for their actions. Even when they propose. They are just taken in by us calculating evil women.

It's always the woman's fault. You get in there and attack.

Feel better?

user1490607838 · 27/02/2018 13:27

I don't know what's funnier, the 'WOW JUST WOW's' which is the wankiest thing anyone says on here, OR the posters claiming they have know someone who has an Oxbridge degree and is on 6 figures, after settling with someone young and getting pregnant very quickly.

Come on!!!!!!!!! Do you expect people to believe that?!

As @starlightafar says, it is true (what I say,) but the facts I am speaking are going to get flamed, and I will be accused of being a goady troll etc, because people don't like uncomfortable truths being spoken about the lower classes. Especially the pearl-clutching leftie mumsnetters! Grin

As you were hunz. Grin

MrPan · 27/02/2018 13:27

I did. When I did gcse sociology. Grin

That stuff has been discreditted years ago.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 27/02/2018 13:27

Erm, can you not just tell her that her constant bragging is tedious?

Just say, very happy for you even though I don't mean it, but I'm not really one for wedding talk sorry.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/02/2018 13:28

@Gemini69 WTF are you on about!?

The nutters are all out on this one!