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Original poster

To think this engagement is a farce?

136 replies

SweeetHomeAlabama · 27/02/2018 11:55

I’ve name changed for this to prevent outing myself.

My BIL met a girl with a daughter and fell in love. By all accounts they’re very happy. The girl has a son (we’ll call him James) from a previous relationship and they waited a good 6 months before introducing james to BIL. James’ real dad has been a major let down and within weeks of James meeting BIL, he gave him a Father’s Day card. He was calling him Dad in no time. BIL is fairly well off and his girlfriend didn’t have much before so now plasters every single thing they have/buy all over Facebook. BIL was visiting us yesterday and told us he plans to propose to his girlfriend. We asked if he thought they’d get married soon, he told us “No, she just wants her ring, she’s not too fussed about the marriage bit”.

I have to say, I really don’t understand the point in getting engaged just to have a ring. No doubt it’s so she can show it off on social media. I quite liked her when I first met her but I’m just unsure of her intentions now I suppose. She seems happy but I think that happiness might purely be because she has more money and a Dad for her child, rather than for actually being in love.

Not really my business I suppose but just wanted to vent a bit really. Her bragging does wear me down at times.

OP posts:
user1490607838 · 27/02/2018 12:28

This reply has been deleted

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VladmirsPoutine · 27/02/2018 12:30

user Your post is bloody ridiculous. WTF are you on about regarding "lower-working classes" Piss off.

Elocutioner · 27/02/2018 12:31

I think user is a scientist who has studied the breed "lower working class" extensively....

VladmirsPoutine · 27/02/2018 12:32

So OP, what essentially is your problem? The bragging or that she might be after a father for her child and to be bankrolled through life?

starlightafar · 27/02/2018 12:32

To be honest I think it is dreadful that her child is calling BIL dad He isn't that child's dad, and has only just met the child. I think 6 months isn't long enough to wait If I had a new partner I would wait well over a year to introduce them, probably more.
I think she probably encourages the 'daddy' thing to keep him. Maybe I'm cynical though.

Elocutioner · 27/02/2018 12:34

Everyone does it differently. My kids met my partner straight away - no issues.

Some people like a long engagement, some people want some commitment without marriage and see an engagement as able to give that.

Up to them

Original poster
SweeetHomeAlabama · 27/02/2018 12:35

VladmirsPoutine now that I’m actually writing it down rather than thinking it in my head, I’m realising my problem is the constant boasting and I wasn’t all that shocked when BIL said she “just wants her ring” as no doubt that’s just one more thing for her to show off. She’s also never happy for other people when things go well for them. She just wants to be better than everyone else and it gets draining to listen to/ be around.

OP posts:
toriatoriatoria · 27/02/2018 12:36

Maybe unfollow/hide her on Facebook so you don't see her posts anymore.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 27/02/2018 12:37

God yes it's frightfully common to get engaged and pregnant out of wedlock, and move in together after 5 months. Lower working class scum. Hmm

What an awful sweeping generalisation! What is this obsession with a class hierarchy anyway? It's very dated.

AnyUsernameWillDo75 · 27/02/2018 12:40

User I can't believe people still think like you in this time and age. "lower working classes" FFS

OP maybe this woman has had a very hard time until now and she's just basking in her new found happiness. Nothing wrong with it, if it annoys you just take a step back.

Motoko · 27/02/2018 12:41

If she is a gold digger, it's probably for the best that they don't get married, because if they split up, she won't be entitled to half your BIL's assets.

However, maybe she comes from a poor background, and she might be really pleased and want to show off all the things that she has now, that she could only dream of before. Not something I would do, but it's understandable. Just hide her on FB if it annoys you.

Another thought I had was that she actually DOES want to marry, hence the engagement, but your BIL has no intention of marrying, due to the assets situation I mentioned above, so he's just stringing her along.

Winebottle · 27/02/2018 12:41

It is odd that you care about who your BIL is with but I agree it is weird he is called Dad.

You just have to ignore braggy people. I find them amusing. It's embarrassing and I love to eye roll about it to others.

But yeah, giving someone a ring doesn't mean you are engaged. Agreeing to marry does.

x2boys · 27/02/2018 12:41

I'm struggling to see why it bothers you so much , lots of people brag on Facebook and whilst I don't get the whole engagement without a wedding thing either , as long as they are happy who cares .

easypeasylife · 27/02/2018 12:41

I'd be much more concerned about the child tbh. Calling him dad after a few weeks really isn't on in my book. I know people who have had several 'daddies' as their DM's encouraged them to call every partner that. It rings alarm bells for me.

Bluelady · 27/02/2018 12:45

So essentially the problem is that you don't like her. I can totally understand her being thrilled with having a solvent partner and a solid father figure for her son if his dad was a major let down. It's not my way but she's showing how happy and appreciative she is. Presumably she sees the ring as a symbol of love and commitment, nothing wrong with that in my book.

PumpkinPii · 27/02/2018 12:45

Console yourself with the fact everyone else seeing those posts will be laughing/ cringing and no-one who actually has proper money would ever do anything that crass. She sounds like she has serious issues.

If you're openly annoyed by it she will think she's making you jealous so just smile and see her as little as possible. People like this aren't worth the headspace.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/02/2018 12:47

I can see it from James' side. My dad is horrendous and always has been. I've missed having on very much. If my mum had been the slightest bit interesting in finding someone else to marry, I'd probably have been champing at the bit to call him 'Dad' too.

I even sent a Father's Day card to Danny DeVito once (via his agency). I was quite young then though. Blush

I really missed having a dad, some kids do.

I'm wondering if you have children and were giving BIL's money the glad-eye yourself in terms of future inheritance or bestowing gifts on them/you? I wouldn't generally even suggest it but your own post is so crass and mean that the question won't stand out.

Original poster
SweeetHomeAlabama · 27/02/2018 12:48

It is odd that you care about who your BIL is with.

I have to spend lots of time with his partner, she’s around a lot now. I don’t really care about them being together, it’s just a pain in the arse having to be around someone who boasts constantly.

I’m going through a tough time just now and I suppose it’s wearing me thin when normally is handle it a lot better.

OP posts:
Scrumptiousbears · 27/02/2018 12:48

It's the whole new money thing. She forgets where she's come from. I know someone like that. Was a single mum struggling to pay a mortgage and bill etc but came into money and now says things like "£45k isn't that much to spend on a car is it" 🙄

Winebottle · 27/02/2018 12:50

Can you not distance yourself?

NachoAddict · 27/02/2018 12:50

Did you marry the wrong brother OP?

PumpkinPii · 27/02/2018 12:50

Just come up with a response to the boasting, I'd probably say something like: "do you mind if we talk about something other than materialistic stuff? I feel like that's all we ever chat about and I'd really rather get to know you properly."

If she was really boasting about the ring for example you could say something really catty like:

"I'm glad you're so happy with your ring. Just be careful with it. My friend Leanne had the same one and the stones fell out so she ended up taking it back and having to get a more expensive one. It was worth the extra though." Grin

Original poster
SweeetHomeAlabama · 27/02/2018 12:53

I'm wondering if you have children and were giving BIL's money the glad-eye yourself in terms of future inheritance or bestowing gifts on them/you? I wouldn't generally even suggest it but your own post is so crass and mean that the question won't stand out.

I’m surprised I’ve come across this way. Im not short of money myself and in all honesty, come from a family far more we’ll off than my BIL is. I’ve already told my parents I’d rather they spend their money enjoying life or donate it than leave it to me as I’d be just fine without. I’m not a materialistic person in any respect.

I’m also surprised more of you haven’t been in the position where you have to spend time around someone who constantly goes on about themselves? It’s draining. The “engagement” is just another thing I’m going to have to endure her bragging about for god knows how long.

OP posts:
CauliflowerBalti · 27/02/2018 12:55

If she's not had much and now she has someone spoiling her, I get that she's excited and can't help oversharing about it.

It doesn't mean she doesn't truly love him. Just that she can't believe her luck. She sounds immature - but you sound mean and overly protective of your BIL. I think it's lovely that he and her son have such a strong relationship.

Honestly, if he's happy, you should be happy too.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/02/2018 12:59

Fair enough SweeetHome, I don't know if you've come across that way or not really but I thought your first post was a bit mean.

I'm totally with you on the boasting though and I think that you could (and should) just say outright - "Look, I'm very happy for you both but the boasting is getting boring. You don't need to do that, we're going to be family".

And see if she calms down. If not then just walk away when she starts. I agree, it's very annoying. They may marry, they may not, keep polite but you don't need to be friends if you don't want to. I get on well enough with my sister in law but we'll never be friends, it works fine.

Your later post said that you're going through a tough time now, sorry to hear that, hope it turns around very soon.