To bf a 3 year old?

[fannyanddick]

My dh mentioned that I shouldn't tell anyone that I still breast feed as they will judge now that our child is three and that I should think about stopping. I only feed her once a day but she loves it and doesn't want to stop. Last time I said 'you're getting a bit big for milkies now', she said that she loved it and didn't want to get any bigger or grow up and more.

What is the general view? Is she too old?

Well shit I still have about 5 baby teeth and I'm 23. I'm sure my mom is glad she didn't wait to wean until I lost them all! (Side note: my mom has inverted nipples and couldn't BF so it doesn't really matter. Other side note, I am perfectly well adjusted without BF and my mother and I are very very close.)

Personally if a child can ask to be breast fed then I feel they are too old. However it is your decision and only yours.

Nobody I know has b/f after the age of around 18 months and even then everyone thought it was too long but I thought it was OK tbh. But three year olds then I'd say bit strange.

Worry about yourself and your little one.
If it works for you both that's all that matters

I've just seen this. Bravo Gap!

www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/ct-life-gap-ad-model-breastfeeding-baby-0226-story.html

I would be more judgmental of 'Milkies' than the breastfeeding itself (not that there is actually anything wrong with calling it that and I'm not particularly judgmental about it, it just made me cringe a bit involuntarily, so you get the idea. If Milkies isn't really a problem then why would breastfeeding pastvthree be?).

YANBU.

I think that natural term breast feeding is fine if that's what works for you and your child.

What I don't think is a good idea is bfing a child who can walk and talk on demand, especially when you are out and about going. Not because I think passers by have a right to an opinion but for your own bodily autonomy and dignity. A routine where you bf morning and night (or whatever) sound lovely but I don't think a child should be able to walk up.and open your shirt or demand that you do so.

If the OP is choosing to continue where’s the problem with regard to autonomy?

And dignity?! Jesus.

I think this thread illustrates an important point. There are lots of posters stating "I don't know anyone who does this". But those of us who do natural term BF often don't tell people to avoid the kind of rude and judgemental comments above. So as a result you may very well know a few folk who BF older children.

Why people feel the need to be quite so rude about something which has absolutely no impact on them I have no idea. It's not like anyone on this thread has said everyone must do it, or that those who don't are somehow lesser parents; it would be nice if those with different views could be as courteous.

Yes i agree I suspect you dont know anyone who does this simply because of the judgment you can get if you do.

I did until 2.5 and 3.5 with mine. My best friend next month will be feeding a 3 year old but the only friend who knows is me because of the same reason

Its the other side of the breastfeeding/formula debate and it is a far more judgmental one

I certainly wouldn't tell somebody whether or not they should be feeding their child up to whatever age. But OP did ask for people's opinions. And it's probably true I didn't know anybody who bf up to four because they probably wouldn't have said. So it must be a bit taboo in a way if people can't talk about it.

Not because I think passers by have a right to an opinion but for your own bodily autonomy and dignity.

WTAF? The individual gets to decide about their bodily autonomy and what dignity means to them. You having an opinion on their actions is not standing up for their freedom, it's the exact opposite.

No ones business. I breastfed my son for 13 months, before I put a stop to it. I hated breastfeeding, even though I had loads of milk and no issues. I taught myself to breastfeed, as the NHS were useless.
I wouldn't feed for that long, but if you're happy and your child's happy, keep doing it.
Good luck!!

Join Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond on Facebook.

A PP is right in saying that for a 3 year old it's not food any longer, but why should it have to be?

I certainly don't go by 'food for fuel' 100% of the time. If I am feeling run down I will want a carb heavy meal, if stressed a glass of wine and some chocolate. Both of those are hardly doing me any favours. We eat not just for sustenance but the pleasure of taste and often the sensation of food.

Prior to breastfeeding I balked at 3/4 year olds feeding but now I think good for them. Breastfeeding is a tool for comfort and nutrition amongst many other things.

And those that say cows milk is a better alternative... why is normal for our children to drink the milk of another animal intended for that animal's baby, but not their own Mother's milk...

Oh, men can fuck off with their opinions on natural term breastfeeding already.

why is normal for our children to drink the milk of another animal intended for that animal's baby, but not their own Mother's milk...

Because at some point it has to stop! I still drink milk at 42. I suspect my dm would be less than impressed if I wanted my mother's milk because it was intended for me rather than a baby cow.

because it is deemed so. Why do we find the idea of drinking cows milk perfectly fine but balk at the idea of camel or donkey milk. Even sheep and goat are seen a being odd whereas cows milk is fine.

Longer term breastfeeding used to be a far more common norm (still in in some cultures such as Mongolia). Wet nurses used to be very common

I think people who've reacted negatively to what I've said are deliberately misunderstanding.

I'm all in favour of everyone making their own choice and would never interfere or comment.

But if you asked me, I would say you needn't allow a child to demand this of you when they are old enough to walk and talk. Just like anything else that isn't breastfeeding - you give them their other snacks and meals when you decide for example, generally you dress them when you decide they should be dressed. Somehow bfing seems to strike a cord with people that it always had to be done on demand. I'm just expressing (no pun) that a Mum can extended bf without having a child coming and opening her shirt as and when. I personally wouldnt like that.

But I guess if you want to be offended by a measured view that wouldn't be given unless asked you will manage it by yourself.

The thing is blackteas that that is exactly the experience of most of us who do natural term feeding. There are very few who still do so on demand as you would an infant (and presumably those who do do so because they are happy to). So I think what people are reacting to is a (perhaps mistaken) sense of offence that you are assuming that that is how they and/or their child behaves. It's one thing to be judged for what you do, but quite another to feel your being judged for something which has any the case.

Has any? Isn't, obviously, I meant isn't the case.

I read a paper suggesting that - comparing humans with other primates - the natural term of bf is actually 6-7-8 yrs old. Which coincides with children getting their big molars - allowing them to get more of their nutrition from meat (back in the day). So even stopping at 4 yrs is biologically not natural.

Virtually all our behaviour and choices around breastfeeding are culturally driven, and to do with what's become 'normal' - there's nothing natural about any of it. There's nothing natural about drinking cows milk either, but loads of people think it's normal. But not many of us want to live the life of cave momma these days, understandably.

I fed my DSs until they were 4 and 3 yrs. it worked for us. It wasn't a secret, but it was something we did at home mostly by the end. Family knew and were supportive, anyone else I didn't really GAS.

I think what it boils down to a lot of the time (and I’m not talking about bf-Ing teenagers just bog standard BFing older toddlers) is that women’s bodies are seen as public property. So breasts are seen primarily as sexual property of the husband. On any thread about consleeping you’ll see the attitude that ‘you should stop so you can share a bed’ - ie so the man can have his sexual property and real estate back. No consideration of what’s best for the child or the Mum having to get up ten times a night.
Society seems to have a real problem with women using their bodies in ways that are not for men or deemed ‘regular.’

Extended bf wasn’t for me - I stopped at 18m and that was enough for us. At the same time I think it is pretty natural. It’s comfort as much as food and if you want to feed your three year old as part of bedtime then you should be able to do it without societal opprobrium. I suspect plenty of people do, but keep it quiet.

Reading this I am wondering if extended BF is a bit more common than thought. I BF until ds 3years 4 months, got fed up with it so stopped, ds would have happily carried on. No one knew I was BF past about a year, he was in childcare from 5 months, full time from 9 months, he certainly managed to get comfort from others in that time. A colleague of mine BF for over 3 years, only reason I know this as I am now in a job which is involved with BF and it is only now, several years later, that I tell people (not that many!) that I BF for so long, just a thought but it maybe underestimated how many BF for 2 + years