Prior to our meeting, my now-DH was in an on-off relationship with an older woman, who was also in an on-off relationship with at least one other man. She told all her partners that she was using contraception, but then unilaterally decided to stop taking it, without informing either of them.
When she (surprisingly?!?) fell PG, her first and preferred choice of father sodded off back to his GF and DH did the decent thing and stood by her. When their gorgeous DD arrived the mother refused to allow a DNA test, as she had decided she was wrong and of course DD was absolutely his. She gave up work and wanted to be a SAHM, which he worked hard (two jobs) to be able to afford. She stayed home and ran up debts and had affairs, but he stayed as he wanted to be there for his DD.
When she eventually left him (for an even younger bloke) she got the house and residence, whilst he got a shed load of abuse and paid voluntary ££ a month, which was nearly half his income, but he didn't want to shirk his responsibilities or see DD go without. She didn't keep to contact arrangements, and bad mouthed him at every opportunity. He had to apply to the court for parental responsibility, as even though he was named on the birth cert, because they weren't married he had no rights over his DD if anything happened to her mum.
She applied to CSA because she wanted more money from him, and when the CSA assessment came back at slightly less than he had been voluntarily paying, she consulted a solicitor as she assumed he would have to pay the £600 he had volunteered, PLUS the amount of the assessment.
She was, and still remains, an utter money grabbing cow and we have as little as possible to do with her BUT in all that she is utterly dedicated to DSD and has raised a beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind daughter. She takes all the credit for this, of course, but we like to think that we had a little to do with that too. We do resent that she did not see that her responsibility was also to work and provide financially for DSD, but to take as much as possible from DH and I to facilitate her lifestyle choice. I completely understand that DH did have a choice in whether to participate or not in very difficult circumstances, and I admire his commitment in the face of not even knowing whether DD was his.
The whole situation is horrible and simply taking money from one person (and tax payers) is an awful way to deal with it. Simply telling men that having unprotected sex is permission for a pregnancy and a commitment to the next 18 years is ridiculous, as there are some very devious women out there. The double standard is that if a man sleeps with a conniving feckless woman, he has to suck it up and pay without a further say, whereas if a woman sleeps with a feckless man, she is given all the sympathy and choices. Very unequal and unfair.