AIBU to think Child Maintenance is fair?

[R2G]

Just that. Does anyone have any opposite views? Anyone feel they ask to much? Etc

Aaaah bollox. It's child maintenance, not child benefit! That'll teach me to jump in amd out of Mumsnet during a loo break! FFS.

You dont but toys and games every week. There aren't school trips every week. School uniform is cheap and easily accessible from supermarkets.
It doesn't cost a fortune to give a child a healthy balanced diet.
Seems to me some parents use mantenance as a whipping stick.
Personally, I am glad my ex is in my childs life. What he pays monthly is a bonus.

I don’t think it’s fair that extortionate amounts of maintenance are made to be paid to someone who has never worked a day in her life

That’s easy to say, Clark,, if you generally have enough to get by. Try being the one to pay childcare for 3 young children, work full time and deal with illness etc. etc. For many years, I have lived in fear of losing my job because I am, essentially, unreliable. Fortunately, I have had positive relationships with employers and work very, very hard when I’m around so they know I don’t bow out unless essential. I am nearly 50 with no pension to speak of and no means of saving extra for one. My house needs major repair and updating. Everything I earn is spent on managing, day to day.

Sorry, haven’t read the whole thread. I agree that they often ask for too much making it quite hard for the father to have their own life, to afford rent or another relationship.

It’s better now people are encouraged to sort it out between themselves rather than going through CSA. I don’t ask my ex for the amount CSA suggest, if I did he wouldn’t be able to afford to live and this would effect the dc’s. We agreed on a sensible amount.

Yes, it’s perfectly fair that absent fathers only have to pay 10% of their income per child to the parent they have left with full responsibility for their children. It’s perfectly fair that every time one of these absent fathers has another child their payments to their existing children decrease. It’s perfectly fair that the parent that leaves only pays a pathetic amount whilst the parent that stays has to struggle to pay for everything.

Fucks sake.

My dd’s Dad died before she was one. I get nothing from anyone. We survive on my wage. It is possible.

Personally, I don't think it's fair. My ex lied to CSA. And pays £10 a fortnight for 3 children. The then CSA took his word for It, didn't check anything and so he pays £10 every 2 weeks. I don't have faith in the CMS so won't pay to be reassed to £10 a fortnight.

I've only got to page one and will go on to read the rest but blimey at the financial abortion bit.
If a man has sex with a woman without protection then he is as much responsible for the consequence as her.
Saying oh well either you have an abortion or I want a financial abortion so I don't have to stand up and take responsibility is fucking awful. An abortion is a huge thing for a women. She should not have to face killing her baby or taking no financial help because a man didn't put something on the end of it.

If a man has been forced into sex or tricked into someone somehow maybe but any other circumstance where he just had decided not to use protection then bloody hell.

That said the majority of people I know get low amounts or nothing at all including me so I would gladly absolve him of paying to get rid of his rights seeing he doesn't see her anyway.

And yes I accept that it's a women's responsibility to use protection also. I meant where they both made that decision not to.
I just think the financial abortion aspect would just become another tool to abusive partners.

'School uniform is cheap and easily accessible from supermarkets.'

Not always.
Dds secondary uniform for a local state school was going on for £200. Everything there was logo ed even the socks and skirts had a logo or special house coloured band on.

Her primary had logo everything bar skirts.

Toadinthehole - used to be the case less so now usually if it reaches court stage court starts from a default position of 50/50. BUT the type of nrp likely to not pay maintenance is also the type to not to bother with contact either and certainly don't want 50/50 (But claim its exs fault they don't see their DC) also not every couple even goes to court - most go on a private agreement - especially since legal aid cuts were made.

"By the way, I noticed a comment above that the Child Maintenance Service is a "paid for service". Does that mean people entitled to recieve child maintenance have to pay the CMS in order to get them take action? You're shitting me right?" Nope

www.cmoptions.org/en/other-arrangements/statutory-child-maint.asp

£20 may not seem a lot to some but if you're a struggling Lp on universal credit it can make a huge difference.

"I don’t think it’s fair that extortionate amounts of maintenance are made to be paid to someone who has never worked a day in her life" well its FOR THE CHILDREN and depends WHY they haven't worked I'd have thought - currently there's a ton of reasons people might not be working - lack of jobs for a start.

Clark - no certain costs don't come up every week/month BUT they DO come up through the year - and as for "uniform is cheap" there are several threads on here where posters explain very clearly how expensive their child's schools ridiculously prescriptive school uniform is. Plus children grow its not a once a year purchase. If you're lucky enough that maintenance is a bonus I'm happy for you - but don't be ignorant of the fact that for some Lp it can be the difference between whether they eat more than once a day that month!

I think it's all a bit unfair. If a woman has the right to say she wants a termination or to give the baby away for adoption then a man should have the right to want nothing to do with it and not to be financially responsible. But that would need to be done at birth. I don't see why a man should support a child for 18 years but a woman can just decide not to have the child at all and a man has no say whatsoever in that.

Well it took 8 years to get £5 a week off my ex and it's now 9 years after and I occassionally get £6.73 a week when he hasn't taken out a loan or something as the government prioritise paying themselves back before him paying for his son. He owes me nearly £500 but because he's on benefits and works cash in hand they won't do anything. I've reported him. They aren't interested. I think it's a joke.

Nope, not fair at all. We have the kids three nights out of seven, ex has them four out of 7. We do extras over the holidays and when needed. DH still has to pay his ex child maintenance as she is the main Carer. Even if we had them four or five nights he would still have to give her money. Totally unfair but can’t do a thing about it!

What penalties ohreallyohreally? they dont enforce them the majority of the time. cms are all talk and no action. Useless and now you have to pay for it.
Its actually awful when you look at the fact because the father wont pay they also penalise the child by taking a percentage from the child, Thats if they can get any money out of him.
Never managed it in my exs case.
I can categorically say if the cms had to be used by those in government there would be tougher penalties and those penalties would be enforced the fact its used by single parents who at times can be in really desperate situations with no money or low wages its not fixed and it doesnt work and it wont be because changing a name of a system and setting charges it just makes the poor poorer.
I am so lucky my life is completely different now and I am comfortable but I would really hate to have to ring them all the time like I used to so much stress and an endless feeling of hopelessness.

I tend to agree that the payments aren't " fair" but I do think the onus on the father to pay is.
It's good to make men responsible for their actions rather than the expectation that women just suck up consequences.
It's absoultuely not the same to abort a child as to walk out on one.

Payments are only demanded until they are 18. Hardly a lifetime commitment.

'Even if we had them four or five nights he would still have to give her money.'

Would you Cookie?
I thought that if you were doing equal over nights or 50/50 then it stops as you are doing equal care and each presumably spending the same when you are with the child.

Oh yes its very fair.. fair for fathers who don’t want to pay! My daughters 11 and I still haven’t had any regular child maintenance! The CSA were a joke and didn’t seem to care whenever I asked them to chase up payments, and when my daughters dad attended college 1 night a week for a year, they told me he was exempt from paying child maintenance as he was classed as a student... I was at college full time for a year then uni full time for 3 years and I wasn’t ‘exempt’ from paying bills, buying her food, clothes, paying for her hobbies etc! I had to live off student loans which I will no doubt be paying back for years!

@lovemusic33
Can I ask what amount you agreed on? Also how often does he have kids? Do you split any extras such as parties or holiday care? Thank you

Oh I've just calculated and you so still pay for 3 or more nights.
Its a very small amount. £17/£400 a week for example.
I suppose if 50/50 a fairer way would be to split uniform, clothes and trip costs.

Don't care if the child is a product of a one night stand or a long term relationship. Men shouldn't be so casual about their genetic material😁 pay up or keep it in your pants.

We have to pay it and his ex is a nightmare. The worst part is they calculate it before tax in his gross yearly salary which he obviously HAS to still pay tax on..... He doesn't get that money 😕 also my husband is still paying off all the joint debts they had as she wasn't working he only worked. So he is therefore left with all their bills and debts to pay ontop of his maintenance money which doesn't even consider our rent..... She's currently just got herself a nice new car, been on her 3rd holiday in 6 months, is now debt free as he is paying for all her stuff.... Sofas, iPad, white goods on finance, credit cards etc..... She's now currently looking at buying a house because she no longer has any of the bills/debts to help pay and uses the child like a bank.....

Oh yes its very fair.. fair for fathers who don’t want to pay!

Why fathers?

My sd suggested moving in with is for her gcse years. Closer to school for the main reason.

The response from her mum was if she did there was no way she was paying us to take her child off her.

Pretty much everyone agreed with her. In the end sd was persuaded to stay with her mum so she wouldn’t lose her maintenance.

Prettylovely - most politicians are white middle class - even upper class - men. They're far more likely to be nrps than RP's and that's their perspective.

Not ALL RP's are women but the vast majority are. It's definitely a feminist issue.