To be annoyed that DP just spent more on a guitar than he did on my engagement ring?

[thiskittenbarks]

We got engaged at Christmas so not particularly long ago. I didn't mean to look at the receipt for the ring at all but DP has a habit of leaving everything on the stairs for months on end. I was clearing the stairs recently and found a bag and almost binned it and then I thought I'd better check the receipts in there to make sure it wasn't anything important and it was the paperwork and receipt for the ring.
He already had a guitar that cost more than the ring but he's had that for years so I don't feel like I can be mad about that. But he came home with another one this weekend and when he told me how much it cost I went all funny and it was pretty obvious I was annoyed. He doesn't know I know how much the ring cost so I guess he just thinks annoyed about how much he spent on it in general. To be fair to him it was what he bought with his "birthday money". But I still feel quite peeved about it. He has 9 guitars now. I do love my ring but I feel like I'm looking at it in a different way since he came home with the new guitar. I know I shouldn't be such a princess, but I have but AIBU to be annoyed?
For context we are pretty financially comfortable but are currently looking for a new house and also planning the wedding so more savings would definitely be useful. We have been together 10 years and have 1 DC and another on the way.
I might go and buy myself a ridiculously extravagant present for my birthday next week!

Have you heard of the phrase 'to know the cost of everything but the value of nothing' ?

An engagement ring is far far more than its cost. It's 'value' is the price you put on being married to your DP.. for me, my second hand ring costing £130 from a little antique shop in Devon, which I saw and loved - prompted a proposal and acceptance. It is priceless. It's value is from the moment he asked if I would marry him.
All the bling fuck-off mega diamonds in the world could never replace it.

The guitar issue is his birthday present money converted to something he wants. From whoever gave him that money.

Why are you asking for a pram for your birthday. ? That's actually your problem as it's a baby you are both responsible for and should be a a joint household purchase as you are both earning and have no financial problems.

an engagement ring is a symbol, nice to have a sparkley one if that is what you like, but it is doing the same job whatever the cost.

Guitars, I presume improve withthe amount of money you spend on them.

obviously this is important to you and you need to think through financials of you marriage before you get married.

Beep You're fairer than I am, having had a good look at the OP.

If either of you see things for the baby, DCs or the house as presents for you, that is the real issue here? None of these things are your hobby, they're a joint expense and responsibility.

He can have as many guitars as he likes as long as they come out of his spending money, where you have the same amount to spend on yourself and spending money is budgetted for after all household and DC costs. Even if you save up the money because you don't want anything right now, you should take the same amount of spending money.

Engagement rings are a separate issue and not something I agree with, thinking about it logically. They date back to a time when women were considered almost as possessions and didn't have their own money or independence. The ring was designed to give the woman an asset that she could sell if the marriage fell apart. In most cases, these days, they aren't necessary. If you want a ring, have one, but don't be surprised if he also wants a gift.

And I'm a woman with an expensive hobby that costs more than DPs, we do exist. We both scuba dive and I do it more than he does. Next year I'm going to a very notable diving destination, one that all divers aim to do, and he's not coming, for various reasons (the trip will actually be mostly women as it happens, most of whom have none diving male partners).

Guitars are expensive so I think YABU. The main issue is whether you like the ring.

I chose my engagement ring. I wouldn't have left it down to him. He proposed. ..then we went together to buy the ring.

He proposed on again on one knee with the ring.

There's no upper limit to what you could spend on either the guitar or the ring.

Anyone else now getting ads for engagement rings on the right of their screen?

My ring cost £275 back in the 80s, an antique diamond daisy ring. I chose it because I love it, not because of the cost. I've since been given other, more expensive rings, but that one is still the special one. Money isn't everything.

I’m more concerned about the mess on your stairs tbh

What matters is the love that you have for each other - end of.

If you are fretting about something so very unimportant, then maybe you do not love him enough to commit to him for life.

Presumably you liked the ring till you saw the cost - that is a bit shallow really, and you need to re-think your priorities. Either you like the ring or you don't - the cost is a total irrelevance.

His guitars are an important part of his life and have a use beyond decoration - be happy that he has this skill and interest.

Jesus christ could this be more materialistic

I didn't even want my boyfriend to spend a lot because i thought engagement rings were overpriced...he could have got a cubic zirconia from Argos. It's the thought that counts!

In your head, does the cost directly correlate with how much he loves you, therefore he loves guitars more than you? One word: no.

@ShatnersWig wow! Check your detective skills out!
I said on this thread we've been together 10 years m. On the other I did indeed say 7 - we had a few years which were a bit weird. I'd be happy to provide everyone with a full relationship history, including our "we were on a break" moments if you like but it's very boring and I assure you not some elaborate plot to trick MN users.
I do indeed earn more than him full time and about the same as him when I'm part time. For most of our lives together I have earned more, and I'm only PT at the moment because I look after our toddler. My point about my earnings was that I am not marrying him for the money as suggested by a PP. It would be stupid and weird to "marry someone for the money" for the sake of a couple of years while I am earning less than usual because I'm bringing up our children. So yeah I do earn more than him in general but currently earn about the same (although I look after our child 2-3 days a week which has value too).
I would have been happy with an inexpensive ring. The ring I got is beautiful.
Everyone else - as I said before I'm perfectly willing to concede that I was BU. I was annoyed for about an hour during which time I posted this thread. I'm heavily pregnant and being left at home with a poorly tantrumy toddler while DP goes out shopping for an eye-wateringly expensive present for himself combined with pregnancy hormones does not make for a rational attitude towards such things!

My DH has, at last count though I'm not sure, 12 guitars. Plus various other instruments. Does he need 12 guitars? Probably not. But it's his hobby and it brings him pleasure so who am I to tell him he can't spend his money on guitars?
My engagement ring was £50 from a wee antiques store and it's cubic zirconia. I've sometimes thought it would be nice to swap it for real diamonds but it's a lovely ring and I have fond memories of us buying it together. We've been together 24 years and married 23 so clearly the amount spent on the ring hasn't mattered to us in the slightest.
I'm another one that thinks it's slightly odd to be getting wound up over a ring when you've been shacked up with the bloke for years and pregnant with your second child to him.

A plastic ring from a kinder egg should be priceless to you if its given by someone you truly love

Sure, but I'm not going to want to wear that on my finger everyday. Especially not if it makes my skin discoloured/green!

I don't mind cheap at all, but not so cheap it might as well he kids fashion jewellery.

Going back to check out past threads is hilarious.

I think its a bit sad to go to the effort of trawling through someone’s old posts !

Of course YABU, OP. But if it bothers you then spend some of your own money on a more expensive ring, or something else you want for yourself. You do sound a bit childish, tbh, sulking because your husband spent his own birthday money on something he chose for himself. Do you think he should spent some of it on your ring to get you a more expensive one or something?

Sorry, meant partner, not husband.

OP I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I dated musicians, my brother is one, I know how much guitars cost. Even if your DP is a professional 7 (or 9 I lose track) guitars is more than is needed. Yes an engagement ring is about what it represents. But it’s also going to be worn daily for 40/50/60 years. If there’s no money of course only spend what you can afford. But if your DP can afford to buy so many guitars be probably can afford a nice ring.

You don’t say how much the ring or guitar cost and I get why, but I do think it’s relevant as it indicates how much money your DP has that doesn’t need to spent on general life costs. I know how much money me and my DP have coming in. If he bought me a cheap ring and then bought himself something costing thousands, wrong or right it would make me feel like I was valued less than his hobby.

You definitely shouldn’t be asking for pram money for Christmas though. That’s a family need not a gift for you.

A little bit.
He picked it for you. With you in mind I imagine. An if it was his birthday money put towards it what does it matter?

I'm surprised at everyone who says they would be happy with cheapo rings. It's all very nice but I'm sorry, I want a rock. I got a rock last time and I want a rock this time too i think it's nice for them to spend a decent amount on it, relative to how much they earn etc.

Anyway yabu, it doesn't matter what he spent on a guitar it had nothing to do with your ring. It's a separate purchase you can't just go through the rest of your life comparing every purchase to that.

I'm heavily pregnant and being left at home with a poorly tantrumy toddler while DP goes out shopping for an eye-wateringly expensive present for himself combined with pregnancy hormones does not make for a rational attitude towards such things!

Him fucking off on hobby shopping leaving you struggling is crap. I’d be angry at that, dh hobby involves him going out a lot but onky after everything’s done and home, he wouldn’t leave me struggling with a poorly toddler. Yanbu to be annoyed there, sounds like you were annoyed anyway and the guitar is what you’re focussing on. He shouldn’t need to be asked to stay home and support you and go shopping later.

I spend more money on my hobby than I spent on our whole wedding :)

You’d have had a point if you were a bit peeved he’s wasting cash on luxuries while you’re both supposed to be saving for new baby and new home, but that’s not what you initially complained about.

I sometimes get the odd cash gift for bday and xmas, I don’t ask dh if I’m allowed to spend it on something I want.

Fil gave me £20 at xmas, and dh some buts for his hobby, I bought some make up, did I fuck ask dh if he minded me spending my gift on myself. My fil can be sexists and even he would say DH doesn’t get a say on what I use my gift from fil on, just like Dh doesn’t ask me if I mind if he uses his gift from his dad.

We’re both adults and if we were short we wouldn’t spend any extra cash on ourselves, we both put bills and child stuff first. Neither of us would be asking for household items for xmas or bday gifts from each other as if we were that short on money, we wouldn’t be doing gifts in the first place.

I do think it’s a bit shit that he bought an essential item for his child for your gift. I know it’s what you asked for, but he should have been shocked and said no, surely it should be a given that he’s gonna provide items for his child? If I asked dh to buy his child a pram for my bday gift he’d be either insulted (that I felt providing for his child is something that needs to be asked of him) or ashamed that he may have acted in such a way that indicated i felt him being an equal parent is a gift, rather than a given.

Sounds like the money on the guitar is highliting other not great attitudes he has.

Yes! What an enormous amount of sense spoken by PP 'ShitWit'!

I can see why you are feeling a bit annoyed. An engagement ring is supposed to last forever and you feel it's worth less than one of 9 guitars he has.
I sympathise and don't think YABU.

A plastic ring from a kinder egg should be priceless to you if its given by someone you truly love

If he proposed with a hula hoop, I would be so happy

I'd be happy with an onion ring as an engagement ring

My OH could give me a friggin' Haribo ring and I don't think I'd mind

If I ever propose again, I'm going to pop the question with a Monster Munch. Unless she has really fat fingers, in which case I'll make it a donut.