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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DP just spent more on a guitar than he did on my engagement ring?

152 replies

thiskittenbarks · 25/02/2018 22:12

We got engaged at Christmas so not particularly long ago. I didn't mean to look at the receipt for the ring at all but DP has a habit of leaving everything on the stairs for months on end. I was clearing the stairs recently and found a bag and almost binned it and then I thought I'd better check the receipts in there to make sure it wasn't anything important and it was the paperwork and receipt for the ring.
He already had a guitar that cost more than the ring but he's had that for years so I don't feel like I can be mad about that. But he came home with another one this weekend and when he told me how much it cost I went all funny and it was pretty obvious I was annoyed. He doesn't know I know how much the ring cost so I guess he just thinks annoyed about how much he spent on it in general. To be fair to him it was what he bought with his "birthday money". But I still feel quite peeved about it. He has 9 guitars now. I do love my ring but I feel like I'm looking at it in a different way since he came home with the new guitar. I know I shouldn't be such a princess, but I have but AIBU to be annoyed?
For context we are pretty financially comfortable but are currently looking for a new house and also planning the wedding so more savings would definitely be useful. We have been together 10 years and have 1 DC and another on the way.
I might go and buy myself a ridiculously extravagant present for my birthday next week!

OP posts:
Thelampshadelady · 25/02/2018 23:18

Surely it isn’t the monetary value of the ring that’s important?

SleepySheepy · 25/02/2018 23:23

I would probably be annoyed about the many guitars. Sounds like he ought to have different priorities than his guitar collection at the mo.

But I wouldn't have even made the link between the guitar and the ring in my head. They're two different things. Unless there's a piece of info I'm missing? E.g. did he make a big deal about not having enough money to buy you the ring you wanted?

I'm not sure it's about the ring.

Cuddlycousc0us · 25/02/2018 23:24

The best quote I ever read was I believe Germaine Grier who said why do men buy sports cars and women don't ? Because men feel entitled. So I guess women should treat themselves more often

GnotherGnu · 25/02/2018 23:33

The thing is, where do the comparisons stop? If your ring needs to cost more than what he buys for himself, does it have to cost more than a car or a house?

mikeyssister · 25/02/2018 23:34

DH spent more on his golf clubs than on my engagement ring but it didn't matter because I love my ring and wouldn't have chosen a different one.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 25/02/2018 23:39

I only have three guitars :(

Turkkadin · 25/02/2018 23:47

But if the op didn't know what it cost until she found the receipt then it sounds as if she didn't choose the ring and he did??
I'm going to go against the grain and say I'm not surprised she sounds pissed off. Why should she be happy with whatever he deems fit?
He thought a ninth guitar was more important to spend his money on than her engagement ring and they have been together for 10 years and she is the mother of his 2 children. Why should a bloody hobby be more important than her ring?

Original poster
thiskittenbarks · 25/02/2018 23:47

I thought I might be BU. I do love the ring. I just wouldn't dream of spending that much money on myself. Least of all on something i already have 8 of.
We have a baby on the way and I asked for money towards a new pram for Christmas rather than anything for myself! This birthday I will get something for myself!

OP posts:
GUMBYMUMBY · 25/02/2018 23:53

Let's look at the facts.
He already had 8 guitars which is pretty mental unless he is Slash.
He bought you an engagement ring.
You are disgruntled because it's monetary value was less than Geetar number 9.
He obviously think guitars should cost more than engagement rings.
You need to ask why you are even considering someone with 9 guitars who isn't Slash.

LegallyBrunet · 26/02/2018 00:03

YABU My OH could give me a friggin' Haribo ring and I don't think I'd mind; it's the sentiment behind it that counts

GodIsDead · 26/02/2018 00:13

Wait, so he actually agreed and gave you money towards the pram in lieu of gifts for Christmas?! Isn't the pram for the baby? Confused

Kokeshi123 · 26/02/2018 00:18

I don't think the problem is the actual amount of difference between the money spent on the guitar and the money spent on a ring.

I think there is potentially an issue with buying a ninth guitar when he is part of a couple that has got some big expenses coming up---wedding, buying a property and paying for all the expenses associated with two children.

Unless one is loaded, I think spending that much money on guitars is a bit self-absorbed and immature. Is he very obsessed with his hobby?

However, you are kind of doing the same thing by wanting more money spent on a diamond ring.

It sounds like maybe both of you need to sit down and take a careful look at your finances. Children get EXPENSIVE very quickly as they get older.

TenancyTroublesAgain · 26/02/2018 00:31

Yabu and grabby.

user1490607838 · 26/02/2018 00:34

To be honest, you are both pillocks.

You sound moany and whiny cos he didn't spend enough on your engagement ring, and he is a pillock coz he is being a typical MAN and spending family money on his frankly quite expensive hobby! No-one needs 9 fucking guitars, and I am willing to bet that no man - including the OP's man, would tolerate his woman spending several 1000's on her hobby.

Some men seem to think they're entitled to spend more on their hobbies though, if they earn more money. Hmm Honestly, every third woman I know has a husband or boyfriend who spends fuckloads - I mean multiple 1000's on any one or more of the following....... Snowboards, ski-iing, golf, football, cars, gambling on the horses or the dogs, sci-fi collectibles, fishing, the gym, cycling, fancy sports-wear, tech, activities with his mates like paintball, or climbing etc etc. I have yet to meet a woman who spend a FIFTH of the money on her hobbies that her husband spends on his.

And despite what a pp said, it's not HIS MONEY. It's family money. They are getting married, and have a baby already. It's FAMILY MONEY.

NotACleverName · 26/02/2018 00:37

Did you miss the part about it being birthday money, user?

YABU, OP. It’s his birthday money, he can spend it on what he likes.

Andromeida29 · 26/02/2018 00:50

I think YABU OP. If you were coming on here and saying that he was spending money on a hobby rather than the family then YANBU but it's his money and surely he can do what he likes? How can you put a price on how much an engagement ring should be? You can't possibly put a price on something like that. I'm not married nor engaged but have been with my DP for 13 years. He bought me a simple ring a few years ago and to me, it's priceless. He also spends a lot on his hobby (no DC as yet) and I'm happy to see him do it and support him.

Cuddlycousc0us · 26/02/2018 00:52

I heard the tradition was to buy a ring of one or three months wages. However, I think that if you love someone you would be happy with a can of coke ring. It's really the sentiment that matters, not how much has been spent !

steff13 · 26/02/2018 01:03

He can spend his birthday money on whatever he likes. You can spend your birthday money on whatever you like. The cost of the guitar doesn't have anything to do with the cost of your ring.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 26/02/2018 01:18

If you are going to get annoyed about this kind of thing FFS don't ask for pram money for Christmas.

So many women play martyr then complain when no one either copies them or notices. If you like nice things, that's great, have nice things. If you don't and he does, that's also fine as long as he can afford them.

Oh, and never marry a musician (bitter experience). Grin

Jux · 26/02/2018 02:04

9 is not many when it comes to guitars. My dh has 30+ and uses a whole other room for them, and their cases, and a couple of amps, and some sets of speakers, mic stands and mics. He also has a room downstairs which is full of all the rest of his paraphenalia, more mic stands, speakers, amps, speaker stands, traps cases, and LEADS, so many leads!!!!!!!! And he has another room where his desk is, as well as some of his favourite guitars, a music stand or two, some mics, mic stands, guitar stands, a few foot pedals, all the tools he needs to fix his guitars when they need fixing, sets of stringwinders, fretboard cleaners, guitar polishes, godknowswhatelse.

9 guitars? You're lucky.

GrandTheftWalrus · 26/02/2018 02:06

I'd be happy with an onion ring as an engagement ring. If he then spent more on something for him it wouldn't bother me

theoldtrout01876 · 26/02/2018 03:05

My DH has 10 guitars, a mandolin and an electronic keyboard, recording software, FX pedals, drum machines etc. My engagement ring cost well less than most of the guitars.

I had a flawless solitaire diamond as an engagement ring from my exh . I also ad 12 years of misery, loneliness and abuse.

My Dh loves me, I have no issues with his collection. He bought the stones for my engagement ring and had them set. They are not flawless diamonds but mean more to me than the diamonds did.
If you love your ring, even if you dont, dont place a monetary value on it. Its cost is not necessarily a sign of his commitment.
If hes a good partner with a guitar habit thats ok. Its not the cost of the engagement ring that counts. See my comment on my large flawless diamond.
My DH does have a hobby issue, its not guitars at the moment, but he loves me and treats me like a queen.
Your ring price does not reflect the commitment or love involed

AlmostAJillSandwich · 26/02/2018 03:25

Why does it matter how much the ring cost?
Are you implying his love for you is measured by how much he spent on your ring?
How much did YOU spend on HIS engagement ring? Did you even get him one at all?
If the day comes im ever lucky enough to get engaged the ring could be made of silver paper twisted into a circle for all i care, its about SENTIMENT not expenditure.

newcarsmell · 26/02/2018 03:59

Don't ever ask for baby stuff for gifts in future op. It's a bad habit and he obviously feels he deserves splashing on himself, so you do you.
On mn you are not allowed to care about the cost of your ring and are being materialistic. You should be happy with a burger ring.

In real life, if someone spent more on their hobby than their pregnant fiancés ring you'd probably feel like he valued the hobby more.

steff13 · 26/02/2018 04:07

In real life, if someone spent more on their hobby than their pregnant fiancés ring you'd probably feel like he valued the hobby more.

See, I feel like if you've already got a kid and you're pregnant with a second, the whole "engagement" thing is sort of moot.

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