To be annoyed that DP just spent more on a guitar than he did on my engagement ring?

[thiskittenbarks]

We got engaged at Christmas so not particularly long ago. I didn't mean to look at the receipt for the ring at all but DP has a habit of leaving everything on the stairs for months on end. I was clearing the stairs recently and found a bag and almost binned it and then I thought I'd better check the receipts in there to make sure it wasn't anything important and it was the paperwork and receipt for the ring.
He already had a guitar that cost more than the ring but he's had that for years so I don't feel like I can be mad about that. But he came home with another one this weekend and when he told me how much it cost I went all funny and it was pretty obvious I was annoyed. He doesn't know I know how much the ring cost so I guess he just thinks annoyed about how much he spent on it in general. To be fair to him it was what he bought with his "birthday money". But I still feel quite peeved about it. He has 9 guitars now. I do love my ring but I feel like I'm looking at it in a different way since he came home with the new guitar. I know I shouldn't be such a princess, but I have but AIBU to be annoyed?
For context we are pretty financially comfortable but are currently looking for a new house and also planning the wedding so more savings would definitely be useful. We have been together 10 years and have 1 DC and another on the way.
I might go and buy myself a ridiculously extravagant present for my birthday next week!

Why? They are still engaged to be married, kids or no kids.

Agreed @newcarsmell

If someone actually gave their fiancée a ring pull, onion ring, silver paper twisted up or any of the hyperbolic crap rings mentioned on this thread, they'd get their arse handed to them.

It is about the sentiment. And sometimes the sentiment is, "I like guitars more than being married to you". Possibly not but I understand why the OP is annoyed.

She needs to stop asking for prams for Christmas though. That's just PA nonsense.

Whether YABU depends on if the ring is nice and you like it. If it is/you do, then don't compare the cost. If he is spending too much money on his hobby, address that separately.

If it's a pretty crappy ring that he bought because it was cheap, then you have a point.

Because they're already committed. The whole engagement/ring just seems silly to me at the point that you've been living together for years, have children, are clearly a committed couple. That's just my opinion.

You need to tell him to buy you eight more rings, OP. Then you’ll be even.

YANBU.

He can spend his birthday money on whatever he wants, grow up or if he has any sense he'll tell you to get lost.

When you say 'birthday money' did he get £500 from his parents, £200 from your parents, £100 from each of his five siblings and £300 from you or did he get £50 from a couple of people which has gone through the magic music tree and become £1500 (or whatever the new guitar cost).

You might find it easier in the future to have separate 'fun' accounts for such expenses - maybe all his income from playing could go in there too. You can then amass a pot of your fun guilt free money to spend on jewellery, hotel breaks etc. He will sadly find that separate accounts don't get as much interest as the magic music wealth creation tree (aka joint account).

It wouldn't bother me that the ring cost less, but I would be concerned about money leaking away on hobbies. Never ask for 'house' things for your birthday, otherwise it will help him to justify his spending 'well thiskittenbarks got a pram/washing machine/hoover that she needed for her birthday so I can take £500 towards my next guitar/amplifier/pedal that I need.' And they do seem to think that they 'need' the next acquisition.

Out of interest, prams aside how many of your birthday/Christmas spending would you have to accumulate the amount of money he has spent on the guitar (minus any income from playing the guitar)?

The issue is not the ring.
The issue is he's the sort of man who leaves bags of crap all over the place for ages until the woman of the house snaps and clears it up.
YANBU. He thinks less of you than he does of even his cheapest guitar. One day you'll ask him to choose, and he'll choose them.

What a complete load of bollocks from the above poster.

You might find it easier in the future to have separate 'fun' accounts for such expenses - maybe all his income from playing could go in there too. You can then amass a pot of your fun guilt free money to spend on jewellery, hotel breaks etc. He will sadly find that separate accounts don't get as much interest as the magic music wealth creation tree (aka joint account).

It wouldn't bother me that the ring cost less, but I would be concerned about money leaking away on hobbies. Never ask for 'house' things for your birthday, otherwise it will help him to justify his spending 'well thiskittenbarks got a pram/washing machine/hoover that she needed for her birthday so I can take £500 towards my next guitar/amplifier/pedal that I need.' And they do seem to think that they 'need' the next acquisition.

What she said.

OP, you haven’t said what you spent on his engagement ring...

The details are important here.

If the ring was 200 quid and the guitar was 205 that would have been one thing. (sorry my pound sign has disappeared from my keyboard, DC playing Roblox!)

If the ring was 200 quid and the guitar 5000 then that's quite another thing.

Yes yabu. Are you going to compare the prices of everything in your life forever?! ‘Omg he just bought a car that cost more than my wedding ring’ ‘ugh he just bought himself a suit and it cost more that the dress he got me for my birthday’ you were perfectly happy with the ring before you knew anything!

No-one needs 9 fucking guitars, and I am willing to bet that no man - including the OP's man, would tolerate his woman spending several 1000's on her hobby.

So much possessiveness. His woman, her man. That made me feel nauseous.

OP, YABU because it’s just a ring. My DP has 9 guitars too. I have billions of shoes. So what?

This is making it seem that you see the ring as a measure of his love. Unless you have some deeper feelings than that, don’t get married.

My ring cost £60. He didn't buy it because it was cheap. He bought it because it was the exact style of ring I like.
He spends more on a night out.
I love my ring but, more importantly, I love my DP. I can't imagine me ever wanting him to spend more of his hard earned money on me than himself.
I find it so sad that so much emphasis is put onto the price of the ring rather than what the ring actually means.
Your DP wants to spend the rest of his life with you....and his guitars!

If you asked for money towards a new pram for christmas (and not something for yourself), then more fool you! You actually got what you asked for...how is that unreasonable of him? How terrible of him to do what you wanted

If you like the ring, I think YABU.
My engagement ring is worth less than £100 and belonged to a relative of mine - so DH didn't have to spend any money on it.

But perhaps you issue is not really the ring - it's the fact that he's just spent a lot of money on yet another guitar when you have a baby on the way? Are you concerned that he is spending too much on his hobby vs the new baby?

He bought the guitar with his birthday money though. It wasn't his money he was spending (unlike the engagement ring)

My engagement ring cost about £80 as DH was broke at the time. About eight years ago I was engaged and my then DF spent a months salary on a very beautiful diamond ring. Guess which one I married? Not the one who bought me the fancy ring.

In the nicest possible way yab (a bit) u.

I heard the tradition was to buy a ring of one or three months wages.

cuddly it was De Beers who had an advertising campaign that stated it should be 2 months wages. They had a vested interest in people buying rings so that rule of thumb is a load of nonsense anyway!

www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/money/a32609/two-months-salary-engagement-ring-rule-origin/

I wanna know what guitar he bought. Tobacco burst fender? Gibson? Telecaster?

I chose my ring, my husband was horrified at how little it cost but it was the one I wanted. We've spent ten times more on a holiday several times since. Value of ring doesn't reflect depth of love.

The guitar is an entirely different issue. It was paid for with money given as a birthday present, it wasn't intended to be spent on rings, weddings or anything else. It was given to him to spend on himself.

I think you're conflating two different issues here, OP.

cuddly - nothing personal, I just think that tradition comment needs debunking everywhere it can as grade a bullshit.

If we're going to use centinerian marketing slogans as life guidance, we can at least use interesting or funny ones.

For me, the issue wouldn't be that the guitar cost more than the ring; it would be that he went out and spent that sort of cash without discussing it with me first. I think decisions about big items should be made jointly. I'm the earner in our household; DP is a SAHD. I'd never spend more than a couple of hundred on something without factoring in the budget and chatting it over with him - it's just respectful!

he's the sort of man who leaves bags of crap all over the place for ages until the woman of the house snaps and clears it up

In true mumsnet style someone is bringing their own issues into the thread and blaming the OPs partner for them.

When my wife and I got engaged she bought me a Stratocaster cause she didn't think it was fair that she'd got a ring and I hadn't got anything. you need to raise your game OP.