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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting flamed on here

128 replies

chickinlikin · 25/02/2018 18:58

Has anyone put up a post and gotten upset when they have been flamed by people on here? Do you take it to heart?

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 25/02/2018 20:16

I did an AIBU about a queue in a café a while ago Got loads of flaming and it even appeared on Reddit. Saying how awful I must be. Still water off a ducks back. (some folk agreed with me though!)

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/02/2018 20:20

I hate the face. If you've got something to say, say it.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/02/2018 20:22

Typing away with steam coming out of their ears.
And don't forget their veins coming out of their necks, too.

whoareyoukidding · 25/02/2018 20:23

I know it's pathetic but many years ago I kinda got bullied on another site and I suppose because I happened to be having a not good time in general in my life at the time, I did take it to heart and I did get upset.

I wasn't exactly heartbroken and I did get over it in a day or so, but it has made me wary. I try to avoid conflict here, although I am older and wiser.

TheBrilliantMistake · 25/02/2018 20:26

I've found on the internet, as often in life, the marque of a person is how they behave towards you when they disagree with you, not when they agree.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/02/2018 20:27

It’s horrible . Won’t do that again !

frasier · 25/02/2018 20:28

DalekDalekDalek

"People do tend to jump to massive conclusions a lot on here and create a entire life story for the OP"

That's an amazing phenomena, I read a psychology paper about it once. People just fill in the missing pieces in their head! Happens in real life too but not as much in face to face conversation.

Message boards such as this and their posters have been studied for a couple of decades now. Makes interesting reading.

WilburIsSomePig · 25/02/2018 20:37

Yes. I was annihilated on here about 7 or 8 years ago. I was being a bit of an argumentative arsehole at the time so I probably deserved it. You can't take it personally, you know that so many people who call you this, that and the other on here would never do it in real life.

SuburbanRhonda · 25/02/2018 20:37

I hate the face. If you've got something to say, say it.

It’s my favourite emoticon

holeinmyheart · 25/02/2018 20:37

I have got flamed and told off by MUmsnet police. I still respond but I am now much more careful. You are meant to help the post, not flame them.
I particularly dislike the people who just respond by abusing the person personally, but don't offer a solution to the problem.
I am not a fan of bad language either and there are some responders who always project.
I always and only respond about situations I have personally experienced. I do quite a lot of sticking up for Mothers in Law. It usually provokes hysterical abuse. It is ironic that most of the people writing about the MIL- DIL situations have never yet experienced being a MIL, and yet they write as though they are experts. Lol

Snowysky20009 · 25/02/2018 20:37

frasier you wouldn't know where I could find that paper you referred too? I think it would be an interesting read. Thanks

But agree with what's been said, I think you need a thick skin to be on here. I've posted and been flamed, then thought, actually yes I am in the wrong!

But it's those that ask if they are being unreasonable, and you have 20 pages of people saying yes you are. The OP is still saying, yes but....., now that's fustrating!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 25/02/2018 20:37

Agree with pp's saying it's a rite of passage.
In fact I think all MNers should start an AIBU thread soon after joining just so they can experience being on the receiving end!

It's important to remember there's a real person behind the thread.

When I was new I asked a fairly boring question about making bottles up because I was working as a mother's help. I got told I should be sacked and not to be surprised if I had no job to go to tomorrow.

I had to have 2 large glasses of wine and a cigarette in the garden to recover from the experience.

Klobuchar · 25/02/2018 20:38

‘Mumsnet Royalty’

Yes, I believe the person who flamed me was considered that, though quite why I have no idea as I saw nothing but nastiness from her to a lot of people. She’s probably quite proud she is the reason I didn’t come on here for years and would tell me to “get over it” if she were still around. Maybe she is, I don’t know.

WilburIsSomePig · 25/02/2018 20:42

Oh I can't abide the 'Mumsnet Royalty' shite. I have no idea why some people think because they've been using this site longer than others it gives them the right to be a twat to a new person. I saw it a couple of weeks ago from a poster I had previous really liked. Put me off them immediately.

Doesn't matter if you've been on here a week or a decade.

frasier · 25/02/2018 20:46

Snowysky20009 It was part of a study done at a London uni when I was there, but it was several years ago so maybe published on one of the academic search or library sites now. If not, I expect there are many like it. I don't have uni search access (Athens or whatever it is these days) again until September so can't check, sorry!

Moominfan · 25/02/2018 20:47

Yea at the time but now see it as we're all collaboratively key warriors. Can't stand the heat get out the kitchen and all that jazz

Viviennemary · 25/02/2018 21:13

There's even Reddit Royalty now I believe. Complete with acolytes.

Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2018 21:15

ginch” she’s still here. Saw her on one of the Feminist boards todayb

ginch · 25/02/2018 21:22

Hopping, thanks, just saw her on the fox thread, she has an ex in front of her nn now.

Greensleeves · 25/02/2018 21:26

Nope never had even the mildest of run-ins with anyone

It's a shock the first time, but you get used to it. Lick your wounds and move on.

I have had a thread about me on THAT sub-Reddit though.

Greensleeves · 25/02/2018 21:27

Hasten to add, I lurk out of nosiness, I haven't joined the reddit thing

Anotherplanet · 25/02/2018 21:27

Yep. It's all to do with how well you explain yourself. One glitch I the story and MNers will pounce

NotUmbongoUnchained · 25/02/2018 21:28

You could start a thread about knitting patterns these days and end up in flames unfortunately!

coldcanary · 25/02/2018 21:29

Got my arse handed to me ob a platter on AIBU as a new poster years back, but that was my own fault as I misjudged the tone of what I was typing (aka assuming that the fact I was being sarcastic would be obvious to all the mind readers out there 😳). It was my first flaming and shocked me a bit but I explained what I meant then stepped away from the thread and let it drop off the board.

Snowysky20009 · 25/02/2018 21:29

frasier thank you. I don't have uni access anymore either- always want it when you can't have it! I will have a search around, thanks for replying much appreciated!

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