Getting flamed on here

[chickinlikin]

Has anyone put up a post and gotten upset when they have been flamed by people on here? Do you take it to heart?

Under a previous name I had posted about something to do with (then teen) DD. She had been absolutely vile to her siblings and I wasnt sure whether her punishment was appropriate (think grounding and removing phone kind of thing, not locking her in the cellar!). I was told by one poster that I shouldnt punish her at all, that the behaviour was clearly a reaction to the piss poor parenting she was receiving and it was no wonder all my kids hated me.

Wasnt in a great place at the time and it really upset me. I didnt do a big flounce but I did stay away for a quite a while and NC when I came back.

I was flamed and found it very upsetting, especially as it was quite a personal issue - people made a lot of negative judgements about me from one thread posted when I was feeling pretty delicate. It's taught me that what people post on here is the tiniest snapshot of themselves/their life and you can't judge someone based on one thread. I generally stay out of posts that get nasty - there is definitely a contingent of posters who get a kick out of being horrid.

Yes, when I was very vulnerable too.

But now I see that people who are very vulnerable often kind of 'put themselves up in the dock'.

If there is an 18 page thread with every post another pile on, I think you brave shower of *&^tz

I was flamed with my very first post (different name, thread about school) by a teacher! I was amazed how ignorant and crude they were to parents, they didn't/don't seem to care how they came across. I looked at their post history and find out that they were having trouble ttc, so I put the parent hating down to depression or something.

So no, didn't get upset, just wondered why. Since then I defended parents against the poster because, depressed or not, I think it is unfair of them to take it out on others.

I've been flamed twice (incl my first ever post!) On the second occasion I got accused of being a troll and then the thread got deleted. It was a sobering experience!

Yes, my 7 year daughter was assaulted by the neighbours 10 year old. I didn't go to the Police (we live in a country when the age for criminal responsibility is 15) but reported it to the school and we spoke to his parents. There were later (months) allegations that he had done the same to another child. We had told the parents of the child what had happened to us when we found out ecause we knew he played with the other child too. We reported it to the police, who immediately passed it onto social services. 9pm the night before our meeting with social services the other family decided to withdraw from reporting it. I posted on AIBU and I got called among other thing the worst mother in the world, I got called a troll. Someone said, my daughter should be taken away and put into care. It was awful. I cried buckets. I asked for the post to be deleted and it was. Admin wrote to be the next day implied maybe it was too sensitive for AIBU - I think they described it as robust.

I had a coupke of people PM me with concern. A poster called goddessofsmallthings was very nice and even PM'd me the next day. I never see her name on her anymore perhaps she has name changed.

I never ever made an original post on AIBU ever again. I reply but I was very distressed over what happened. It was so brutal.

I've been totally flamed a few times. Once for having the audacity to be a carer for my elderly parents because apparently that makes me a freeloader who is crippling the state. I should move to a wealthier area and earn a huge salary and put them in a home. I'd probably need to earn a few hundred thousand per year before I paid enough taxes to cover the costs of the caring work that I currently do for free. Carers are not freeloaders.

So that did piss me off, but I wouldn't say it upset me as such. Just irritated me.

I've been flamed for other stuff too but I can't even remember what, it was so irrelevant.

I do sometimes question the mental well being of some people on here.

The way that they will find literally anything to pick on just to be horrible. Its really quite worrying that such spiteful people are likely to be parents. There are also the sheep, who will cheerfully pile in if the first couple of responses on a thread are nasty, like they need to be seen to be in the mean girls gang so the mean girls dont turn on them

Yep, my very first post on MN years ago. I was stupid enough to post in AIBU. A member of MN royalty (when such a thing existed) swooped in on the thread. She did get told not to be such a bitch by other posters, though. It was over quite a sensitive issue (fear of having a smear test) as well - I still don’t get why someone would be vile to another woman over something like that.

A good while ago under a different username, I asked for advice re an issue with a new neighbour. It was a very minor issue, and I was asking for ideas on how to approach them and if I even should.

The responses I got were pretty crazy tbh, and even though I knew not to take it personally, it made me quite anxious because a lot of posters had an extreme view on the (again very minor) issue. It worried me that my neighbour could feel the same as some posters and that the problem was bigger than I thought.

Without outing my old name, it was loosely related to an issue with a fence, and some posters were questioning why I hadn’t already got out there and carried out whatever building work etc in the space of posting the OP and replying to posters.

In the end, I spoke to the neighbour and we just agreed on a solution with very little discussion. It was nothing like what MN made me think it would be like. The views on that thread seemed quite exaggerated afterwards.

Moral of my story is to take a lot of the posts with pinch of salt and prepare a thick skin when asking for advice

Sometimes it should be renamed BitchNet :)

I have three degrees (2 masters) and I have broken into two professions which are incredibly competitive. In both cases I have been one of about a hundred and been told something along the lines of only five of the people in here will make it. As I have said, I've done that twice. The professions have both been things were people, in finding out what I did/do tend to say things like 'wow, that's impressive.' I come from a deprived town. First in family to go to university. I have been a full time carer and brought up my wonderful dc. I have been called stupid (and worse) many, many times on here and I really can't say it doesn't upset me.

'when people on.'

I got called precious. I was also told I was not a good advert for my church. I wasn't trying to advertise!
Hey ho. Rite of passage as they say.

I do sometimes question the mental well being of some people on here. I used to Now I just accept that a lot of people need to be the 'mean girl' and doing it anonymously, to people who don't really exist, is easier for them!

I am not saying I am never snippy or curt (even rude sometimes), but, as you said, Pyong the piling on is nasty and seems pointless... on an anonymous forum where anyone can be anyone, or someone different in a nanosecond!

Oh yes.

Under another name, some nasty little article had a pop when I questioned something horrible they said. I've never quite forgotten.

I have days when I'm an arse so I moved on thinking they just were having an arse day to themselves. I strongly suspect though that they were just an all round 24-7 front arse.

Lots of posters are sheep though! I notice that often posters just repeat previous posts on a thread but if I go on and say something opposite, lots come out and repaet what I just said lol!

Easily swayed maybe?

I think you have to have a good sense of self, a thick skin as others have said, a realisation that the "keyboard warriors" that lay into people on here under their various names may well run away if you said BOO in real life, and that some people just aren't very bright!

In real life we tend to stick with people with which we have something in common. Here is a big melting pot of everybody. One or two trying to stir things (just because they can and are not v nice in real life) will cause the sheep to follow.

I actually find it quite useful. Its a good way to see your ideas from other angles and reappraise them. I get all sorts of flack on all social media for having any opinions. I think most women do. It can be hurtful at first but once you get past that and stop taking it personally I do think it becomes helpful. It encourages you to question your own viewpoints. Abuse is always horrendous and shouldnt be tolerated but I think sometimes peoples strong opinions can seem abusive or hurtful online if you arent used to it just because in real life people dont usually express themselves that assertively to your face. Its easy for people to get carried away online if they are talking about something important to them. They cant see the other persons response on their face so they cant see when they are offending or hurting, they rely on their own judgement which is obviously always unique to that individual. So thats why I dont take it personally when people get a bit shouty. They also arent going to have all the back story and their responses are going to be clouded by their own experiences which could be negative or positive and have very little to do with you. There isnt time to actually get to know loads of back story and someones personality on a thread so people use their own experiences to fill in the gaps. So you will always get quite a few people who misjudge or misunderstand you.

I also get very annoyed when on threads I see the reply ‘well you posted an AIBU what did you expect’, as though that excuses nasty replies.

Not in the least. Have other threads under different user name and have been flamed. There are people on here with different POV and people who (possibly just alter ego) are just unpleasant. Some comments are interesting, some thought provoking but none have ever altered my views

windchimesabotage Good point about misunderstanding. The written word can misunderstood a lot more easily than talking face to face.

I made a rookie error when I was a newbie and asked people to sign a petition about an issue that was in the news at the time.

I got my arse handed to me on a plate so now I never start a thread unless it’s about guinea pigs.

People do tend to jump to massive conclusions a lot on here and create a entire life story for the OP based their post but it is difficult not towhen you are asked someone to judge a situation with hardly any information to go on.
I've never been flamed (never started an AIBU though) but I think it's worse when a couple of people make a point (fair enough) and then dozens and dozens jump on repeating the same thing and getting more and more critical. Then you end up with a mob mentality. There is really no benefit to more and more people adding the same comments, it just makes the OP feel ganged up on.

Someone was horrible to me years ago and a lovely poster LtEveDallas PM'd me with a really nice message. I don't know if she's still on here but I was very grateful. Thank you Eve, it was appreciated.

To be honest I find it quite funny. All these key board warriors furiously typing with steam coming out of their ears. You wonder what they are like in real life though - probably wouldn't say boo to a goose.