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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter snubbed invite

145 replies

lill72 · 25/02/2018 18:32

I take a girl in DD year to an after school club. The girls are not best buddies but definitely friendly. The mother of the girl is very vocal in not inviting my DD to birthday and a xmas party. I have just found out she invited a little girl to her party that left the school two years ago and haven't seen each other since. I just can't see the point of continuing to do this taking/dropping if she obviously doesn't think enough of DD to invite her. I feel a bit used to be honest and a bit hurt. What would you do?

OP posts:

Ijustwantabloodyusername · 27/02/2018 08:49

@CherryMaDeary

Blue, read it again, OP clearly says in her op that 'the mother of the girl is very vocal in not inviting my DD to birthday and a xmas party'.

Perception - it's an interesting thing.

hibbledibble · 27/02/2018 08:54

It's a reciprocal arrangement, so fair enough.

Not inviting to your dd to a party is of no great significance: she may have lots of family to invite, be limited to numbers etc. Not inviting her and making a point of telling you is bloody rude. On this point alone I would end the arrangement: just say it isn't working out for you.

BlueMirror · 27/02/2018 09:07

And what relevance does it have that the mum found out someone else was invited who she considers a less good friend? And why does the op say later in the thread that she clearly has no respect for her dd if she hasn’t even invited her to the party! It is entirely about the op feeling entitled to an invitation for her dd! If the other mum was that bad she wouldn’t want her dd anywhere near a party she was hosting!

BlueMirror · 27/02/2018 09:11

And by being ‘very vocal’ the op clarified she meant she had said her dd couldn’t come due to a numbers issue. This may have arisen because her child asked and the mum was put on the spot for all we know.
I have had to do similar when a child in my dcs class came and asked me if they could go to my dcs party (they hadn’t been invited). So I told them he was only allowed x number and there was no space.

snewsname · 27/02/2018 09:15

Cutting off your nose to spite your face springs to mind. I have no idea if it is the ops perception of this woman or if she is a nasty piece of work, but now the op will have to sort out her own lifts. It just seems very hard work and a lot of angst over a couple of parties.

The girls may well be friendly but op, your dd may not make the number limit threshold. If I was the other mum I'd probably feel guilty about this and try explaining as it's obviously not possible to keep the parties secret. But we are not there to see the other dynamics at play. I think you are going to make things awkward all round by doing it this close to the party. But you don't seem to mind this.

CherryMaDeary · 27/02/2018 10:07

But OP also says the woman speaks to her dd in a judgejmental way, tells her off, and makes a snide remark every week, even when OP is there. It's probably worse when OP is not there.

Why would you send your dd with such a person?

BlueMirror · 27/02/2018 10:08

Yes those comments came later in the thread. If the mum was as bad as the op is now saying why would she have been happy for the lifts to continue until the lack of party invitation? And why would she even want an invitation for her dd? I would be thanking my lucky stars she hadn’t been invited!

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 10:12

I have noticed that the OP speaks very unkindly about the other mum so it looks like the dislike is mutual. If she talks this way about her on MN who is to say that she doesn't talk that way about her IRL? She knows that the other mums don't like this woman either, so it sounds as if they bitch about her.

It's probably better for all concerned if the lifts stop, it's not a nice atmosphere for the 2 DDs.

Dancingmonkey87 · 27/02/2018 10:32

Am I the the only one who doesn’t care less who invites my dd to a party. End of the day if she gets an invite and we can make it great if not we can’t. I certainly don’t keep tabs on who’s party she isn’t invited to.

BlueMirror · 27/02/2018 11:10

No dancingmonkey I’m absolutely the same. I don’t think a child should ever leave just one child or just one girl from a class out but other than that they should be free to choose who they want at their own party.
It’s not like parties aren’t happening all the time. My kids have had 2 to go to on the same day on more than one occasion! And then there’s others they aren’t invited to. It’s not a big deal if parents don’t make it one.

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 11:37

@BlueMirror parties might happen all the time for your DCs, but that really isn't true for some children. My DD1 is never invited to parties or for play dates. It is true for DD2, though, who has a busy social life. You mustn't generalise. For some children it can be very upsetting, especially children with SEN, and that's hard to cope with.

My DD1 finds it hard to see her little sister getting invited to things whilst she isn't. We remind her that there are fewer parties now she's in year 4, but that doesn't really help. She wasn't invited to many in Reception or year 1 either.

It's not that I blame other parents for not inviting her, but it's very hard to deal with.

BlueMirror · 27/02/2018 11:44

No mention of the ops dd having Sen or being repeatedly not invited to parties though?

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 11:49

I agree, I just wanted you to reflect on your glib comment about how there are lots of parties, because you and Dancingmonkey were talking generally, it appeared to me.

No, there's no mention about how many parties the OP's DD has been invited to, but it doesn't seem like there's an issue with party invitations. It was the fact that the NDN gleefully invited the whole class apart from the OP's DD and the bullying.

PorkFlute · 27/02/2018 12:09

Are you on the wrong thread? This isn’t the NDN one

Lizzie48 · 27/02/2018 12:27

Sorry, of course, silly me. I'm having a hard time feeling any sympathy for this particularly OP. She seems like the bitchy one, or they're as bad as each other.

Ijustwantabloodyusername · 27/02/2018 13:17

She seems like the bitchy one, or they're as bad as each other

^This

Original poster

lill72 · 28/02/2018 15:03

So I have found out that this mum was regaling to nice mum that her DD had a party on the weekend. I really cannot believe she would bring up!!! If she tells me i am going to tell her I really dont need to know!!!! I am changing plans so she will not pick up anymore. Have not sent message yet but will update you

OP posts:

myrtleWilson · 28/02/2018 15:12

Seriously OP - why are you giving her headspace...? you gain nothing. Just ignore, don't ask nice mom for updates, if nice mom says anything politely say you're not interested.

CherryMaDeary · 28/02/2018 16:09

@lill72 do update us

She is rude for talking about parties other dc aren't invited to

Original poster

lill72 · 28/02/2018 19:10

myrtle - no I did not ask for an update -- she brought up the party and then told me not nice mum told her all about it. Cherry - I know how rude. This is the third time she has done it. Ugh not giving her more time than I have to. Hard to avoid completely as you will understand.

Cherry - I will do!

OP posts:

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