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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter snubbed invite

145 replies

lill72 · 25/02/2018 18:32

I take a girl in DD year to an after school club. The girls are not best buddies but definitely friendly. The mother of the girl is very vocal in not inviting my DD to birthday and a xmas party. I have just found out she invited a little girl to her party that left the school two years ago and haven't seen each other since. I just can't see the point of continuing to do this taking/dropping if she obviously doesn't think enough of DD to invite her. I feel a bit used to be honest and a bit hurt. What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 26/02/2018 07:56

That irk me

OP posts:
BrownTurkey · 26/02/2018 08:17

I understand your reasons and thinking. My strategy would be to gently explain to the other Mum that the lift share isn’t working for you, because of ‘other reasons’, not her. And I would fade this out, rather than ‘want her to notice and realise why’, because honestly she doesn’t sound like she has any insight, but she might well make your life difficult if she hears you have said something about her. So by all means, give her notice of an end date to your ability to give lifts (and you can immediately stop receiving lifts), but smile sweetly and just keep repeating ‘Plans change, I hope you sort it out’ if she queries you.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/02/2018 08:46

It's certainly not nice to crow about not inviting her. That's really mean.

limecordial · 26/02/2018 18:08

We used to do a rota. I took a girl from the class home one day, her mum did another day. The girls got on fine but were not particularly friendly other than that. When it came to my DD’s party I felt we should invite the other girl given the fact we were doing a rota. When the other girl had a (smaller) party my DD was not invited. She didn’t mind at all as they’re not close - just see a lot of each other through circumstance. No one talked about it. It wasn’t a big deal. Everyone still gets on fine. They’re still not close friends. No biggie. Don’t let this become a bigger thing than it needs to.

Loki1983 · 26/02/2018 18:14

It sounds awful and makes me appreciate being a boy mum.

ProperLavs · 26/02/2018 18:14

christ, there's an awful lot of you that can't read a thread properly.
The OP doesn't particularly care about not being invited. It's the fact that other mum gloats about her choice. She doesn't need to say anything top the op, but is choosing to be hurtful.

ApacheEchidna · 26/02/2018 19:02

It sounds awful and makes me appreciate being a boy mum.

What a sexist attitude.

Nb it is the mum who is causing this issue not the child. The sex of the kids is irrelevant.

ohfourfoxache · 26/02/2018 19:24

Doesn’t matter what sex your child is.

If you’re a bitch then you’re a bitch - makes no difference what your child is.

Original poster
lill72 · 26/02/2018 19:42

Thanks for all your messages. think I'm going to go in and be slightly vague about plans changing and not needing a lift effective immediately. Think the timing might give her a hint

OP posts:
KendalMintCakey · 26/02/2018 19:43

if you don't want to be near her or her child then stop. She sounds a bit socially awkward if she can't see how her behaviour is.

KendalMintCakey · 26/02/2018 19:46

OP can I suggest you DO care... and that is perfectly ok. What's not is a woman being mean to a child in Yr 2.

Badtimegirly · 26/02/2018 20:10

This has actually upset me, a grown woman being mean to your DD, she's a petty nasty piece of work by the sounds of it. Divide and rule over other mothers and sneaky little snide comments to little children. It's just vile on all fronts, and pathetic to think she must get a kick out of it.

Cut her out of your life, gently but firmly, the inner lioness within you wants to rip into her, and in other circumstances I would advise to stand up to her. Karma is a bitch though and there is only so much time before it comes to bite her slam bang on her arse.

And by the sound of it, that day can't come fast enough.

Hold your head high, and look her straight in the eye when you let her know you cannot take her daughter anymore to after school club.

Good luck sweetie, her loss your gain.

Simcat · 26/02/2018 20:51

I'm sorry, but is it you whose upset or your DD. Too many parents will comment on how their children are upset, but in fact it's the parent whose upset.
Children can be fickle and will at times drop in and out of friendships very quickly.

I had a parent tell me how upset their child was to not be invited and we share lifts to after school clubs. I was adamant that it was my DS's choice as to who he invited. Then when it was this child's party, the mother took pride in saying my DS wasn't invited... however unlucky for her. Her son butted in and said "mum, you told me I couldn't invited him".

BlueMirror · 26/02/2018 20:51

Yes I think people certainly are reading what they want into the thread. The way this woman apparently treats the ops dd is such a major issue it didn’t even warrant a mention in the opening post! It was entirely about how she is annoyed her dd didn’t get an invite to the horrible woman’s dds party where she would be spending time with someone who is apparently nasty to her all the time!
It was only when posters pointed out that it was unreasonable to expect an invitation because the kids share lifts that the op decided it was worth mentioning that this woman is mean to her dd.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 26/02/2018 20:54

Make a great excuse and fade away .... forever ! Don’t have a fall out as she will bitch about you . In fact be extra nice but faaaade slowly out of each other’s lives

Abbylee · 26/02/2018 21:00

Loki, my ds told me that bits are just as nasty as girls, they just hide it better. Even if boys are angels Confused that's not nice to say....karma is a butt biter...

Ijustwantabloodyusername · 26/02/2018 21:11

Totally agree, @BlueMirror.

OP, you should count your blessings that your DD has not been invited. They all sound like bullies. I can't comprehend why you want to put your DD into that situation? Hmm

You are clearly acting way OTT and need to get a grip.

Mummymia2 · 26/02/2018 21:55

I think you have two questions to ask yourself. 1) is your dd bothered about not being invited? Just because you as parents have an arrangement that works for you both doesn’t automatically mean your children will be friends.
2) if your DD isn’t bothered are you happy to carry on with the arrangement?

If it were me, I’d carry on if the situation was beneficial to me too if my daughter wasn’t upset about it all.

Geordie1944 · 26/02/2018 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

manicmij · 26/02/2018 22:59

Surely it's just a transport thing. Children know one another but as you say are not really friends. What's the problem?

BackforGood · 26/02/2018 23:24

Exactly BlueMirror.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 27/02/2018 07:08

I’m a firm believer that you don’t get to choose which parties you are invited to - people are so entitled!
However, if you are having limited numbers then you don’t shout from the rooftop about the party - I hate people that gloat

CherryMaDeary · 27/02/2018 07:36

I'll.going to broach it with the nice mum and see if I can work it so it can still work for her..I think I just may be able to.

OP, if you take the girls there, and this bitchy woman brings them back, then what does nice mum do? I hope she will help with pick ups/drop offs?

CherryMaDeary · 27/02/2018 07:40

Bluemirror

Yes I think people certainly are reading what they want into the thread. The way this woman apparently treats the ops dd is such a major issue it didn’t even warrant a mention in the opening post!

Oh the irony! 😂

Blue, read it again, OP clearly says in her op that 'the mother of the girl is very vocal in not inviting my DD to birthday and a xmas party'.

She later goes on to explain that the woman told dd and the other girl that they are not invited to the party.

Strongmummy · 27/02/2018 08:03

So you do a car share. That’s it. It’s transactional. She helps you. You help her. If your DD isn’t bothered I have got no idea why you would be. However if it upsets you stop associating with her, but I wouldn’t cut off your nose to spite your face if no longer dealing with this woman means you have additional difficulty with lifts to school.