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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter snubbed invite

145 replies

lill72 · 25/02/2018 18:32

I take a girl in DD year to an after school club. The girls are not best buddies but definitely friendly. The mother of the girl is very vocal in not inviting my DD to birthday and a xmas party. I have just found out she invited a little girl to her party that left the school two years ago and haven't seen each other since. I just can't see the point of continuing to do this taking/dropping if she obviously doesn't think enough of DD to invite her. I feel a bit used to be honest and a bit hurt. What would you do?

OP posts:
BlueMirror · 25/02/2018 21:54

That’s strange because the title is about her being snubbed 😂

Grilledaubergines · 25/02/2018 21:54

As it’s reciprocal, I think you should view it as more of a business arrangement from yours and the other mums point of view. Ifgood the children get in during these journeys but it may be that it just doesn’t amount to more than acquaintance.

Unless of course you’re happy to do both journeys, and in which case, end it.

I wouldn’t say anything re party to the other Mum if you end it. She’ll probably twig why.

MrsElvis · 25/02/2018 22:03

I don't think this is a good example for your DD that she thinks it's ok to slag her off and you not defend her. Stop the arrangement now and be vague to avoid full on confrontation

frasier · 25/02/2018 22:13

"Snubbed" means to be treated disrespectfully, not that the OP wanted a party invitation ???

The issue is the woman is rude.

Tistheseason17 · 25/02/2018 22:22

Just stop the lifts and then you won't see the woman as much.

It's just a kids birthday party. If I got upset every time my DC weren't invited I'd be in therapy. People can't invite everyone. That's all. Nothing personal.

Btw - you are in control of how YOU feel, not her. Take control of your feelings.

bellie710 · 25/02/2018 22:29

One thing I have figured out in all the years of primary school is that no matter how much you want to be friends with parents or you are friends with parents you can not make your kids be friends and you can't force them to be friends just because the adults are friends.

throwawaythekey · 25/02/2018 22:35

YABU. this really is a non issue. Just stop the lifts. Your DD doesn't seem overly concerned with the parties or even the mention of them. It looks like the only person in this whole farce who really seems bothered is you. "Queen of the playground", are people really so ridiculous they even think this is a thing? You are a collection of people who DC happen to occupy the same building at the same time. In the adult world would this bother you?

MrsDilber · 25/02/2018 22:36

Encouraging meanness in kids, mean girls/mum's - you're right, it isn't nice. I don't blame you for cutting this arrangement off. I'd do the same.

BlueMirror · 25/02/2018 22:37

Why mention the invitation in the title then? It seems from all the posts on here from the op and others that it is very much about the ops dd not getting an invitation!

Original poster
lill72 · 25/02/2018 22:43

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and suggestions on what to do a d say. Blue Mirror- the other posters ate indeed describing the situation accurately. Frasier you are spot on with your comments . I'll.going to broach it with the nice mum and see if I can work it so it can still work for her..I think I just may be able to. Then tell this woman circumstances have changed and I'll be picking DD up. Think she'll twig.. maybe not. she is a bully. lots of parents are scared of her. I didn't realise this when I started the arrangement but she has shown her true Colours. I know- who gives you a heads up that your not invited? The silly Christmas do was such a slap in the face as it was on the day as the class the DD go to and she invited two others from.the class bit not the two she drives..and told me .... ugh
One poster said just stop it and be happy hear hear ..ill let you k ow how I go.

OP posts:
frasier · 25/02/2018 22:45

Because that is what is annoying the OP, the SNUBBING about an invitation, or rather lack of it.

Presumably, if the nasty woman hadn't mentioned anything at all about the OP's daughter not being invited, if she hadn't rubbed it in, it wouldn't have made the OP mad and she wouldn't have thought about stopping the arrangement.

I get the OP. I know people like the nasty woman. I' wouldn't put up with it or allow my child to, just so some sad woman can treat someone as a doormat. It is no lesson to be teaching a child - that they have to out up with behaviour like that to get a lift home.

Original poster
lill72 · 25/02/2018 22:46

Mrsdiblet the DD of this mum.is sweet a d dies actually get along with my DD. It is the mum hat is actively not encouragingbthe friendship. My blood is boiling thinking about it. I feel my daughter is snubbed by her every day. not just to do with the invite

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 25/02/2018 22:50

So true Frasier. Plus dhevtells my DD off for something she is doing every week she drops her off or makes a snide comment. I am done. I just have to break it to nice mum tomorrow. Ugh. Do I really have to put up with the woman for 4 more years. She always stands at the school fate greeting everyone like she is queen bee..funny thing is no one else in my year cares. Everyone else is lovely.

OP posts:
throwawaythekey · 25/02/2018 22:54

So the kids get on and just because your prides been dented you're going to stop giving your kids mate a lift. You and the other playground mums sound so judgy. I wouldn't invite you to my parties either

frasier · 25/02/2018 22:59

The OP isn't banning the children from seeing each other, she's stopping an adult being nasty to her child.

Read the thread people!

BlueMirror · 25/02/2018 23:01

I’ve read the thread and the op expected an invitation for her dd because they lift share. It was only when it was pointed out that that was u that it changed to the other mother being horrible to her dd all the time. In which case why would you even consider carrying on lift sharing with the woman?

Lizzie48 · 25/02/2018 23:01

She's really not worth your blame boiling, OP. You seem to be taking this way too much to heart. It sounds like you're not the only one who's having difficulties with her, but you really shouldn't let her get to you like this.

BackforGood · 25/02/2018 23:02

This is very much to do with your perception though.
I wouldn't consider myself "snubbed" if someone talked about a party or a dinner or a trip out somewhere to which I wasn't invited. I chat with colleagues, or other school Mums (when my dc were little), or people I am friendly with, whilst not being particularly close to about what I, or they might have done at the weekend, or am/ are planning for the near future. There is no "snub" as there is no expectation we would be invited to each other's close family or close friend 'dos'. This is the same as far as I can see - you are confusing the fact that the parents have an arrangement to share lifts as it saves everyone a little time, and just makes sense all round with who the girls' personal friends are. The can be friendly to each other on the journey, in the same way I am friendly to colleagues or other playground parents, but that doesn't mean they are amongst the closest 12 people I have, if I had to pick a limited number of people for a function I was arranging for my birthday. I'd still be happy to chat with one of those people I am friendly with though about a lovely meal they had to celebrate their birthday or about a weekend away they were having. I can like to hear about nice times people I know are having, without any entitled sense of being expected to be invited.

throwawaythekey · 25/02/2018 23:03

@frasier I've read the thread. It just seems a little pathetic. OP is basically making decisions on behalf of her child because her nose has been put out of joint. Maybe the other mum just mentions the party as conversation and then feels she has to make an excuse, which obviously she does because everyone in the world is so bloody sensitive. Playground mums are literally the worst.

frasier · 25/02/2018 23:05

OP has said that the woman tells off her child. I wouldn't put up with it myself, but each to their own parenting.

MsHarry · 26/02/2018 07:39

Can’t help but wonder why you’d want an invitation for your daughter if this woman is so vile and rude to your daughter. Basically if she had invited your DD, all would be ok in your mind?

MsHarry · 26/02/2018 07:39

frasier Yet she still wants an invitation. Strange.

Original poster
lill72 · 26/02/2018 07:47

Thanks Frasier- you can see what im.trying to say.

Back for good- not thst simple. We used to be invited around and go to this girks parties but this mum has made it very clear that my DD and the other girl she drops off are not who she wants her dd to be hanging out with. She tells me the girks are not invited to her dos - I mean surely this is being snubbed.

I have taken it to heart but it is a long build up of little instances. She sets out to exclude. No one else on the year group is like this. We get all get along with everyone. But this woman is a bully and tries to create division and wants her child to be the most popular or something. Sorry I am.stooping to her level but I am trying to understand it all. I just feel if she can't respect my Child, then why would I need the lift. I feel judged every week. Thing is if I stop the lifts, I'll have to see her at pick up!!

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 26/02/2018 07:50

I agree Harry according to the Op this woman is vile, gloating, bullying, queen bee who tells her DD off and yet Op wants her daughter to be invited to spend more time with her?

Original poster
lill72 · 26/02/2018 07:54

Mrs Harry - interesting. To be honest it is more about the reasons behind the exclusion that it me not the great desire to be invited. The girl is actually lovely and sweet even if her mum is not.

OP posts:
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