To think you don’t beep your horn at pedestrians with sleeping children in prams?

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Just had a total arsehole do this to me, when we were crossing the road. Apparently I wasn’t moving fast enough and I got a mouthful of abuse too.

You don’t do that, do you? I have joint pain, severe pain and depression and DS is ASD and I’d just got him to sleep.

Why do some people enjoy being such knobs to others?

Wtf is this thread 😂😂😂

Pedestrian crosses road. Car comes along and has to slow down/stop. Driver beeps at pedestrian. Pedestrian upset by beep.

Unless someone dives in front of my car causing me to slam the brakes on they get to cross without me pressing the 'you fucking knobhead' button. It doesn't matter if they are at a pedestrian/zebra/pelican or fucking hedgehog crossing. They are crossing the road.

If there are pedestrians it's unlikely it's anything above a 40 mph road anyway. So not like I am going to be doing 60mph and have to slam on.

Where I live if I want to cross the road at a crossing I would have to walk 1 mile in the other direction.

Driver was a knobhead. End of thread.

OP,

The fact you have a child is only relevant to you, you should adapt your behaviour.

I can’t believe you walked out in the road and were surprised when a car beeped at you? Perhaps just take the theory test so you learn something.

The fact that you have ASD op may be contributing to your insistence that the situation is black and white; there's a good person and a bad person in this scenario? And your difficulty seeing this from a driver's point of view.

Perhaps, I know I can be quite black and white.

"What's the alternative though when someone is already crossing a road without a pelican crossing Lonicera? Plough into them? Slam your brakes on and beep at them?"

I would slam my brakes on and worry that the pedestrian doesn't have enough sense to check the traffic before crossing the road (assuming it is a long straight road where the pedestrian can see a long way).

I think that as a pedestrian you just have to assume that the driver may not be able to see you, or slow down quickly enough.

I suppose it was at a junction though with traffic lights. I'd be worried as a driver if I had to stop in the junction and the pedestrian was crossing slowly. The lights might change and your car is then blocking a 4 way junction.
I might possibly beep to say Hurry up please.

Sure, and maybe she felt bad ten minutes later. But you weren't there to see that, so you wouldn't know.

She shouldn't have been aggressive to you, I absolutely agree. I also see it was upsetting and the last straw. But at the same time, you were breaching the rules of the road, so she was the one technically in the right.

In this instance though there was no driver to check on. The road was clear. In my earlier post I mentioned an incident last week where a man carrying a child was crossing a busy main road slowing on a bend when there was a crossing just feet away, I had to brake hard and luckily there wasn't anything behind me. Had I not brakes I would have hit him and his child. A very different situation to someone crossing a clear road.

Frou thank you

Perfect that is true, for all I know she could’ve felt bad afterwards.

I read the link someone posted and it says if a pedestrian is crossing at a junction already then the right of way is theirs?

The driver shouldn't have been abusive, OP, there's no question about that. But you should have crossed at a safe place or waited until you knew for sure it was safe to cross. Especially as you knew you were going to be slow.

Did the driver have a fright when he saw you there and have to do an emergency stop? That's so scary for a driver, he may have reacted out of fear. For me, the thought of knocked over a child in a buggy would be my worst nightmare.

It's irrelevant that you had just got your DS to sleep, why would the driver even know that??

Did the driver have a fright when he saw you there and have to do an emergency stop? That's so scary for a driver

No. I’d be more understanding if they did but they had loads of room and still did it.

OP I think this thread is a really good example of the 'dual empathy gap' with autism. ASD people can often see things differently, and interpret what is written differently, and usually, as with you, they appreciate that. Unfortunately non-ASD people don't understand that their own communication styles are open to misinterpretation by ASD people. They see themselves as perfectly okay, and fail to understand that where there is a major cultural difference, both sides need to adjust.

People also don't seem to understand that the aut part of autism means 'self'. My experience of ASD people - and we have several in the family - is that they skew kinder and more generous-spirited than most of the world, but that they live in their own minds, so to access the kindness and generosity of heart, you need to explain external people's issues, and their own understanding. It's not selfishness, it's just a different, and more internal, view of the world. Less hive mind, if you will - NT people are a little Borglike, by comparison, if anyone is geeky enough to get that allusion. ASD people are of course not an amorphous lump so you can never reliably attribute any traits, but in my experience, the assumptions that underlie most communication amongst NTs need to be checked, with ASD.

It's also far more common in ASD to have near photographic memory for random things, by the way. So the OP isn't as unusual as she would be in the NT population, in claiming to have that ability.

OP I hope none of that is offensive to you. My own child is a delight, and the best kid I know. He's just different, and that's okay, but we have to constantly seek to explain things to him from external perspectives, because his mind works differently (and in some ways, better - the focus may be more narrow, but it's also more precise in consequence).

Well one doesn't beep at pedestrians at all..

Incidentally I'm not saying all ASD people are more kind/generous. I know some parents with kids that are arses. I'm just saying that they are in my own family, as a rebuttal to the cold/emotionless BS I come across. My kid is the most loving, warm person I know.

I read the link someone posted and it says if a pedestrian is crossing at a junction already then the right of way is theirs?

That's when you turn into a junction or they are crossing at a crossing, yep. I don't think right of way applies in the same way to jay-walking (which is actually a crime in some countries - don't do that in Australia, let alone the States, is what I was told!) In this country you're just meant to show consideration to other road users, I think? Which is a dual obligation. Dunno to be honest - been a while since I did my theory test.

Utter wanker. Take a deep breath and think how awful it must be to be related to such a tosser. He has a big problem. Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Be kind to yourself

Sounds like you crossed the road at a traffic light controlled crossroads? You would be mad to cross there if you could were fit as a flea; crossing there with a disability that slows you down considerably is utter madness.

perfect I think that’s an amazing description. Any issue I tend to have tends to be an error of understanding. I took something the NT said literally, he takes something I say honestly offensively etc.

I describe it as like being foreign, or more accurately, an alien. Completely different set of cultural norms that cause confusion.

I think that's a really good point PerfectStorm. That's what I was alluding to, but you've explained it a hundred times better!

I rarely use my horn either Outy. I attempted to beep at a driver that cut in front of me recently and couldn't remember where the bloody horn was. I think I washed my back windscreen instead.

In that case they shouldn't have honked at you, and either way they shouldn't have been verbally abusive. I asked the question because so many pedestrians are totally oblivious to how much time a driver actually has to slow down, ie breaking distances. You did say the driver was going too fast, which I'm definitely not justifying, but that might mean they had less time to slow down than you think.

I describe it as like being foreign, or more accurately, an alien. Completely different set of cultural norms that cause confusion.

I often tell people that they need to treat my son as foreign. To understand that he has a wholly different set of cultural assumptions; not worse, not better, just different. I do so because people tend to assume innate superiority over disability. Throw them onto culture, and suddenly their manners improve! With decent people, at least.

A friend (ASD one) posted a meme that said they didn't have a processing error; they had a different operating system. I really like that.

Did you stop half way across the road to stare at their number plate so you could memorise it?

Its really bad for air pollution and a waste of energy to have cars starting and stopping just because pedestrians cant find appropriate places to cross the road. Will somebody please think of the children and the world they will inherit?

Thank you, ILostIt (and in reference to your username, think I'm with you! )

“upside argument ad absurdum isn’t an argument lol”

This does sound pretentious.

I’m not a lawyer and don’t have an LLB (otherwise known as your basic undergrad law degree) or, following that, membership of the bar or, following that, a traineeship and Bar Vocational but I do work with QCs on a regular basis and they often ask “Have you understood everything because if not then I’m not explaining this clearly enough and not doing my job”.

Using legal jargon without any indication that it’s being understood is absurd.

Using legal jargon without any indication that it’s being understood is absurd.

It's not legal jargon. Any more than ad hominem is.