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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you don’t beep your horn at pedestrians with sleeping children in prams?

445 replies

CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 14:01

Just had a total arsehole do this to me, when we were crossing the road. Apparently I wasn’t moving fast enough and I got a mouthful of abuse too.

You don’t do that, do you? I have joint pain, severe pain and depression and DS is ASD and I’d just got him to sleep.

Why do some people enjoy being such knobs to others?

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 25/02/2018 17:59

But the lights are there to protect pedestrians. That's it. Sole purpose. If I'm crossing an empty road I don't press the button, because the chances are it will block the road longer than my going over would. I'll delay any potential driver who may be approaching out of sight far more if I press, wait, and then cross than I can if I'm half over when they hove into view. I do it as a courtesy, so I delay as few people as possible. Surely that's just, well, simple logic.

I use the lights with the kids, because it's safer. But I delay many more motorists by so doing. It's not a courtesy to them at all.

I sympathise, OP. I don't think people really understand how stressful the sort of day you describe can be.

CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 18:00

perfectstorm thank you.

OP posts:
Julie8008 · 25/02/2018 18:00

You can think I sound whatever I like. I’m confident I’m in the right and that they’ll regret it.

It will either be by finding where they live and a) letting their tyres down in the middle of he night. Or b) keying their car. Bets please!

To think you don’t beep your horn at pedestrians with sleeping children in prams?
iklboo · 25/02/2018 18:02

The lights aren't there to protect pedestrians - the OP wasn't at a crossing, she was at a road junction.

DancesWithOtters · 25/02/2018 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 25/02/2018 18:04

You couldn’t make it up....

CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 18:04

Oh Julie don’t give me ideas Wink

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 25/02/2018 18:07

The lights aren't there to protect pedestrians - the OP wasn't at a crossing, she was at a road junction.

Ah, apologies, I didn't read that correctly. In that case OP, I honestly wouldn't cross there against the lights. It just is not safe, for a start, and secondly, it is pretty rude I'm afraid.

margotsdevil · 25/02/2018 18:09

I'm interested to know if the OP made some sort of gesture at the driver prior to the horn tooting....

CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 18:09

I was at a place below a junction where loads of people cross. A road in a town. With no cars.

OP posts:
CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 18:09

I'm interested to know if the OP made some sort of gesture at the driver prior to the horn tooting....

No. I told her to piss off afterwards though.

OP posts:
DullAndOld · 25/02/2018 18:10

how long have you spent on this thread now?
fgs road = cars. it is simple.

perfectstorm · 25/02/2018 18:10

OP, do you drive? I learned very late (ADHD, undiagnosed until adult life as I was good academically, and dreamy rather than manic, made it soooo hard). If you don't, you may not realise why this sort of thing is actually scary as well as annoying, as a driver. It's the ultimate nightmare, hitting a child, and when you approach a junction you have to multi-task in a myriad of ways to be safe. Some are far worse than others, but still, someone ignoring the lights would be a stress inducer.

Again, I do get it. Have an ASD child as well, and had severe SPD/PGP in pregnancy. Know what the sleep deprivation can do to you. But with a junction, really, truly, use the lights. For everyone's sake. Especially when sleep deprived, as that can make distance/speed judgements off, too.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 18:12

But there was a car!!!

FrancisCrawford · 25/02/2018 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 18:13

Perfect no I don’t. I have ASD with ADHD traits (I suspect I have a combination) and so never bothered.

I get that but there weren’t ANY cars when I started, and she had plenty of time/space to stop. It wasn’t a “Oh shit! I might hit this person!” thing.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/02/2018 18:14

Cut the Op some slack eh?!

anon135 · 25/02/2018 18:15

You told her to 'piss off' while you had your child with you. Classy.

I absolutely despise people that can't set a decent example to their own children.

CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 18:18

I absolutely despise people that can't set a decent example to their own children.

And I despise drivers who think they own the road. I don’t take shit from people, including strangers driving like imbeciles and who are aggressive and abusive to me.

OP posts:
DullAndOld · 25/02/2018 18:20

drivers do 'own the road' - pedestrians own the pavement.
Next time, cross at a proper crossing, press the button and when a little green person appears, it means it's safe to cross.

CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 18:21

No, they do not own the road. That attitude is repulsive and I’m glad people like me piss off people like you.

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 25/02/2018 18:21

Sure, but you know that feeling when you are doing something complex, according to a set of rules, and someone decides to just go off plan and do something random, and you have to mentally process that on top? That's quite an anxious feeling, right? Well, I think neuro-typical people's closest understanding of ASD anxiety around that sort of thing is when they drive. Because it's a complex sequence of decisions and skills, and when handling a potential accident zone, such as a junction, they need to be able to concentrate. Adding to their distractions and tasks in this way is going to upset and annoy them.

I'm also not an expert on how junctions work, so I could be wrong, but around here I think many are controlled centrally to aid traffic flow, with adjustments made when someone presses the button. So if you don't press the button but cross during their right of way, the central system has no way of knowing you are there, and the odds are good that it will turn to red for them before you are over. And automated junctions allow a fair bit of time before a change, to aid traffic flow.

If that's correct, then you can delay them quite a bit, because the system thinks they had plenty of time to cross, and of course they couldn't. So they then have to sit on red. Does that make sense?

I get that you see roads completely different when solely a pedestrian. Honestly, I do. But if you're dealing with a heavy road using area, even if it's not busy at that time, I'd stick to the 'rules' and use the lights. For your own sake, and for theirs.

An awful lot of learning to drive is about matching the expectations of other road users - speed, when you do something, and how you do it. That's why driving too slowly is dangerous, as it can make other drivers angry, and in turn they may drive aggressively from frustration. As a pedestrian, we need to think about their expectation too, I think. And I wish they taught us that before we learn to drive, for everyone's sake.

DullAndOld · 25/02/2018 18:23

" and I’m glad people like me piss off people like you."

you don't know anything about me, other than that I have a better grasp of the highway code than you do.
Honestly you sound as though you are spoiling for a fight.
I wouldn't even be surprised if it was you that started the verbal abuse to this poor road user.

CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 18:26

Perfect I understand that but surely you know that when you go in to drive? It’s one reason I haven’t yet.

This one doesn’t have a button. It’s just lights and is fairly quiet during the time I was there. It’s only busy during “peak” hours.

OP posts:
CatsForgotPassword · 25/02/2018 18:27

Honestly you sound as though you are spoiling for a fight.

I’m not, but I’ll gladly oblige if someone else us.

OP posts:
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