Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel slightly hacked off when asked to pay to go to an engagement party?

61 replies

twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 16:43

Friend X (who eats round my house 3-4 times a week with her child adding approx £30 to my monthly grocery bill) has just got engaged. Lovely.

Friend Y offered to do her an engagement party meal for her. Ah, lovely gesture.

Friend X can invite 8 couples, me and DH are one of them.

The party is this Saturday. I have just had a message left on my answerphone asking for £10 a head plus bring a bottle.

I think its a bit odd. If I throw a party or a meal for my friends, I don't ask them for anything. I feel that if Friend Y couldnt afford to throw the party, then she shouldnt have offered. I would expect to bring a bottle or even contribute something towards the meal, for example after dinner mints or something.

What do you lot feel? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:10

If we have dinner parties we all muck in. Someone brings a pudding, someone brings starter etc etc. Thats fine.

Friend Y offered to throw her a party. Said, it was something she wanted to do for her. Then at the last minute is asking the guests for money. You don't go to a party and get asked on the door for £0 admission charge

OP posts:
Manictigger · 03/05/2007 17:10

So who was originally asking for the money? was it X or Y?

Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:10

£10 admission charge that should have been

OP posts:
Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:11

Friend Y is asking for money, not Friend X (who is engaged)

OP posts:
ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:12

she may have seen that the cost was more than she could afford

she may have expecgted offeres of helop and none forthcoming so had to ask

more people may be coming than she originally expected

bakedpotato · 03/05/2007 17:15

please don't start me on pay bars at weddings

Gobbledigook · 03/05/2007 17:15

I agree ThatBeetroot - it just seems a bit odd to just leave a message. I don't think my friends would do that. So for me, it's just the way it sounds like she has gone about it, rather than the fact that she's asked for help, that is a bit odd.

Manictigger · 03/05/2007 17:15

So X is presumably rather hacked off as well (at having to pay £40 for what she presumably also thought was a lovely gesture)? Blimey, I hope the food is good because the atmosphere sounds as if it may be a little strange.

Gobbledigook · 03/05/2007 17:15

What's wrong with pay bars at weddings?

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:16

at my wedding we had chmpagne, wine etc with the meal and then a paying bar for the evening.

what is wrong with that?

bakedpotato · 03/05/2007 17:16

No, I will not be drawn
[zipped lips]

pinkcandyfloss · 03/05/2007 17:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:17

yes, it will be a pay bar at the wedding......

she knew how many were coming... she set the number of guests...

but Beetroot... i do see where you are coming from... part of me does feel mean feeling this way... but part of me still feels hacked off... plus the fact that I pay every month for Friend X to eat at my house for free and I am having to pay out again

OP posts:
NKF · 03/05/2007 17:18

I know. Poor X.

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:18

but y is asking you for money not X

NKF · 03/05/2007 17:19

Why are you so aware of how much her eating with you costs? That's a bit odd too.

pinkcandyfloss · 03/05/2007 17:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:31

NKF - because she costs me a fortune and we have to budget and go without things - thats how I know how much it costs me to feed her and her DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:32

anyway - thats another story ....

OP posts:
NKF · 03/05/2007 17:38

Don't you think it might be better not to? If it's making you feel cranky towards her. She might not realise.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 03/05/2007 17:42

I don't think it's a bad idea for a group of friends (eg 8 couples) to all put in to throw an engaement bash for 2 of them.. I mean, in an ideal world, we'd throw lush and extravagant parties and invite half the world.. but whose got the money to do that??

Obviously some people have.. but clearly that's not the case here.

I suppose it would be more "ok" if the decision to do this had been made by everyone in a group...

FioFio · 03/05/2007 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hoolagirl · 03/05/2007 17:44

Twinkle, you should start going to her place for a few meals, otherwise I would start saying when preparing a meal, would offer you some but sorry haven't got enough, really skint this month or whatever?

PetronellaPinkPants · 03/05/2007 17:44

I think

Y should not have offered to host a party she and X couldn't afford between them

Totally different to say "oh any contributions welcome" then people can offer food, wine etc or cash if they want

Asking for a fixed amount is nafferola

NKF · 03/05/2007 17:45

It's so unecessary too. If Y wanted to treat X, why not just take her out for lunch. It doesn't have to be dinner for 16.