to feel slightly hacked off when asked to pay to go to an engagement party?

[twinkleinthesky]

Friend X (who eats round my house 3-4 times a week with her child adding approx £30 to my monthly grocery bill) has just got engaged. Lovely.

Friend Y offered to do her an engagement party meal for her. Ah, lovely gesture.

Friend X can invite 8 couples, me and DH are one of them.

The party is this Saturday. I have just had a message left on my answerphone asking for £10 a head plus bring a bottle.

I think its a bit odd. If I throw a party or a meal for my friends, I don't ask them for anything. I feel that if Friend Y couldnt afford to throw the party, then she shouldnt have offered. I would expect to bring a bottle or even contribute something towards the meal, for example after dinner mints or something.

What do you lot feel? Am I being unreasonable?

X and Y that means its a boy

Congratulations!!!

LOL Nadine

Sorry if I've missed this in previous posts but why are you feeding her and her dd so often? Is there any way you can just not offer (or alternatively, fess up and say sorry - but we're having money problems at the mo and can't afford the food bills for just the family)

I'm really sorry but why should YOU have to pay towards someone elses engagment party? Your already probably gonna have to fork out money for an engagement present, hen party/weekend, wedding gift, wedding outfits and wedding travel costs etc. And your expected to now fork out for the engagment party as well? Why not just go the whole hog and offer to pay for the entire wedding!

Flippin ridiculous, the whole wedding thing winds me up. Bah!

I know someone who asked for contributions towards their honeymoon.

Re the meals at yours, I've been in the same situation in the past. Sometimes these things are never reciprocal(sp) and you move from being glad to see them to resentment without feeling able to mention it, especially if you are seen to be in 'better' circumstances.
Talk about it, say that you like seeing them but you are saving for X and have devised a budget that you need to stick to.
Re the party, they should have asked everyone's opinion first, but you'll have to just grin and bear it, if you want to stay friends.

Was this instead of a wedding gift?

The honeymoon? Yes I think it was. People bought presents as well of course. Old aunts and friends of the family found it quite distressing as I recall.

I had my hen party round the pubs in my home town. DH went to silverstone with a few friends, then went to pub with those that coulndn't afford the £80 tickets.

We did not have an engagement party.

We had champagne/wine/water on the tables at wedding reception,BUT could not afford to have an open bar, so guests paid for their drinks.
Why should we pay for them to get hammered??
But we did ask for vouchers if they wanted to get a present.
Most people gave us Champagne and flutes.
We had 12 bottles in the end.
Some didn't get us anything but that was fine because they were there to share our day.

Sorry for the long post.

Tactless way to go about it. But there are politer and friendlier ways and means of achieving the same result, eg. Y rings you and says "Great about x's engagement isn't it ? Do you fancy the idea of us throwing a little party for her - I don't mind having it round at mine - but how about we ring a, b, c and d and decide how we're going to split up the work and the cost. "

So all of you contribute to a happy event and nobod's left feeling stung.

Yes - think its a bit odd. Bring a bottle is fine, but if she can't afford £10 a head she should either have discussed it before hand, cook less expensive menu or ask people to contribute food.

On the other hand, £10 is much less than your average meal out, so I would just pay it and not dwell on it. Hope the foods good.