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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

846 replies

Applestrawberryblackcurrant · 24/02/2018 12:13

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

OP posts:
overskyandshire · 25/02/2018 09:12

I think what seeps through this thread is pity. Pity and outrage or pity and hand wringing depending on the poster.

Meanwhile the teenage sluts of Christmas past stand bemused saying ‘actually, hang on ...’

The hand wringers say ‘oh, but that might happen occasionally but ...’
The outraged of tunbridge wells say ‘pah, that did not happen, liar!’

YassQueen · 25/02/2018 09:13

There hardly seems to be a successful woman in the country who didn’t have a baby at 14.............

Source?

BeverlyHillsBillie · 25/02/2018 09:13

no idea why that bolded there. Confused

user1490607838 · 25/02/2018 09:13

@HoldMeCloserTonyDanza

Are you seriously saying that there are 14 yo mothers at Oxbridge, in CEO boardrooms and barristers chambers, but they are all terrified of people knowing the truth? And that’s why they, (unlike many many prominent successful women who are interviewed in alumni magazines and trade rags as well as regular papers) avoid all publicity?

That’s why nobody can actually name even one, let alone the dozens we’d need to suppose this was in any way a likely outcome? They are shy. Not that they don’t exist, they are just worried about what we’ll all think.

Come on!

No-one is going to name any coz they don't exist. A really successful woman who had a baby at 14 is not going to keep it a secret; she would be shouting it from the rooftops, that she had done really well in life, despite having a baby at 14.

There are a scary amount of deluded people on here, who seems to be ignoring the basic FACT that girls having babies in their early teens are very unlikely to amount to much. They are far more likely to live in poverty, and will be poorly educated, go through one bad relationship after another, have more kids with different men, (none of whom she will get married to,) and live on benefits for most of her teens, 20's, and 30's, (until DWP boots her off, and forces her into a minimum pay job stacking shelves at Tesco.)

Her kids will more than likely go down the same path. It's textbook. Some families have 3 generations (and even 4 in some cases,) of people now who have followed the same pattern of having babies young and living on benefits, in poverty, and with no education to speak of.

But pointing out these FACTS is touching a few raw nerves, with people calling these FACTS bigoted nonsense, and laughable. And a few people are coming out with little anecdotes of this girl and that girl they know who had a baby at 13, and became a HUGE success in life. (In other words, she did a 2 week beauty course at college that cost £50, and is now polishing and filing peoples nails 6 hours a week on a little stall outside Asda in the local shopping Centre.)

And a few people know a few girls who had babies at 15 who now run their own business. Sorry ladies, running Avon doesn't really count.

Get off your deluded high horses people. Girls who have babies in their teens are extremely unlikely to go to Oxbridge, or become big in law or medicine or industry or commerce. And they are almost ALWAYS going to be from lower class families, despite the claims from a few posters, that NAICE middle class girls get 'knocked up' as often as ones from lower class families!

And sure, a few girls who have a baby in their teens will get a (probably basic) job, and may come off benefits voluntarily by her mid 20's, and will do OK-ish, but those type will be the exception rather than the rule.

Oh, and people are not thinking 'little slut' as a few people have suggested. Maybe that is what YOU are thinking eh?! Wink

All I think is it's incredibly sad, that a girl of 14 thinks there is nothing else she can do with her life except have babies.

By the way, I do have to laugh at the posters saying to me 'I am not even going to respond to your post!' They are responding by saying that PMSL!

I'm done on here. I am actually a bit bored with the thread now. And am just repeating myself.

Toodle pip.

user838383 · 25/02/2018 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notgivingin789 · 25/02/2018 09:14

Your a kick-ass mama bear Justcallme. Smile

overskyandshire · 25/02/2018 09:14

Thank fuck for that.

LardLizard · 25/02/2018 09:14

I think a girl that young having a baby was perhaps not treated the best by her own larents and desperate for love and a baby of her own to love

overskyandshire · 25/02/2018 09:15

A mother can only encourage her teenager daughter to have an abortion if the pregnancy is revealed before a certain number of weeks, boop

And if they live somewhere abortion is legal.

BeverlyHillsBillie · 25/02/2018 09:16

yass I think Bertrand was being a bit tongue in cheek.

IamPickleRick · 25/02/2018 09:19

I’d think they were brave and feel sorry for them. My friend had a baby at 14. She’s a fantastic mum, better than a lot I know who had babies when they were older and in stable relationships. The child is now off at university and my friend has done amazingly well for herself. I’d never give someone a wide berth for this, how strange.

notquiteruralbliss · 25/02/2018 09:19

It's not great timing but, if one of my DDs told me they were pregnant at 14, whether or not to continue with the pregnancy would be their choice. If they did decide to have the baby, I would do my best to ensure it didn't have negative impact on their education or life options.

expatinscotland · 25/02/2018 09:22

'Source?'

Oh, c'mon to fuck! Tongue in cheek, Yaas, she was being tongue in cheek. Savvy?

flowersonthepiano · 25/02/2018 09:22

By the way I did go to Oxford, as a postgraduate. My thesis is in the Bodleian and I have a copy here on my bookcase. Believe me or don't, up to you Grin

YassQueen · 25/02/2018 09:30

And sure, a few girls who have a baby in their teens will get a (probably basic) job, and may come off benefits voluntarily by her mid 20's, and will do OK-ish, but those type will be the exception rather than the rule.

Angela Rayner. Became a mum at 16 and a nan last year at 37. So I suppose your theory is right, if you think MP is a "basic" job.

Dr Kyla Ellis-Sloan. Became a mum in her teens. Yeah, your theory is right, if university lecturer is a "basic" job.

Dr Sue Black. Had 3 children by 23, also has a PhD in Engineering and now teaches a technology course to young mums across the country.

Dr Katriona O'Sullivan, pregnant at 15, now a lecturer at Trinity College.

Karen Monaghan QC, left school at 16, single mum by 19, 2017's 'Employment Silk of the Year'.

As for the "exception to the rule" idea, that's been addressed plenty of times in the young mums chat hashtag you decided to ignore. The only rules are the ones created by a lack of support. There is no rule that says someone who became a mum between the ages of 14-21 must get a low-paid job and not complete her education; that comes from a lack of encouragement and support. If she chooses that route, why should she be treated like a failure any more than we'd treat a non-parent who chooses a low-paid job or not to go to university?

YassQueen · 25/02/2018 09:31

Oh, c'mon to fuck! Tongue in cheek, Yaas, she was being tongue in cheek. Savvy?

No?! You're kidding ?! Shock Shock Shock

JustCallMeMsVPollard · 25/02/2018 09:31

user is a sweetheart Grin she reminds me of a lady I once encountered the day I got my GCSE results. I had baby DC in the sling, and afterwards I toddled off to see my aunt, who lived nearby. She had a lady from her church visiting, who was clearly appalled to be in the vicinity of a teenage Hester Prynne. She made it her mission to make me feel small, and sadly for her, it wasn't working. After asking what my results were (very good, lots of nice shiny A*, though we'll not talk about the Physics, thanks) she became red in the face, spluttered, and rounded off the conversation with a masterful

"Well, you have a big round FACE, and that baby looks NOTHING like you!"

GrinGrinGrinGrin

expatinscotland · 25/02/2018 09:32

'No?! You're kidding ?! shock shock shock'

Source?

YassQueen · 25/02/2018 09:35

@Expat

The best source

gamerwidow · 25/02/2018 09:36

I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if I repeat others sentiments but if I knew someone who had a baby at 14 I would just think that it must have been a very very difficult time and would hope they has the right support around them. Having my first child at 34 turned my world upside down I can’t imagine how much more difficult it must be to have a child when you are still a child yourself.

Flutterbyeee · 25/02/2018 09:40

Why would you give someone a wide berth because they are a young mum? My mum had children in her 20s, 30s and 40s. She is a shit mum to all of us. Think it is about the person, not the age.

mommy2018 · 25/02/2018 09:40

Some ppl r just plain nasty and I wonder if 1 of u in particular is actually my mother -fuck off if you are-, as I sed previously I was pg at 14. I came from a middle class back ground. My mum was a sahp (ran her own business before kids) and my father was a chartered Accountant. Me & my sister both went to lovely middle-class public day schools up until that time my mother was a good mother. Then I told her I was pregnant, well her response was "well you will get a termination, won't you" it wasn't a question. I sed no, abortion isn't for me. For 14 weeks she hounded me everyday about killing my baby, pestered family members to 'tell me' at every opportunity. That was the living nightmare of being pregnant at 14, not the actual pregnancy. Finally, early 1 morning at 20 weeks she snapped and told me I could get in the car and go with her to the clinic (she'd made me an appointment) or I could get out. So I took myself off to school and went straight to my best friends house mother. I didn't have an abortion obviously and she followed through on her threat. I was housed in a mother and baby foster placement with a lovely couple who encouraged me that I could achieve whatever I wanted, which is EXACTLY what was happening until I lost my daughter and I couldn't cope with the grief so ran off with a man 10years older than me for 4 years. I would of been successful, I was looking at universities and what was available to me when she died. I was going to be a family rights lawyer.
But anyway so glad my daughters death has meant I'm what some of u people would use as a 'perfect' example, "oh yes look at her, pregnant at 14, now in her 30s, living on benefits and her life's 1 fuck up after another" I really feel sorry for some of ur dds if they find themselves pg at a young age if ur going to treat them the way uve spoken about girls like me on here.

YassQueen · 25/02/2018 09:42

I'm so sorry for what you've been through mommy2018 Flowers

notgivingin789 · 25/02/2018 09:44

expatinscotland

Why can’t you just Google this yourself ?Confused

expatinscotland · 25/02/2018 09:47

'Why can’t you just Google this yourself ?confused'

Face.palm.head.desk. RTFT, notgivin. Never mind!