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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my 6 month old to be fat shamed?

79 replies

Satansfriendlyface · 22/02/2018 15:08

6 month old dd was average weight at birth but has gained weight quite rapidly (as babies do) within the last month or so. HV confirmed all is well, nothing out of the ordinary, she’s just having a wee growth spurt. I’m not concerned at all as she looks well and healthy and she’s feeding as she’s supposed to.

However, what I have a problem with is FIL’s recent comments about how she is going to be a “big girl” when she’s older and she needs to watch her weight. I ignored these comments the first few times but I’ve now had enough and told him that she’s perfectly fine and I’d appreciate it if he would stop saying these things as there’s nothing wrong with her weight. I don’t want this to continue into her childhood and cause her to feel uncomfortable in any way (also, I love my child no matter how she looks and feel a bit offended that a family member would ever comment on my child’s appearance). WIBU to ask DH to tell him to stop this? FIL just laughed at me when I asked him to stop so he might be more likely to take it seriously from DH. Or am I overreacting? Very aware that this is pfb and I’m prone to overprotectiveness!

OP posts:

lornathewizzard · 22/02/2018 15:10

Saying she was a big girl wouldn't bother me, but commenting on having to watch her weight in the future is pretty shitty.

Although unless it carried on I would be tempted just to ignore

MerryInthechelseahotel · 22/02/2018 15:10

I would not have batted an eyelid at this. I think you are overreacting greatly! So long as he's not saying things like that when she's older.

Schlimbesserung · 22/02/2018 15:13

I wouldn't like it either. I wonder what he's be saying about a boy if he was the same size?
(not that it matters, but my first was a very fat baby- he gained a pound a week from 4 weeks old and he was very nearly square although only breastfed to 6 months. He is now very tall and very thing at 16, so baby fat was obviously all it was).

GummyGoddess · 22/02/2018 15:13

Unless your DH backs you up he probably won't stop. He needs to stop before she's old enough to understand the words.

I don't think it's the wording that I dislike, it's the attitude that she must not be fat when older which is essentially what he's saying.

geekymommy · 22/02/2018 15:15

Who fat shames a BABY? Those chubby rolls of fat are the cutest! And if you've had any feeding issues, every one is a sign of an an accomplishment.

Original poster

Satansfriendlyface · 22/02/2018 15:15

Merry - that’s my issue though. If he thinks it’s ok now then he’s going to think it’s ok when she’s older. She’s only got to hear him say it once and it could stay with her. I wasn’t sure if it was worth trying to nip it in the bud early on, especially as I’ve already asked him to stop and he hasn’t.

OP posts:

Originalfoogirl · 22/02/2018 15:16

I wouldn't be waiting for OH, I'd call him out right then and there making it clear if he says anything about my child's weight ever, he won't be welcome in my house.

Sirzy · 22/02/2018 15:16

People comment on baby’s size. No reason for it to become an issue unless you make it one.

People used to say how big ds was. He has never been big (never above 9th centile)

Messyone · 22/02/2018 15:20

I have a similar problem Satansfrindlyface. My DS is in the lower percentile. I always am told how small he is etc. I have learned to ignore the people who comment on his weight.

TitaniasCloset · 22/02/2018 15:22

Ffs! How rude and odd! Chubby babies are beautiful, nothing to do with your size in later life. Well done you for having a beautiful healthy child who is clearly thriving. Next time the twit says anything just repeat, she is a baby. A BABY!! Ffs.

Glumglowworm · 22/02/2018 15:22

Commenting on a babies size is normal. Saying she’s going to watch her weight when she’s older is not and yanbu to be annoyed by it. Yes, right now she’s too young to get hung up on it, but if that sort of derogatory comments continue as she gets older then she may start to get hang ups about it

Mummaofboys · 22/02/2018 15:38

Oh I know how you feel my baby is 25th percentile but because his cousin is only 9th percentile (both 5months)he get called big and it really annoys me, no words of wisdom I’m afraid just to let you know you are not alone!

Originalfoogirl · 22/02/2018 15:38

This is not commenting on the baby's size, this is saying "watch out she doesn't get fat when she is older" That's where the line was over-stepped.

noseypud · 22/02/2018 15:41

I feel exactly the same as you!! My ds is 8 months and was born big (8"11) and has been on the 92 percentile since birth so yeah e is a big baby but my mil and fil ALWAYS go on about how massive he is!!! Every time they see him its the first thing they say "omg he is massive he has grown again" i have learned to just laugh it off now but when he was first born it really upset me (hormones as well).

I have just learned to be greatful that he is thriving and he is such a good eater. I have a friend whos little girl wont eat much and she is very tiny I think I would be more worried about that.

Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl!

Valentinesfart · 22/02/2018 15:42

I thought you were going to say she was being complimented on her lovely chubby thighs which is what these threads are usually about and those people are BU. That's not fat shaming a baby.

However this is different and I'd nip it in the bud now. Your fil sounds like an arse.

Laiste · 22/02/2018 15:44

Hmm. Wait and see how often/if he says it again.

If it's within the next few months i'd give an exasperated look and say 'Leave her alone! She's fine and i don't want this talk of fatness around her when she's old enough to understand'.

Fluffycloudland77 · 22/02/2018 15:47

I was a very solid baby, outgrew the hv baby scales way too soon, and I'm a perfectly normal size. My mother was told repeatedly I'd be a fat adult by people though 🙄

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 22/02/2018 15:50

My baby was just shy of 10lb when born. Gorgeous rolls of chubby fat. When we went to get her weighed when she was about 9 months, a rather rotund hv said 'she is gonna be just like me when she's older, just look at a cream cake and she'll put weight on'

I actually cried when I left.

Granted now I was being pfb, but it really pissed me off and I still remember it like yesterday.

Just got to say though, there is not a pick on her at age 9 and she is the specimen of health

OnTheRise · 22/02/2018 15:50

I think you're right to put a stop to that sort of comment right now. The longer it goes unchallenged, the harder it will be.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 22/02/2018 15:52

This is not commenting on the baby's size, this is saying "watch out she doesn't get fat when she is older" That's where the line was over-stepped.

Exactly this.

Fine to do what lots of people do, "look at the chub, so cute rolls, chubby little hands..." blah blah. Absolutely not fine to say she'll need to watch her weight. And I'm willing to bet he wouldn't say it to a boy.

FranticallyPeaceful · 22/02/2018 15:52

I think you should take deep breaths.

If you’re anxious about her being anxious about her weight... at six months old... then she will likely learn to be anxious about her weight. She’s a baby, and babies are supposed to be fat. Exclusively breastfed both of mine and they were chubby little blobs of roley poley fat. And it’s bloody adorable! It’s just baby fat, they won’t lose it until they become active and running around, and then they gain some after that, then lose it, then gain some, and lose it. It’s a rollercoaster when they’re younger

OutyMcOutface · 22/02/2018 15:55

The reason he laughed is because you did it wrong-you were supposed to shame him back. Next time invite around a friend and ask them to put on a horrified facial expression and ask 'Did you mean to be so rude?!"

Yawnyprawn · 22/02/2018 15:55

My DD is also a big baby and whilst I don't mind people noticing and commenting on this, I would mind someone suggesting that she would have to watch her weight in future, as if being a big girl is some kind of terrible fate. YANBU OP, I think it would be fair to say something to FIL if you can find a way to do so whilst preserving a good relationship with him because presumably he does love her and is not trying to cause offence.

Rudgie47 · 22/02/2018 15:55

He sounds like hes been offensive on purpose.
If he brings it up again say that your not prepared to tolerate his comments and that if he does it again then he'll have no contact with her.
An old friend of mine let her children get huge like over 20 stones each in their teens.The girl was a size 26 at 15 and the boy a 5XL.Their grandparents were always making remarks, bullying and belittling the whole family. It got to the post that no one would say anything to them though because they just wanted their money.
The family needed serious slimming help not being shamed.

Original poster

Satansfriendlyface · 22/02/2018 15:58

Franticallypeaceful- I’m not anxious about her being anxious about her weight, but I do think anyone commenting on a females weight (when she will be at an age of understanding) is likely to have an impact on her mentally. I know that babies have rolls, chub, fat, etc. But my concern is that FIL doesn’t realise this and seems to think her recent weight gain means she will be an overweight child. And even if she is, I don’t want him making comments like that to her.

OP posts:

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