To not want my 6 month old to be fat shamed?

[Satansfriendlyface]

6 month old dd was average weight at birth but has gained weight quite rapidly (as babies do) within the last month or so. HV confirmed all is well, nothing out of the ordinary, she’s just having a wee growth spurt. I’m not concerned at all as she looks well and healthy and she’s feeding as she’s supposed to.

However, what I have a problem with is FIL’s recent comments about how she is going to be a “big girl” when she’s older and she needs to watch her weight. I ignored these comments the first few times but I’ve now had enough and told him that she’s perfectly fine and I’d appreciate it if he would stop saying these things as there’s nothing wrong with her weight. I don’t want this to continue into her childhood and cause her to feel uncomfortable in any way (also, I love my child no matter how she looks and feel a bit offended that a family member would ever comment on my child’s appearance). WIBU to ask DH to tell him to stop this? FIL just laughed at me when I asked him to stop so he might be more likely to take it seriously from DH. Or am I overreacting? Very aware that this is pfb and I’m prone to overprotectiveness!

5plus unless you are this baby's HV or another medical professional who has examined the baby I think you need to keep that sort of unhelpful opinion to yourself.

My 6 month old got called Buddha baby a lot! He was v v chunky! (6 pounds at birth! But loved his milk!!) he was in 99 th percentile! V chunky til age 2 ish! He's now 6 yrs old and just under 50th percentile! Take all weight comments with a pinch of salt! Kids change! If they don't, like you say, it's all fine!

fgat bbies are more likely to be come fat children and fat adults

Citation?

Is FIL in good shape himself? If he has the slightest hint of middle age spread I’d be mentioning it right back.

YANBU. Policing a girl's/woman's body in anticipation - not on.

A chubby baby is the best thing ever... Let's hope she is a big strong girl. At that age they need all the calories they can get, her body and brain are growing so fast.

Do babies feel shame now? She wasn't "fat shamed" FFS.

" I love my child no matter how she looks and feel a bit offended that a family member would ever comment on my child’s appearance"

Sadly, fear of offence and being afraid to comment on family members appearance (health) has led to the obesity epidemic, people being told to love the shape they are and that phrases like "I hate exercise" acceptable.

Fat people should be ashamed of the damage they're doing to their bodies. See also smokers and alcoholics.

Of course, fat children aren't to blame. Parents of fat children are to blame.

No one here knows if your daughter's overweight but I would bet a significant amount of money that HVs have to bite their tongues in the climate of "don't fat shame me".

@TheButterflyOfTheStorms

November Archives of Paediatrics and Adolescent Medicine

The more percentiles babies rose - zero, one, and two or more) in their first 24 months, the greater the prevalence of later obesity.

'There's something about excess gains in those first six months that, in many cases, persists, that's not going away.'

Babies were most likely to become obese in later life if they rose two or more percentiles before six months of age.

She's a PhD from Harvard and a very well respected pediatrician. Her study gathered data from 45,000 subjects.

HTH

My daughter looked like the Michelin man as a baby ( very cute) but as an adult she has never been bigger than a size 10!

I rolled my eyes a little at 'fat shamed' at first. But I do see that if he were to continue making comments about her appearance that would be a bad thing

Ignore him. He's being a bit of a (possibly sexist) twat. I suspect he'd have no such comments to make about a boy baby

Don't all babies get chubby right before they start to become more mobile??

Newspaper get to fuck! Thank God I don't know anyone like you in real life.

YANBU, I wouldn't have liked that either. Not so bad as a baby but I'd be worried he'd continue to say stuff like that to her when she can understand him.

Not really related to the thread but I'm now really interested to know when we pass from thinking fat is 'beautiful/cute/gorgeous/the best thing ever' to thinking it is unattractive? And why we do that? Society must be teaching us subconsciosuly that fat baby = lovely and fat child/adult = not lovely. But I don't know when or why the change would be come in my head.

XMIL did the opposite. She accused me of starving the DC. DD1 was on the 25th centile, so the lower end of average, DS1 has cystic fibrosis and will never be normal weight. Both her DC were horrendously overweight, which she obviously thought was healthy.

You are absolutely right and you do indeed need to nip this in the bud right now.

Newspaper - again I repeat, my 6 month old child is in no way fat or overweight. My FIL is the only person to comment on her size, and HV is happy with her weight and health. I am not a parent of a fat or unhealthy child so if you are insinuating that I am over feeding her you can fuck right off.

A baby has two jobs: to put on weight, & to learn. Your FIL is essentially saying that your DD might be fat as an older girl / adult, & therefore unattractive. His comments are inherently misogynistic. I'd tell him to cut it out as I wouldn't want his poisonous attitude around my DD. It takes surprisingly little to trigger eating disorders in children. I've been there; it's a hell of a struggle to remain well once ED has you.

I am sure your DD is beautiful & a healthy weight, as I am equally sure your FIL is talking out of his arse. My DD always puts a bit of weight on before a growth spurt. It was more noticeable as a baby / toddler, but she goes - hungry, out, grumpy / naughty, then up. She's nearly 6 & we still know when she's going to grow another inch or so because she follows the same pattern.

I think your FIL is an arse. A baby with rolls of fat is normal and does not indicate they will be an overweight child/adult.

I do think you need to be careful of the weird pendulum swing that’s occurred though in regards to kids and weight. Lots of overweight kids now becoming obese adults. No one wants to risk damaging their self-esteem by modifying their diet (as it will then be obvious to them and may cause ‘issues’), making them exercise (as it will then be obvious to them and will lead to some body identity crisis) or heaven forbid mention they need to lose weight as this will automatically lead to a number of eating disorders. So in order to preserve self-esteem and avoid eating disorders overweight kids are turning into obese adults.

My son was the same. Born normal weight, didn't go down in weight the first days as they usually do, and just kept getting bigger. He was gorgeous, and pudgy I got comments as well, and they really upset me. It is not overreacting, people are a, commenting on your child's looks, b, not only that but also their health (and an underlying comment on you as a mother).

Once DS reached about 8 months, he stopped gaining weight, and has pretty much stayed the same weight since - He is 4 now, and no where near overweight.

If you can talk with FIL then ask him kindly to stop commenting, if not, close your ears, your baby is going to be absolutely fine, and no one else's comments matter.

Hopping - I appreciate you’re trying to be helpful, but I don’t need any help in managing DD’s weight! I had her weighed last week and she’s 80th percentile ffs! I posted this as I wanted help on how to deal with fils remarks, not receive unsolicited advice on managing my apparently obese child.

Oh @NewspaperOrigami thanks for replying. I was hoping someone would, to prove how poorly people read and interpret studies.

I asked for citations for 'fat babies become... fat adults' and you give me, 'babies that rapidly gain percentiles are more at risk of becoming obese'. Not the same thing at all.

Please could people learn to read and interpret research before spouting their ignorant bile?

And if you could find me a citation on 'shame helps people reduce weight' that'd be super too.

Uhhhmmm ok. I actually said rolls of fat on a baby was completely healthy and your FIL was an idiot. I obviously wasn’t talking about babies in regards to parents refusal to acknowledge weight issues if you read so not sure why you have a hair trigger about it all but ok .....

She has a "hair trigger" because she's already getting shit from people about a perfectly normal and healthy breastfed baby and she came here to ask for advice on how to deal with this shit and not to get more of that shit.

Idont

Exactly