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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my 6 month old to be fat shamed?

79 replies

Satansfriendlyface · 22/02/2018 15:08

6 month old dd was average weight at birth but has gained weight quite rapidly (as babies do) within the last month or so. HV confirmed all is well, nothing out of the ordinary, she’s just having a wee growth spurt. I’m not concerned at all as she looks well and healthy and she’s feeding as she’s supposed to.

However, what I have a problem with is FIL’s recent comments about how she is going to be a “big girl” when she’s older and she needs to watch her weight. I ignored these comments the first few times but I’ve now had enough and told him that she’s perfectly fine and I’d appreciate it if he would stop saying these things as there’s nothing wrong with her weight. I don’t want this to continue into her childhood and cause her to feel uncomfortable in any way (also, I love my child no matter how she looks and feel a bit offended that a family member would ever comment on my child’s appearance). WIBU to ask DH to tell him to stop this? FIL just laughed at me when I asked him to stop so he might be more likely to take it seriously from DH. Or am I overreacting? Very aware that this is pfb and I’m prone to overprotectiveness!

OP posts:
TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 22/02/2018 16:02

My FIL use to make constant comments like "I'm proud to say none of my GC are overweight". Proud of what exactly? He doesn't feed them, he's not the one making sure they move around and only 1/4 of the genes are his. I've told him and DH it stops and it has. He's also not allowed to talk about food, another thing he's obsessed about.

Children hear so many terrible messages, they shouldn't be coming from the people that love them.

geekymommy · 22/02/2018 16:03

If she does have adorable chubby thigh rolls, please kiss them for me.

Original poster
Satansfriendlyface · 22/02/2018 16:05

Geeky - they are the chubbiest and loveliest thigh rolls you’ve ever seen! And I will be telling her that every single day. ❤️

OP posts:
geekymommy · 22/02/2018 16:11

She will get thinner when she starts walking. All babies do. Mine lost the chubby rolls a little while after they started walking.

I breastfed both of my kids, and DD had some problems getting it at first. I was PROUD of her rolls when she got them! They meant that we had figured it out despite the problems at first.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 22/02/2018 16:15

He needs to stop. My PIL did this with DS - not because he was fat as he grew perfectly on his own wee curve - 25th centile for weight, 75th centile for height. But because I was overweight- not hugely but I have bad PCOS. They however are smug fat shaming skinnies who eat what they like and never get fat. They read the Daily Mail and think fat shaming is a good and moral thing. They got told to back off. FIL never got over getting fat when he got sick - the only the lazy and feckless are fat mantra didn't fit. In fact he didn't seek medical help soon enough and tried starving himself instead. SIL was naturally a fat baby and toddler - and then slimmed down by about 6 or 7. They made such a huge deal of it she ended up with ED's. Which she hid and they enabled.

Cinnamon12345 · 22/02/2018 16:19

My ILs are always saying the grand children (their g grand children) are fat. They're not fat, I just think they've forgotten what babies look like.

LaurenCooper · 22/02/2018 16:23

IME babies lose the chubby rolls when they start crawling/walking. Not worth arguing with FIL but if he makes more unwelcome comments just say you trust the HV's opinion regarding your DD's health and development.

kaitlinktm · 22/02/2018 16:40

I just love that squidgy stage - and it doesn't last long so make the most of it.

FIL needs to be addressed if he makes any further remarks. I didn't have DDs, but this is just the sort of thing my late FIL would have said - he certainly made enough comments about his own DDs.

It's odd too that the sort of men who make these sorts of comments are never oil paintings themselves. Why is it always about women's appearances?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/02/2018 16:43

Just ignore him. She's 6 months old! Some babies are chubby and lose weight when they start to be mobile. FIL is being stupid if he thinks you have to worry about her being overweight when she's older.

Vibe2018 · 22/02/2018 17:03

My dad often asks about my one year old DD -'has she lost weight?'. The tone is kind of annoying as its like he's uncertain if she has but seems to be suggesting she needs to. She is 99% percentile for height and weight so she is perfectly proportioned - she is the right weight for her height. He himself os actually overweight.

LokiBear · 22/02/2018 17:14

My dd was born on the 50th centile and quickly moved to the 99th for height and weight. I get really fed up of the 'isn't she big/heavy/tall/huge' comments too. Not from strangers, from my mum and mil who constantly go on about it. It's boring.

ClareB83 · 22/02/2018 17:27

Next time he does it just say "she is a perfectly healthy weight for a baby, they're meant to be this gorgeous and chubby at this age. It doesn't mean she'll be bigger when she's older but let me be clear right now that even if she were I will not stand for anyone making comments like you just made." And be clear you mean it.

Clandestino · 22/02/2018 17:28

FIL sounds like a twat best be ignored. Is he slim himself?

Aeroflotgirl · 22/02/2018 17:31

I agree, its inappropriate, a lot of babies have cute rolls of fat. They are babies, they are hardly eating MacDonalds, pizzas, and takeaways by the dozen. They will be on mostly milk. Yes, would he say that if your dd was a boy, no, it would be, oh he's a bonny baby, he will grow up to be a big strong lad. Total gender bias again!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 22/02/2018 17:41

I have this issue with my aunt now DD is 10, she was ill and lost a lot of weight, my aunt said, "Losing a bit of weight wouldn't hurt." DD's on the 75th centile for height and weight. Also, she's just hit puberty, so I'm prepared for her to put a bit of weight on. I'm dreading what my aunt will say in front of her though. 😭

Clandestino · 22/02/2018 18:09

My not so DF used to be like this. Their whole family.
My not so DA looked like a stick insect but my not so dear GM whose tongue was so poisonous a brown snake would envy her always described her as " a beauty with a figure like a model". The fact that she was anorectic and walked like her limbs were all wooden because she had no fat layer on her body were irrelevant. Also irrelevant was the fact that her younger sister was made to feel like she was ugly because she was on a bigger side. Size 12, with an hourglass figure and a PhD but my older aunt was always the smarter, the more beautiful, the better, the incomparable. And my GM was very comfortable saying that in front of the younger aunt, with the older one relishing the attention. The younger aunt also used to have the most beautiful thick hair when she was young but she cut it short when my GM humiliated her by constantly repeating how unique and wonderful the older aunt's hair was and the thick wavy younger aunt's hair just cumbersome and ordinary.
My younger aunt was always on a diet. She refused showing anyone pictures from her youth. She was a truly beautiful, strikingly beautiful women but she grew up thinking she was uglier and less intelligent than the younger aunt who had a figure of a model, even though she looked like they just found her dead for 2500 years in the desert.

lljkk · 22/02/2018 18:17

feel a bit offended that a family member would ever comment on my child’s appearance

So if he said she was "cute as a button"that would be outrageous, too? Hmm

Guess you can tell I'm in the YABU camp.
If FIL is a bit insensitive, it's something you can prepare for with your child as they get older. "Yes Granddad says some daft things! Isn't he silly!" Pick your battles.

Soubriquet · 22/02/2018 18:25

Oh god tell him to fuck off

My dd was like a little michelin baby when she was little.

She started losing some when she started walking but still had a lot of puppy fat.

She is now 4 and is a skinny Minnie

beluga425 · 22/02/2018 18:29

He sounds like a bit of an arse who is trying to wind you up.

geekymommy · 22/02/2018 18:32

For anyone who thinks fat shaming is a good thing: why is there so much fat shaming and so many fat people?

For anyone who thinks fat shaming a CHILD is a good thing: go crawl back under the rock from whence you came.

NeatFreakMama · 22/02/2018 18:37

I think it's pretty normal when they're babies, I would let it go.

DalekDalekDalek · 22/02/2018 18:38

she needs to watch her weight
^ This is wrong,
It's one thing to say that the baby is going to be a big girl, that's fairly common with babies and young children it usually means grown-up rather than fat.
Commenting that she needs to watch her weight or will do in the future is completely unacceptable. Definitely get DH to speak to him. What a jerk!

lljkk · 22/02/2018 18:50

A baby can't feel shame...

5plusMeAndHim · 22/02/2018 19:29

Your FIL is right though. fgat bbies are more likely to be come fat children and fat adults.There is quite a bit of research to substantiate this.
Is your baby's height centile increasing at the same rate as her weight centile? if not you need to look at whether you are over-feeding her.Is she BF or FF?

Original poster
Satansfriendlyface · 22/02/2018 20:02

5plus - my baby is not fat. She has had a growth spurt but is still well within the normal range for her age. The HV has confirmed she is perfectly normal, as stated in my original post. This post is about whether IABU in insisting that FIL keeps his opinions to himself as I am concerned that any comments he may make in future to my child about her weight (whether true or not) could have an impact on her self esteem. If I had concerns of whether my child is indeed overweight or not (which I don’t) I would prefer to discuss with a qualified professional, not someone on the internet.

OP posts: