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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate school proms

153 replies

MargoLovebutter · 22/02/2018 12:17

Maybe it is just my DD, but I cannot wait for her bastarding prom to be over. I think I am just about managing to feign interest, so that DD doesn't think I am a total killjoy, but it is doing my head in.

I am so fed up of talking about dresses, looking a photos of other girls dresses, going to try on dresses, ordering dresses, sending back dresses, getting dresses altered, looking at more photos of other girls dresses, talking about dresses....... OMG, she's going to wear it for 3 hours!!!!!!!

I am so fed up of talking about potential dates, other girls dates, dates that won't happen, dates that may happen, unsuitable dates, looking at photos of dates ......

I am so fed up of paying through the nose for so much bloody stuff for a 3 hour shin-dig - the dress, the shoes, the fake tan, the event itself, I drew the line at professional make up and I'm debating about professional hair dresser. Apparently a limo is now involved too, with everyone chipping in - the kids live, at most, 15 minutes away from the flipping venue!!!!!

I am also having to hear about pre-prom and after-prom. Whose allowed to have a drink, who isn't, which parents are trying to control alcohol intake, which parents aren't. Who is likely to try and sleep with who at after-prom, who will break up, who will get wasted, who won't drink, who will have a crap time, who will be smoking, who will try and smuggle in spirits, which teachers may try and go to after-prom and the endless speculation about collection time .......

Gah!

OP posts:
FranticallyPeaceful · 25/02/2018 16:37

I find it insane what people buy for proms. We come from a wealthy area and the dresses didn’t cost this much, and nobody was bothered how much their dress cost as long as it looked nice on them. The most expensive part was probably the way people came in. We had helicopters on one end and tractors pulling skateboards on the other end... but some just came in limos etc

MsHarry · 25/02/2018 16:41

Yes my DD found the actual prom a total let down. When they are already going to parties and experimenting with alcohol(they all do) a night with teachers and J20 just won't cut it!

Backscratchesforever · 25/02/2018 16:42

I’d be grateful she’s that sharing all this with you, she obviously is very close to you and it’s lovely she wants to include you in her excitement!

MsHarry · 25/02/2018 16:42

The most expensive part was probably the way people came in. We had helicopters on one end and tractors pulling skateboards on the other end... but some just came in limos etc

And some just got dropped off by their parents Shock

Ructation · 25/02/2018 16:43

Good lord! Will their heads fall off?

Apparently they will!

Belindabauer · 25/02/2018 16:47

My dd has never been a bridesmaid or been to a ball.
She had never been in a limo.
This will be the first time I've paid for her to have her hair and make up done. This will be the first time I've bought her a special dress.
She doesn't do jewellery , at all. She doesn't own a pair of heels she wears trainers, converse, vans.
I'm quite happy to lend her a bracelet which will match her dress.
I suppose if it's a special event you don't mind so much.
If you've had to fork out for endless bridesmaids dresses, hair done, shoes etc in the past I can understand the frustration of thinking oh here we go again.

FranticallyPeaceful · 25/02/2018 16:47

@MsHarry some did and nobody bat an eyelid

MsHarry · 25/02/2018 19:39

Good Fran and I hope they had the maturity to realise that the ones that were being flown in were pawns in their parents massive ego boost mission.

ShinyMe · 25/02/2018 19:47

Someone I follow on Instagram posted photos last week of her daughter's Year 12 Prom (so not a leavers' prom! She's got another year to go in school!) and said that she'd hosted "the gang's" pre-prom gathering. However, the pre-prom gathering showed dozens and dozens of bottles of fizzy wine, a huge wall of white roses as a photo-wall, an enormous buffet of food, so I dread to think how much the small gathering cost (and it clearly wasn't for a group of half a dozen friends) and that was just pre-prom. And she'll have another one next year when she actually leaves school! It's insane.

dollybird · 25/02/2018 19:49

I think my DD will be the complete opposite. She's only in year 10 at the moment, so another year to go, but she lives in jeans or shorts (trousers for school), hates wearing dresses, or anything particularly dressy for evening. She has to wear a dress for jazz band concerts, and we persuaded her to wear one when we went on a cruise, but you can tell just by taking one look at her that she's rather be in her jeans and t-shirt. So, if she does want to go to prom, I have no idea what she will wear! She is also the complete opposite of your DD OP as hardly ever tells us anything!!

MsHarry · 25/02/2018 20:05

dolly don't worry, there were girls in suits, knee length, simple dresses and just nice outfits at my DD'd prom. They looked better than the TOWIE wannabes.

mathanxiety · 25/02/2018 22:23

www.laoistoday.ie/2017/12/31/photo-highlights-2017-incredible-style-scoil-chriost-ri-debs/
Entire Irish town celebrates the local school debs...

Butchmanda · 25/02/2018 22:43

OMG! That'd do my head in too. You sound like a lovely mum so that's probably why your DD talks to you about it. But it sounds as bloody boring as my 13 year old DS going on about Pokemon. Kids, eh?? How many more months to go?

Butchmanda · 25/02/2018 22:47

Where did all this Prom lark start anyway? We just went down the local pub, which we'd all been doing for several years anyway. And now primary schools do it too - quite tasteless.

diodati · 26/02/2018 03:52

DD (17) went to her "semi-formal" on Thursday. Bless her, she went in the dress she wore to a dance last year and also went with her hair still wet. While others were renting limos and getting professional make-up and hair (no fake tans, too much like DT).

iLoveABiccy · 26/02/2018 06:46

I know it's worn you down hearing about the same stuff over & over, but that's what teenagers do and the fact that she feels comfortable enough to tell you these things is great! So many mother don't have that relationship with their daughters. Plus, surely she's allowed to be excited about dressing up really fancy for one night once she's finished school forever? It's sweet! I love getting all the gossip from the girls about this stuff haha. But I guess that's just me, different strokes for different folks and all that.

Iprefercoffeetotea · 26/02/2018 08:37

My ds won't want to go to his. At the moment we are planning a more exciting and usual trip away for that time period.

I wouldn't mind paying out for a bridesmaid dress and the like.

What I would hate about a prom if I had a dd would be that unless I absolutely threw money at it, and probably despite having thrown money at it, somebody would manage to bitch about what she was wearing and she'd have a miserable time anyway. Does anyone other than the Queen Bees actually enjoy these events?

Iprefercoffeetotea · 26/02/2018 08:38

more exciting THAN usual

speakout · 26/02/2018 08:56

It will be expensive but I am really looking forward to the shopping and preparation.
We are already planning shopping days/coffee/lunch out.

Lovely bonding time.
DD works hard and is a wonderful young woman.
She deserves to be treated.

Ifailed · 26/02/2018 09:29

mathanxiety you do realise that Waterford Whispers News is a satirical site?

If, as you say, the concept of a school prom is just an instance of an Irish deb event, then that too is a copy of the original where upper class single women were presented to the court?

Whatever the origins, having some sort of leaving do at school is not new in the UK, but the way it is done has clearly changed and the expense and fuss is a relatively new phenomena.

deadringer · 26/02/2018 09:34

WE have a debs here. I bought dds dress for about 50 quid in Debenhams, she wore shoes that she had for years, we didn't get a limo, but I did pay for hair and make up. She looked beautiful. Yes there's a lot of focus on looks but they have been working hard to get into uni and planning the debs/prom is a chance to decompress and think about something a bit frivolous. The night itself is nearly always a let down it's the anticipation and prep that is the fun bit. Try to enjoy it if you can .

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 26/02/2018 10:08

Quite apart from the cost, I don't like all the focus on looks. Too much "oh you're so beautiful" "Oh thanks but you look even more gorgeous" "no really you're the best"

ShatnersWig · 26/02/2018 10:11

So glad this wasn't a thing when I was at school. As another poster said, on the last day of term we all went around signing and putting comments on our school shirts. Almost 30 years later I still have mine. Sadly some of those who signed are no longer with us.