to hate school proms

[MargoLovebutter]

Maybe it is just my DD, but I cannot wait for her bastarding prom to be over. I think I am just about managing to feign interest, so that DD doesn't think I am a total killjoy, but it is doing my head in.

I am so fed up of talking about dresses, looking a photos of other girls dresses, going to try on dresses, ordering dresses, sending back dresses, getting dresses altered, looking at more photos of other girls dresses, talking about dresses....... OMG, she's going to wear it for 3 hours!!!!!!!

I am so fed up of talking about potential dates, other girls dates, dates that won't happen, dates that may happen, unsuitable dates, looking at photos of dates ......

I am so fed up of paying through the nose for so much bloody stuff for a 3 hour shin-dig - the dress, the shoes, the fake tan, the event itself, I drew the line at professional make up and I'm debating about professional hair dresser. Apparently a limo is now involved too, with everyone chipping in - the kids live, at most, 15 minutes away from the flipping venue!!!!!

I am also having to hear about pre-prom and after-prom. Whose allowed to have a drink, who isn't, which parents are trying to control alcohol intake, which parents aren't. Who is likely to try and sleep with who at after-prom, who will break up, who will get wasted, who won't drink, who will have a crap time, who will be smoking, who will try and smuggle in spirits, which teachers may try and go to after-prom and the endless speculation about collection time .......

Gah!

YABU to 'hate school proms', when this is only about how you and your dd are responding to it.
Myy dd2 will have her prom after GCSEs this year (as, obviously will most of her friends). There have been a few conversations ... 'Have you got your prom dress yet? / Where you looking?' and that's it. It hasn't taken over her life, my life, her friends' lives nor their parents' lives.

I feel your pain!
Been there done that 3 times!
Now eldest DD is getting married and I'm going through the whole thing all over again.
Hair, makeup, dresses, cars,photos and venues.
I want to hibernate until it's all over.

(Not much to add, but your post made me think of a conference venue where a local spray tanning group were having a Christmas do. They reminded me of a Cuprinol shade card😁)

You'll survive this OP. At least it’s not a wedding...

I’ve done my fair share of proms and balls.
Proms are ghastly, competitions that are done at too young an age, create more trauma than enjoyment and make some feel really uncomfortable. They’re simply too young for this sort of nonsense.

The second school we used had a leavers ball for upper sixth which was far more civilised. Parents and teachers were required to attend, which boosted funding. It was a lovely marquee with formal meal, after dinner speech, free flowing wine and a decent band. Everyone had a super time. There were no hidden hip flasks rendering fifteen years old insensible, no teenage histrionics. Parents presence meant the children were controlled but able to have a memorable evening.

Ticking my HORRIFIED box there, if I were required to attend a ball.

I reckon DD would be even more horrified if I attended a ball with her. Gigantic row would emerge over my outfit & grooming (I am happily chronically doomed to scruffdom).

If it was weekly monthly or even quarterly I'd be in the too much hassle camp. It isn't though so with 2 DDs 1 year apart I just got on with it. It'll be a distant memory by the time your DD is in her 20s anyway so just bear with all the excitement sourcing stuff etc so she can have a nice evening feeling and looking glamorous,as she wants to. There are worse hassles when it comes to DCs.

Agree with Originalfoogirl re all the rest.

I agree that prom is overdone. However, I also think it is a shame that you feel like this. Neither me nor DD particularly like the idea of a prom, but she went and she enjoyed it. And I thoroughly enjoyed the chatting, looking for dresses, etc, and the time I spent with DS before and after the prom. If your DD is the type of girl to chat things through with you it won't matter if it is prom, or relationships, or jobs or whatever. Be grateful she chats at all. Some teenagers don't. My DD is now looking at which uni to go to, and in a few months she will be gone and I will be the saddest DM out there. So enjoy it while you can.

Local primaries are doing it, saw the limos last years and couldn't believe it. They are also having the sweatshirts with everyone's name on that my kids got when the graduated. Nothing is going to be special anymore when you've had a prom at 11, 16 and 18 what are you going to do for graduation?

The worst thing at the primary was the "in" crowd having a fun day out the next day that the "unpopular" kids weren't invited to. Such a lovely way to end 7 years together.

I spent about £30 from a vintage shop for my prom dress, borrowed shoes, did hair and makeup myself. Me and my friends weren't too bothered about going ott. We just got a regular taxi to hotel rather than 50 mins on a bus.

Some of the others though... months agonising over dresses... limos, the whole deal. One girl actually booked a room in the hotel for that night so she could bring someone back that night... Think our schools proms got a bit notorious though. The year above me got banned from the poshest hotel in town for snorting coke and kicking a hole in the bathroom wall! Then in my year the ones who were 18 went out clubbing after and a student and a teacher ended up kissing...

Why do we end up copying the Americans?

I have to admit I was horribly cynical about DS’s post-GSCE prom and could be heard for weeks beforehand muttering about it. The cost, the Americanisation, what was wrong with the old school disco etc. But we turned up on the night to take photos of them all arriving and going in, and to my astonishment I ended up rather emotional.

So much excitement and hope for the future and pride in not just themselves but in their mates and teachers. Groups arrived in classic cars and on a tractor; there was just as much applause for the lad who zoomed down the drive on his baby brother’s tricycle, and for another lad on a skateboard.

I loved seeing his classmates all togged up, the girls looking absolutely amazing; some who wouldn’t have been out of place on a catwalk, girls who would never usually be out of jeans looking awkwardly gorgeous. One quirky lad in a camouflage suit, hugely embraced by his mates on arrival; others in black tie looking as though they had suddenly grown up by five years. It was an all-embracing, uplifting celebration of everyone, absolutely everyone in the year group and what each one had achieved, whatever it was.

I loved planning DD1's prom. She chose the dress online but we bought it in person so she could try it on - and got a discount. makeup done at home, hair by our hairdresser who comes to our house, made all her accessories myself and she already had the shoes. And because she chose a steampunk-style outfit she looked completely different to all the pink and powder-blue princesses and totally turned heads. It was amazing.

I am the veteran of 4 proms as my DD did then in Y11 and Y13 fortunately they are well grounded and whilst the dresses weren’t cheap and I may have paid for 1 hair do and nails for both once that’s was it. They studied hard and didn’t endlessly go on about prom. Getting ready and pre prom/after prom parties were all at someone’s house. And Y11 was no alcohol.

My DC are not boring both are at uni and go out regularly they just don’t obsess over tans, make up and looks for which I am very grateful

Was in the hairdressers yesterday and there was a young girls and her friend in getting hair trials ready for prom, whilst discussing their tans and deciding they should get their make up booked in case there is no space. Honestly for the fuss and expense you’d think they were getting married

Ds has suddenly decided he wants to go - not sure what the sudden interest is as he usually tries to avoid social events, outings etc. He has no clue (asd) and ending in tears will be a relatively good outcome - he’ll be so lucky if he doesnt get beaten up or worse. Im just hoping he chickens out on the night.

(American here) I never thought I'd go to my prom or enjoy it, but I did. They don't have to be ridiculous. I bought the first dress I tried on at the mall with my friends, still have a good memory of that shopping trip today. And I went with my first boyfriend, my sister did my hair and makeup, my group of friends was there and we all spent the night at a friend's house after.

None of us spent a fortune or got fake tans, though I'm sure some kids did.

I know it can seem stupid and silly, but it can also be a lot of fun. And I say that as someone who was not a girly-girl and had never bought a dress on my own before. I think it's sweet that she wants to share all of that with you. I certainly wasn't like that with my mother!

You tell her that unless she starts putting the energy into revision that’s currently going into prom preparations he’s not bloody going and she needs to be talking to you about quadratic equations, poetry and photosynthesis instead!

My DD has one too. Just found out parents are spending an average of £300 a dress. Gulp.
Then there is hair, nails, shoes etc.
My DD will be 18, a small amount of alcohol is provided with the meal.
Also my DD is head girl of her school, so her and head boy are responsible for choosing venue, a certain amount of organisation and she has to give a speech at the dinner.

No pressure then.

My friend spent £1000 on her dd's prom experience. I have never been so glad to have 2 boys!!!!

I agree that it's an awful lot of fuss for one short-ish event but I bet that it will seem endless for the poor girl who feels that she hasn't made enough effort to get her hair looking good, not enough/wrong make-up and her dress is less than ideal. All this attention to presenting the perfect 'image' is rather sad.
In a way I feel sorry for those girls who are too shy to enjoy this caper but I applaud their 'stuff it' attitude if they say no to it. Thank God we didn't have this sort of crap when I was at school.

It's much lower-key round here, no limos or too much nonsense.

Unfortunately in some parts of Scotland the prom culture has spread into Primary leaving school parties too with 11 and 12 year olds having the limos and expensive dresses. That is truly madness.

Its just training for Bridezilla threads 10-20 years later really. I find the whole thing strange and I think parents are being over indulgent. I'd give a budget of £100. In total.

Hang in there, on the day you'll be so proud of how she looks and what she's achieved in the last few years. Also, she'll be so excited on the evening chatting to her main friends and then others she casually knows. It can be a real pain, but you can't deny her the pleasure.

I was under the impression that the awful, orange, TOWIE levels of fake tan of 8-10 years ago were out of fashion now. Very disappointed to hear this is not the case!

Neither DD nor I buy fully into the OTT stuff involved with school proms, but DD wanted to look nice. Her year 11 dress cost £65 from Debenhams, she had her hair curled at the hairdresser and did her own make up. That's it.

This year's dress cost £36 in the Next sale, she will do her own (minimal) make up and do her own hair. She isn't into having nails done or fake tan. Just need some shoes which will be difficult as she has to wear orthotics and can't wear high heels.

I will probably take her in my own car.

I cried the entire night of my prom and its was a bittersweet night for me, i cried cos i couldn't be there i was seriously ill and hospitalized but despite that i didnt want to miss it. I had begged and pleaded to get out for just a couple of hours but no. I was completely devastated.

I had my date who came and spent the evening with me bringing me chocs, flowers, balloons, shloer and a mix tape he made me (showing my age there) of songs so we could pretend we were there. I was helped into my dress, i didnt allow any photographs as i already knew how i looked in the dress. I had been out of school for most of the year and unspoken local policy was "out of sight out of mind" - i did have a dance around the ward briefly with my date but that was to shush the other patients and nurses, they had helped me do hair and make up as while it all kicked off in the hotel at 7,30pm i didnt know if i could go or not until almost 6pm

i got good value out of it the dress, it originally cost £35 in material and was bridesmaid dress when i wore in for a friends wedding, to my hospital prom version which i dont really count and 2 work related formals in the following years before i passed it on.

Some people their answer is throw money at it, i had no tan, ive never had a tan of any kind in my life (except for trying a tiny bit on my arm so maybe an inch here or there). nails i can paint myself, hair if i cant do it the way i want it i spend max £10 on a wig on ebay and i can chop and change as much as i want, make up well some of us are just naturally beautiful lol and anyway the best beauty from us all comes from the inside and its not down to what we are wearing or doing,

if we spread peace love and kindness it will make the world a better place, - im not quite sure where that came from - but gonna post before i back out of that