to hate school proms

[MargoLovebutter]

Maybe it is just my DD, but I cannot wait for her bastarding prom to be over. I think I am just about managing to feign interest, so that DD doesn't think I am a total killjoy, but it is doing my head in.

I am so fed up of talking about dresses, looking a photos of other girls dresses, going to try on dresses, ordering dresses, sending back dresses, getting dresses altered, looking at more photos of other girls dresses, talking about dresses....... OMG, she's going to wear it for 3 hours!!!!!!!

I am so fed up of talking about potential dates, other girls dates, dates that won't happen, dates that may happen, unsuitable dates, looking at photos of dates ......

I am so fed up of paying through the nose for so much bloody stuff for a 3 hour shin-dig - the dress, the shoes, the fake tan, the event itself, I drew the line at professional make up and I'm debating about professional hair dresser. Apparently a limo is now involved too, with everyone chipping in - the kids live, at most, 15 minutes away from the flipping venue!!!!!

I am also having to hear about pre-prom and after-prom. Whose allowed to have a drink, who isn't, which parents are trying to control alcohol intake, which parents aren't. Who is likely to try and sleep with who at after-prom, who will break up, who will get wasted, who won't drink, who will have a crap time, who will be smoking, who will try and smuggle in spirits, which teachers may try and go to after-prom and the endless speculation about collection time .......

Gah!

The prices of dresses I seen the other day was insane. 600-900. That's bloody ridiculous and they were so garish. I saw a gorgeous one on next for 125. I can't believe anyone would spend anything like that.

DD had hers last year. The dress search was the worst thing. Luckily as it's a girls' school there were no date issues. The amount of dresses tried on, pulled off, angst over short dress/long dress , other girls' dresses. sobs of "I'm so fat!" (size 8/10) really drove me to drink for a few months. The night itself she was promzilla until she arrived then stepped out of the car with a beaming smile like nothing had happened! Hoping DD2 will be calmer, she is the calmer of the 2!

We kept the cost down with a dress from Chi Chi London, it was £65, shoes from New Look were £25, she is an expert at her own make-up thankfully and is not a fan of fake or acrylic nails so I painted them and helped her do her hair.

School proms are a vulgar Americanism.

Have to say that the girls that looked the best were the ones that looked their age in a simple dress, knee length, with natural make-up and hair. There is something odd about a 16 yr old in a full on ball gown or slinky backless dress slathered in makeup and fake tan.

There were girls in suits too, respect to them!

I have just bought dd2s prom dress and it is the most expensive item of clothing I have ever bought.
She is having her make up done and probably her hair done, first time ever.
Not buying e pensive shoes as she wants flats and nobody will see them as her dress is floor length.
I agree it is far too over the top for my liking but she is looking forward to it.
Ds didn't go to his prom.

I will have this to come - aargh. Personally i think it's a shame the whole dress thing has escalated to girls wanting full-on ball gowns that cost some of the amounts quoted in PP.

A relative went through all this with her DD - endless trying on, sending back, stress over not have the same colour as someone else , and spending £££. When I saw the pic what struck me was how samey they all looked, and how WAGish.

"When I saw the pic what struck me was how samey they all looked, and how WAGish."

That is so true. One girl at DD's school looked like the fairy some people put on top of a Christmas tree. The girls that looked the nicest wore lovely dresses, but not OTT and didn't go overboard with hair/make up/nails/fake tan etc.

Thank god we didn’t have proms in the 70s. I had terrible social anxiety, was cripplingly shy and would have found it a nightmare.

I think it's terribly sad that you have young women, on the cusp of adulthood getting ready to take their place in the world, and they've already been trained into thinking that what they wear to a school disco is so important.

I think being able to get yourself out the door feeling confident in an appropriate dress for an important occasion and having a social circle to spend an evening with are important components of what a young woman on the cusp of adulthood needs, on top of academic attainment, participation in sports, art, performing arts, etc.

Creambun2 Sat 24-Feb-18 13:42:03
School proms are a vulgar Americanism.
Poppycock.
In the US, proms are what remains of the debutantes' ball, the old British custom of presenting a marriageable young aristocratic woman to the court, mixed in with the old Southern US tradition of the cotillion which came from France, and was exactly the same as the debutantes' ball.

Irish schools have had 'debs' balls for many decades - they had been going strong in Dublin for at least 50 years when I had mine in the early 80s. Mine consisted of a reception in school for students and families, trip to hotel for formal dinner, trip to night club to boogie the night away, frozen walk/hobble down nearby pier, breakfast at the first greasy spoon that opened. Home to sleep for 18 hours straight.

My own DCs went to school in the US and had their senior prom after school ended, in mid May. DD1 bought a dress online, DS had his graduation suit, DD2 bought hers after one shopping trip with me that narrowed down the sort of style she should look for, DD3 bought hers from Asos, DD4 is a couple of years away from hers but will buy a similar style to DD2's. DS's suit cost more than any of the dresses, but then he still has it and wears it. DD2 wore her dress to a ball or two at university. Their proms consisted of - meeting at friends' house for a reception, trip to hotel for formal dinner and dancing, frozen walk down nearby pier, breakfast, home to pack swimsuit and shorts for trip to friend's lake house for the weekend, home Monday or Tuesday. Sleep 36 hours.

Their high school hosts formal dances every year - homecoming (football team -related) and king of hearts (a charity event), and there is also a junior prom, which my DCs did not attend. My DCs all went to at least one homecoming and a couple of them went to king of hearts.

They also had a formal graduation ceremony, with formal attire required, consisting of black or white long dresses or pantsuits, black suits with red tie, and formal footwear. Boys received a red boutonniere and girls received a bouquet of red roses as well as a parchment. It used to be all white dresses for girls, black suits for boys. It went unisex a few years ago.

In addition, there was the middle school graduation, consisting of a dress-up dinner for families one night and graduation ceremony another night with cap and gown and a suit or dress underneath, followed by a big shindig in a local pub.

There is nothing wrong with marking an occasion with some formality, and nothing wrong with learning to dress appropriately for an occasion.

Amazingly enough, many of the participants in all this vulgar frippery went on to university and now hold down excellent jobs.

And of course there are vulgar Americans who overdo it, just as it seems there are vulgar Britons who overdo it, but the tradition itself is not vulgar any more than weddings are.

It's the individual approach of each participant that makes it vulgar or otherwise.

And I just want to repeat, after seeing so many references to 'American style prom' - proms/debs are an Irish thing too.

Is this like Hallowe'en, with the British blaming the Americans because of movies and TV, but all the time it's an Irish tradition that Irish people brought with them when they emigrated to Britain?

My DD (Yr11) has hers all planned , she will do her own make-up but have her hair done at a salon.
She knows the dress she wants, the shoes, the transport.

DS (now Yr13) was completely the opposite, didn't make up his mind to go until about a week before. We bought him a suit (not easy , he is tall and extremely slender ) shoes, shirt, tie and 'kerchief.

I drove him, he made me wait till he saw his mates then slithered off to join them.

Thinking about it, my DD Prom will be easier !

No it's not a new thing at all. I'm old enough to have O Levels to my name and there were several events I can remember running from upper fifth into sixth form. Difference was back then they were called Balls - the valentines ball, summer ball etc. Back in the 80s it was all about the strapless ball dress, flicky hair and that all important slow dance. I don't remember it mattering very much if you went with a date. Indeed I met a couple of boyfriends at balls (sighs nostalgically).

My daughter is in High School in the US. We have three here. Sophomore year (semi formal), Junior year and Senior year. I can just about see why they have one for Seniors but the rest! It’s expensive, but apparently I’m a killjoy as I can’t see the need for one. I didn’t have a prom when I left school, a disco maybe but no expensive dress, fake tan, nails, professionally done make up and hair. Trouble is everyone here will go all out and if I hold back my daughter will be the odd one out. You can’t win

Meh. I'm American & didn't go to mine. I'm not sure who did go, within my year! It's not obligatory if you don't fancy it.

Of course you can win Myfavouritechild. You can get into the not-that-serious spirit of things and stop being a wet blanket. Do you really want your DCs to remember you from this period of their lives as a killjoy?

Well I've two dds and I bought dresses from two shops on both occasions they wrote down the name of the school because they do not sell the same dress twice, so moons else will be wearing the same dress as dd .

School proms should not happen at all in my opinion. A US tradition that should stay there or disappear.

Children who are considered attractive, popular etc may enjoy them, but for others, or anyone struggling with image, sexuality, mental health issues or social anxiety they can be unpleasant. The expense is at times obscene given the level of poverty in this country, never mind elsewhere in the world.

Social occasions to celebrate the end of a school year or time at school should be simpler and more modest.

An Irish tradition...

Good Lord. As a true generation X-er one did not mark one's official school-leaving, as that would have required an acknowledgment that school attendance was still a regular fact of life. The done thing was to gently slide into non-school-attendance as discreetly as possible. And we might have secretly wanted a prom-style dress, but not in a million bloody years would we have admitted it.

Of course there are poor people everywhere, and of course there are people who won't enjoy prom for many reasons.

But is it just prom that should be verboten because of this, or should we all dump our cars and TVs and all the other trappings of life that some people can't afford, and start knitting our own socks? Or refuse to watch the Winter Olympics because some people will never have the chance to ski and they might feel bad about it? Or feel bad about enjoying walking our dog because some people don't have a dog, or can't walk? Where do you stop if that is your starting point?

We have FB pages offering to loan dresses to those in need plus lovely offers of hair and makeup for free - there are usually a few suits bags and shoes as well - loaned or given freely. Certainly saves waste!

I think the objection is more to do with schools being inclusive, yet the proms are extortionate with parents desperately trying to out do one another for the most expensive dress/car/etc wen realistically it's friends that make or break a night out, not expensive shoes they wear once for a few hours.

Tone it down!

Local school here puts on a bus for kids to go from school to prom. Another has themnin a hall and they walk down a red carpet to waiting parents to get the bus - all good fun

Why do we end up copying the Americans?

What's odd is that that the UK seems to adopt the worst bits of American traditions.

We're in the US, and yes we have proms. I know lots of 16/17yo girls, and no one is going on endlessly about new dresses, fake tans, hiring makeup artists, etc etc.

DD is going to her third prom this year (she's at a very small school so you can go every year). She'll be wearing the same dress and shoes she wore the last two times.

The ticket is $30 and I'm going to buy her some flowers - that's our entire investment. They all go together on a school bus. Those who don't want to go don't have to.

I'm sure people in the UK could adopt these traditions if they chose.