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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate school proms

153 replies

MargoLovebutter · 22/02/2018 12:17

Maybe it is just my DD, but I cannot wait for her bastarding prom to be over. I think I am just about managing to feign interest, so that DD doesn't think I am a total killjoy, but it is doing my head in.

I am so fed up of talking about dresses, looking a photos of other girls dresses, going to try on dresses, ordering dresses, sending back dresses, getting dresses altered, looking at more photos of other girls dresses, talking about dresses....... OMG, she's going to wear it for 3 hours!!!!!!!

I am so fed up of talking about potential dates, other girls dates, dates that won't happen, dates that may happen, unsuitable dates, looking at photos of dates ......

I am so fed up of paying through the nose for so much bloody stuff for a 3 hour shin-dig - the dress, the shoes, the fake tan, the event itself, I drew the line at professional make up and I'm debating about professional hair dresser. Apparently a limo is now involved too, with everyone chipping in - the kids live, at most, 15 minutes away from the flipping venue!!!!!

I am also having to hear about pre-prom and after-prom. Whose allowed to have a drink, who isn't, which parents are trying to control alcohol intake, which parents aren't. Who is likely to try and sleep with who at after-prom, who will break up, who will get wasted, who won't drink, who will have a crap time, who will be smoking, who will try and smuggle in spirits, which teachers may try and go to after-prom and the endless speculation about collection time .......

Gah!

OP posts:
PlanNumber · 22/02/2018 14:11

I have never been so happy to have boys who have no interest in clothes as in the run up to prom season.

It's still a ridiculous nonsense with the limos etc but DS just went along with what everyone else was doing and had a new pair of "school" shoes and a suit he can wear for interviews .DH went with him to buy those. The only thing I had to do was send the money to the mum who organised the limo Grin

wrenika · 22/02/2018 14:12

I have fond memories of my prom (10 years ago...) but we kept it dead simple. I had weekend job so I paid for my dress myself, but anyway, it was a pretty cheap dress. My shoes were from TK Maxx or similar and were also cheap. I don't wear makeup and I did my own hair.
To prevent the whole arrival vehicle scenario, we had our prom at a remote venue and we all just met in the town carpark and got a pre-booked bus. We had a nice meal and a ceilidh, most people were sensible enough to get drunk, although we did have to do the obligatory roadside stop on the way home for the pukers.

noeffingidea · 22/02/2018 14:19

Some boys really get into the prom thing as well. My eldest did. His outfit (suit, shirt, tie, etc) came to about £150, he hired a limo, also had a yearbook (which he's never looked at since). Theirs was in a function hall somewhere in the country, which he said was great. My second son had no interest in going to his and didn't get a yearbook or bother about any of that kind of thing.

Skarossinkplunger · 22/02/2018 14:22

In the early 90’s we had a VI Form ball. We wore proper ball gowns, didn’t have dates and went as a pack, there were no limos or
Professional hair/make up and we got pissed in the local afterwards (still wearing the ball gowns). It was great!

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 22/02/2018 14:23

Originalfoof, I don't think my DD filters anything she tells me. I'm not sure I can take any credit for being trustworthy, I think it is just the way she is made. On the one hand that is great, because I know everything she gets up to, but on the other hand, I sometimes feel I am completely immersed in the minds of a huge friendship group of girls - as relayed to me in phenomenal detail by DD. She's always been a relentless chatterbox, I remember when she used to come home from nursery and she'd literally replay every interaction she'd heard for the entire day & she still does it now, only it's not just at school but it is everything on Whatsapp and Snapchat & Instagram too!!!!!

OP posts:
fallenblossom · 22/02/2018 14:34

I only remember May balls, and parents dropping us off.

I've seen pictures posted by parents on FB. It all looks very OTT I must say... But I am also guessing it's a bit of an Olympic sport now, and competition is high.

FairfaxAikman · 22/02/2018 14:37

My old school has had a ball for the most senior year for decades. Mine was 15 years ago but it was nothing like these schools that have adopted the American-style prom.
I funded the lot myself - dress was a Monsoon sale gown. Shoes etc from TKMaxx. Did have hair done, but did make up myself.

The after party was in the former greenhouses of a local estate - it was decked out with a few sofas and a set of DJ decks.

DoraMilaje · 22/02/2018 14:48

I'm wholly passionate about girls not being valued solely for their looks and about them feeling happy and confident in sweats and no make-up, but dear god, allow them the excitement of putting on a posh frock with an up-do and some slap on.

And be certain the young lads will be equally as keen to look good for their prom.*

Agree!

PlanNumber · 22/02/2018 14:48

It's not the "American import" of the proms themselves, we always had an end of term party of some description and I think it's quite nice for young people to experience a formal do. It's the way that, especially for girls, spending £££ on their appearance seems to have become essential. Not just the dress, but the hair, nails, fake tan, professional make up etc etc. I didn't spend any where near as much on my appearance for my wedding and neither did anyone else I know of a similar age.

How/why did we let that happen? It seems like a backward step for women to me.

RedHelenB · 22/02/2018 14:52

YABU I loved choosing dds prom dresses with them and then the day itself getting the makeup nails etc. Dd2 in particular was so looking forward to it and after all the gcse stress am so glad she had a wonderful night.

lljkk · 22/02/2018 14:54

My Dd also gives me regular updates on her social life & the latest gossip. I like that (Saddo?, no social life of my own).

Is OP saying their prom is in April?? Ours isn't until late June.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 22/02/2018 14:59

lljkk, yes DD's prom is thankfully in April, so at least I won't have to hear every obsessive detail for too much longer. Although Reading festival is already nudging up the agenda, so I imagine that will take over once prom is done. I might have to find some deafening aids. Grin

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 22/02/2018 16:06

Even anne of green blooming gables wanted to look nice in a dress. Hardly a new phenomenon!

PlanNumber · 22/02/2018 16:16

Is that for me KERALA1. Of course it;s not, but when did "looking nice" start meaning fake tan, false nails, full make up etc?

KERALA1 · 22/02/2018 16:51

Am sure the mothers in that era were Hmm about gingham and nipped in waists Grin

GeorgeTheHippo · 22/02/2018 17:13

Of course the boys care. But they normally have (or borrow from a brother) a suit andmaybebuy a new tie. I think mine gave some thought to which socks to wear 😀

It's much less all consuming.

DancesWithOtters · 22/02/2018 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noeffingidea · 22/02/2018 17:15

PlanNumber because people have more disposable income nowadays and these businesses have developed to snag some of it. And they would love males to get into beauty treatments (some already are, of course).Everything is commercialised to the hilt nowadays.
It's not essential, and girls and women will come to realise that. There's bound to be a push back against it, sooner or later.

popsugar · 22/02/2018 17:20

Laiste i have 4 daughter too Shock my first prom will be next year followed by every other year for the oldest 3

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 22/02/2018 17:22

Good shag DancesWithOtters? Can't just leave it at that!

noeffingidea & Plan - I think that if you are a slightly spotty, pasty teenager with bitten nails, then you might get a bit of confidence from slapping on the old burnt biscuit juice, some fake nails & a bit of slap. Not everyone feels comfortable or confident going au naturel. But that isn't really what this thread was about.

OP posts:
DancesWithOtters · 22/02/2018 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noeffingidea · 22/02/2018 17:29

Margo of course, there's nothing wrong with beauty treatments, though the whole thing has gone a little bit too far at the moment, IMO. Like your use of the word 'pasty', I don't see why having some orangey gunk sprayed on should be seen as more attractive than naturally pale skin.

Ifailed · 22/02/2018 17:30

Believe it or not, women and even girls are allowed to care about their appearance when going for a night out without it being dragged down to some kind of sexist feminist shite.

Sexist feminist shite - how sad. Do you think baby girls are born with a desire to have a fake tan when they hit 15/16?

Bramble71 · 22/02/2018 17:31

What will you be like for her wedding!

Is she an only daughter, OP? This sounds like the kind of things I'd chat with my sister about, if we were in that situation. We barely had a school disco the year I left school, so there wasn't much to get excited about. I do think that these proms are ridiculous and they are just another way for parents to try and outdo each other.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 22/02/2018 17:36

Bramble, I only have one DD, but she is not an only child. DS was so laid back about prom, I barely noticed that he went!

noeffingidea, I loathe fake tan myself, but I don't see it as harmful or somehow anti feminist. Humans have decorated themselves for about as long as they've found our remains - so fake tan is just the current phase.

OP posts: