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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that children are babied too much these days

462 replies

BlueMirror · 21/02/2018 10:20

I think it's really sad that many children aren't allowed the independence I had when I was younger. We live on a very quiet road and while some primary age children are allowed to play outside and climb the trees in the field opposite many aren't.
I also know of 18/19 yr olds who live at home and are basically treated like young teens with their parents calling them by the minutes to check on them, restricting where they can go/who they can see. They are adults!
Aibu to think that if you aren't even allowed out of the door by yourself until you're 11 then you're not going to be fully independent by age 18 and that adolescence now seems to extend into the 20's for many young people?
Supervised 'play dates' for 10+ year olds now seem to be a thing going by threads on here! What happened to going and knocking on your friends doors and seeing who could come out?
For comparison it was normal when I was younger to walk yourself to school age 7 and children played outside from much younger. By the time you hit your teens you were expected to be responsible and behave as an adult with all the freedoms that go with that. Aibu to think that kids are generally overprotected these days?

OP posts:
YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:15

Given the average grad salary is around 25k (~£1600 a month), and the average rental in a room is (say, in the SE) £400 a month, no I have no idea why so many people are living at home. On a decent grad salary you can save over half of it while renting.

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:17

And stop quoting one-off newspaper articles as evidence of "how dangerous" outdoors is. You know that only extreme events make it into the papers.

10000s of people walk through a certain area a year and 1 will get stabbed. That's no reason to keep your children prisoners.

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 21:20

Nice stealth boast about how busy and oh-so-exciting your lives are. Hmm

Welcome to the real world, invite any child to a Saturday and Sunday party and many of them won't be available short notice. Or do you think that parents spending time with their children at the weekend is so extraordinary? What's the point to have kids if you send them away on your day off to have your "me-time". Ridiculous.

Graphista · 22/02/2018 21:21

Wakemeupbefore - and how are they supposed to cope at uni if they can't so much as make a cuppa, peel a tattie or know how to do laundry?

"my kids don't really have time to get bored on Saturdays." Do you not get that it's GOOD for them to have downtime? To know how to interact without an activity to focus on? That being 😱 bored is NOT the end of the world!

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 21:21

YoloSwaggins you are talking absolute rubbish.

nancy75 · 22/02/2018 21:22

Yolo, in the article I linked to 26 women were assaulted in the space of a few months, schools sent emails telling us not to let the kids walk in their own.

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:23

What's the point to have kids if you send them away on your day off to have your "me-time"

Because it's healthy for everyone to have some time to themselves?

Stop twisting my words, obviously I don't mean banish them to the back of the town centre all weekend. I mean there is a balance. Some family activities, and some hours the child can choose what to do with themselves - going out on their own or with friends to develop their independence and have some space. I would hate if every weekend was already jam-packed with plans for me for the entire day.

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 21:23

That being 😱 bored is NOT the end of the world!
well, we could have encouraged them to spend their free time in front of the tv or playing computer games I guess, we chose to go the way of music and sport instead, where they could meet real people and make real friends, have a physical activity and learn something along the way.
How awful of us.

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:24

@RoyalBelum, YOU are talking absolute rubbish.

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 21:25

I would hate if every weekend was already jam-packed with plans for me for the entire day.
they make their own plans, they chose their activities, I am not their PA. Do you have teens? Do you really believe you can force them to compete in a sport, go to a party or spend the day with you? HAHAHA

Mymycherrypie · 22/02/2018 21:26

You’ve got no idea Yolo, they aren’t one offs at all. Where are your room averages from? The Shire? That gets you a garage or a crack den round here. 😂

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:26

Learning to deal with boredom and make your own plans is another very healthy life skill that builds independence. Stuffing any free time with "activity" just screams "tiger mum", and will lead to kids that won't cope with being (god forbid) being alone/bored at a later age.

Also, I repeat, every human needs downtime and space.

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 21:27

YoloSwaggins start a thread checking with posters how easy it is to rent a place, save for a deposit and buy your own place Grin

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:27

£400 a month gets you a room in a sharehouse in the Home Counties (well, definitely in Hertfordshire). Obvs not in London but then London salaries are a lot higher (30k+).

Graphista · 22/02/2018 21:28

Not awful to have hobbies and you KNOW that's not what I said so don't be disingenuous.

They could spend SOME of their free time (if it wasn't chocka with hobbies etc) just chilling with their friends WITHOUT adults affecting the atmosphere and conversation, listening to music, reading... Geez even watching tv ISN'T the end of the world either as long as that's not all they do.

As I said in my very first post, it's about balance. No direction at all is bad, letting kids just run feral with no guidance or support BUT it's just as bad to CONSTANTLY timetable all their free time and never allow them the freedom to develop into adults.

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:29

If you're on a graduate job paying £25k+ and don't have significant expenses other than rent/bills, then yes, you can save. Obvs not minimum wage or if you have children.

I started on 26k, was paying £720 on a room in London, £280 a month commute and still saved £200-300 a month. It's not that hard....

nancy75 · 22/02/2018 21:30

I just clocked the rent a room for £400 a month Grin unless you live in 1990 that won’t get you a sofa to sleep on where I live, save half your wages? More like lucky if you can afford beans in toast the week before payday on a start out wage

nancy75 · 22/02/2018 21:32

Yolo, do you really think everyone in London starts out on £30k a year? Or even £25k?

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 21:33

I started on 26k today I earn a lot more than that, and I wouldn't even find it that easy to rent a place if I was starting today...I couldn't even afford London!

Honestly, you are talking nonsense. Don't get me wrong, people would love it if it was that easy and that cheap to live!

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:36

£400 a month will definitely get you a room in Stevenage. Or Bath. Or anywhere above Cambridge for sure.

How am I talking nonsense if this was genuinely my experience, these numbers are what me and my friends have paid recently.

Obviously not everyone - I had a friend that started on 18k in London and she found it hard as shit. But the ones who started on 33k are renting a place with a view of the Shard and have a very nice life.

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:38

Anyways, this is completely off-topic. Obviously if you have kids/a car/other big things to pay for then the numbers are not so relevant. Just sharing my (also valid) experience.

IamPickleRick · 22/02/2018 21:39

Ha! I just love that Yolo thinks I’m making up knife crime in London when any simple internet search will tell you the reality. The Met are lying too, are they? The Home Office statistics? All lying just so that people can justify not letting their under 10 walk to school alone?

IamPickleRick · 22/02/2018 21:42

I know people who live in Stevenage and of that is where you are from then your house is worth half of my flat. I could move there and live in a semi detached 5 bed. Despite the crime, I stay here for the cultural richness of London. I value that more than having a wander round Claires or Topshop.

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:48

I'm not in Stevenage but a friend of mine rented there. I lived in London for a year but found it too busy/dirty/absorbed too much of my money as people constantly seemed to be going out for brunches and drinks. Plus I reverse-commuted which made no sense. Now I rent half a one-bedroom flat for £350, and no commute, which is a much better deal than £720 + £280.

Different strokes for different folks innit, London is obviously very popular otherwise rooms wouldn't cost £800 a month there! My friends love the London life, they're not moving out anytime soon.

wakemeupbefore · 22/02/2018 21:55

Wakemeupbefore - and how are they supposed to cope at uni if they can't so much as make a cuppa, peel a tattie or know how to do laundry?

My under 10s can cook their favourite meals and no, not something-on-toast type nonsense. They know how to separete their laundry and operate washing machine. They'll be just fine when it's time for university. Meanwhile, we enjoy spending time with them, doing things a family does...
None of us likes shopping, there's nothing ghastlier than shopping centers, crammed with cheap nasty shops - like Claire or TopshopHmm - so, no, 'shopping' is not an amusment...
Our DC are rather busy with their chosen hobbies, long school-days and sports they like.
Their choice and we support and encourage them.
We alos do like having their friends over and the parents of their friends like ours, so win-win.

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