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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that children are babied too much these days

462 replies

BlueMirror · 21/02/2018 10:20

I think it's really sad that many children aren't allowed the independence I had when I was younger. We live on a very quiet road and while some primary age children are allowed to play outside and climb the trees in the field opposite many aren't.
I also know of 18/19 yr olds who live at home and are basically treated like young teens with their parents calling them by the minutes to check on them, restricting where they can go/who they can see. They are adults!
Aibu to think that if you aren't even allowed out of the door by yourself until you're 11 then you're not going to be fully independent by age 18 and that adolescence now seems to extend into the 20's for many young people?
Supervised 'play dates' for 10+ year olds now seem to be a thing going by threads on here! What happened to going and knocking on your friends doors and seeing who could come out?
For comparison it was normal when I was younger to walk yourself to school age 7 and children played outside from much younger. By the time you hit your teens you were expected to be responsible and behave as an adult with all the freedoms that go with that. Aibu to think that kids are generally overprotected these days?

OP posts:
Lemonnaise · 22/02/2018 13:35

Which is exactly what we said pages ago, but OP and others are adamant we are damaging our children’s well-being and mental health by not encouraging them to enter a career as a drug mule at age 6, or letting them learn that near miss sexual assaults are just everyday occurances that they have to get used to before they grow up

Seriously, you're just making things up now(not unusual on Mnet). Playing outside with friends on an estate with minimal traffic is not anything like you are talking about^. If those things are what you expect to happen to your kids if they step outside to socialise, then you must live in a hell-hole.

BeyondThePage · 22/02/2018 13:42

We live in a nice leafy suburban cul-de-sac - all the kids play out. If I lived in an inner-city, I may not be so keen on it.

crunchymint · 22/02/2018 14:35

The kids I know who have worked as drug mules have come from chaotic families. Rare for decently parented kids to get pulled in. Nobody is saying you let your kids run around till 2 in the morning. Normal kids playing football in the local park and then coming home, do not get pulled into being drug mules.

And the number one key risk factor for your kid becoming a drug addict, is having parents who are drug addicts or alcoholics, followed by parent being in prison.

Wintertime4 · 22/02/2018 17:03

It’s more other kids bullying really. Left unsupervised, it’s the pushy mean kids that rule. I live in a very good neighborhood, and that’s still the case. And why would it be? No adults to set the moral standards.

IamPickleRick · 22/02/2018 17:53

Did you read the message where I said I was joking?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-22810180

www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/enfield-murder-boy-18-knifed-to-death-in-triple-stabbing-during-mass-brawl-a3538646.html

These are actual real life events that happened near to where I live. The children at the party in the 2nd link were as young as 12, a youth worker made a video asking them if their parents knew they were out.

Maybe I do live in a hellhole then. Which is exactly why a catch all “we are damaging our children by refusing to let them play out” is not a helpful or relevant or particularly informed remark to make.

IamPickleRick · 22/02/2018 17:58

And just because some know it all is going to say, but they were older teenagers so here’s one of the younger ones from a while ago as well.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2027325/Leroy-James-14-stabbed-death-park-Enfield-north-London.html

nancy75 · 22/02/2018 18:45

I actually live in a leafy London borough, expensive houses, well to do families - that doesn’t stop getting kids mugged at knife point in the nearby park.

nancy75 · 22/02/2018 18:47

It also didnt stop these 26 girls & women being attacked by a nice well to do man whilst on their way to work & school www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/man-arrested-in-hunt-for-rush-hour-prowler-sex-attacker-a3752921.html%3famp

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 22/02/2018 18:57

Fuck no, we do NOT need more children playing outside, since children now seem incapable of playing or communicating without screeching. Only the non-screechers should be allowed out of the house.

wakemeupbefore · 22/02/2018 19:20

What is the obsession for the fully independent child by 18 years of age?
What's the bloody rush to make them oh-so-independent? Parents nowdays, thanks to advances in medicine, dodn't generally clock it in their 40s-50s, so why does one need to have a DC who is fiercly independent by say, 15?
Let them enjoy whatever is left of the years of no real responsibilities apart form studying. Most degrees aren't finished before said DC turn 24-25ish anyway. Hmm.
MN is most odd so very often.

crunchymint · 22/02/2018 19:26

24-25 - really?

MycatsaPirate · 22/02/2018 19:29

wakemeup Because no one wants an adult child who can't cope without running to their parents every five minutes.

My DD is 19. She drives, she lives at uni, she can cook, she is independent. She still needs me on occasion and we are close and she loves coming home. But she can cope with life. Unlike one of her room mates who at the grand old age of 22 tried to cook potatoes in a pan with no water. She has been at uni for over 2 years and her mum still does all her cooking, freezes it and then drops it off for her every week.

Fuck. that.

wakemeupbefore · 22/02/2018 19:29

" Are we talking about teenagers hanging out in a shopping centre/high street or 8-9 year olds playing in the street? "

Well, neither really, DC play in the garden of thieir own or in the gardens of their friends.
Teens hanging about shopping centres is so sad, what on earth are they doing there? If they want to hang out with friends, surely friends will have houses they could go to?

wakemeupbefore · 22/02/2018 19:32

My DC (under 10) can cook their favourite meals, as one did tonight.
They are capable of looking after themselves and do, but we are the parents and for the forseeable future, getting good grades, enjoying their hobbies and sport is what we expect from them.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/02/2018 20:35

"Teens hanging about shopping centres is so sad, what on earth are they doing there? If they want to hang out with friends, surely friends will have houses they could go to?"

Probably more to do and see at a shopping centre and friends don't really have houses, their parents do.

wakemeupbefore · 22/02/2018 20:50

See what and do what, precisely? None of the teenager DCs of my aquintances/friends are partial to hanging aroudnd shops.

BertrandRussell · 22/02/2018 20:52

"Teens hanging about shopping centres is so sad, what on earth are they doing there? If they want to hang out with friends, surely friends will have houses they could go to?"

Why is it sad? I like sitting in cafes chatting to my friends and so do my children!

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:03

@wakemeupbefore, are you for real? Nothing to do in a shopping centre?

I fucking love a shopping centre. Just walking around window shopping. I spend every lunch break at work now going round the charity shops. I would have hated being confined to the house as a teen....why does everything have to be "productive"? Are there genuinely people out there who only let their kids go to each others houses or an activity club? Did you guys never just....walk around outside enjoying the scenery and looking in Claire's and Topshop on a Saturday?

Wow.

BumDisease · 22/02/2018 21:05

Maybe they don't always want to hang out in houses where someone's mum or dad is likely to be? Or are they supposed to be under house arrest until they turn 21?

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 21:09

Did you guys never just....walk around outside enjoying the scenery and looking in Claire's and Topshop on a Saturday?

between parties, sport competitions, us taking the kids out for the day in various places, friends and families coming to stay over, my kids don't really have time to get bored on Saturdays.

We have as much interest in shopping center as we have in a supermarket. You go to buy stuff because you need it, but it's a chore. If I try to give money to the eldest to buy their stuff, one moans that he wants a lift from me back and forth because it's so "boring mum", the other shops online. The youngest don't care.

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 21:10

there are better places to hand around frankly

www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/croydon-stabbing-victim-17-is-21st-teen-killed-in-london-in-2017-a3671231.html

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:11

Also, I would hate teens hanging around in my house every weekend. They can go somewhere else!

This thread explains why so many people now live at home and ring their parents every time a lightbulb runs out/they get a parking ticket/they walk home in the dark.

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 21:13

This thread explains why so many people now live at home
you might find that the current price of properties in most areas, rental or purchase, has a lot more to do with it!

YoloSwaggins · 22/02/2018 21:14

@RoyalBelum, congratulations. Nice stealth boast about how busy and oh-so-exciting your lives are.

You think shopping is a chore, for some it's just a nice way to unwind and not actually spend money.

Also, it's good for people to learn to deal with boredom and have some alone time. I'd probably have a mental breakdown if people forced "activities" on me at every waking moment, and I couldn't even go outside for a walk or bike ride. If people expect to be "entertained" all the time, it doesn't bode well for adult life.

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