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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To the OW she should join the queue

129 replies

VengefulViolet · 20/02/2018 22:30

Ex left me after 4 years together...had suspicions there was OW and I was proven painfully right....I went through his phone records and noticed there were a few recurring numbers...one is the OW but the others I didn’t recognise so I plugged them into my contacts and checked whatsapp - 2 women who I didn’t recognise so I messaged them one night having had too much gin and they admitted they had been sleeping with my ex from Dec - present and had met on bumble...they are not aware of the OW and I suspect the OW isn’t aware of them. I despise the OW nearly as much as my ex and need talking down because all I want to do is tell her everything which would make me a bitch but it would be so satisfying....she cheated on her DP to be with my ex so karma would be served up...gin is helping to numb the pain...can’t believe my ex is so evil.

OP posts:
Lashalicious · 21/02/2018 02:08

It’s not petty and it’s not revenge and it’s not pathetic, look at the insults you’re spewing at the op, what an ass! No insults for the cheaters though, right? Siding with the assholes and cheaters?

Op has every right to stand up for herself and tell the truth. Her life has been impacted in a big way. If she wants to stand up for herself and tell the truth and forward those texts/screenshots, that is her call, not any of the weirdos siding with the cheaters as if the betrayed party better lay down and get mowed over, keep her mouth shut, because it makes HER look bad?! Colossal assholes on this thread. Op, do not listen to them, they love to blame the victim.

taylorj86 · 21/02/2018 09:27

Lashalicious those words are not personal insults, but a description of how I feel about the actions being discussed. It's not siding with cheaters I just don't think acting like a spoilt child as you are advocating achieves anything
It is meddling and immoral, END OF.
Ass and colossal asshole are definately (cheap pathetic) insults... is it do as I say, not do as I do? Not setting the best example are we simply because not everyone agrees with you.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/02/2018 09:34

Did the OW know she was an OW or was she just as much in the dark as the other two?

YellowMakesMeSmile · 21/02/2018 09:47

She didn't cheat on you, your ex did.

Revenge is petty, whilst many dream all sorts few actual adults will follow through with it because they are adults.

CougheeBean · 21/02/2018 09:58

It's not really revenge, is it?! Why does this dickhead get to keep on cheating? Fine the OW has no loyalties to OP, but if OW is also being cheated on I think she deserves to know - it might just teach her a lesson. Why let him win at the expense of more women's feelings.

Dougthepug · 21/02/2018 10:02

I'd include her in the group personally. Let her see for herself as she won't believe you otherwise.

user1486915549 · 21/02/2018 10:06

I like Littlechoc ‘s idea.
I must admit many years ago I did something similar out of revenge.
Go for it , still makes me laugh all these years later.
I am sure it helped heal some of the pain.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 21/02/2018 10:10

Yes revenge can equal closure. Why is it always best to take the moral high ground? Spend your life taking the moral high ground and you'll never unleash that little bit bitch and self satisfaction. Screen shots all the way!

PinkHeart5914 · 21/02/2018 10:20

I don’t think I'd tell her, like ow didn’t know she was shagging a man in a realtionship and oh look now it might be happening to her well that’s life karma is it not... she’ll find out one day

GardenGeek · 21/02/2018 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary · 21/02/2018 10:33

Yes tell her. She deserves no mercy.

Viviennemary · 21/02/2018 10:34

Calling out cheaters immoral!! Grin

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/02/2018 10:36

I don't think it's petty revenge....
I think women who've been cheated on have every right to stand up for themselves....

I wouldnt do it to get back at Ex, but to support the sisterhood.... Warning them what an arse he is... Also messing with their mental and physical health...

In this spirit... I may write a few paragraphs and a photo and post on the local FB groups /places where he may find women...

WaxOnFeckOff · 21/02/2018 10:39

I think it depends on whether she knew she was the OW or not.

If she knew then she already knows what he is like and was apparently ok with that so fuck her she can find out herself.

If she didn't then she is in same boat as you and the other women so I'd tell her.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/02/2018 10:40

All the 'cheerleaders' here won't be picking up any pieces, OP, when this thread drops off the page you'll be left with whatever consequences. It's up to you but it's all a bit pathetic - and beneath you.

You have no idea of how this will be received and you may be left holding a damp squib with nobody caring. You wouldn't be doing this from an altruistic point so what would be the actual gain?

Don't give these people any headspace; why would you want or need the drama? I find that difficult to understand. Walk away, have a great life, you don't need this.

HollyBayTree · 21/02/2018 10:45

Actaully, setting up a Whatsapp Group, etc etc does make you and the others sound unhinged - get some dignity and stop wallowing in self pity - and put the booze down. No one likes a crazy drunk. The three of you are feeding off each other and it isn't pretty

PinkHeart5914 · 21/02/2018 10:46

wouldnt do it to get back at Ex, but to support the sisterhood

Is that the same sisterhood the ow cared so much about when she was shagging the op’s man?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/02/2018 10:48

I’d expose the bastard in whatever way would expose him the most and warn others the most.

I hope your check goes ok & comes back clear 💐

mommytoboo86 · 21/02/2018 10:56

Do it. I did it 2 my brother who had 4 woman on the go at the same time and I would do it again in a heartbeat... Cannot stand cheaters.
I didn't do it 2 hurt the women though just thought they had the right 2 knw
X

OhCalamity · 21/02/2018 10:58

I'd just go with Little's idea, meet up for lunch and take a photo of the three of you. Then send it with a message to the OW that factually states that these are OW2 and OW3. And if she wants more information you will forward on proof. And if not, you wish her all the best in her new relationship.

That way, you are still letting her know in case she wants to get checked for STI's and it doesn't really matter what way you tell her he's cheating on her too - she will still be hurt and devastated, but you've chosen to tell her with more grace and consideration than she deserves.

KitKat1985 · 21/02/2018 11:01

I'd do it too OP.
I'm usually pretty good at taking the high road but I wouldn't be able to help myself here.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 21/02/2018 11:01

To be fair, if he's that much of an arsehole the worse revenge would be for OW to stay with him.

If you do anything at least give yourself some time to really think about what you want to achieve. Keeping these people and this drama in your life will keep you trapped in anger and resentment and will stop you from living a happy life.

Ladymadness · 21/02/2018 11:05

I would expose him but i can be a true bitch when angry and devastated so may not be the best choice.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 21/02/2018 11:07

Do you all have Instagram? Set up a new profile on Instagram then paste all of the messages then tag them both in. That way she can’t hide from it and neither can he as it’s out there for all to see.

abilockhart · 21/02/2018 11:13

By telling her you are doing the OW a favour.

However, it may have nasty repercussions for you.

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