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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be terrified social services will take my child/children away now?

150 replies

horriblefeelingaboutthis · 19/02/2018 18:26

A doctor just basically threatened me with having my child/future children taken away.

Here is the story:

I come from a fairly dysfunctional background - was looked after physically but a lot of family relationships broke up around me when I was young, and it left emotional scars that I've carried since. I also got into a bad relationship in my late 20s and became a lone parent on the back of that.

Have raised my child well, they are 4 now and the picture of health and happiness, they go to a nursery full time and have lots of friends etc. It's just that I have been alone raising them and it has taken it's toll. I feel like I've aged a decade, put on 3 stone, and I had what you would probably call a breakdown in the last year - couldn't stop crying. So was signed off sick, and am generally better now. Was put on anti anxiety/depression medication.

What I really wanted was regular counselling. So I pushed my GP over and over to give me access to this. About 2 years ago. They sent me to mental health services and that's where things seem to have gone wrong. All MH services did, was invite me to see them once every 4-6 months. A different doctor would see me every time. They asked me lots of questions, all of which I answered truthfully. They said I would benefit from the medication and long-term counselling, and put me on a waiting list for it about 18 months ago.

Today they said I've been rejected for counselling as I don't meet all the criteria. That made me cry as I've been waiting so long. The doctor this time (another different one) heard me explain, again, why I want the counselling - lots of information dating back years, I would just like the opportunity to get it all out and move on with my life. If I had known it would take this long to be assessed and then rejected I would have gone private in the first place so it's very frustrating.

The doctor then told me she was adding another medication - another anti depressant - to what I'm taking (even though I don't feel more depressed - if anything more anxious, but actually more even than 1-2 years ago and better). She wouldn't answer my questions when I asked about the medication, just fobbed me off saying it would make me 'feel better'.

Then she said she was making a referral to social services. I was shocked and asked why. She said it was for me and daughter to be assessed. I think because I am a lone parent. But my daughter is not at risk.

At this point I tried to backtrack, saying what happens if I just decide not to continue with this service, as you are not going to offer me any support anyway. At that point she basically told me that if I don't cooperate social services will force me to do an assessment, of my child too, and my child could be removed, also any future babies I have could be taken away by social services.

This terrifies me, especially as I am currently considering conception by choice - to give my child a sibling, and because I can afford it.

I have heard horror stories on here and elsewhere of people having their babies taken away by social services. Can anyone offer me any advice? I wish I had never met these people, and just want to run a million miles - but scared that if I do I will have a permanent black mark against my name, and lose my children.

It's crazy, I went in for help but have come out feeling a hell of a lot worse.

Thanks, anyone.

OP posts:

reallyanotherone · 23/05/2018 08:18

Your GP is not a twat. If you’re a parent and you’re regularly going to the GP complaining how terrible your MH is they have a duty to your child to make sure all is okay at home. If everything is fine you will probably see them once or twice and never again. The best thing to do is cooperate

That is what a non twatty gp would have explained. And all would have been fine.

The gp is a twat for threatening the o/p with removal of her children, which is a lie. Especially a patient who already has anxiety and mh issues.

The gp sounds like a patronising old fashioned twatty gp who wants to dictate to their patients. “Take two of these with water”. No, you don’t need to know what it’s for, i am a DR and know what is best for you. If you don’t do what i say without question i will threaten you with very bad things so you do.

HunterofStars · 23/05/2018 08:19

Your GP is talking nonsense. I would ask to see another one and get a second opinion. From your post there is nothing that would make SS take your children away.

rosylea · 23/05/2018 08:31

Why do posters keep blaming the GP for the SS threat? It was the psychiatrist! OP, try not to let this scare you. You've done really well, getting back to work and caring for your child. My dd (adult) has mental ill health and it's been such a battle to get help. The best place has been MIND, where they've arranged women's group, counselling and crafts.

rosylea · 23/05/2018 08:33

Fgs! Read the thread people, it wasn't the GP!!

Aeroflotgirl · 23/05/2018 08:36

It's this type of thing, which makes people weary of accessing MH services, Dr threatening op child removal and Burberry experiences as well as many other similar.

rosylea · 23/05/2018 08:40

Oops, should have read properly myself! This is from Feb. If you're still watching OP, hope you got some proper support and that all is well.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/05/2018 09:31

I’ve had a lot of private therapy having come from a dysfunctional family. It’s been amazing for me. Your gp sounds ridiculous and to have been refused counselling after so much time is cruel.

RB68 · 23/05/2018 09:38

I would co-operate with referral as others have said the risk of removal is extremely low.

I would use some of the income you have to pay for a private counseling help - spend something on yourself to get yourself right is fine and would be seen positively by all around you.

I would go back to your actual GP and discuss an overall plan for your own care and recovery and be prepared to fund that yourself and delay a second child till mentally you are more robust

MiggeldyHiggins · 23/05/2018 09:39

GP is not a twat, or an idiot and did not threaten anything. FFS people, don't fuel OP's paranoia.

BurberryIsSo2000 · 23/05/2018 10:32

Migg Sorry if you've read something I haven't, but how do you know that when OP's post said the GP clearly said SS would?

GnotherGnu · 23/05/2018 11:20

Burberry, OP made it clear several times that it wasn't the GP who made the threat.

MiggeldyHiggins · 23/05/2018 13:00

Migg Sorry if you've read something I haven't, but how do you know that when OP's post said the GP clearly said SS would

Its clearly not what the GP said

MiggeldyHiggins · 23/05/2018 13:00

an nobody made any threat

lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 23/05/2018 13:05

It's just that I have been alone raising them and it has taken it's toll. I feel like I've aged a decade, put on 3 stone, and I had what you would probably call a breakdown in the last year

OP I hope you get all of the help you need, but please do not think about having another baby in this situation. You have said yourself that raising one child single handedly has taken its toll and led to a breakdown.

Confusedbeetle · 23/05/2018 13:12

Never mind all the slagging off of the GP. A referral to SS can be a very positive thing. They are designed to help and support and keep families together. Children are taken away as only a last resort if the child is in danger of physical or emotional abuse or neglect. They are there to help you

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 23/05/2018 13:15

The doctor was out of line threatening you. She is not unreasonable to request a SS contact given that you were crying, counselling has been refused, and you were not keen on the antidepressants. But she should have kindly made clear that she was just ass covering, and that SS are likely to talk to you once and close it down.

There is a small possibility that SS might be able to direct you towards counselling, but all such services have been cut a lot, so if you can afford to access private counselling this might be a good time.

MiggeldyHiggins · 23/05/2018 13:18

Folks its not a threat. Take your head out of your asses and grow up. Pointing out that refusal to engage with SS when a referral has been made (and for good reason, clearly) will possibly lead to interventions is not a threat, its advice, and its good advice.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 23/05/2018 13:24

Telling someone their child and future children will be taken from them is a threat. Possibly intended to make someone comply with a necessary but unwanted process, but still a threat.

Reassurance would have been more appropriate in this case.

MiggeldyHiggins · 23/05/2018 13:25

Thats not what OP was told. Cop on

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 23/05/2018 13:29

Gp is duty bound due to safeguarding rules tbh.

Fontella · 23/05/2018 13:40

Don't see social services as a bad thing. They can provide you with support, they aren't always the enemy.

Years ago when my kids were at primary school I was under a lot of pressure - financial, work (self employed), parent with dementia and absolutely exhausted (single mum) and I had a complete meltdown in the school one day. Someone spoke to me - something benign I can't even remember, and I just broke down, howling like a demented thing. Was swept into the head's office and babbled something about feeling overwhelmed and he referred me to Social Services!!!

However, when they came they were bloody marvellous! First of all they listened to me, took one look around my home, looked at the kids, and told me I was doing a great job. They were hugely reassuring and supportive in a way I simply wasn't expecting and it really boosted my confidence and helped me work through a difficult period in my life.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 23/05/2018 13:43

That is what the OP says she was told.

I have said that the doctor was not unreasonable to refer, but this should have been done with reassurances and without talking about the OP's child being removed.

TheVanguardSix · 23/05/2018 14:04

This is exactly the behaviour (your GP's approach) that makes people avoid seeking help for their mental health issues. And so the stigmatization continues. Shame on your GP, seriously! The idea, the mere idea that your child will be removed from your care is such a threatening prospect.

Social Services don't march in with a view to remove your child. They come in to support you and your family (your child in this case). Just work with them. Be open about your needs and wishes. I'd save your past issues for you and a therapist. Touch on the past less with SS more with a therapist. I'd be reluctant to go into past details with a GP or social worker. Neither are therapists and both deal with the here and now (taking into account your history, of course). But your past is something you need to heal from. What will help you with that? Talking. So defo get counselling.

Antidepressants are brilliant. But they are not a one size fits all solution. It sounds like you need to talk through your stuff. Just talk with the right person who is receptive to you and your needs.

This card for MIND is always sitting on DH's desk. He's friends with one of the therapists (DH is a GP). Have a look at their site: www.mind.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/

MiggeldyHiggins · 23/05/2018 14:21

That is what the OP says she was told

She also says she was upset, crying, recently had a nervous breakdown and is clearly afraid of SS involvement, so you need to actually look past all of that to understand what was in all likelihood actually said.

GnotherGnu · 23/05/2018 18:39

FEBRUARY THREAD people. I doubt OP is even aware people have suddenly started posting on it again.

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