To be terrified social services will take my child/children away now?

[horriblefeelingaboutthis]

A doctor just basically threatened me with having my child/future children taken away.

Here is the story:

I come from a fairly dysfunctional background - was looked after physically but a lot of family relationships broke up around me when I was young, and it left emotional scars that I've carried since. I also got into a bad relationship in my late 20s and became a lone parent on the back of that.

Have raised my child well, they are 4 now and the picture of health and happiness, they go to a nursery full time and have lots of friends etc. It's just that I have been alone raising them and it has taken it's toll. I feel like I've aged a decade, put on 3 stone, and I had what you would probably call a breakdown in the last year - couldn't stop crying. So was signed off sick, and am generally better now. Was put on anti anxiety/depression medication.

What I really wanted was regular counselling. So I pushed my GP over and over to give me access to this. About 2 years ago. They sent me to mental health services and that's where things seem to have gone wrong. All MH services did, was invite me to see them once every 4-6 months. A different doctor would see me every time. They asked me lots of questions, all of which I answered truthfully. They said I would benefit from the medication and long-term counselling, and put me on a waiting list for it about 18 months ago.

Today they said I've been rejected for counselling as I don't meet all the criteria. That made me cry as I've been waiting so long. The doctor this time (another different one) heard me explain, again, why I want the counselling - lots of information dating back years, I would just like the opportunity to get it all out and move on with my life. If I had known it would take this long to be assessed and then rejected I would have gone private in the first place so it's very frustrating.

The doctor then told me she was adding another medication - another anti depressant - to what I'm taking (even though I don't feel more depressed - if anything more anxious, but actually more even than 1-2 years ago and better). She wouldn't answer my questions when I asked about the medication, just fobbed me off saying it would make me 'feel better'.

Then she said she was making a referral to social services. I was shocked and asked why. She said it was for me and daughter to be assessed. I think because I am a lone parent. But my daughter is not at risk.

At this point I tried to backtrack, saying what happens if I just decide not to continue with this service, as you are not going to offer me any support anyway. At that point she basically told me that if I don't cooperate social services will force me to do an assessment, of my child too, and my child could be removed, also any future babies I have could be taken away by social services.

This terrifies me, especially as I am currently considering conception by choice - to give my child a sibling, and because I can afford it.

I have heard horror stories on here and elsewhere of people having their babies taken away by social services. Can anyone offer me any advice? I wish I had never met these people, and just want to run a million miles - but scared that if I do I will have a permanent black mark against my name, and lose my children.

It's crazy, I went in for help but have come out feeling a hell of a lot worse.

Thanks, anyone.

This thread is an eye opener for me. As the parent of a child with ASD who has suffered anxiety and other problems I am amazed I haven’t had SS crawling all over me, looking at some experiences here.
OP I hope you get the help you need as opposed to the help you don’t, which is what you’re being offered right now. You’re definitely entitled to a proper explanation of how the additional drug is supposed to help you and if your GP is alright, that would be the logical place to go.

Nobody wants to take any children that don't need to be taken. Social services spends almost all of their time and money on keeping families together not breaking them up.

All this "your GP is a twat/you poor unfortunate/how dare they" stuff is unhelpful nonsense. If they are making a referral it is because they think you need a referral, not to blackmail you or to try and make you take a med. Why would they do that? What possible reason would they have to do that?
None, that's what. If referrals are made its for good reasons.
Posters here should not be making such idiotic pronouncements on situations they know nothing about.

Also, it's not OP's GP that she's talking about. It's the doctor who she saw at her mental health appointment.

There are 3 things I have written down that seem odd from yesterday's appointment: 1 is the medication, 2 is being told I should see a CPN when all I wanted is access to counselling 3 (most worrying) is the suggestion social services needs to assess us.

I just wish I had gone for private counselling a couple of years ago, instead of wasting time when it now seems there was never actually going to be any NHS counselling available, and it is just causing grief talking to them.

I will never recommend anyone takes the NHS route ever again.

I guess I was the stupid one asking to be put in the system, now I have to try to extricate myself back out of it.

No it's not my GP. It's a separate place - mental health outpatients facility, where they are supposed to assess you and refer to the right service.

The diagnosis I have from them is 'anxiety and depression'.

Did you tell them that you are considering adding to your family in the manner you are contemplating?
I can see how that may trigger further interest given your circumstances.

OP Mitazapine is a good ad for a lot of people. I had no issues at all on it, and it really brought down my anxiety, however that was on the highest dose.

I have a psychiatrist I see every 6 months (was very two), and a CPN who I can request an appointment with when I feel I need it. I have bipolar disorder- I was lucky, diagnosed within 14 months of being known to the mental health services.

However up until a few years ago (not working due to a physical injury), I had a high flying career, I have a nice home, 2 fab ds's who are doing amazing at school and so on.

Anyone who meets me would never guess I have a mental health diagnosis. All my friend and family know my triggers and what to look out for, also who to call when needed: A&E, GP, CPN or my mental health hospital. But I'm slightly 'different' as my psychiatrist says, because I have 'insight' into my mental health, which is rare when someone becomes really unwell apparently. You say you are working, your home is clean etc, but that's not always an indication in every case that everything is ok.

By what I'm trying to say (probably very clumsy), is that there may have been things that you've mentioned during your sessions that have raised some concerns. That's why you've been offered a CPN etc. This isn't a bad thing! Please don't get worked up over it.

Accept all the help and support they are offering you. If you're unsure of anything along the way just ask. I've yet to meet anyone that haven't been more than supportive.

I'm wondering whether the most recently seen Psychiatrist thought that your original diagnosis of anxiety and depression was not correct? Maybe he had a different opinion, it doesn't make him incompetent or a fool.

gimme no I didn't, only me and a couple of people close to me would ever know I"m considering it

MH doctor I saw this time is a she not a he

And they said they agree with diagnosis. In fact I have been asking whether there is anything else they are exploring - have always suspected I have traits of adult female aspergers and can give many examples as to why I think this - but this time they said no, we just think it is 'anxiety and depression'..

The way she offered the CPN, it seemed to be because I had not met the criteria for long term therapy and she was searching around for something. So perhaps was meant to be supportive? I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt there. But the way it was presented - if you don't comply with this there will be repercussions, social services etc etc - I guess meant it didn't seem at all supportive at the time

I wrote out a complaint letter but worried it sounds like a rant and will make me sound crazy even when I'm not (no win situation) so I'm not going to send it

I work in the social care sector but am not a social worker. I wonder if the referral suggestion may have been so they can assess whether you might need early help or family support, which may actually be quite helpful. As mentioned though, I am not a social worker but it rings true with notes I have seen. If so it is nothing to worry about and having some extra support may be good - plus they might signpost you to helpful stuff.

What a shame you have had this experience - I am sure the GP just had a bad bedside manner. Doctors sometimes adopt a 'worst case scenario first' approach to reassurance...

Hun I. No exactly how u feel askn for help and then professional's turning against you it happened to me told midwife nothing but the truth next thing ss took my baby away from birth but I won him straight back home, 6 months later, but yeah back to u hun NO they can't take away your children with out a. Court order and they'd have to have a pretty good reason as long as u co-op with them then trust me kids aren't going anywhere but to be on the safe side I'd consider getting yourself a solicitor so they can log every little thing down

OP I hope you get things sorted.

But please don't consider another child right now.
You have bigger things to deal with and a baby will probably make the situation worse, not better.

you say you are a working professional does you organisation have an Employee assistance program (EAP) you could access counselling from? EAPs often offer a set number of free sessions (approx around 6) and it doesn't necessarily have to be related to a work issue ( in the organisation i work for as well as workplace issues they offer couples counselling, debt counselling etc). Six sessions would be a start and surely you could arrange to carry on privately with the counsellor if you found them helpful. The counselling is completely confidential, with the nature of the consultation never being disclosed to the employer.

If you can afford another child - can you
Afford your own counselling ? I have always paid for mine it’s about 5O a session and I had two a month

If you can stall the second child and invest into this DO it . I agree that more drugs are not necessarily the answer .

Re SS . I have no idea what clumsy behaviour that was about

OP everyone has said to use the money from your good professional job and
Pay for counselling

Just crack on ! It helps . It works

It’s a much better use of your time and focus and railing on here or against the NHS

Change your gp ASAP and complain to the gmc. I guessing this has made your anxiety worse not better!

The Dr sounds awful, heavy handed and totally unsupportive. Massive hugs, like others have said, they won't remove your children without good cause.

If OP has been assessed by a psychiatrist and told them that their child has started copying/displaying some of their own mental health symptoms (OCD style behaviours) then I don’t understand why MNers think they know better whether it’s a good idea for SS to become involved to provide support for the child and mother?

I had SS involvement myself OP after being hospitalised with bad PND a few years ago - they made sure that there was support in place for us as a family, signposted to additional group therapy and parenting courses and spoke to my older childrens’ schools and nurseries to see how they thought they were coping.

At the time it was overwhelming (and I still feel a bit embarrassed thinking that my kids have been on a Child Protection Plan during their short lives) but I’m glad someone was looking out for them. Once SS investigated and were happy they signed us off and closed the cases.

But Dr threatening SS removing her children and any future children is totally unacceptable. We are under SS (Children with Disabilities team) for DD who has ASD and learning difficulties, they have been very supportive.

SS will not take your child away from what you are posting here.

CPNs are the ones providing counselling in many MH services - it may be that that is why you have been referred to one.

SS provide access to counselling and MH and SS work closely together.

The timeline you have experienced as well is just awful, it takes far, far too long to access help and I am sorry you are up against that too. it is a reflection of how underfunded and for many years undermined MH services have been across the country but worse in some places than others.

Please don't be despondent. You are doing a great job under difficult circumstances.
SS have NO interest in taking well looked after children from their parents.

I am a mental health nurse. Combining two antidepressants is not that unusual and seems to be becoming more common but only prescribed by psychiatrist not GP. Surprised at choice of Mirtazapine given OP has had weight gain recently as it is often used for people who are not eating well as it stimulates appetite. The SS referral is due to OP mentioning that some of her distress symptoms are being picked up by her dd. Very unlikely to result in anything happening. If you can pay for psychotherapy do so, not counselling. There are no grounds to complain to GMC. Talking to CPN may be helpful.

My advice would be to forget having another child and pay for private counselling.
MH provision here is shit and if you can access it Privately then do

This thread is an eye opener for me. As the parent of a child with ASD who has suffered anxiety and other problems I am amazed I haven’t had SS crawling all over me, looking at some experiences here.

Me too. A close family member of mine has three young children and at times, severe Bipolar, which she tries to get proper help for through counselling/psychiatrist but they only see her every 6 months and GP is very blasé about it all. She takes lots of medication. Social services haven't been involved, not so much as a hint of them being contacted, by anyone, ever.

I had DS 6 months ago. I was brought in for my early induction (which I didn't end up having), and a team of mental health nurses took me from my bedside into another room and started chatting about how they'd been looking into my medical records - FROM WHEN I WAS 14/15!

They did this, all down to me complaining of low mood to my GP and wanting to just 'make him aware whilst I was there for something else anyway'.

Before I could leave the hospital after having DS, we stumbled upon a God awful consultant who insisted I stay for 5 night's minimum so they could keep an eye on me. I refused, in a nutshell, and was told SS would be getting in contact.

I never heard from SS, and it's been 6 months

OK - I'll preface this by saying that a huge source of my post-natal mental health issues (anxiety with 1 child, depression joined the party with child number 2... I'm not having a child number 3 to see what they could bring along to liven things up!) was the idea of the child protection system and losing my kids... not helped by the fact I have a relative who is an utter twat of a social worker who jokingly refers to themselves as a "fully qualified child snatcher"! So having conversations like you've had would be likely to have hit me completely when I was at my worst.

I went through the self-referral system to get talking therapy - and every phonecall went along the lines of "have you had any suicidal thoughts - OK so we need full details of your children in the light of that disclosure" and then it all seemed like I was irrelevant and all they wanted were the details to pass onto social services from then on in! By the time I was getting toward actual counselling appointments I was answering that question with "can I preface it with saying that yes, I've had these thoughts but not in a context where I'd ever put them into practice and more in a sometimes I wish I'd not wake up kind of mind experimenting with the idea of a get-out way" and that reduced them flapping around in panic a little bit - the counselling staff backed me up in making that distinction as well when I said the same to them.

Nothing ever came of them frantically and pointedly getting my kids' details each and every time "for social services" incidentally - we're now years down the line and my kids are still with me. Did not help my mental health with the way they were reacting though - flipping heck!

Had two courses of CBT for anxiety/depression... didn't do wonders but helped a minute bit. They did mine via telephone counselling just because of childcare issues and getting to the offices being an issue.

Why has this thread been revived after a three month gap?