To be terrified social services will take my child/children away now?

[horriblefeelingaboutthis]

A doctor just basically threatened me with having my child/future children taken away.

Here is the story:

I come from a fairly dysfunctional background - was looked after physically but a lot of family relationships broke up around me when I was young, and it left emotional scars that I've carried since. I also got into a bad relationship in my late 20s and became a lone parent on the back of that.

Have raised my child well, they are 4 now and the picture of health and happiness, they go to a nursery full time and have lots of friends etc. It's just that I have been alone raising them and it has taken it's toll. I feel like I've aged a decade, put on 3 stone, and I had what you would probably call a breakdown in the last year - couldn't stop crying. So was signed off sick, and am generally better now. Was put on anti anxiety/depression medication.

What I really wanted was regular counselling. So I pushed my GP over and over to give me access to this. About 2 years ago. They sent me to mental health services and that's where things seem to have gone wrong. All MH services did, was invite me to see them once every 4-6 months. A different doctor would see me every time. They asked me lots of questions, all of which I answered truthfully. They said I would benefit from the medication and long-term counselling, and put me on a waiting list for it about 18 months ago.

Today they said I've been rejected for counselling as I don't meet all the criteria. That made me cry as I've been waiting so long. The doctor this time (another different one) heard me explain, again, why I want the counselling - lots of information dating back years, I would just like the opportunity to get it all out and move on with my life. If I had known it would take this long to be assessed and then rejected I would have gone private in the first place so it's very frustrating.

The doctor then told me she was adding another medication - another anti depressant - to what I'm taking (even though I don't feel more depressed - if anything more anxious, but actually more even than 1-2 years ago and better). She wouldn't answer my questions when I asked about the medication, just fobbed me off saying it would make me 'feel better'.

Then she said she was making a referral to social services. I was shocked and asked why. She said it was for me and daughter to be assessed. I think because I am a lone parent. But my daughter is not at risk.

At this point I tried to backtrack, saying what happens if I just decide not to continue with this service, as you are not going to offer me any support anyway. At that point she basically told me that if I don't cooperate social services will force me to do an assessment, of my child too, and my child could be removed, also any future babies I have could be taken away by social services.

This terrifies me, especially as I am currently considering conception by choice - to give my child a sibling, and because I can afford it.

I have heard horror stories on here and elsewhere of people having their babies taken away by social services. Can anyone offer me any advice? I wish I had never met these people, and just want to run a million miles - but scared that if I do I will have a permanent black mark against my name, and lose my children.

It's crazy, I went in for help but have come out feeling a hell of a lot worse.

Thanks, anyone.

TheXXfactor In my experience GPs can be knobheads as can other clinicians. Not all, just a few, most are excellent. Apologies if i made a slight error in my post but i think it still stands.

I have social services involved for similar reasons. At first i resisted and was angry and scared that they were going to take my boys away. Things took a turn for the worst when my kids were put on the children in need register and then a child protection plan was ordered. It's been nearly a year now and it was honestly the best thing that could have happened. I got the help and support i needed and am so much happier and able to cope. My kids are doing better than evee too. I'm hoping we'll be taken off the protection register at the next conference.
Work with them. They don't want to take your children away and you might now be able to access the help that has been denied you.

I think I’m getting from your post it was a psychiatrist you saw ?
Can you think of anyway that social services can help you?
People are often referred to SS as a precaution and hopefully to be helpful and as other posters have said it’s only the most at risk children that often end up with further input.
The Dr you saw should not have spoken to you in a threatening manner and filled you with fear . You can request not to see him/ her again and or complain.

Yes rocketgirl, but you still can't try and wave stuff away as "mild depression" (especially if the psychiatrist is going to say something at the same time). Trying to say your mental health problems aren't really that bad doesn't really reassure professionals, in my experience as a patient - they're always really keen that you show insight.

Thanks.

Near Leicester, Karmin

The more I think about it the more worried I am about the new medication as well. In the autumn, I was on Duloxetine like I am still and the doctor told me the appointment after Christmas (this one) would be to review how well that medication was working once it had settled down.

But that's not what this next new doctor did.

The new one is called Mirtazapine.

I was expecting to go in and be told I was doing much better than 4-6 months ago, as am back at work and have been feeling more settled. I have a mood chart so showed her that over the past few months.

If I go to my GP (not MH) to talk about what happened I'm hoping they might help.

It sounds like you are doing your best to help yourself. Is there any voluntary agencies locally that you could tap in to for counselling. You maybe able to get it discounted depending on your income. Sounds like counselling would be really good to help you work things out.

I think it's a shame they didn't give you more information about mirtazapine, you do need to be able to make an informed choice and I was always really keen that I didn't start taking anything new without knowing more about it. This page might help you a bit?

www.choiceandmedication.org/leicspart/medication/mirtazapine/

Yes she was a MH doctor, not a GP

She did also suggest talking to a psychiatrist nurse - I'm not clear on the difference but it sounded like this would be at a third building

The psychiatrist nurse would be because I don't meet the criteria for psychotherapy (she said)

If you don't want to take it you don't have to. If you're happy that what you're on is working and you're feeling better, then that's fine.

My kids went to a pre-school that was faith based which I'm not interested in but there was a counselling service free that another mum who had pnd used. It was free and she seems to have benefited from it. I'm not the slightest bit religious but that could be somewhere to ask if there is help available to you? Another avenue is through work, lots of companies have a service that isn't widely publicised enough.

Wouldn't worry about your child and social services, they may know of ways to support you.

I am a social worker, OP, and I think that based on the information that you have given that this worker was very insensitive and that social services would most certainly not remove your child. There are lots of single parents who struggle with their mental health, and it isn't necessarily a safeguarding issue. Clearly, you have been trying for a long time to seek help and I am so sorry that the waiting lists are so long because it isn't fair.

The medication prescribed is an anti psychotic so I don't understand why you aren't being offered support from a CPN?

Sorry, I didn't see your last posts. How long did they say it would be until you could see a CPN? I have found them to be very supportive for parents.

Change GP, use some of the money you have and get private CBT, before you think about a second child.

Try googling and researching local charities for counselling type support. In my area there’s two that offer support after abuse, rape etc. Doesn’t matter how long ago, how extreme or not. Well worth looking into. NHS mental health services are so overrun they’re falling apart

@Waterrat could u pls post ur source for that comment about cbt because I think u will find u r massively WRONG!
I did CBT and part of that was going over what caused me 2 have ptsd (ie PAST trauma). Also, I had 23 weekly sessions on the NHS not just 12.
CBT can be a massive help for those with trauma in their past.
I was having multiple panic attacks every day b4 CBT, since then I've had just 2 panic attacks in 3 years

@OP I'm sorry u were treated this way and wot that dr said was utter bollocks.
Firstly, wen a referral is made there is no guarantee that ss will even visit, and may just keep a record of the referral for future, this will depend on what 'risks' are flagged up.
Secondly, even if ss do visit this will usually be a duty sw who will chat 2 u. They then have 2 awnser 2 their manager and a decision will b made.
As other pp have said they cannot legally just take ur child without ur permission.
SS will only be concerned that ur child is safe in every way and that u are a 'good enough parent'.
I would seriously consider talking 2 someone (the practice manager perhaps) about this and let them know how much more anxiety this has caused u.
can I ask what medication u are on? I only ask as I was on sertaline as I had mild depression but very high anxiety. It helped me loads and I was able to cope better until my CBT came through
xx

My concern is that a) you seem to have been offered a lot of support (regular psych appointments, help from a CPN) at a time when MH services are extremely stretched and even getting a foot in the door is almost impossible unless severely ill. Are you sure that you have good insight into how unwell you are ? The CMHT is treating you as if you were very ill. and b) other posters who are recommending that the OP self refers to IAPT don't seem to realise how unwell the OP is. In many areas IAPT/well being services etc won't accept referrals from anyone who is deemed complex or who is currently under treatment by CMHT as they might make someone who is severely mentally ill worse.
The level of illness here seems to be being played down and I think that the OP might benefit from the help that SS can provide.

Might of missed it but do you work? If so do you know if you have access to any employee support teams at work? Sometimes called a wellbeing team?

If the Dr has referred you to SS I wouldn’t put any energy into trying to get another Dr to reverse that. I don’t think it can be reversed as it falls into duty of Care now I’m afraid.
I have two disabled kids so SS have come in and out of my life. Once invited and once like your situation not invited.
You need to work with them. Be honest too but if you say things like you want to harm yourself they can’t ignore that.
It costs around £200,000 a year to take a child into care. There isn’t the money ( as you can see from MH budget slashes) to take kids away. They don’t do it unless there is dire need. They simply don’t have the resources either. Like all public services they are on the verge of not being able to function.

Hi Mitrazapine is an anti depressant - it is not an anti-psychotic. I think it's sedating so may help with sleep. I'm curious why did they change your anti-depressant and have the advise you how to safely move from one to the other.
Social services have early help teams who try and support people to keep looking after there children. They may advise you re therapy.
Did you specifically asked for psychotherapy? I paid £50 per session for mine as I didn't get it on the NHS. Some organisations will offer it cheaper- in London there's the Tavistock clinic - my local MIND or the women's centre can offer reduced price counselling sessions.

The OP has been not unwell enough to qualify for psychotherapy though. If they thought she was that ill she would have qualified.

Not necessarily. Meeting the criteria for psychotherapy is also about whether or not services think that she'll get the most out of it right now. Psychotherapy is not counselling, it's rather harder going than that and the criteria do reflect that. My hunch is that services think that the OP is iller than she thinks she is-being offered a CPN (currently rarer than hen's teeth) I think demonstrates that. Of course this doesn't mean that her children will be taken away or anything like that, but something like IAPT is likely not suitable, really.

That medication (mirtazapine) can have nasty side effects. My DH was prescribed it and he slept really badly, sweating heavily, having vivid and nasty dreams that he couldn't shake off during the day, etc. He tweeted about it and loads of people told him that they'd had the same problems. He went back to the GP and changed to a different med.

Why don't you go to your GP and ask why you've been prescribed this one, and see if you can continue with the one you've been taking, if you feel it's been helping.

Im a sw but not in the UK. The dr has done the right thing but in an insensitive clumsy manner. A primary care giver with depression thats not being properly treated (albeit through no fault of their own) can be a precursor to problems. Thats can be not is always.

If you were one of my cases I would be trying to support you. They might be able to refer you to some other counselling or therapy. They might want to talk to nursery to see if they have any concerns and probably your GP. If there are any then they will put some measures in place and see how it goes.

I know it's scary. My ds has a disability so we have a sw too. The vast majority are decent people who are trying to do whats best for the child in the least intrusive way possible.

If you have a meeting with them take notes. In fact if i was you i would have a new notebook just for dealing with drs and sw. Every time you have contact, write down the date and who is there. Write down what was discussed, what was agreed, who will follow up, how and when. On a double page write the contact details of evetyone you come into contact with. Its really helpful when you think of something a few months later and cant auite remember what the aggreement was. Its also v useful if a conflict arises about what was agreed.

Ok now I am getting really worried

unweaved I honestly, honestly think I am a reasonably intelligent, rational person. I hold down a professional job (now back at work) and look after my child and myself, and a house - and though the latter may not be spotless, we are coping ok.

Why would they treat me like a serious case?

All I actually wanted was a counselling appointment. Beginning to wish I hadn't pushed to be referred.

The Mirtazapine is supposed to be in addition to the Duloxetine.

Had no idea it was an anti psychotic, she did not say that. In fact every time they ask me if I have been hearing voices etc and I always laugh a bit and say no, and that I know that would mean I have psychotic episodes and I definitely do not.

I am kind of against taking lots of meds anyway, which is why I asked to be referred to a talking therapy in the first place.

I am considering writing a complaint, just so that there is something on record about what happened today. I don't want it to be my word against her written record later, even if there is a small chance of that.