To be terrified social services will take my child/children away now?

[horriblefeelingaboutthis]

A doctor just basically threatened me with having my child/future children taken away.

Here is the story:

I come from a fairly dysfunctional background - was looked after physically but a lot of family relationships broke up around me when I was young, and it left emotional scars that I've carried since. I also got into a bad relationship in my late 20s and became a lone parent on the back of that.

Have raised my child well, they are 4 now and the picture of health and happiness, they go to a nursery full time and have lots of friends etc. It's just that I have been alone raising them and it has taken it's toll. I feel like I've aged a decade, put on 3 stone, and I had what you would probably call a breakdown in the last year - couldn't stop crying. So was signed off sick, and am generally better now. Was put on anti anxiety/depression medication.

What I really wanted was regular counselling. So I pushed my GP over and over to give me access to this. About 2 years ago. They sent me to mental health services and that's where things seem to have gone wrong. All MH services did, was invite me to see them once every 4-6 months. A different doctor would see me every time. They asked me lots of questions, all of which I answered truthfully. They said I would benefit from the medication and long-term counselling, and put me on a waiting list for it about 18 months ago.

Today they said I've been rejected for counselling as I don't meet all the criteria. That made me cry as I've been waiting so long. The doctor this time (another different one) heard me explain, again, why I want the counselling - lots of information dating back years, I would just like the opportunity to get it all out and move on with my life. If I had known it would take this long to be assessed and then rejected I would have gone private in the first place so it's very frustrating.

The doctor then told me she was adding another medication - another anti depressant - to what I'm taking (even though I don't feel more depressed - if anything more anxious, but actually more even than 1-2 years ago and better). She wouldn't answer my questions when I asked about the medication, just fobbed me off saying it would make me 'feel better'.

Then she said she was making a referral to social services. I was shocked and asked why. She said it was for me and daughter to be assessed. I think because I am a lone parent. But my daughter is not at risk.

At this point I tried to backtrack, saying what happens if I just decide not to continue with this service, as you are not going to offer me any support anyway. At that point she basically told me that if I don't cooperate social services will force me to do an assessment, of my child too, and my child could be removed, also any future babies I have could be taken away by social services.

This terrifies me, especially as I am currently considering conception by choice - to give my child a sibling, and because I can afford it.

I have heard horror stories on here and elsewhere of people having their babies taken away by social services. Can anyone offer me any advice? I wish I had never met these people, and just want to run a million miles - but scared that if I do I will have a permanent black mark against my name, and lose my children.

It's crazy, I went in for help but have come out feeling a hell of a lot worse.

Thanks, anyone.

What nonsene, I am very disappointed to hear this dr behave in this way.
I can tell you, from what you have said there is nothing that would warrant your children being removed.
Depending on which part of the country you are in, you know you can self-refer to 'NHS talking therapies' for unto 20 sessions with a psychologist. Have a google.
Poor you, good luck

@Eltonjohnssyrup the gp is a twat for saying this

At that point she basically told me that if I don't cooperate social services will force me to do an assessment, of my child too, and my child could be removed, also any future babies I have could be taken away by social services

Absolutely no need for this kind of scaremongering.

Don't see social services as a bad thing. They can provide you with support, they aren't always the enemy!

I agree with Snowy. I was in a situation where my ex did something to my DD that got SS involved - a referral done by the GP. They were lovely, and I finally got the help that I had been trying to get for so long without any luck. It may not feel like it, but this could turn out to be a good thing. All the best OP, and try not to worry too much. If you're a good mother giving your child a good safe home, they won't take your DC way.

Try to relax; removing children is not all social workers do! A referral may just be the gateway to more support for you OP.

OP I mean this with the best of intentions. The money you say you have for a a second child? Use it to pay for psychotherapy.

Until you can feel better, bringing a baby into the mix will not do any of you any good.

I'm a single parent of two children and have had many serious episodes of mental ill health. I've seen countless GPs, psychiatrists, counsellors and been an in-patient. I've taken many, many medications. Not once has anyone mentioned social services involvement or indicated my children will be taken away. Not one single time.

If you have money, the throw it at this. You cannot rely on the NHS to have the resources.

"Co-operate with ss when they call explain you have had mild depression and were referred."

You don't get seen by a psychiatrist for mild depression.

Please don't worry-they'll, at most, do an assessment, see that your DC is fine and sign you off.

Your GP is an idiot.

Please find a private psychotherapist to work with, and change GP practice. And don't worry.

You need counselling. You want but don't need a second child.

Get your priorities straight.

Ok. Just to make clear, my GP is at one building, though I don't always see the same person I know them well enough. The doctor I saw today is at MH services which is at another building, where I see a different doctor every time and don't know them as I never see the same one twice.

I have been invited to see MH services I would say, 5-6 times in total over about 2 years, after I asked for the counselling. Every time I go in and end up crying describing my life, partly because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about feeling so alone sometimes. But every time I go in the new doctor seems to have not read my notes (though they have them in front of them) from the last time, and asks me all the same questions. So it has been upsetting but with no resolution (counselling).

But today was different, the other doctors I have seen have not been quite like this with me. It felt very threatening. Could/should I ask to see my medical notes, in case she wrote something in there? It will already say I have had a bad bout of anxiety/depression in the past couple of years because that is true.

What seemed to trigger her reaction today was me saying that I do something let's say over-eating for example) that my child has begun to copy. It's not dangerous, more OCD type thing, but she seemed to see it as a 'risk' and that is when she began to mention social services.

The dr is a fucking idiot. Even if you had said anything that rang alarm bells, and she genuinely thought your mh was at the stage where removal is likely, then why oh fucking why would she risk sending you over the edge when you will then be going home as sole carer to a young child?

Please put in a complaint, because if she comes out with shit like that to someone in a really bad way it could cause serious harm, either to them, their dc or both.

Not to mention even for someone like you, who is just left anxious it's a vile and unhelpful thing to say.

Also agree with others re nothing you've said warranting ss involvement, let alone removal.

You possibly won't meet criteria to access any support ss do have, but you never know, and they might be able to signpost you to local support groups etc. So some good might come of it, despite ignorant Dr.

southbound

I don't think it will help op to go into a huge amount of detail about her MH with SS. I personally wouldn't, if the aim is to not have them permanently in her life. She simply needs to be balanced and calm and co-operative.

I agree with the post about organising private psychotherapy before having another child, you need to be in a good and steady place before having my dc.

You may wish for more children but they will put more pressure on you. Make sure you are healed, keep yourself well and wait until you are as a strong as you can possibly be before considering bringing a new baby into the world.

She tried to blackmail you into taking a medication without explaining what it was or why she wanted you to take it. Just report her to the GMC.

Agree with the above. Pay for counselling now (you shouldn't have to but the person suffering here is you). Following the counselling consider whether you can manage as a sungle parent to two children.

Can I ask what area you are in? I may be able to signpost to free counselling services that might help.

Social services are unlikely to be interested unless there is a much bigger story

If Social Services took away every child with a parent who has anxiety or depression then a lot of children would be in care - the Mental Health Foundation say that 7.8% of adults have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression - add to that the people diagnosed with one or the other rather than both and that's a lot of people.

SS will be supportive. Your GP sounds about as tactful and supportive as Kim Jong Un.

I was referred to SS when DD was born as I have a history of poor MH and hospitalization. They turned up once, sat in my sitting room for half an hour and then vanished. I really don't think they have the resources to chase people who's kids are fine.

PS - your GP sounds awful.

It would be counted as child in need, section 17, if you were failing to meet their basic needs due to your mental health, a level 3 intervention. Level 2, early help, would be to provide some parenting support on occasion due to your mental health and level 1, input other than basic services, e.g. school/doctor would be ‘parent has mental health issues which do no impact on child’

Taken from Surrey levels of need document.

Sounds to me that some early help/level 2 wouldn’t go amiss, but that it’s not at the level of needing social worker involvement (child in need, or child protection)

I was in a similar situation last year where I really needed counselling but the waiting list was so long that they basically refused to even put me on it .
Could you pay for counselling privately? I had to, I was expecting to go for months but was sorted in just a few sessions. It may be a good investment if you can bite the bullet and pay for them.

Social services might be able to offer you more support - they don’t just work with children.
Also if you can afford to have another child might it be a good idea to pay for private counselling first?

GPs can often be real knobheads and think they know what a social workers remit/threshold is

It was a MH clinician who saw the OP. Carry on with the GP-bashing though

If what you've said is 100% true SS won't even be interested in seeing you, let alone have any reason to take your child away!

If you just want to explore your outlook on relationships and your view of yourself, your anxiety etc it may be worth self referring to IAPT. They won't offer you in depth counselling to explore your whole childhood but could maybe offer you focussed sessions to look at your anxiety.

Sorry you've been treated like shit and led up the garden path

Please don't assume that a referral to social services must be a child protection referral. Their primary duty is to support parents in situations like yours, and indeed they should have carried out an assessment before now for that purpose. Social services certainly aren't in the least anxious to take children into care, particularly in cases like yours where you have given no cause for concern to date and are doing all the right things in terms of seeking support.