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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Trying for baby after starting new job

59 replies

rosebud15 · 19/02/2018 11:59

Not sure if this is the right place to post but need some blunt opinions please?
Got a 3 year old and OH and I had decided that we would like another when DD is around 3. For various reasons (mainly work) we have put this off and had agreed that when I got offered a permanent contract I would come off the pill and we'd start trying.
I was offered a contract at the beginning of this year and now I feel like I would be letting the company down by getting pregnant.

I know that there are no guarantees I would fall pregnant straight away but it's kind of playing on my mind -on the one hand I'm not getting any younger and feel as a family we are ready for another baby, but I feel bad doing this to the company even though I would definitely be coming back full time afterwards.

So AIBU to come off my pill so soon after starting my this job?

OP posts:
Original poster
rosebud15 · 19/02/2018 14:08

Please advise if this is not the right board.

OP posts:
NotSoSprightly · 19/02/2018 14:09

Nope YANBU, your happiness comes before the company you work for. Simple Smile

ThriceUponATime · 19/02/2018 14:14

Your family always comes first - if push came to shove the company would look after itself before it looked after you. You should do the same.

Bramble71 · 19/02/2018 14:15

I'll probably get stick, but I think it's a bit cheeky to start a new job then be going off on maternity leave. Sorry, but I can see why it's playing on your mind.

kaytee87 · 19/02/2018 14:16

The company don't care about you and your family. You should always put yourself and your family first.
Good luck ttc and congrats on the job.

TheLegendOfBeans · 19/02/2018 14:17

Oh my god this is a no brainer. Have another baby! Stuff the company.

Just please familiarise yourself when you'd become eligible for full maternity benefits though, it's usually 1-2 years service for new starters.

Wixi · 19/02/2018 14:20

Jobs come and go family is important. Someone in my office started work 8 weeks pregnant, but didn't tell us until she legally had to. Not the end of the world, you just get maternity cover in and welcome the person back afterwards.

Snowysky20009 · 19/02/2018 14:23

Just think about the maternity benefits and how long you've been there etc

System0matix · 19/02/2018 14:29

Hi rosebud15 - I've been thinking about the same sort of thing lately, we don't have any DC yet and won't start trying to conceive until after we get married next summer but I've done short contracts or consultancy work since forever, so now starting to think about engineering myself a perm role with a decent mat leave package. Ergo, I'd need to be in a perm role (knowing it's mat leave policy) by spring 2019. Not wanting to start a new job in the run up to our wedding as i'm sure my mind would be elsewhere (!) with a view to start TTC after 4-6 months (give or take) in the job post-wedding.

It's hard - if all 'went to plan' I'd be anxious about going off on mat leave after less than 12-18 months in the role but a) what if conception doesn't happen right away (likely, i'll be 34 by this time) and b) as PP's have said - sod it, if paid mat leave if your legal right with said company take it and run with it! If anyone's nose is put out of joint screw 'em.

I keep telling myself it's down to so many unknowns - if it took us 1 year to conceive and by then i'd be in the job almost 2 years by the time i'd be going on mat leave I wouldn't feel bad at all! If it happened straight away then so be it, if it doesn't happen at all we'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

Good luck xx

SweetMoon · 19/02/2018 14:35

I do think its a bit odd to wait until you have a permanent job before trying to get pregnant again as you are doing it then 100% to get maternity benefits from the company.

I had a friend who did this. She wouldn't get pregnant until she had a job for the sole purpose of getting maternity pay. She then immediately started trying for a baby and got pregnant pretty quick. the company had to cover her maternity. It was a small family run company with not a huge turnover and they were basically stuffed because of having to cover her wages and pay someone to cover her job. I thought it was really out of order of her to do this intentionally. We aren't really friends anymore as she is grabby in general day to day life and I got fed up of it.

MotherWol · 19/02/2018 14:42

SweetMoon isn't it more about the security of having a job to come back to? If you've been doing short contracts, not only will you basically self-fund your leave, but you don't know if you've got a job at the end of your leave. I worked for my employer (big company) on a FTC for several years and waited until I'd been made permanent before TTC because I needed the job security. Still working for them, no plans to leave. Happy to repay their investment with my loyalty.

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin · 19/02/2018 15:02

SweetMoon

Statutory maternity pay SMP is the government minimum an employee must be paid when on maternity leave. Did you know that the company is REIMBURSED for this. It is the equivalent of Jobseeker's allowance and the government pays this. Some companies offer extra. This is contractual maternity pay and generally a new starter will receive statutory maternity pay. Contractual maternity pay kicks in after one or two years on the job, and part of the reason companies offer this is actually to ENCOURAGE quality candidates as another company may offer only SMP.

The inconvenience is in retraining someone.

Unless they themselves are childless and their parents were childless (!) it is hypocritical to be upset that another person is reproducing.

Nikephorus · 19/02/2018 15:09

Statutory maternity pay SMP is the government minimum an employee must be paid when on maternity leave. Did you know that the company is REIMBURSED for this.
Unless they're a very small company they only actually receive 92% of it back so they're paying out 8% for someone who's not there and had no intention of being there. This is why many companies avoid hiring younger women.... Do the decent thing and wait til you've been there a year or so.

SweetMoon · 19/02/2018 15:26

MotherWol Friend was unemployed long term and purposely sought out a job in order to get maternity benefits. No intention of returning to work afterwards.

LaurieMarlow · 19/02/2018 15:29

Do the decent thing and wait til you've been there a year or so.

Why? No company I've ever worked for would hesitate for a second in getting rid of me if it suited them.

Fertility is an unpredictable thing. Waiting a year is not sensible advice for many women, depending on their age and other factors.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/02/2018 15:29

I wouldn’t put job loyalty over my family.

SendintheArdwolves · 19/02/2018 15:34

Statutory maternity pay is reimbursed (OK, minus 8 %, which I've only just found out Smile ) so anything over and above that which your company offers has been done to attract the best candidates to the role - ie: they clearly think it's worth offering additional salary/benefits in order to have the benefit of better employees.

But I'm mystified as to why you deliberately waited until you had a fulltime contract to get pregnant, only now you're feeling guilty about it. Surely that was why you didn't come off contraception until you had a job - so you could benefit from maternity pay??

OutyMcOutface · 19/02/2018 15:38

Well I mean it depends. If you've been printed into sone kind of managerial role or something else that would be screwed up by your taking maternity then you should have either not taken the job or wait a while before trying to be fair to your employer. If it's the same role just permenant then it's not really a new job and you wouldn't be unfair to your employer to start TTC immediately. Obviously things are quite different for certain roles and of you are employed by a small business.

SPARKS17 · 19/02/2018 15:48

No YANBU, but make sure you do your calculations before you conceive there are a certain number of weeks you have to work for an employer before you become eligible for even SMP I think its 6-8 weeks off the top of my head but I might be wrong.

GettingAwayWithIt · 19/02/2018 15:50

I started my current role at the beginning of June. Found out in September that I was 7 weeks pregnant so I'd been there less than two months when we conceived Blush It was unplanned, although I'm 34 so would have been thinking about it at some point maybe later this year. I've been with my employer for over 10 years, most of that was in my old role where I was unhappy a lot of the time.

I did feel guilty, I still feel guilty, I'm taking less maternity leave than I would have probably liked to because of this. But it can't be helped, I give 100% to my job now and I will when I return. I wouldn't advise anyone to 'wait until you've been in post for a year' before TTC; I fell pregnant very much mistakenly but I know far more women who struggle for months if not years. I still have three decades to give to my workplace before I retire, I think nine months out is a short space of time relatively.

Hortonlovesahoo · 19/02/2018 15:52

I’ve had similar thoughts but mainly having a job to go back to that would be more family friendly than starting new and only getting full time work. I’d say: don’t stop trying for a baby as you don’t know how long it’ll take and just see what happens

fizzthecat1 · 19/02/2018 16:06

It was a small family run company with not a huge turnover and they were basically stuffed because of having to cover her wages

Hmm Why though? If it's Statutory Maternity pay they get that back from the Government! And if they pay more than that to employees then that's there own fault if they can't afford it as it's completely optional for them to do that.

Rachie1973 · 19/02/2018 16:19

Its why child bearing age women don't get hired.

It might be wrong, but it's still true.

Yogagirl123 · 19/02/2018 16:24

Job v baby? stuff the job have a baby!

No one usually regrets leaving a job, but many have regrets about putting their career first and not having any or more children.

Polarbearflavour · 19/02/2018 16:42

Rachie1973 - but women aged 18-40 are hired all the time and millions are in work! I keep hearing that older people find it hard to find work as do younger people. But middle aged men aren’t the only ones working are they.

I have no loyalty to any company as no company has loyalty to me. It’s a corporation. It doesn’t have thoughts or feelings!

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