Trying for baby after starting new job

[rosebud15]

Not sure if this is the right place to post but need some blunt opinions please?
Got a 3 year old and OH and I had decided that we would like another when DD is around 3. For various reasons (mainly work) we have put this off and had agreed that when I got offered a permanent contract I would come off the pill and we'd start trying.
I was offered a contract at the beginning of this year and now I feel like I would be letting the company down by getting pregnant.

I know that there are no guarantees I would fall pregnant straight away but it's kind of playing on my mind -on the one hand I'm not getting any younger and feel as a family we are ready for another baby, but I feel bad doing this to the company even though I would definitely be coming back full time afterwards.

So AIBU to come off my pill so soon after starting my this job?

You need to start trying now.

You owe your employer nothing.

I'm bamboozled as to why people feel guilty about taking mat leave.

No company would think twice about letting you go if they wanted to - you should think likewise about taking mat leave.

Check out your eligibility for statutory and contractual maternity pay.

Sounds like your current employer is offering little security.

You wouldn’t get much redundancy pay. I know several women who were “made redundant” when on mat leave.

Polarbearflavour

I have no loyalty to any company as no company has loyalty to me. It’s a corporation. It doesn’t have thoughts or feelings!

Not all companies are 'corporations'. Mines not. Mine is small, and we bend around to make sure people can get places. We actually do take care of the people who work with us. I would be gutted to feel I'd been used. I wouldn't treat my employees with such disdain.

Its why child bearing age women don't get hired.

Or promoted as the company thinks they will leave them high and dry. The employer thinks there’s no point training them as they’ll soon be off. So it does make it harder for others who don’t want any/more children as the employer views them with suspicion around 30+. OP you do what you gotta do. But it has a knock on effect for other women.

If you’re going back full time after then I wouldn’t think twice.
It’s only 9months in what could be 10+ years!!

So Rachel say (for arguments sake, I wouldn't wish this on anyone) your market changes dramatically for some reason and your revenue goes down to a tenth of what it is now.

What do you do? Do you keep on your entire staff even though you'd have to finance their wages out of debt/your own personal money?

Don't feel bad in the slightest. The company owes you nothing and you owe them nothing. You work, they pay you for that work. You're equal especially as you're new.

Well it's legal but hardly a great work ethic.

And I agree, this is why women of childbearing age don't get hired or promoted. From an employers perspective they have spent time and money seeking out the right candidate, only to have that person leave after 8 months, go off for up to a year and then come back seeking part-time or flexible working. Some companies can cover this but smaller ones perhaps not.

Women of child bearing age do get hired. You have probably (on average) 22 childbearing years. You will probably (on average) have 2 years out of this off for maternity.

I'm 38 and have had 5 jobs since graduation. I left 4 of them for reasons other than maternity. So it really isn't this huge big deal.

Just do it. I've had colleagues do it then come back to work pregnant then go off again on a second maternity after a couple of months back.

Well it's legal but hardly a great work ethic. And I agree, this is why women of childbearing age don't get hired or promoted. From an employers perspective they have spent time and money seeking out the right candidate, only to have that person leave after 8 months, go off for up to a year and then come back seeking part-time or flexible working.

Well, women of a certain age have babies (at least some of them do). That's just a fact of life. Given that we no longer think its a good idea to freeze them out of the workforce, I suggest companies get over it and find ways to work around it.

Working lives are long. What's a maternity leave in all that?

I held off ttc dc1 a bit to fit in with the team's work schedule and to time it with other colleagues' long-term leave etc (then delayed an extra month to ensure I could go to a family wedding!)
When I came back, the team and their work had changed and the colleague had left anyway so I realised how silly it was to base family entirely around work.

Hi thank you all for your responses.my reasons for waiting for a permanent contract are 2 fold - one is for the enhanced mat pay but but it is mainly for the security. I feel bad because I waited it out in another company for over 18 months on a promise that I would be made permanent but it didn't happen and then I moved to this company and they have just been so good to me and I really enjoy the job! I do feel it is morally wrong but my OH keeps reminding me that my body clock is ticking away! I fell pregnant first time with my DD and im anxious I might this time but on the other hand it could take me a long time so my argument with myself is how.long to I leave it and what if I leave it too long and then can't conceive. Thank you all so much for your responses. X

It’s not morally wrong.

This happened to me! Was trying to conceive for years whilst working in my old job. Had been there for over 5 years. They knew I was having fertility issues.

Found the job stressful (worked in a school) and working with young children when I couldn't have my own was incredibly tough.

I left and started a new job. Incredibly lucky to bag a dream job in the media industry and work in an office so no kids! Living with infertility got better and I was able focus on my new career and 'gave up' ttc. BOOM. First month got preggers.

Was so worried about telling my new work but found that any normal human will be happy for you when you tell them. Especially as I told them about my infertility and, to this day, I fully believe working there is the reason I finally fell pregnant.

Because I hadn't been there long enough, I only qualify for MA not SMP. From what I've read, its pretty much the same amount I would have received from SMP.

Don't wait for anyone to TTC. If I had known how hard it would be, I'd have started trying even earlier.

Honestly? I would be bloody furious if I was your manager but I wouldn’t say anything.

Really seriously check if you are eligible for anything from the company though. You might need to be working there 1 year + to get anything over SMP

Theres a big difference to falling pregnant accidentally after starting a new job though and getting a job with the sole intention of doing so for the maternity benefits.

So are working women never supposed to have babies? What is an "acceptable" amount of time to be in a job before becoming pregnant?

We wouldn't have any of this crap if men could also get pregnant.

oh this argument always crops up on MN.
It usually ends up with the 'I would be fuming if I was your manager' posters maintaining that yes they know fertility is not an exact science and no-one can predict when they'll get pregnant and yes people can frequently get pregnant with dc1 straight away then suffer secondary infertility and yes people may assume they'll have problems conceiving but get lucky and yes pregnancies can be a result of abuse and yes infertility affects tens of thousands of couples and treatment doesn't always allow the luxury of choosing timing and yes women shouldn't feel pressured to abort an unplanned pregnancy and yes SMP is mostly paid for by the government and yes men don't get treated the same for having kids BUT IN THIS CASE I KNOW FOR A FACT THE WOMAN DID IT ON PURPOSE AND IS TAKING THE PISS

Banamonkey, that ridiculous. There isn't a specific amount of time, but this isn't about that is it? Its about purposely getting a job purely to get the maternity benefits. So intentionally getting that job in order to then go straight off on maternity leave as its paid cover.

(In the real world, that is - where people make all kinds of assumptions about colleagues they barely know)

Theres a big difference to falling pregnant accidentally after starting a new job though and getting a job with the sole intention of doing so for the maternity benefits.

Exactly this. The op has manipulated her company and position though this is what gives working women a bad name.

However most jobs with decent maternity benefits protect themselves from 'manipulation' by specifying employees have to be there a certain time before being entitled to these benefits. And if they don't do that, they have the option to.

So I don't see a problem.