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Original poster

To think that Mother’s Day just rubs your nose in it if you haven’t got one? :(

135 replies

Chattycat78 · 18/02/2018 21:15

Just that really.

Here it is again I see.

My mother died in 2009. It still kicks me in the guts like crazy every time I pass the shops with all the cards and know I can’t buy a card ever again as I have no one to buy for.

There was some radio program last year talking about how “inclusive” Mother’s Day is because “everyone has one”. No they don’t. Sad

The sting isn’t even taken away by the Fact I’m a mother now myself.

I’m not looking to ban it. I realise Mothers should be celebrated. But boy does it remind me of what i no longer have.

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 19/02/2018 07:06

I'm sorry for your loss OP.I lost my DF. a few months back and I'm not looking forward to fathers day.However he was a great Dad so feel. lesser to have had him.I don't have a grave.to visit but I will light a candle and look at my memory box.
Remember it is just one day.whisk past the card displays like I did this Christmas.xx

Frouby · 19/02/2018 07:06

DP lost his mum 10 years ago on Mothers Day. She was only 56.

The first few years were horrendous. It was hard to balance dds excitement at buying and making me cards with dps grief.

However. In the nicest possible way people do celebrate different things down the year. There will always be people who find the day difficult for various reasons. People aren't being cruel when they ask stupid questions just a bit thoughtless.

Bowerbird5 · 19/02/2018 07:10

Sorry, you feel like that. I feel a little sad if I am in a card shop and see them but otherwise it doesn't bother me. I put a photo of mum up and a sprig of fresh flowers next to it each year. She loved spring flowers. Idon't have either parent now. I eat aToblerone on Father's Day or have a wee dram, dads too favourite things that I used to buy him.

Imchangingmyname · 19/02/2018 07:10

Absolutely agree with you. To those who's first response to this thread was don't be silly, you could say the same for any day..have you heard of a little word called compassion?

My mum died 3 years ago, she went quickly (within weeks) and it was just before mother's day. I bought a beautiful card, basically thanking her for all she had done and the value she'd had in my life. She died before mother's day so she never did see the card. I was able to say those things in words to her but I do regret not giving her the card earlier. I felt to do so would be admitting that she was dying, even though she, and us, knew that.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 19/02/2018 07:15

You're not crazy.
I haven't spoken to my mum in 20 years as she's extremely abusive (she's never met my kids) so I basically don't have a mum too.
ThanksThanks

Kingsclerelass · 19/02/2018 07:16

My mum died on Valentine's Day, 10 years ago. I don't do valentines now so I understand how you feel. I take the day off and give her grave it's annual spruce up. It's become a sort of slow, peaceful "get my balance back day" now. One day out of the mayhem when I don't rush.

Summer1986 · 19/02/2018 07:26

My mom died in 2015, mothers day crushes me every year since. I don't have my own children yet. Last few years I've had to paint on a smile to celebrate it for others (grandma in 2015 although she too has died since) and MIL.
It's just a horrible reminder that not only have I lost my own Mom, godmother and both grandmothers but I'm not a mother myself.
Thinking of all the motherless daughters xx

bananafish81 · 19/02/2018 07:26

I hide out and ignore mother's day as much as possible. My mother died 5 years ago, and we can't have children (2 years ago on mother's day I was pregnant, so we at least had that as a ray of sunshine - but nope, lost the baby 3 days later, and now I can't carry) so it's a shitty day from all sides. I stay off MN as it's just too hard when I don't have a mother and can't be one either.

maddiemookins16mum · 19/02/2018 07:34

I find Mothers Day sad, mine died 4 years ago and I miss her so very much, she was truly brilliant.
However, I sort of still 'celebrate' Mothers Day too, I was lucky to have her for nearly 50 years and my DD had her for all of her younger childhood years too (they adored each other).
I still look at the cards in the weeks before Mothers Day, I 'choose' one for her but obviously I don't buy it.
I just feel pleased for those who still have their Mums, as one horrible day they won't and it's not something I envy them having to face in their future....as it's bloody awful.

Original poster
Chattycat78 · 19/02/2018 07:53

Thanks for all the responses- and sorry to those of you in similar positions Flowers. I’ll try to avoid the card shops I think for a few weeks.

OP posts:
BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 19/02/2018 09:06

I’m sorry for your loss.

Neither DH or I have mothers. My mother was never fussed by Mother’s Day, she said it was a traditional religious holiday highjacked by the card companies.

I’ve always told my DCs not to worry either - they love their mum (nearly) all the time anyway so Mother’s Day is just another Sunday here and seeing anything about it just doesn’t bother me.

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 19/02/2018 09:12

When I was at university, one of my friends had just lost her mother that summer. She got a weekend job in a card shop and had to do the Mother's Day display/set out the cards - that broke her for a bit and I was so sorry for her.

A few short years later, I lost my own amazing DM, completely out of the blue, and now every Mother's Day when I see cards, I think of my poor friend. I couldn't bear it for years myself, nor Christmas. And of course Facebook makes it worse - as America has a different day, so you get it twice!

Gradually I've become more immune to it, because life goes on, and because I realised it's actually the small stuff that hurts most of all - the wrong song on the radio; seeing an unexpected photo of them, that sort of thing. Mother's Day really is just commercial. But I do still get sad and cross (it's probably Envy really) when friends with perfectly lovely mothers never bother going to see them. Your mum can be taken from you whilst you're blinking; make the most of her 😭

MiddleClassProblem · 19/02/2018 09:13

Came to say similar to others. At least you can celebrate having a lovely mother.

There are others who had not great mothers but they still love and finding a card that doesn’t say how amazing they are is hard.

And then there are some who had awful mothers. Can you imagine how it feels when the world is saying look how lucky all these people are to have loving parents and you got shit?

It must be hard losing your mother but at least you know she loved you. You can ignore the day or you could use it to celebrate her Flowers

Hithere1981 · 19/02/2018 09:15

I lost both my beloved parents in my twenties

Days like Mother’s Day and father’s day mean bugger all to me. I don’t look for things to piss me off basically.

It’s someone walking by me with my mum’s perfume or seeing a book I kkkw my dad would have loved to read - that kind of thing that hits me hard.

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 19/02/2018 09:24

If you look really hard, sometimes you can find a tiny silver lining even to such a horrible noxious cloud. Mine is that we now spend a lot more time with the family and especially DF. This brilliant poem sums up for me how it feels to lose your mum, and something of the total dread that I feel when I think that one day DF won't be here either. It's so matter of fact, but the last stanza always gives me chills and prickly eyes, however many times I read it!

m.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/long-distance-ii

Lizzie48 · 19/02/2018 10:03

If I'm honest, Mother's Day has never really meant anything to me. My DM was dismissive of it; as a child, she used to say she wasn't interested in the cards we made, if we weren't obedient to her. Then as a young adult, I once bought her a really big card, and instead of being touched she asked why would I waste money like that?

So I stopped caring really, and now my relationship with my DM has deteriorated, because of memories of our abusive childhood (physical abuse plus SA from my father), it's made it very difficult for me to be around her.

I do love getting cards from my 2 DDs, who are now keen on giving me flowers as well. Smile

You really should cherish the memories of your lovely DM, maybe toast her memory on Mother's Day, make it more positive.

Thanks for your loss, OP

HRTpatch · 19/02/2018 10:06

I have no mother and my kids aren't talking to me at the moment.Hmm
Doubt I will get a card.
But I've never made a big deal of it.

SlackPanther · 19/02/2018 10:08

Sorry you have lost your much loved Mum, who must have loved you to bits. Remember her on Mother's Day (of course you will) and know that you are just as important to your own kids. Flowers

gussyfinknottle · 19/02/2018 10:13

I think about my late mum all the time. Mother's Day doesn't amplify it for me because it hurts a bit all the time.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 19/02/2018 10:18

Sorry about your mum op Flowers. Mine died in sudden and unexpected circumstances in 2013. I don’t mind Mother’s Day, but I have to say I often choose to spend it either alone or with my immediate family. DH obviously wants to sometimes spend it with his mum, which I don’t like doing. Much as I love my MIL (and I do), I feel sad spending the day with her and her children. So I get where you’re coming from.

wakemeupbefore · 19/02/2018 10:39

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spidey66 · 19/02/2018 10:41

I felt it the first couple of Mother's Days after losing my mum, especially seeing people with flowers, chocolates etc obviously going to see their mum. Now I've lost my mum, and don't have kids myself, it just passes me by tbh.

Oysterbabe · 19/02/2018 10:42

How lovely of you wakemeup to take the time to kick someone who's grieving. Have some compassion FFS.

beepthemeep · 19/02/2018 10:43

Wake me up - go fuck yourself for that horrible post Angry

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 19/02/2018 10:44

I’m with @beep.

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