To think that Mother’s Day just rubs your nose in it if you haven’t got one? :(

[Chattycat78]

Just that really.

Here it is again I see.

My mother died in 2009. It still kicks me in the guts like crazy every time I pass the shops with all the cards and know I can’t buy a card ever again as I have no one to buy for.

There was some radio program last year talking about how “inclusive” Mother’s Day is because “everyone has one”. No they don’t.

The sting isn’t even taken away by the Fact I’m a mother now myself.

I’m not looking to ban it. I realise Mothers should be celebrated. But boy does it remind me of what i no longer have.

Depends how you view Mothers Day. My mother always took a dim view of the crass commercialisation of what was a Church event: Mothering Sunday.

Of course you have to appreciate that my mother was dragged unwillingly to Church - her parents were deeply religious and she was of a more questioning nature and therefore not so keen...
so she didn't ever want anybody to spend anything on flowers or cards.
I also take the same view: what's the point of it? Soppy sentimentalist and poorly executed rhymes in a badly drawn card for an extortionate price. Any flowers bought don't last they are usually dead (like this week's Valentine roses many were dead before they left the shop!)

You don't need Mothers Day to appreciate your mother, whether your mother is still alive or not.
(Mine isn't, in case you're wondering.)

I do think about people without their mothers on mother's day. I still have my mum, thankfully. My LTR ended a couple of years ago and Xmas cards make me feel sad - valentine's day not so much. for all mothers.

I kind of get where you're coming from. I lost my nan last year - she brought me up, so was like a mum to me - and ever since I do feel slightly bitter about Mother's day. The thing is, everyone has a right to celebrate their mums and it's going to happen. Last year I took my nan's favourite flower up to the cemetary and just sat for while and took some time to remember her.

My mum died when I was a child. I don't remember MD when she was alive really. So grew up without a mum and then had ten years trying for a child with DH. MD was the pits. DH didn't bother getting MIL a card. MIL did have a word with me about it once (passive aggressive blaming me) as I am the gift and card buyer but I told her my mother had died and to speak to DH.

Fast forward through the IVF and associated heartbreak and much later than planned we had our DC.

Approaching the first MD after that was the first time I didn't feel dread. But then MIL did her best to wreck it because she told me that she expected a card and gift from DC and all the other GC remembered her on MD. I didn't comply but told DH. He also ignored her instruction and she sent a mean text to me on MD morning saying that I would know how she felt in a few years time when DC didn't send me cards. The text felt like a threat.

Fast forward again to now and this will be the first year that I will not have MIL in my life (no longer have contact with her). I want to look forward to it but am waiting to see what stunt she may pull.

Know exactly how you feel - my mum died in 2007 & my dad died 2008. There isn't a day passes when I don't think about/miss them. I find it helps taking flowers to the cemetery regularly + on special days like Mothers/Fathers Days. for everyone's sadness.

Mine is quite abusive but she loves that sort of thing, so I'll have to grit my teeth and find a card which isn't too saccharine sweet and jump through the hoops of meal/present.

By contrast a friend just lost her mum who was her best friend so it will be a really difficult day for her.

It's the first Mothers Day since my mum died.
I'm not really looking forward to it but I don't take it personally at all, same as when I didn't get anything on Valentines Day !

YANBU, I fucking hate Mother's Day.

My Mum brought my brother and I up alone so we only really gave her cards made at school, then later clubbed together to get her a chocolate orange.

She died in 1994 when I was 20. The first Mother's Day after that, my then BF asked me to get him a card for his mum as he'd forgotten (hadn't bothered). I have hated the day, thinking of it as, "Ha, ha! Your Mum's dead" day, ever since. The conversations at work where I have had to explain that my Mum was still dead to the same colleagues each year are burned in my memory.

Now I have my own child, all I want is a home made card (and a cup of tea in bed, obvs). I don't want to contribute to the commercialisation of yet another shitty Hallmark holiday.

I lost my mum in 2016 and it still feels quite raw at times. I actually felt myself tearing up when walking through my local shopping centre yesterday and seeing that Card Factory had put all the Mother's Day stuff up.

My mum stopped talking to me 8 years ago, she’s narcissistic and it’s was actually for the best she isn’t in my life now. Mother’s Day does make me wish I had a maternal mother, I was blessed with a wonderful Nan so I don’t feel I’ve missed everything.

If you’ve had an amazing mother but lost her use the day to celebrate her, go & do something she loved or something that reminds you of a happy time spent with them.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, OP. My mum lost my Nan in 2001 and each year Mothers Day is tinged with sadness for her because she doesn’t have her mum here anymore.

It upsets me too Op my mum is an abusive alcoholic who abandoned us, so I struggle with all the lovely mum messages on mother’s day. I think people assume everyone has unconditional love and support from mothers. I don’t begrudge them, just makes me feel sad.
I do find becoming a mum has helped somewhat, and I’m trying to reframe it as a lovely day to celebrate my DS (and am due a second tomorrow!).

mogulfield Wow that means you get two breakfasts in bed this year! Congratulaions.

I envy you op, you obviously had a lovely mum, you were very lucky to have that. And I'm very sorry for your loss.

I hate mother's day because I have to send my narcissistic, racist, toxic mum a card about how great she is or have hell to pay. I wish it didn't exist.

I'm another one facing my first Mothers Day without my Mum. Not looking forward to it at all but to be honest I'm dreading my birthday more. My Mum didn't think much of Mothers Day but she always made a huge fuss of me on my birthday. I can't see the point of celebrating it this time. I wish I could fast forward a year and have all these "firsts" behind me.

Same here KenDodd exactly

Used to avoid certain wording but now I think so what it’s all fake anyway.

to op and all pp who have lost what we never had x

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor Used to avoid certain wording...

When MIL did her "You are the only ones that didn't get me a MD card" thing, I actually looked the following year (before I realised I was a stupid idiot and not going to cave to the passive aggressiveness for someone who wasn't even my mother) and I couldn't believe how hard it was to find a card that didn't say "You are the most wonderful precious loving kind person in the world, I will love you til the end of time, thank you for my life" or similar.

Who writes those things?

I don't have strong feelings about either mother's Day (I'm estranged from my mother) or father's Day (my dad died a few years ago) but I think that is because my mother, being an abusive narcissist, tended to want to run things on those days. There was no genuine emotion connected to either day, or to any holidays really - it was always a matter of having been seen to have done the things that a loving family would do on that day (and if my dad and I didn't perform to her standards she'd start a massive rammy that would last the whole day, didn't matter if it was Christmas or your birthday or whatever). So I kind of got trained out if expecting those days to be nice. And I find it quite hard to cope with now with my own kids, not at Christmas etc when the focus is on them, but mother's Day and the expectation that they should make my breakfast or all this stuff, I really hate it - I wish their bloody Kindergarten would shut up about it and we could avoid the whole thing.

But OP I can see that if you had a good relationship with your mother and miss her, it must be hard on that day. If I were you I'd take the opportunity to remember her and mourn, you know, expect it to be a sad and solemn day from now on. There's nothing wrong with being sad when you remember someone that you loved who has died.

for me it's fathers day. it starts a month before the date. signs everywhere. always upsets me. then on the day it's the social media posts. hate it

I felt like that for the first two years after my dad's death about Father`s Day. Totally understand the OP.

I lost my Mom in January so not even 2 months yet. I knew the day was coming but with it still so raw it seems you can’t go past a restaurant, open an email or go in a shop without being reminded. I accept I’m being irrational but I will be glad come March 12/13 and it’s moved onto highlighting Easter

Was it mother's day yesterday?

I do hate it. Am nc with mine but ought to tell dh to get his mum a card.

I find it hard too. My mother is alive but not really interested in me and I wish we had that really close relationship others do. It also reminds me of my own infertility. I concentrate now on doing something nice for my lovely MIL. It can be a very difficult day though

My mum died in 2014. I hate Mother's Day. Before I had dd I absolutely despised it as there was no distraction.