AIBU to already be resigned to having a bad birthing experience and feeling quite low about it?

[AHungryMum]

40+2

No signs of labour starting yet

Went to hospital yesterday because I thought my foetal movements had reduced, albeit they went back to normal whilst I was in hospital. The foetal heart trace was good, the vaginal exam was good (head low, cervix soft but still closed). So far so good. However, my urine had glucose in it (possibly the bag of Cadburys Fingers I'd eaten that afternoon?) and my blood glucose was a little high too. I'd previously had the glucose tolerance test (due to the fact the baby's abdominal circumference was only just within normal range at my 30 week scan) and it was fine back then (6 weeks ago). They measured my bump and think the baby may be a bit big. At my last midwifes appointment a couple of weeks ago, she thought the baby's size was fine, no concerns raised then.

The upshot is, they are now going to induce me on Mon or Tues next week. I'm trying to be strong but I'm actually really upset for the following reasons-

• I'd hoped to avoid an epidural to minimise the risk of needing instrument assisted delivery, tearing etc.
• I am terrified of the idea of an epidural generally
• I know induced labours tend to be more painful than labours that commence naturally
• I hate the idea of an instrument assisted delivery but particularly forceps
• I am terrified of getting a 3rd or 4th degree tear and know that regardless of pain relief options chosen, the chances of that have gone up with the decision to induce me, and with possibly having a big baby
• there is also the risk I could spend ages in labour, in agony, only to end up needing a C section anyway, which would be kind of soul destroying really
• I'm also feeling guilty in case I have given myself gestational diabetes late on in the pregnancy through being a bit too naughty with treats and that my daughter will end up struggling with her weight as a result.

Basically, after having lucked out with a largely easy pregnancy, I'm now fearing/expecting the worst in terms of what kind of labour experience I can realistically expect and I'm feeling quite low about it. 😔😢 Am I being ridiculous? Is it normal to feel like this? Does anyone have any positive induction experiences they can reassure me with? Am I barking mad to even consider trying it without the epidural to begin with if all they do initially is pessary?

You do realise that you csn refuse an induction? Its your body and you decide what happens to it.

Having said that you seem to be blurring the pros and cons of an epidural with the pros and cons of induction.

- I'd hoped to avoid an epidural to minimise the risk of needing instrument assisted delivery, tearing etc. As you say it can only minimise the risk. All of those things can still happen without an epidural.
- I am terrified of the idea of an epidural generally can you express why?
- I know induced labours tend to be more painful than labours that commence naturally Well generally but there are massive variations and frankly you have no idea how it will be until you go through it. Fyi appendicitis was worse for me than dc1 who was induced.
- I hate the idea of an instrument assisted delivery but particularly forceps they dont use them for fun. They only use them if one or both of you are in danger. They used the vacuum cup on dc2 because after 6 hours of delivery I was begging them to get the baby out of me.
- I am terrified of getting a 3rd or 4th degree tear and know that regardless of pain relief options chosen, the chances of that have gone up with the decision to induce me, and with possibly having a big baby Its a risk. Again you dont have to be induced.
- there is also the risk I could spend ages in labour, in agony, only to end up needing a C section anyway, which would be kind of soul destroying really This can happen with any birth. And this is why we have epidurals.
- I'm also feeling guilty in case I have given myself gestational diabetes late on in the pregnancy through being a bit too naughty with treats and that my daughter will end up struggling with her weight as a result. please stop using words like naughty and treats to describe your choices. Youre an adult and you can eat whatever the fuck you like. Measurements can be wrong. I doubt you can have done much damage in the last 2 weeks. But im not a mw or obstetrician.

My third labour was induced, and it was by far my easiest and least painful. Plus it was the only baby I have managed to push out without assistance! And I had an epidural!

I was induced. Only used gas and air... think positive

I had to have an epidural with one and a spinal with another and honestly, all I felt was relief after being in labour for so long. I also wanted natural deliveries and water births but for various reasons that didn’t happen. I had the epidural after being induced and I didn’t tear at all or need any assistance with the delivery.

The other time I had the spinal specifically because I needed to have forceps. (No induction) It really was a complete relief after several hours of pushing with no progress. I dreaded the thought of them but it really was very quick and completely painless and within minutes I was cuddling my gorgeous DS and nothing else mattered. The stitches were a bit stingy for a few days afterwards but I had no long term problems at all.

It’s perfectly normal to get a bit anxious at this stage but there really is no way of knowing how things will turn out. Try to get out and about in the fresh air as much as possible. I find that helps me when I’m feeling anxious and the exercise may help to get labour going on its own.

If it helps I've had two pitocin deliveries on gas and air. It was painful but manageable, and the second time I refused to be on my back which made the second stage a lot quicker than with my first! The gas and air wasn't really that effective towards the end as the contractions were on top of another but I got through it. Second degree tear both times, both healed fine and no lasting effects.

OP - you don't need to have an epidural with an induction. Just go in and see how it goes. You might cope fine without one, you might be thanking the gods of epidural by an hour in.

I was induced. No epidural during the induction process, but eventually had a Section 48 hours later due to failure to progress, and had an epidural for that. It wasn't soul destroying. I got a lovely healthy baby at the end of it.

Just see how it goes. Definitely no point in wallowing in the loss of what you thought labour would be. It rarely goes the way anyone wants it to.

I like to hold in mind how lucky we are to have all these methods and means of keeping mum and baby healthy and getting them through such a big event.

Good luck OP! You'll be grand. Eyes on the prize

Just to add to PP, you can also carefully consider progress at each stage of induction. Personally, I asked that my waters not be broken following successful pessary. I knew that once I had my waters broken, I was on a timeline before drip and I didn’t want the pressure. They left
me to labour naturally and I gave birth in the water. However, everyone is different and my circumstances were purely post-term. I would always recommend defaulting to the professional opinion.

2nd pregnancy was induced as waters had broken 24 hours previously and he didn't fancy coming into the world just yet. I think that it felt a
Little worse as it came on quicker than my first, which was contractions slowly and built up so you sort of got used to the pain.
However, when the man came in to give me the epidural I could have kissed him and it made things so much easier and smoother and less painful.
On my first they brought the forceps in on a trolley, and they were like if you don't keep going we're going to have to use these. Suddenly I found the strength from somewhere cuz sure as hell I wasn't going to let them near me.

I had a similar situation: back to back baby, 4 days in labour with horrific constant back pain which made the contractions pale into significance, augmented labour - like getting medicine to induce a labour that has already started - prepped for an emergency c-section but they would just try forceps first anyway which I felt like was the worst of both worlds. It was all ok and I would do it all again if I had to. Don't worry. I would recommend demanding an epidural all the way through so if you need forceps or cut, you won't feel it.

I was induced, did have an epidural, and had absolutely no tears or instruments at all with an almost 9lb baby. The epidural was fine, they top it up as and when you need it so but the time I actually delivered it had worn off and I was able to feel what to do, with guideance from the midwives.

Good luck, you'll be ok

Even if you go in to labour naturally, you may still want an epidural in the end. You might still need forceps. You might tear. You might need a c section. All these things don't go hand in hand with induction, it's just luck of the draw I'm afraid.

The best thing you can do is be as positive as possible and go in to it with an open mind and just take each moment as it comes. You don't have to have an epidural just because you're being induced, many do it without! I got about half way through my induction without but needed one in the end as I felt like pushing too early and it was too much for me, didn't find out til later that was because baby was stuck in the canal. I unfortunately ended in an emergency c section. But that's just life. I'm fine and my baby is now a toddler and couldn't be more fine! My friend was induced and had her baby with just gas and air only 3 hours later. Everyone is different. Don't dwell too much on the bad stuff or you won't enjoy it either way. Good luck whatever happens.

My epidural was GREAT. I was so relaxed and calm and i still had some feeling, but it was more like pressure than pain. I didnt need to be told i was contracting. I only had a slight tear and didn't feel the stitches. Within two hours i had a shower on my own and pushed my baby round to the post natal ward.

Am I being ridiculous? A bit.
Is it normal to feel like this? anxious about giving birth? Certainly.
Does anyone have any positive induction experiences they can reassure me with? Ive only been induced. Dc1 was 11 hours from pessary to holding him in my arms. It went so fast all I got was 2 pamol. The worst bit of that birth was by far the way everything was done to me. I didnt know I had a say in what happened to my body. I think the worst was being stitched up afterwards before the anasthetic had kicked in.
Dc 2 was psychologically fine but physically traumatic. I was in control. A dreamy dr like the ones you see in the movies gave me an epidural. Delivery went on for so long because dc2 was back to back which no one had worked out. My pelvic floor muscle was so big the mw couldnt get her hand past it to feel where dds ears and nose were.
Am I barking mad to even consider trying it without the epidural to begin with if all they do initially is pessary? No of course not. Aim for the least amount of intervention, but be prepared to be flexible if things dont go to plan.

My view/expectations of childbirth were skewed as I did a dissertation on maternal mortality. I wanted the baby out in one piece and me alive. Anything else was a bonus but I still wasnt happy with dc1s birth. I learned that being in control was also important.

I was induced at 42 weeks, back to back baby, it didn't hurt any more than my non induced birth and I only had gas and air. It was a wonderful experience and I didn't need to have any interventions like forceps etc. There's every chance it will be fine, you're setting yourself up for it to be a bed experience if you assume it's going to be. Good luck!

I wasn't induced and did not have an epidural and ended up with a failed ventous followed by episiptomy and forceps delivery after 6 hours of active pushing. Your labour could go smoothly or not wether your induced or not. I understand your fear as i was terrified of having to have an instrumental delivery but ended up with one. I think it is best to try not to think about it and take it as it comes.

You wouldn't be able to have an epidural before the first pessary anyway, so that's not ridiculous at all! The pessaries are usually done on antenatal ward and you only get moved to labour ward once you're ready for the next step - and epidurals are only done on LW. I delivered DS (10lb) 12 hours after the first pessary with no additional interventions and only a 2nd degree tear. Obviously there's a huge range of possible experiences but no need for catastrophising.

I was induced and had an epidural. Baby born quickly, no instruments and minimal tearing. I think it was about as easy and stress/pain-free as labour can be, so it's not necessarily the end of the world, even though it may not be what you planned or hoped for. Good luck!

I've had two induced labours.

1. due to being overdue. It was fine. Gas and air, was told towards the end I may need forceps if pushing didn't work but it did work. I tore, had stitches. Healed. It was fine.

2. induced due to unstable lie. I was really stressed and worried about c sections and interventions. I was induced by the Dr breaking my waters and then out on a syntocinon drip. I did end up with am epidural but only because the baby was back to back. I definitely could push. He was an awkward bugger and tried to crown facing the wrong way. Dr was called and tried to manually turn the babys head. Didnt work so he went to prep for forceps but baby magically turned and I pushed him out before theatre was prepped. No tears or stitches. And I was able to walk to have a shower 2 hours after the baby was born.

Inductions don't have to be awful. What I would say is that if you agree to be induced then go into it with the aim of having as good an induced birth you can rather than regretting not having any other birth.

I went into #2 deciding that I would do what was needed to give birth to the baby safely. It meant I was ok with having the epidural, previously something I was totally against, because I knew that I needed it. I made the decision not to second guess or worry about what could happen but instead deal with what was happening right then.

Worry9ng about what might happen or being upset about what couldn't happen simply did not help me deal with the reality of what actually was happening.

Good luck
It doesn't have to be a bad labour.

Op i had a close friend who was induced and managed with gas and air and her yoga and music cds to get through without an epidural. However an epidural also doesnt mean you then cant have a vaginal natural delivery.

Its only a day of your life..then the baby is forever! I think wr all over focus on birth ..you will be fine and in good hands throughout.

Try not to have a fixed idea of what will happen. I was induced, dreaded it, expected the worse. But actually it was fine (as these things go). Short labour set off by pessary, no need for the drip. Gas and air only. So it’s not true that all inductions are bad experiences. Good luck

YANBU, having a baby is painful and dangerous for the mum but thankfully we have fairly competent midwifes and doctors to help.

My first was a 9lbs baby born at 40+2, induced with epidural, episiotomy and ventouse delivery, my second was 9lbs too but born in 20 minutes without pain relief (needed a few stitches though). You can't tell how it will go but you'll have people helping you along the way. The first time my baby was starting to get distressed so the doctor got her out asap, the second things were progressing well so the midwife was just encouraging and assisting.

I was scared of the epidural the first time round but the pain was so intense that I decided to go for it (be careful of not waiting for too long if you think you will want the epidural as you need to be able to stay still for the needle to go in).

Another one here who was induced and didn't have an epidural, in fact I did hypnobirthing techniques and then gas and air.
I was put straight on the drip in the morning and had my baby in my arms by 3pm.

Stay positive, stay calm and think of the wonderful outcome. Sending you all the best!

Just a quick message to say I was dead against an epidural but the baby was back to back. It was actually an amazing experience and I was able to push her out without instrumental help and had minimal tearing. It changed my whole view and I guess what I'm saying is keep an open mind. It was all nothing like I imagined.

I had over complications which made it scary but honestly 3 months on its faded a lot. Remember you're in control of what happens to you, but don't be afraid of the epidural as it wasn't in any way scary in reality. It was pretty wonderful for my specific circumstances.

I was induced and had an epidural but no forceps were used and I didn't tear. In fact, I dozed through a lot of my labour and the midwife woke me up to push near the end. DS was out in 4-5 pushes.

I was induced.

Pessary and g&a only.

Waters were broken and second stage labour was only 45 mins.

Only successful pregnancy so I have nothing to compare it to, but it was honestly fine.

Episiotomy, nearly had venthouse but didn't need it