AIBU to already be resigned to having a bad birthing experience and feeling quite low about it?

[AHungryMum]

40+2

No signs of labour starting yet

Went to hospital yesterday because I thought my foetal movements had reduced, albeit they went back to normal whilst I was in hospital. The foetal heart trace was good, the vaginal exam was good (head low, cervix soft but still closed). So far so good. However, my urine had glucose in it (possibly the bag of Cadburys Fingers I'd eaten that afternoon?) and my blood glucose was a little high too. I'd previously had the glucose tolerance test (due to the fact the baby's abdominal circumference was only just within normal range at my 30 week scan) and it was fine back then (6 weeks ago). They measured my bump and think the baby may be a bit big. At my last midwifes appointment a couple of weeks ago, she thought the baby's size was fine, no concerns raised then.

The upshot is, they are now going to induce me on Mon or Tues next week. I'm trying to be strong but I'm actually really upset for the following reasons-

• I'd hoped to avoid an epidural to minimise the risk of needing instrument assisted delivery, tearing etc.
• I am terrified of the idea of an epidural generally
• I know induced labours tend to be more painful than labours that commence naturally
• I hate the idea of an instrument assisted delivery but particularly forceps
• I am terrified of getting a 3rd or 4th degree tear and know that regardless of pain relief options chosen, the chances of that have gone up with the decision to induce me, and with possibly having a big baby
• there is also the risk I could spend ages in labour, in agony, only to end up needing a C section anyway, which would be kind of soul destroying really
• I'm also feeling guilty in case I have given myself gestational diabetes late on in the pregnancy through being a bit too naughty with treats and that my daughter will end up struggling with her weight as a result.

Basically, after having lucked out with a largely easy pregnancy, I'm now fearing/expecting the worst in terms of what kind of labour experience I can realistically expect and I'm feeling quite low about it. 😔😢 Am I being ridiculous? Is it normal to feel like this? Does anyone have any positive induction experiences they can reassure me with? Am I barking mad to even consider trying it without the epidural to begin with if all they do initially is pessary?

On the plus side, quite enjoying the bouncing on my new gym ball. No idea whether these things actually make a difference but it's kind of comfy and relaxing anyway. So there is that at least! 😊

“I haven't bothered with hypnobirthing as I'm cynical about hypnosis. I once had a professional try to hypnotise me and it didn't work. I don't think I'm susceptible to it therefore. If I'm not susceptible to professional hypnosis I doubt I'd be receptive to self hypnosis either unfortunately! It's a pity as I know others it's worked well for, it's just not for me I'm afraid. Even with yoga sessions I'm not very good at the clearing your mind but. My mind is prone to wandering, albeit generally not in a negative/anxious way!”

Maybe look up hypnobirthing before dismissing it completely? It’s not just about hypnosis. It’s actually more about relaxation, and positive affirmations and visualisation. The kind of thing you might do in yoga but focused on birth.

But if you don’t want to try it, fine.

I still don’t know why you’ve convinced yourself that every induction ends in instrumental delivery and 3/4 degree tear. Sure the risk is slightly higher but that doesn’t mean it’s definitely going to happen.

Fwiw I think stress inhibits the natural process so the relaxation idea isn’t just “woo”, it’s supposed to help practically as well.

I was induced, had an epidural and ended up with an episiotomy and a third degree tear that had to be stitched in theatre. I had no problems with it, didn't hurt afterwards at all, was barely even sore and healed well.

I know there are lots of nightmare stories about everything to do with labour and birth, but even the things you're worrying about might not be that bad if - and it is if - they happen.

Totally normal to be anxious about childbirth op.

That said, please try to be positive. There are so many birth stories in here which proves that every birth is as unique as the individual and baby involved.

I was really scared to be told my baby was big. She was nearly 9 pounds and the quickest, easiest of my two births - with no time for pain relief. I tore, but we both survived. In both cases I was up and about the following day. I don't say this to give you a false sense of hope, or to make others feel bad who had worse experiences or longer recoveries, but to say what will be, will be. You and your baby will be well looked after. Just make sure your birthing partner will be strong for you and assertive with others on your behalf if necessary.

Good luck.

As someone who ended up with ptsd after giving birth I can understand your anxiety, it sounds like you feel that you’re losing control over the birth. Talk to your midwife about the options open to you. You could also think about things you are worried might go wrong and outline a coping strategy. Eg if you and baby were split up would dp stay with you or baby? In case you need a c section or need to stay in maybe write a list of things DH can buy you eg not knickers, magazines. Research different formula brands in case you can’t breastfeed etc. So if anything does go wrong you have already made decisions about what happens next

I always dismissed hypnosis as being a bit woo, but I did look into hypnobirthing before my baby was born, and found it very helpful, not so much in the birth itself, but in the run up to birth and the early labour stages. It helped me to relax and focus on breathing and it helped me sleep in the last couple of weeks as well. As others have mentioned, it's about relaxation and positive visualization. I focused a lot on visualizing the moment my baby was placed on my chest after birth and it helped a lot with getting through the last week (I went 8 days overdue).

OP, I was very cynical about hypnobirthing. I'm an anaesthetist, and I work in labour ward, so I see all the things that can go wrong. I was very open to whatever needed to be done to get me and baby through birth safely, and initially thought hypnobirthing was a load of hippy crap. But I found pregnancy yoga far more enjoyable than I expected, and found the breathing exercises and visualisations we did very calming, so then got hold of a hypno book and read it. Some things still didn't resonate with me, but a lot of the principles were still relevant. I went overdue to 42 weeks and spent a fair bit of those last two weeks doing yoga/bouncing on my ball.

I wouldn't say I put myself into the deep trance-like state that some women achieve, but I definitely found it helped me focus and not panic, which is vital. I was induced in the end, and despite expecting a raft of interventions, went into labour with just the Propess (have no idea on stats for how common this is though!) and delivered 10lb DS about 12 hours after the pessary went in. 2nd degree tear but that has healed fine.

I wouldn't say hypnobirthing is a magic cure for everything, but it can't hurt for you to try some relaxation techniques while you're waiting!

I wonder if some of your worries stem from a fear of not being in control of the situation? I’m autistic and a terrible control freak, and I dreaded labour and wanted to do it with no intervention etc- and that’s despite me being a hospital doctor!
What it comes down to is being able to trust the professionals who will be looking after you - and that does involve letting go a little bit. It may be strange and scary for you, but it’s routine for them, and they will deliver you in the best and safest way for you and your baby.
There are thousands of maternal deaths in the 3rd world - those women could have been saved by the very interventions you are dreading. On the day, I think you will forget all the worries and overanalysing and just be swept up in the overwhelming experience of giving birth. As an anaesthetist I can reassure you that epidurals provide safe and excellent pain relief, but nobody will force one on you - see how you feel about it once labour gets going.
I would also try some form of relaxation therapy, as being tense can delay progress.
Practise calmness and trust, and change your focus to thinking of the happiness of finally meeting your new baby. Best wishes, and I’m sure you’ll be fine!

About the 48hr induction.

In was told the same with #1. They'd insert the pessary, it most likely wouldn't work, is get another 24hrs after the first then a 24hr break and then a final one then a c-section.

I got the first one at 2pm. Contractions started around 10pm. Taken from induction ward to labour ward at 2.30am 8/9cm dilated. Baby born 4.35am.

They told me the predicted course of events so that I would know What could happen, it wasn't what WOULD happen.

And the Dr I imagine would only really see women who had been induced but hadn't progressed to labour and birth. So their experience tends to be skewed by that.

You are not staring horrible medical interventions in the face. You are just looking likely to need a bit of help to get things going.

A small minority of babies are born on their due dates, most are born a bit before or after.

It will be fine. I would say don't fight the acceptance of an induction - if you go with it. Let go of the dreams of beautiful candle lit water births or whatever your dream of an ideal birth was. You can still have a positive and happy labour experience.

Take deep breaths. Keep walking around. Enjoy the knowledge that you are less than a week away from having the baby (unless the baby has already been born in which case congratulations and ignore everything I've said above )

I had forceps and episiotomy as my DD got stuck. I had a spinal which was bliss. Didn’t see the forceps (wasn’t painful) no tearing, episiotomy healed well.

I think with 5 days to go until my induction date there probably not really time for me to do any hypnobirthing stuff anyway! Probably moot point then.

Having looked at my notes from yesterday, my Bishops score for condition of my cervix would be 2. From my reading online, that means an induction is unlikely to succeed anyway! But from my notes from last Friday, it would have been more like 4 (soft cervix rather than medium, cervical length of 1-2cm instead of yesterday's 2cm...)...so either my cervix has become less ready for labour in the space of the last week, or one of the people examining me has got it wrong. Either way, doesn't look good in terms of induction actually working and I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should be pushing harder for a C section, especially if theres a good chance it will end up heading that way anyway...

DC3 was induced (Ironically due to gestational diabetes!). 24h pessary was out in, I had niggles almost immediately and they continued for 20 hours. Then 'proper' contractions started and baby was here about 80 minutes later. No tears or grazes and only G&A as pain relief.

It hurt, but no more than my non induced labours.

Midwife said to me no chance was I going into labour by myself and I did, so all hope is not lost.

There's just no way of knowing how it'll go which I know is horrible. But there's every chance it'll be fine. Or you'll totally fail to progress and after enduring contractions you'll be whisked off for an emcs, which would be a good result compared to the catastrophe you're imagining at the moment!

Erm I was never induced but you can refuse still. You have another 2 weeks left before the placenta stops working. My dd came at 40+2. Could you not try methods that can induce naturally? Sex, long walk etc?
An epidural wasn't so bad for me personally but I can understand you wanting to avoid it entirely. I went in at 4cm saying I was having no pain relief, not even gas and air and as soon as the next 3 contractions came and went I was on it.
I needed the epidural as both me and my dd grew tired and towards the end there was a huge chance I was being emergency c sectioned. I didn't tear, didn't need an episiotomy? Not sure what it's called where they cut to get the baby out?

I didn't read it all, but could you ask for a sweep instead to see if it can get things going for you?
I was always against making a birth plan as I was told it would always go out the window

I was induced and was really worried about the likelihood of a long labour with extra pain and complications.

My contractions started within about an hour of the pessary being inserted, and my ds was born within about 3 hours. It was all a bit of a surprise when I was expecting a long, drawn out affair. I can’t claim it was pain free as there was no time for pain relief - but, as labours go - it was remarkably fast, easy and intervention free. I hope that you have a similar experience.

Just checked as now I said it, was curious as to whether guidelines still give women the option to request a c section, and have that request granted under NICE guidelines, and it still seems as though this is the case.
I hope things go the way you want them to OP- be firm and assertive, while obviously taking medical advice on board, whatever you decide to do.
As I said, I had a c section at my request (my consultant was really lovely, and supported me 100%) but as I went into labour slightly before the planned date , Iwas admitted as an emergency and was still under pressure from midwives to try for a natural birth although I had never expressed a preference for this at all. It was actually quite distressing to have to have this discussion at such a late stage when I thought everything had been sorted out.
Afterwards, on the ward, they made it quite clear what they thought of me.
However I have absolutely no regrets. I made the right decision for me, and I feel that it is really important that all women have the opportunity to choose what is right for them.
All the best to you

I had 2 inductions and they seemed pretty good to be honest. One at 41 and the other at 39wks.

For the first, I had the first pessary at 7pm, waters broken at 8am, drip at 9am and a baby just after 3pm. Gas and air at the very end.

Second was easier.

Not all inductions are disasters 🙂

Glad you are feeling better OP.

If it helps, I had DS1 by induction last summer, he was overdue. Pessary only, gas and air, no epidural. No instruments, 2nd degree tear which were stitched up under anaesthetic and caused me no after pain whatsoever (when peeing etc.). A few piles which were sore for a few days but with cream and paracetamol/ibuprofen they didn't cause me much bother for long. I was going on 3 mile walks with DS the week after giving birth. He was 9lb 5.5oz, so a reasonable size!

Yes it hurt, but my recovery was quick and I'm planning on having more children so it can't have been too bad!

Good luck OP, it'll be alright and in a few weeks you'll be back on here letting us know what you had and telling us we were right

Oh, and under 12 hours start to finish!

Hi OP, I totally understand how you're feeling. After a traumatic first birth (PND and PTSD), being pregnant again and facing the thought of birth took me to a very dark place.

I know you're not keen but I'm studying hypnobirthing and I genuinely believe it will help me a lot this time around. I know you don't have time to do lots of practice but one thing I've found really useful is 'positive affirmations'. If I start to feel really dark about birth I listen to the positive affirmations and genuinely feel a million times more positive afterwards. It's something you can start at any time so perhaps look them up and have a go.

I think I could send you a link to the free download I'm using if you want it.

The scariest part of labour is the fear beforehand.
Please try not to freak out.
It won't be that bad.

“I think with 5 days to go until my induction date there probably not really time for me to do any hypnobirthing stuff anyway! Probably moot point then.”

Eh? 5 days is plenty of time to listen to one or two 10 minute meditations
But you obviously don’t want to try it.

To be honest your bishops score is neither here nor there. It could change very quickly once labour kicks off (naturally or via induction).

But if you think the only thing that will make you feel calmer and more positive about the birth is to book an ELCS, go for it.

Hi OP I’m waving at you from the due in Feb thread!!

I just wanted to reaffirm to you that I felt very very similar to how you do about labour and birth in general before I had DD last week. As I got closer and closer to my due date I became more and more worried about the fact that I was going to have to push an actual baby out of my vagina. I knew it was inevitable that baby was coming and that I really wanted a vaginal delivery, but I wasn’t prepared for that worry that I had as well. Then I went overdue and they booked me in for induction which I didn’t want either. Seriously I had a list of things I didn’t want: c-section, epidural, induction, instrumental delivery. Anyway I ended up being induced and you know what? It was fine! I have nothing to compare it to with it being my first, but I managed to get to 6cm with nothing but paracetamol and then delivered on gas and air only. Oh I also said I didn’t want to deliver on my back- guess how I delivered?!

Basically I’m saying you just need to sit tight and see how things go. I’m the ultimate control freak and actually I found that once I was in for induction that I calmed down significantly. The fact that at some point I was going to meet my baby now this had all started (even if it took two days- spoiler, it didn’t) made the whole thing easier. The waiting was honestly the hardest part because I was driving myself crackers over all the “night happen” scenarios.

In summary I got induced when I didn’t really want to but it was ok! Pessary in at 11am, waters went at 9pm, 6cm by 11pm, DD delivered 3.40am on gas and air with no instrumental assistance and only a second degree tear. Came home the same day. Still feel like myself, only with a perfect baby girl which somehow me and DH created!!

I faint at the sight of a needle so was scared like you. I had an induction and the pessary started labour. I just had gas and air. Honestly once you are in the moment you won’t notice all the scary stuff. I had a needle and stitches and an IV drip and didn’t blink an eye. Once your baby is there nothing else matters.

I had forceps with my first child after going into labour naturally. I did have to be stitched, but I was fine.

I tore very badly with my next child, just missing major surgery, but a normal birth.

Third was perfect, everything you'd wish for in a labour and birth.

Fourth was induced, I only had gas and air and another normal birth.

So, from my experience alone, you can see that everything is dependent on circumstances on the day. Most births are fine, however, you really must trust the midwives. They do this day in day out and they are very good advocates for what you want in your birth. Let them help you.