AIBU to already be resigned to having a bad birthing experience and feeling quite low about it?

[AHungryMum]

40+2

No signs of labour starting yet

Went to hospital yesterday because I thought my foetal movements had reduced, albeit they went back to normal whilst I was in hospital. The foetal heart trace was good, the vaginal exam was good (head low, cervix soft but still closed). So far so good. However, my urine had glucose in it (possibly the bag of Cadburys Fingers I'd eaten that afternoon?) and my blood glucose was a little high too. I'd previously had the glucose tolerance test (due to the fact the baby's abdominal circumference was only just within normal range at my 30 week scan) and it was fine back then (6 weeks ago). They measured my bump and think the baby may be a bit big. At my last midwifes appointment a couple of weeks ago, she thought the baby's size was fine, no concerns raised then.

The upshot is, they are now going to induce me on Mon or Tues next week. I'm trying to be strong but I'm actually really upset for the following reasons-

• I'd hoped to avoid an epidural to minimise the risk of needing instrument assisted delivery, tearing etc.
• I am terrified of the idea of an epidural generally
• I know induced labours tend to be more painful than labours that commence naturally
• I hate the idea of an instrument assisted delivery but particularly forceps
• I am terrified of getting a 3rd or 4th degree tear and know that regardless of pain relief options chosen, the chances of that have gone up with the decision to induce me, and with possibly having a big baby
• there is also the risk I could spend ages in labour, in agony, only to end up needing a C section anyway, which would be kind of soul destroying really
• I'm also feeling guilty in case I have given myself gestational diabetes late on in the pregnancy through being a bit too naughty with treats and that my daughter will end up struggling with her weight as a result.

Basically, after having lucked out with a largely easy pregnancy, I'm now fearing/expecting the worst in terms of what kind of labour experience I can realistically expect and I'm feeling quite low about it. 😔😢 Am I being ridiculous? Is it normal to feel like this? Does anyone have any positive induction experiences they can reassure me with? Am I barking mad to even consider trying it without the epidural to begin with if all they do initially is pessary?

In response to your original post, you can’t do anything to give yourself GD. I was extremely healthy throughout my pregnancy, only put on a total of 7lbs and still had GD, it’s caused simply by the way your placenta is working.

I was induced, pessary worked, epidural given when waters were broken (can’t understand why people don’t want them, I wouldn’t get my leg sawn off with only a piece of wood to bite on! MW did say the majority of people change their minds and end up requesting one by which point lots are too late).
It was the most amazing, wonderful, relaxed experience of my life. Totally pain free, I could enjoy every minute. I’d do it all again tomorrow! I also didn’t want to risk needing a GA and DP not being able to be present, an epidural can just be topped up if a c-section is needed.
Baby was born with no assistance, no tearing or stitches needed. I was in the shower about an hour and a half after he was born.
You may need instruments, you may need a section, who knows unfortunately.

I hear you. I’m unhappy with the idea of instrumental deliveries as well.

I did so the hypnobirthing prep work for ds1 and it is a mixed bag. The basic core of it is to centre yourself and fed more in control. That’s logical and reasonable. At the same time I found it very much dressed up in woo and pseudoscience so I had to strip out all the shit like ‘women have been giving birth in fields for millenia’ (No fucking shit, and a lot of them died.) and just concentrate on the useful bits. Also be aware that labour is largely the luck of the draw and how they lie on the day.

I think what would help you is anything that helps you feeling more in control. You’ve beeezed through labour and been incontrol and now you’re at the point where with the best will in the world, there is a degree of uncertainty.

So what would help you that’s achievable?

A few breathing excercises never hurt, and here’s a good book by juju Sandin called ‘birth skills’ which is useful too. Id also be telling mw/ consultant that lack of control is an issue for you and you want to be as in control as you can be ie consent for all interventions.

O think telling you to get a grip is missing the point. Birth is risky and unpredictable and it’s not unreasonable to be anxious about it. Try to stay positive but realistic. And good luck!

Have you tried fresh pineapple? we were told to avoid it during IVF as it caused the womb to contract. Have your considered acupuncture or reflexology?

Two inductions for me too and refused epidurals by hospital both times. No stitches but yes, was intense! Think positive and it is all totally worth it;)

I was induced at 38 weeks, had been planning a home birth so the opposite of what I wanted! I was very upset at the thought.

Had a pessary, 6 hours later they broke my waters and 6 hours after that DD was born.

Yes, it can be a nightmare - but of course the good/ok stories aren’t half as interesting to tell or hear.

Try to relax, and not worry - it is perfectly possible to have a “good” delivery after being induced.

I just had gas and air with my induction, it was fine! Coped well with the pain but it was blessedly short. I would say my induction was less painful than my normal birth second time around! Try not to worry you just don't know what's going to happen.

Many thanks once again to all who have responded. :)

Still no twinges, sadly it looks like the midwife is right and it's not going to happen unaided. :(

Those who have had positive/successful inductions - any idea what your Bishop scores were? In particular, how dilated were you when you started? I'm sceptical as to what the prospects of success for an induction would be for me given my low Bishop score, particularly given that my cervix is still completely closed (no loss of plug yet, two failed attempts at sweeps).

It has also occurred to me that maybe the reason my cervix isn't playing ball is because I had a LLETZ treatment a few years back for cell changes after an abnormal smear. Basically they zapped the neck of my cervix....maybe there's scar tissue there? Maybe that scar tissue is adversely affecting my ability to dilate? Will mention it when I go in on Tuesday....

I had lletz it certainly won't affect you if anything the cervix is thinner (mine was less than a year after) dilated quickly! Had 3 areas lletz so not that much left good luck

I was 38+2 when I was induced. My cervix was in no way, shape or form ready for induction and I wasn't indicating readiness at all. It all happened quite fast - the preeclampsia symptoms I'd started exhibiting a week previously were escalating at a fairly rapid pace and they decided they didn't want to leave us any longer.

I had DD1 under 24hrs after the pessary was inserted. Pessary went in at lunchtime, waters went spontaneously at 10.30pm, established labour by 2/3am (which is also when I had an epidural placed), DD1 arrived at 10.30 that morning. No interventions, second degree tear (but I had one of those with my all-natural, no pain relief, in water birth - i don't think it was anything to do with the method of exit). It was absolutely fine. Not my ideal, if you'd asked me what I wanted in the run up to the birth - but it was all ok in the end.

I had a bit of a car crash labour with DS1 despite going into labour naturally after the easiest pregnancy. I recovered very slowly due to a broken down episiotomy and resulting infections.

Prior to having him I was worried about going overdue and needing to be induced, neither of those things happened. Now I’m 37+6 with DS2 and will likely be induced in the next 10 days due to cholestasis. I’m definitely nervous about the experience as I don’t know what to expect but I have lower expectations this time and want a healthy baby not a “magical” birth experience. The pain can only go on for so long... right?!

I was induced and had a fantastic birth experience! 7 hours, gas and air only.... just try and stay as mobile as possible until you go into labour or are induced, as well as when you are in labour. It all helps. Good luck.

I was induced with the drip as my waters went but labour did not progress. I asked for an epidural and was given one thankfully. I didn't actually know that the drip makes contractions more painful and went into the whole thing completely ignorant and a bit oblivious really (my choice as I didn't want to know - it would have made me more scared).
It really was a good experience for me and although I had a 2nd degree tear I think it wasn't as bad as I was fearing.
I hope it all goes well for you

@AHungryMum your cervix can go from 0-10 very quickly. Any other woman's Bishop score means absolutely sod all to your cervix.

I've had an induction and a transfer in during Home birth. Both forceps births with spinal anaesthetic.

The worst thing you can do is catastrophise as your body simply will not labour while under intense stress and that is what you (and the MW with her comments) are putting yourself under.

I had an epidural twice and they were fine. I think something you need to bear in mind is that sometimes what is in a textbook ‘bad’ delivery (inductions, epidurals etc) is sometimes not actually ‘bad’ when you’re on the ground. My births were textbook ‘bad’ and both ended in emergency c sections. To me though, they were ‘good’ births. I had an amazing team of midwives, anaesthetist and surgeons (NHS) who kept me informed and feel in control and calm all the way through. And we had a good outcome with healthy babies and no lingering side effects.

If you are in a good hospital with a good team even if things are not going textbook ‘right’ you can still have what is a ‘good’ birth for you.

ahungrymum I’m not sure of my bishops score, but I did (just) manage to have a sweep the week before induction which did precisely nothing. I never lost my plug until my waters went and the midwife who put my propess in said my cervix was still very posterior and that she would have to just see how high she could get it. Although I do know that my cervix is usually very high anyway based on previous smear/internal examination experiences. Anyway, I thought it didn’t sound very promising but DD arrived 16 hours later after very swift progression from “ooh lower back pain” to full blown labour over the course of about 6 hours.

Still no joy on the sweep front today, Bishop score 4 (really borderline 3/4 asmy cervix is 2cm, which could be +1 or +2 points), so looks like I'm going to run out of time to get things done naturally and the induction is on for tomorrow.

The good news is, I've made my peace with it now.

I've got out and about, tried long walks, bounced on the exercise ball, sex, eaten fresh pineapple until my tongue and lips were stingy and swollen, eaten a ton of spicy food...it's not happening. Baby is clearly not coming out unaided.

So be it.

I've made the most of my last few days before going into hospital, been for walks in pretty places knowing that once I'm cooped up in a hospital cubicle for days on end I would really regret not getting out and enjoying the sunshine whilst I still could. I've seen quite a few cute babies in pushchairs during said walks which has helped remind me why I am putting myself through all this, and then this morning at my midwife appointment, which was at a children's centre co-located at a primary school, there was a particularly cute bunch of reception class kid playing a game with a teaching assistant. They were all well behaved but excitable and it really made me smile.

So, my eyes are now back on the prize. What will be will be and I'm trying to stay positive now. As I now know this will be our last night just the two of us, im making a nice dinner for me and the husband and having a mini date night/last supper kind of thing. And in a few days time, one way or another, we will be a family and will be bringing our little one home.

Wish me luck ladies..! 👍🏼

I would make the most of a good night's sleep whilst you have the chance. in fact I would be sleeping all day too if it was me

Good luck.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best!

Good luck, everything will be fine!

Best of luck

If the only reason for induction is dates the NICE guidelines are to offer induction or monitoring. Some people have longer pregnancies & it often runs in families.

Good luck OP! You’ll be amazing and when you’ve got your little bundle here you won’t give two hoots how it all happened. Remember you’re allowed to ask millions of questions and be completely off your face on gas and air- it’s your body! And my advice would be try and sleep once you get back to the ward after giving birth- I wish I had but spent the time ringing and texting relatives instead!! Oh and get some lucozade to take with you. I was sent to the vending machine at 6cm dilated because I was badly organised and didn’t take any haha!!

Good luck! Honestly don't waste any time or energy worrying what will be.
I was absolutely petrified of all of the things that you have mentioned in your OP.
I was devastated that I wouldn't have a natural labour and really wanted to bring labour on naturally. And I tried eveything!!!
Both of my dc were born after an induced labours at 42+2w and 43w. Both were huge babies. I had 3rd degree tears with both. I pushed for over 2 hours. The tearing with my 1st was horrific.
But do you know what- it really wasn't that bad! It wasn't as terrible as I had built it up to be in my mind. I had no pain relief at all, not even gas and air (this wasn't a planned thing I just never felt that I needed it).
It hurts (obviously) but it's also really empowering and in a weird way I kind of enjoyed it. Once you hold that baby in your arms you forget about all of the pain anyway and now after my labour's I never think about how it all happened.
Just roll with it- you will do great whatever happens x

OP I was in exactly your position with DC 1 and I think making your peace with it is the best thing you can do. It is always a mystery before the first birth anyway.

I did not have an epidural (scared of it, like you) but had the drip and it was ok. A second degree tear which frankly I didn't even notice until afterwards.

My advice would be ask to have the gel on the cervix and skip the pessary if offered, take a music player, and be positive but assertive. You can still have the lights off. You can still keep everything calm. Good luck!

Good luck op.
I’m a bit late but I had glucose in my wee, think it was my neals yard honey shower gel that I hadn’t rinsed off thoroughly.
Sent for a scan due to decreased growth, which promptly showed baby was massive.... she was a very normal weight when born.
I was induced with her, had no pain relief until transition when I used gas and air. It was all very manageable and she was out in 3 pushes.

Sleep plenty tonight

Glad you have found your peace

I was induced at 42 weeks, it was what you are worried about. More concentrated, ended in c-section, BUT it was actually fine. I had painkillers and DS was born safe and gorgeous. Was driving in 3 weeks, but going for walks after 3 days.

As long as you get your girl to you, you are doing what you need to do

I've made the most of my last few days before going into hospital, been for walks in pretty places knowing that once I'm cooped up in a hospital cubicle for days on end I would really regret not getting out and enjoying the sunshine whilst I still could

Good luck! I just wanted to say that once you've had the pessary inserted, you can (and should) get out and about for walks. I had various people come over (one with her dog) to walk with me. I'm sure it helped labour get going.