AIBU to already be resigned to having a bad birthing experience and feeling quite low about it?

[AHungryMum]

40+2

No signs of labour starting yet

Went to hospital yesterday because I thought my foetal movements had reduced, albeit they went back to normal whilst I was in hospital. The foetal heart trace was good, the vaginal exam was good (head low, cervix soft but still closed). So far so good. However, my urine had glucose in it (possibly the bag of Cadburys Fingers I'd eaten that afternoon?) and my blood glucose was a little high too. I'd previously had the glucose tolerance test (due to the fact the baby's abdominal circumference was only just within normal range at my 30 week scan) and it was fine back then (6 weeks ago). They measured my bump and think the baby may be a bit big. At my last midwifes appointment a couple of weeks ago, she thought the baby's size was fine, no concerns raised then.

The upshot is, they are now going to induce me on Mon or Tues next week. I'm trying to be strong but I'm actually really upset for the following reasons-

• I'd hoped to avoid an epidural to minimise the risk of needing instrument assisted delivery, tearing etc.
• I am terrified of the idea of an epidural generally
• I know induced labours tend to be more painful than labours that commence naturally
• I hate the idea of an instrument assisted delivery but particularly forceps
• I am terrified of getting a 3rd or 4th degree tear and know that regardless of pain relief options chosen, the chances of that have gone up with the decision to induce me, and with possibly having a big baby
• there is also the risk I could spend ages in labour, in agony, only to end up needing a C section anyway, which would be kind of soul destroying really
• I'm also feeling guilty in case I have given myself gestational diabetes late on in the pregnancy through being a bit too naughty with treats and that my daughter will end up struggling with her weight as a result.

Basically, after having lucked out with a largely easy pregnancy, I'm now fearing/expecting the worst in terms of what kind of labour experience I can realistically expect and I'm feeling quite low about it. 😔😢 Am I being ridiculous? Is it normal to feel like this? Does anyone have any positive induction experiences they can reassure me with? Am I barking mad to even consider trying it without the epidural to begin with if all they do initially is pessary?

I had DS1 without an epidural. Just to say that things didn’t go well and I wished I had one. Lots of interventions and several surgeries after as a result. “Natural” is not always best. You may find you’re more in control if you’re not screaming in agony.

A friend of mine was induced and had an epidural. She said it was so easy! Had her first baby within a few hours, no drama at all. Total opposite of mine.

You are full term, with reduced foetal movements and some symptoms of gestational diabetes. I don't mean to scaremonger but in that scenario, a bad birthing experience is not what you are imagining. I think you are over-focusing on process rather than outcome. Your doctors think it's safest not to wait any longer for your baby to be born. In that case, if the induction is really problematic for you, consider asking for a section if you would be happier with that.

If you do get induced, why are you so sure it will be a bad experience? You say you are terrified of pain but the epidural you are so dreading will relieve the pain. You may well not need an epidural - I adored mine though. And I really think you need to talk to somebody to understand gestational diabetes. It is not caused by what you have eaten, and the major risk post-pregnancy is that you yourself are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes. If your daughter does get diabetes in 30 or 40 years (vanishingly unlikely), then her health and not her weight is what you would be worrying about.

I think one of the worst things women can do is imagine and plan for "the perfect birth" it opens the door to feeling like a failure when the fact is a healthy baby is the most important thing tp come out of labour. Try not to focus on the what ifs because they might never happen, and if they do then focus on whats coming at the end not on the fact that it didnt/isnt going to plan.

Be kind to yourself OP giving birth is scary enough without extra unnecessary stress.

Are you being daft - you're pregnant and about to pop - think you are entitled.
Anxious - fairly sure it's normal to have some level of nerves with a dollop of excitement.
Induction - I was induced for my twins, ended up with an epidural and one normal delivery and one c section. Had the epidural quite late on as they decided to restrict my movements a bit. Was very grateful it was in place as I saw my son delivered whereas if it hadn't been they would have given me a general anaesthetic instead.

Yes you might tear - it's a risk with a bigger baby anyway (and probably nothing to do with the choccy fingers!)

Be prepared to be flexible, voice your opinions and concerns and ask questions.

Last dd I ended up with a spinal and c section (my age and under lying health concerns) it was totally the most relaxed and lovely experience bizarrely and recovery was not that bad all things considered. Natural is not always best - we are all different so go with what works for you.

Good luck, think positive and enjoy your baby xx

its natural to be worried.

1st births are usually the most difficult. You might not need an epidural, but you'll be already in the right place to get one.

'Natural' childbirth is over rated. Save that for the next one! I did my 1st with no pain relief (homebirth with gas and air failure). The midwives thought it was 'lovely'. I thought it was 12 hours of constant vomiting and pain. If someone had said 'you can have an epidural' I would have gladly accepted it! I would have gone to the fucking hospital but I couldn't sit still long enough/stop vomiting long enough to get in the car by that stage.

We are lucky to live in a country where we get free medical help with childbirth, and low maternal/natal mortality. It's hard, but try to see the positives of medical management- you and your baby will be looked after in the best way available to you in these circumstances. Good luck with it all

Thank you all so much for your feedback! That's actually been reassuring - it's so good to know that there's plenty of you out there who have had positive induction experiences. 😊 I'm particularly reassured to hear that they aren't invariably so painful that an epidural is the only way forwards....

I'm feeling much happier about it all now, I went back to the hospital today (not because anything bad happened, it was agreed yesterday that I'd go back today to have another foetal monitoring test just to be on the safe side). They were happy with it again today, her heartbeat was once again good, and the Dawes-Redmond (I think that's what it's called?) criteria were once again met, this time in less time than yesterday. Plenty of movement from her today, so I think she was just having a chill yesterday morning tbf. My urine was fine today - no glucose at all - so it seems yesterday's binge eating of chocolate fingers was the likely culprit there! The midwife today also measured the baby and said it doesn't appear to be a large baby to her. So it doesn't appear gestational diabetes is a concern, and there's no signs of foetal distress.

The midwife also gave me loads of reassurance and I talked through my concerns with her, which really helped. She's reassured me that the risk of serious tears, even with induction, is still statistically low, and that following the midwife's instructions as to when to push/how hard makes a big difference. She's also talked me through the process of induction more, apparently the first thing they will try is propesse which I'm told "mimics natural labour" anyway if successful....so my assumptions that induction always meant a faster, more "concentrated"/painful labour appear to be unfounded, although no doubt in some cases that's true.

Anyway, thank you all for replying - you've really, really helped me. 😀👍🏼

If it reassures at all - I have had 3 inductions, no epidurals or pain relief at all, no intervention with forceps of ventouse, no tearing.

I didn't need the hormone drip with any of them, just had my waters broken so not far off 'natural' labour'.

I know this is anecdotal and I may have been 'lucky' but just wanted to share to show that inductions can be a positive experience x

My largest baby was far and away the easiest birth (I had 4) so size didn't impact on the pain or difficulty. I didn't have an epidural or any other pain relief with any of them and one was induced. What I found really good was labour and delivery in an upright position (I knelt), massage on the achilles tendon area and yoga breathing.

With one of them, the midwife wasn't great and insisted I got into a semi-reclined position for examinations. The difference in pain levels between that and kneeling was unbelievable. If you're upright, gravity helps. The opening can also stretch more easily.

I was obviously lucky but I do think birthing position makes a huge difference to the experience.

My first baby was ginormous and I had a third degree tear. Second I was induced due to the size of the first and it was very very quick with no instruments required at all! Think positive, the main thing is you and baby come out of the whole thing healthy and well, good luck!

I had a very easy pregnancy and was induced at 40+6. I had the epidural and pushed for 20 minutes before my 8lb 13oz DS came into the world. No stitches, no instruments.

Just think positive OP. Good luck

Is a CS an option?

DS2 was induced - really easy delivery, gas and air. My friend was told that she was going to have a giant baby - when he came he was actually less than 8lbs.

I always think that if you worry about something it is always fine - it's when you go in expecting things to be fine that they tend to go pear-shaped .

I've not been induced but have had an epidural and forceps delivery. They were both absolutely fine, I had stitches due to the forceps but it healed quickly and I didn't have any pain. The epidural was amazing (helped to keep my BP down) and meant I actually dozed through most of my labour. Good luck OP, you'll be amazing!

I have had 4 vaginal deliveries 2 spontaneous that went on for over 20 hrs were exhausting and painful and I felt like crap at the end of them. I've had 2 inductions. The pain is worse but my labours were much much shorter. 3 hrs for my 3rd child and 4 hours for my 4th. I didn't get to the breaking waters and drip part on either of the inductions as my labour progressed after the pessary. I used gas and air on my labours as I have some spine problems so epidural not recommended. I was given pethedine as a child and had a reaction so couldn't have that in labour. Gas and air were fine. My biggest baby was my quickest delivery and easiest birth. Baby was 9lb 11oz @ 38 weeks due to late onset gestational diabetes. She is fine. 4 years old now and 99.6th centile for her height but under the 75th for her weight. She was on the 91st at birth. I would just go with getting baby out quickly and safely whatever that will entail. Until it's happening nobody has a clue how they cope or feel it's just a case of going with it! Good luck and I hope all goes well whatever you decide

My first baby was 10lb and 2 weeks overdue. I refused induction as there were no concerns and he came when he was ready- no epidural, no tears or intervention.
2 more big babies but still no epidural (you have to ask and insist quite early on if you intend on having one) and again, straightforward with no tearing.
Midwife told me to stop pushing at the crowning stage to avoid tearing and just breathe which I think helped.

I had gestational diabetes and was induced - nothing happened for days, and just as they were going to break my waters they realised my baby was breech and I ended up with a c-section. It was a bit of a nightmare all round, but you know what - it really didn't matter! My son flew through his checks post birth, I went home the day after (much sooner than with my 'natural' birth) and had a happy, healthy baby at the end of the whole process.

I'm not trying to scare you, just to say that even the least textbook births aren't necessarily bad experiences, if you see what I mean? I certainly don't think of mine like that. Good luck!

I went into labour the day before I was meant to be induced. Had epidural and forceps delivery and an episiotomy tear. 6 months down the line and I can say I am personally doing fine. The epidural was the absolute best thing they could have done for me at the time and meant I didn't feel a thing of the forceps or tearing. I didn't even know I had pushed DS out until they brought him to my chest. It was just what needed to be done because he went back to back and I had tried pushing for several hours. I was stitched up and healed within a couple of months. Recovery wasn't the easiest it could have been but it wasn't impossible. So don't be afraid of any of those things. You will be fine. You're going to do amazing OP, sending all the good vibes your way

I was induced with DS due to being overdue. I had one pessary, started labour about 8 hours later, had g&a, my waters were broken (very amusing in retrospect, DH was hopping about trying to be supportive while keeping his feet dry), I did some pushing and had a catheter in briefly as my bladder was in the way (!), then DS arrived. I had a second degree tear and stitches, but they healed. I didn't see a single doctor, didn't have any further intervention beyond the little kickstart. It was fine.

I have friends who had emergency sections, friends who had planned sections, friends who had episiotomies, friends who had fourth degree tears and I can tell you that we are all fine, a couple of years in. Sleep deprived and toddler tantrummed out, but fine. Some of us have even gone back and done it again! (I think they are, in the nicest possible way, quite bonkers but I like sleep and am not up for more newborn baby care right now ). You will be fine too

Updated -

They didn't induce me on Tues after all! They decided that there wasn't a clear clinical case for doing so as I was only 40+5, my urine/BP etc were fine, baby's size fine, amniotic fluid looked fine on scan, foetal movements fine and foetal heart rate find. Given lack of clear clinical need to induce, they offered me the choice. I said I'd prefer to have a chance for things to happen naturally. They supported my decision and discharged me but set another induction date for next Tuesday and told me to go for another attempt at a membrane sweep end of this week. I was elated at this stage, thinking another week, I'll be nearly two weeks over at that stage, good chance she'll come naturally in that time anyway.

It's now Friday...no progress. My further attempted membrane sweep was yesterday, cervix is still rammed firmly shut, posterior and very high up. I told the midwife I hoped the baby would come naturally by/around the time of my induction date anyway. She said based on the condition of my cervix she doubted it and that based on the state of my cervix she thought it was more than likely I would "need some help".

I have therefore now completely given up hope of having a natural delivery and am resigned to my fate. I spent most of yesterday despondent, tearful and immobile on the sofa. I've tried long walks, curries....nothing is happening and my cervix is clearly not progressing on its own (I'm now 41+1)

One of the most frustrating things is that I keep getting conflicting information and therefore don't see how I can be expected to provide informed consent in a meaningful way. Some examples of this:-

1. The state of my cervix. Dr who examined me last Friday at hospital said it was closed but "nice and soft", therefore hopefully things were progressing anyway. Midwife yesterday said it was closed and she expected at this stage I would need some help and didn't expect me to progress naturally on my own.

1. Size of my baby - all of the midwives I've seen so far have thought the baby measured normal size. The dr who examined me at hospital last Friday thought the baby was big. Nobody else seems to have thought this though.

1. Likelihood of labour commencing from Propess alone - my regular midwife said in a lot of cases, the Propess works (i.e. Without needing to progress to other, nastier forms of induction). The dr who dealt with me when I went in to be induced on Tuesday said the opposite, he said it "works" in that it softens and opens the cervix to enable them to then break your waters, but that usually the drip is required and that I should expect to have the drip. The midwife yesterday (a different one) was again more optimistic about Propess working on its own, and said that in about 50% of cases no further induction is needed. So who is right?! I don't know what to believe any more.

Basically I'm completely fed up now and back to being resigned to having a shitty, horrible birth experience after all, based on the midwife yesterday telling me I was unlikely to start to go into labour without any help, and the doctor on Tuesday telling me to expect to need the drip. I'm basically looking at the worst of both worlds therefore - longer than usual labour (when they originally booked me in for induction they warned it was likely to take 48 hours), with more aggressive contractions once the fucking horrible drip kicks in, and on top of all that an increased risk of needing instruments (which in turn means an increased risk of major tears).

😔

I did try and ask for a C section when I went in last Saturday for my further check up but they basically shut me down completely on that one.

I was induced with the pessary with ds1 at 42 weeks. Nothing happened for hours and hours then my waters broke, contractions started with a bang and he was born 2 and a half hours later, no other intervention at all.

You can refuse induction. Forgive me if I've missed something, but it doesn't sound like there are any concerns now received glucose, baby's size etc? So on what grounds are they saying they wish to induce labour?

My mum was induced with both me and my brother, just Gas and Air for both and only a slight tear with me, none with my brother, took 9 hours with me and 5 with my brother 🙂

Logged on to say I went 41+4 with my first do, midwife told me exactly the same at 41 weeks 'you'll def need help going into labour' etc and I was so upset so completely understand. Got booked for induction but my waters went the day before, sounds annoying (and tbf im only able to say this in hindsight!) but keep positive you never know what'll happen and try and focus on holding your lovely baby in less that a week!

Dc not do

I was induced twice. Had the drip with my first, no epidural, just pethidine (which did nothing as had it too late!) did need a ventuese but it wasn't as bad as people make out. It got very intense very quickly but I wouldn't say it was bad. Second induction, just pessary at about 2 pm, contractions started about 10pm, ramped up by about 4.30,had pethidine. Baby born by 7 am using gas and air, eating toast by 8. Please stop winding yourself up! Just think of the end result! Good luck! Xx

OP I went 9 days overdue with my DS (born last October) and refused an induction or sweep. Went in to labour naturally and had no intervention or pain relief at all. I had a 3rd degree tear which was my worst nightmare too but it was actually totally fine, even afterwards so please don't worry about that too much. Oh and DS was 9lbs so a big boy! I kept being told my cervix was closed etc but lo and behold it all kicked off after bake off one night haha.
Basically what I'm trying to say is: stay positive. I know when you're overdue it drags on and on but it sounds like your tying yourself up in knots unnecessarily. You're healthy, baby is healthy and the best thing you can do now is relax and keep your stress hormones levels low. Keep walking, sitting on your yoga ball if you have one, watch crap tv etc. The baby will be born- I promise!

I know it's not for everyone but maybe watch a video about hypnobirthing, it helped me enormously during my labour and reminded me to breathe, stay calm and the benefits of doing so.