To wonder how I can afford to go back to work?

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DH earns £1600 a month.

Outgoings:

Phone bills: £50 a month

Groceries: £200 a month

Water bill: £250 every 3 months

Train fares: £550 a month (cheapest rate)

Paying back loan: £120 a month

Rent: £925 a month (cheapest in area)

It just all seems impossible and each month we struggle.

I'm on ML, due to go back in 9 weeks time. I don't earn enough to cover my train fare to the job, let alone childcare for our DC.

DH can't change jobs and move to a job closer to us and not London because he kept losing jobs at one point and can't leave this one otherwise it'll be a terrible career move and will look awful on the CV. He has to stick it out for at least a good year.

What do I do?

Go back or stay at home?

Childcare is a fortune here too.

DH refuses to consider moving to a cheaper area of the country. He won't do it, that's that. Although this area is far from 'nice', it's just close(ish) to London so more expensive for what it is.

You're both choosing to live beyond your means. On your joint salaries you'd be quite comfortable in many areas of the country, even taking child care costs into account. You can't afford to live where you currently live, whether you work or not.

Yes to this. You are both making choices. Unfortunately, you are not making informed or considered choices. In your current circumstances it wouldn't take much going wrong to push you into poverty and leave you struggling to get out of it. You're not there yet and you could avoid sliding in that direction but it will require a bit of thinking and planning, both of which appear to be sorely lacking at the moment.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh Op but if you've been on MN more than 5 minutes you'll be aware there are lots of couples who are barely getting by, are at risk of things getting worse but that circumstances have brought them to a stage where there's little or no chance of things improving. You two aren't there yet and you don't have to be but you both need to cop on a bit. Get proactive, work out what you can do, think about what you want life to hopefully look like in 12 months/5 years/whatever and start working towards that.

You need to spell it out to him. You need to move for your child's benefit and to be near family end of. I live in a tiny boring village but have a good quality of life, as do my dc because out housing costs are low. It's a no brainer.

Babbity was trying to explain to you how to be philosophical about your situation. It’s a shame you missed that.

What reasons is your dh giving for not moving other than "dont want to"? This is where your solution might come from. Is it leaving people? You could agree to have people over monthly or something.

You have had a whole year to plan what to do at the end of the maternity leave. So what have you planned, what have you budgeted to happen?

Where you planning on going back to work? In which case childcare costs should have been researched. Or do you want to be a sahm? Which is completely fine but you need to recognise that you are on one salary.

There is no sudden miracle pot of cash which is going to appear, unless one of you gets a massive pay rise.

You have been given some really good advice about setting a budget and working out where you can afford to live. It's what everyone has to do.

Why have you decided that’s it’s your husband’s decision whether to stay or move?

I’ll be honest I think there’s something you’ve left out of this story. There is zero sense of urgency in your posts or your actions so far which leads me to believe the options aren’t only what you have presented. I suspect there is money coming from somewhere, probably parents, already supporting you and you’re intending to just carry on with that. Otherwise you’d have sorted something.

I think you don't want to go back to work and are looking for reasons to tell DH why you shouldn't. If that's what you want then fine, but you'd def need to move.

When phone contracts are up go SIM only, no new handsets. Sort the water out, how long do you have left on the loan? Cancel anything not needed like Sky/netflix/Spotify... Any lift share options for DH so he can offer petrol money instead of train fare. liftshare.com/uk/carshare

Is there anywhere close to you where rental prices are slightly lower? Slightly different because we were buying but we were looking in Milton Keynes for a shared ownership property but they all had premiums on them which made them unaffordable. We ended up buying a 50% slightly outside mk for about the same as a 30% share in mk and no premium.
However it does sound like near your family would be ideal. Have you tried laying out all the figures for him? So here is what we would be paying here and here is some houses on rightmove/Zoopla so we would be paying this for rent and these would be all our other outgoings, we'd save x amount on rent and childcare which we could use for you to learn to drive/have spare to do stuff.
Also would the move to Essex have to be permanent, could you look on it as a temporary 2-3 year thing until you're a bit better off financially and he can drive so could work locally and look to move back?

Sorry I've rambled on a bit there.

Totally agree IdRather otherwise I don't see what the problem is, household income of just over 3k a month, monthly outgoings and nursery fees would be just over 2800 so still 200 left over?

You will surely need to do a job in the evenings or weekends ..
Isn't that how most people like this manage ?

Just thinking with your experience you could work as a receptionist at a and e or an ooh doctors etc ..something like that . Going to London for such low salaries is bonkers !!

Could you look for a school secretary job. Would work well when the kids get to school/pre school age. Could you take two more years off, then go back when you qualify for free childcare?

If you are a medical secretary in the NHS and apply for other NHS jobs then you should get the time for interviews as Special Leave/Authorised Absence

I do recommend registering with the online typing companies as additional income or as only income - no travel or childcare costs and work at your own pace/in your own time

If the cheapest form of childcare in your area is £900 a month, then you could set yourself up as a childminder. No childcare costs to you, and no commute so you’d be better off than in your current job! Of course, if you’re going to turn round and say you won’t consider it then that’s your choice, but what people are pointing out is that you do have options. Stay living in the expensive south east and become a childminder and be financially better off than in your current job. Move somewhere cheaper and get a new job in your preferred field. Find evening/weekend work when your dh can look after the baby and stay where you are.

I think all people are saying is that there’s pretty much always a downside (and an upside) to every choice. You seem determined to find the holy grail of being able to stay living where you are while also being able to afford high rent, bill, commute and childcare. The sums don’t add up so you need to make choices.

You need to show your DH this thread.

Also sounds like you don’t really want to go back to work.

Im sure there was another thread exactly like this -Op on that one wanted everyone to tell her to be a SAHM and ignored all advice...

Babbity
Idk if op could be a childminder in a rental property. That would require her landlords permission.

have not read the whole thread but on that income, you will be getting quite a bit in tax credits for the childcare element. I went to work back under similar circumstances and tax credits meant I was still £200/months better off than not working. I know most people would not consider it worth it but it made the difference for us between paying the mortgage or losing the house .

I would als think long term. hard to get back into work once out for years and once DC is three you will get 30 hours of funded childcare. granted - it is term time only but it is a huge help.

Also, on your DH's income alone you would probably get tax credits and and I don't think it is right to expect the tax payer to part part fund your lifestyle choice of not working. You obviously cannot afford it.

I would return to work but immediately look for a job closer to home to get rid of the travel costs

Well you’ve got 4 weeks holiday per year. The likelyhood is you won’t need all your holiday for interviews.

You could get job pretty much anywhere. Yes you would lose your London weighting but you would also gain all that you are spending on travelling and the time that involves. Time really is money now you have to pay childcare.

Could you and your dp both work 4 long days instead, so you only need childcare for 3 days a week? Could one of you go part time? Would that result in you receiving any child tax credits?

If you are planning on going back into work in 9 weeks hasn’t the baby already been booked into childcare somewhere? Presumably this childcare isn’t open long enough hours for you both to work full time and commute into London anyway is it?

The nhs do offer bank work for admin staff, but normally at a band 2 level. Like others have said you should be well qualified for a number of more local posts both within the nhs and private. However be careful you don’t end up having to pay your maternity leave back.

Your water bill is very high, if your not already go onto a water meter.

Martin money saving expert forums give some good advice.

In all honestly though the best thing is to obviously move back nearer to your family in Essex so they can help with the childcare, hopefully get cheaper rent and allow you to work, although even then it really doesn’t have to be London.

Sorry to hear you think you are having a tough time off other posters. I think there just being honest though. Having a baby is all about making sacrifices, things need to change, especially if your on a low income. Your dh needs to wake up and realise this, it’s not about what he wants now, it’s about what is best for your family.

Babies don’t get cheaper by the way, that’s a myth. Think childcare in school holidays, before and after school plus all the food they eat, clothes they get though, sporting activities etc not to mention all the time they take up. It’s different expenses and needs, not less.