To wonder how I can afford to go back to work?

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DH earns £1600 a month.

Outgoings:

Phone bills: £50 a month

Groceries: £200 a month

Water bill: £250 every 3 months

Train fares: £550 a month (cheapest rate)

Paying back loan: £120 a month

Rent: £925 a month (cheapest in area)

It just all seems impossible and each month we struggle.

I'm on ML, due to go back in 9 weeks time. I don't earn enough to cover my train fare to the job, let alone childcare for our DC.

DH can't change jobs and move to a job closer to us and not London because he kept losing jobs at one point and can't leave this one otherwise it'll be a terrible career move and will look awful on the CV. He has to stick it out for at least a good year.

What do I do?

Go back or stay at home?

Childcare is a fortune here too.

DH refuses to consider moving to a cheaper area of the country. He won't do it, that's that. Although this area is far from 'nice', it's just close(ish) to London so more expensive for what it is.

Have you not got childcare sorted if you're due back in 9 weeks?

5plus is that really necessary? A bit strong, but I tend to agree with the sentiment. Whilst I know (and I do know!) that people's circumstances change, couples split up etc, that's not the case here.

I do wonder why you both decided to start a family whilst in such a poor position to bring one up? He won't move, he hasn't done anything to widen his job opportunities (like learn to drive), you live in an expensive property but you went ahead anyway?

Ifailed ahh because all pregnancies are planned, all circumstances prohibit just waiting to conceive.

Honestly, there's really no need to bring this up other than to make the poster feel crap or be nosey

Have you considered compressed hours? Go back full time but over 4 days, yes they are long days, your DH will have to do the nursery drop offs and pick ups but you'll be saving one day childcare and train fees without any loss of salary. Then you get one day with baby as well. The NHS are flexible they should consider it, and your role is not unique they should be able to juggle things there.

What did you plan to do before you decided to conceive a child

Sadly, many don't plan. They want a baby so go ahead anyway without any thought as to costs etc. It would have taken less than theirty minutes for the OP to realise that the costs don't add up before deciding to make such a huge financial commitment of having a child.

If they can't afford the cost of a child on combined salaries then should the relationship break down things will be even worse and even more so if the OP just does the two token dats if work she plans.

Leaving arranging childcare so close to the return to work date is madness, there may be no spaces, no time for settling in sessions etc. The cynic in me would think it's a ploy to not return to work.

There must be so many parents who don't teach children the cost of things given how many end up in poor financial situations when they are adults.

Move back to Essex. There are cheap parts. You might need to consider looking for an essex job and place for you only.

From your figures in your OP, you won't be able to afford to live where you are if you just have your DP's wage coming in. There are several things missing from your list of outgoings too - council tax, electricity, Christmas/birthdays. You need to move somewhere cheaper, whether you're returning to work or not.

Present the figures in black and white, then present alternative scenario figures. Ask him to choose. At the moment he's burying his head in the sand, sticking his fingers in his ears etc. You need to get him to face up to the actual reality.

There is a reason - it's time for both of you to actually sit down and plan out how you are going to cope going forward, you clearly didn't before and that's why you find yourselves in your current predicament, so both of have to realise your previous attitude was wrong.

If you are feeling crap it's because of the lack of prior planning, get over the feeling and both of get up and on with a way out. I'm sure you can, and with a potential combined income well above average then you know it can be done as millions are doing it now.

www.healthcareers.nhs.uk
I hope the link works, if not copy and paste into your browser.

Have you calculated salary sacrefise and therefore your new tax per month? My wages are slightly below yours (full time) and after mat leave I dropped a day so after salary sacrifice I pay maybe £40 a month tax/NI. We put our DD in nursery Mon-Weds. I then look after her for a day and so does DP.
Do you have family who could offer childcare along side nursery?

Mummy I did address it? And I also said we don’t live in Bedford. We live in the county, Bedfordshire

Well then I assume you are choosing to live in one of the more expensive villages or in an exclusive development. Dh and I have to cut our cloth when we were younger. And we still do. I can’t remember if you said how old you are. However, when I was early 20’s, I was living in a place, which I considered to be pretty luxurious at the time. It was the first place I had with dh - dp at the time. There was no central heating, a couple of gas fires downstairs and the immersion heater. We had to take our washing to the launderette, had one fan heater to heat upstairs so we had ice on the inside of the windows and the carpets were threadbare.

Now I’m not saying you should live like this and it isn’t even legal to rent out a place like that. Besides, you both have good jobs, which Dh and I didn’t at the time. But when we moved, we thought we were in heaven as our next place had storage heaters and was the cheapest little house we could find. As young adults, we made do. And that’s something you don’t seem to want to do.

You know what OP, you don’t actually need his permission to move near your parents. You can do it without him. You don’t have to break up but you don’t have to do as he says. He isn’t your boss. You have the right to decide where you live. If he wants to bury husband head in the sand that’s fine but in your shoes I wouldn’t accept it and I would tell him you’re moving, he is welcome to join if he wants.

OP, I don't have much advice, but I want to offer some solidarity, as DP and I were in a similar situation recently.

DS was an accident, so we were in no way prepared. We weren't even living together until i was 7 months pregnant.

I earned just shy of 26k, and commuted into London.
DP earns just over 22k but drives so worked locally and did all nursery pick ups and drop offs. Can't imagine how it would have worked if we both commuted into London..

We only managed as it was, financially, because I had the option to do lots of overtime, which brought my income up to 30k. I'm now being made redundant, but luckily I have a new job lined up already, and it's a step up in my career.

Based on your initial post, it sounds like you can't afford to not work, but you also can't afford to work in your current location. I think you or your DP need to look locally for work.

Not sure if this has been covered, as I haven't read the whole thread but, also, other things to consider

Overtime
Childcare vouchers / tax free childcare
Flexible working
2nd job
If you have a lot of experience in your field, maybe it's time to apply for more senior positions.

If your income is above 40k, you won't get any form of tax credits with just one child, even childcare tax credits:

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/child-tax-credit

There might be other help available though, check whether either of your work offers the childcare vouchers (NHS does) and research the tax free childcare scheme.

Although to be quite honest, it's absolute foolishness to live in the south east on your level of income, without family support (by that I mean childcare not simply presence). You're just not high enough earners to be able to live somewhere that's neither cheap nor allowing you to access family help. You're going to struggle, and it'll be a long 4 and a half years until October 2022. Your DP cannot simply put his fingers in his ears and say lalala.

He needs to learn to drive

^ how will you afford this on top of everything else? It roughly takes 6 months (on average) to learn to dive (unless you do intensive course). But it all costs a lot of money up front (car, tax, insurance, petrol)

Have you tried GP surgeries? We employ part time medical secretaries and have sometimes had to get temps when people are off. They work through agencies but we employed our last one on a permanent contract as she was so good. GPs surgeries are often easier to travel to than out-of-the-way hospitals and, as smaller organisations, are often more flexible with childcare emergencies. Most GP systems let you log in from home- it would definitely be worth discussing.

The other thing is private secretaries for consultants that do mostly NHS work. They often need someone for just a few hours a week and it could also be done from home.

Using your most recent experience I would be looking at agencies: NHS professionals and commercial ones.

It'll be bumpy financially for a couple of months but you're much more likely to find an 'in' into a role where you can negotiate hours etc.

Are the figures you're quoting for nurseries? A childminder could be much cheaper and don't forget childcare vouchers. Dp claims ours because I work part time and barely touch the tax threashold so it makes more sense for him to get the tax free benefits that way.

Hi, I am in the same area as you and could possibly give part time admin hours in a health care provider. Admin duties very similar to Ned sec role. PM me if you're interested x

Whatever way you look at it you're better OP you are better off working locally. Your DH probably needs to as well but one of you needs a commute that enables you to do pick ups and drop offs.

I mean this kindly but you sound a bit overwhelmed and panicked so I'm not sure you've actually sat down and gone through everything with a fine tooth comb to work out what you really need, what you can cut and how you can increase your earnings.

You also need to look at what jobs are available locally and start applying. Lots of jobs advertised as full time will actually consider part time hours so ask don't assume.

Given that you can't go back to your current job I think as an immediate step you need to extend your mat leave. You'd be better off getting SMP than nothing.

How long until your DP has done a year in his current role? If you extend your mat leave that will buy you almost another 6 months on that.

I went back to work part time to keep childcare costs down, I also moved jobs for more money. I looked for jobs that were willing to accept part time hours and asked the question. You might be surprised at what is out there.

Not medical but what about something like this op - www.indeed.co.uk/m/viewjob?jk=814ec4a20c4d24fd&from=serp

Could possibly do the hours in evening to save on some childcare costs

It doesn't seem worth either of you commuting to London on such low salaries. Can't your partner find anything better paid? Maybe you could try and find some weekend work?

So basically OP you’re saying ‘this is the situation we’re in; we’re not prepared to compromise on where we live or the jobs we do.’
Time to join the real world.
And no I’m not being harsh - I’m sure most of us giving this message have been in your shoes, or similar.

I am from the south east; it’s where all my family still are, but we moved away at the start of our marriage because we knew life would be unaffordable if we decided to have kids. This put us in the position of having no family within 100 miles, so when we did have kids we knew it was totally our responsibility to organise and pay for every bit of childcare. Or one of us would have had to stop working.

I returned to work when dd was 12 weeks old (Yeap- none of the extended maternity leave you’re benefiting from) and tbh after paying childcare and all our bills there was very little left. We postponed having a second child because we knew at this point, childcare would wipe out my entire earnings and in fact I’d probably be paying to work, once commute, work clothes etc were factored in. Many of my friends were into their second child within 18-24 months of dc1, but we couldn’t do that.

I’m not writing this as some sort of sob story or competitive hardship- it’s simply to point out that a sense of entitlement won’t get you anywhere. Yes you may want to have a baby now, and get to live where you want, and have affordable childcare.... but life doesn’t work like that and it was ever thus. There are always compromises to be made. And although it’s easy to think that back in the day of cheap housing everyone had it good- well actually no, because when I look at my mum’s generation when most women were SAHM and houses could be afforded on one income, there were actually huge disadvantages. Many women then never had a decent career for their whole adult life. There wasn’t regulated childcare so often working wasn’t even an option. Then for my generation, childminders and nurseries began to flourish and working became more the norm but maternity rights were appalling - going back to work with a 12 week old isn’t easy- and of course we lived through the era of huge interest rate hikes and house repossessions. Oh and no free childcare when kids turned 3!

This has turned into a bit of an essay but you know what- my point is, take control, make decisions which will involve compromise because life won’t hand you what you want on a plate. And actually if you take a positive mind set it will be fine!

If I’d moaned and groaned about moving away from the south east it wouldn’t have altered things- just made me miserable. As it is, I feel that dh and I live in a great part of the UK, we’ve also had the satisfaction of standing on our own two feet.

If I’d wept and wailed about returning to work when dd was 12 weeks, it wouldn’t have changed anything- just made us all miserable. As it was, we just got on with it, and actually looking back it was probably the best thing because it gave me such confidence that i did continue working even later when we had 3 children and the costs did wipe out my income for several years. But by then i appreciated all the other positive aspects of working and looking back now (I’m in my fifties) I’ve had a great career which I wouldn’t have had if I’d ever given up work.

Don’t stifle yourself by believing you have to live in a particular place or do a particular job. Life really is what you make it.

All Thank you for that, I'm applying now

I wonder what the pay is like? Doesn't seem to state. So wondering if it's worth staying on mat leave pay for a while longer or going ahead with this (assuming I'm accepted).

Wondering also what to do in the "why do you want to do this work for us" type question

Babbity Well well done you my DC is even younger than 12 weeks so it's not a luxury extended mat leave, hence me looking to go back to some sort of work so we can be better off

And please, I can't stress enough, I would move in a heartbeat to a cheaper area of the county that's twice as nice and better quality of life. But DH won't move and quite frankly, making such a big move on my own scares the crap out of me