To wonder how I can afford to go back to work?

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DH earns £1600 a month.

Outgoings:

Phone bills: £50 a month

Groceries: £200 a month

Water bill: £250 every 3 months

Train fares: £550 a month (cheapest rate)

Paying back loan: £120 a month

Rent: £925 a month (cheapest in area)

It just all seems impossible and each month we struggle.

I'm on ML, due to go back in 9 weeks time. I don't earn enough to cover my train fare to the job, let alone childcare for our DC.

DH can't change jobs and move to a job closer to us and not London because he kept losing jobs at one point and can't leave this one otherwise it'll be a terrible career move and will look awful on the CV. He has to stick it out for at least a good year.

What do I do?

Go back or stay at home?

Childcare is a fortune here too.

DH refuses to consider moving to a cheaper area of the country. He won't do it, that's that. Although this area is far from 'nice', it's just close(ish) to London so more expensive for what it is.

If nursery fees are £900 a month a tax free childcare account means you'll actually be paying £720 a month. We have it, it's great.
Your water is high! On a meter with 3 people we pay £32 a month - look into it.
Tell your DH it's not just about him anymore, he has a family and can no longer afford to be selfish about these things.

I couldnt go back to work and pay for childcare, in fact my pay would only pay for childcare. So I tried working on a casual basis, but never really got any regular work. I am currently looking for evening/weekend work.
Earn too much for help, earn too little to survive financially.

Your problem is your DH.

You need to move to make both your travel and rent cheaper. You rent so can move very quickly. You only need a one bed flat as baby sleep with you for a couple of years.

Mid twenties is young relatively to have a child. Pretty much everyone I know had to wait until their thirties to be earning more and saving up a chunk before they has a child.

But you are in the situation and you need to make it work. If you want to be a sahm then do it for five years. But you will also need to move somewhere cheaper to afford you to do it.

You both need to take responsibility for the situation and make changes so it will work.

If you’re in Bedford it’s very unusual for people with such low paid jobs to be commuting to central London. The local job market is brilliant- M1 corridor, Luton, etc. I’d join a recruitment agency locally

Also if you both commute then how will nursery pick up work?

8-6 nursery and both having long commute is a challenge.

One of you needs to get a more local job.

If you dont go back after mat leave would you have to pay anything back? If you took time out of the workplace could you easily return when your baby is older? Look at tax free childcare as that should save you a bit and draw up a budget with all outgoings. Check childcare providers offer the 30 "free" hours for working parents from age 3, or at least the 15 hours... And what that would bring the costs to.

If you are breaking even initially then for the sake of longer term career it might be worth carrying on. Are there any pay progression prospects for either of you?

Would you prefer to be a SAHP for a while? If you took the finances out of it for a moment.

There's lots to consider but I think first step is to draw up a careful budget with outgoings that are essential (rent, childcare, travel) and others where you might be able to save (food shopping, switching energy providers etc), then any things that are entirely discretionary.

Living in the southeast is so expensive though- and housing, travel and childcare are the biggies- and careful budgeting will only get you so far. So I think you need to work it out v precisely, think long term if you can and talk to your DP.

Your DH is being an idiot. You need to move your family or you will find yourself in severe financial difficulty. His job is far too low paid for the expensive commute into London. I'm in the North West and earn almost double that in what is basically an administration role. You could work anywhere. Your financial situation will only get worse as the baby gets older. You need a full and frank conversation with your DH. The only benefit I could see in staying in his home village is that his family would help with childcare but you don't even seem to have that option

There are definitely cheaper flats in Bedford! If your DH won't move area, at least move to a cheaper property. We lived in Bedford for a short time and were £650 for a two bed with a small garden. That would give you almost £300 back to play with right away. I agree with looking at your water bill, that is awfully high. You need to see what you can do to claw money back from your existing outgoings. Only after you've exhausted all those options would you need to consider moving town, getting a job closer to home etc. Write it all out in black and white for your DH, make it clear you don't want to be living in your overdraft forever and you'll be taking the necessary steps to improve your financial situation with or without him. He can't afford to live in that property on his own after all.

Have you checked the tax credit online calculated, if we didn't pay childcare we wouldn't be entitled to tax credits, but because he pay out £920 a month, we get around £500 back through tax credits

TBH most of the people I know in strained financial circumstances like yours who have returned to work have done so due to family helping with some or all the childcare. If this is his home town is there any chance of some help like that?

Not an option, sadly

presume Nursery given fees, but how will pick up and drop offs work if you have a long commute (and so does your DP)

Exactly

There are a lot of very practical ideas being suggested here. I wonder how many the OP will act on.

We've just had our quarterly water bill, it was £86. That's on a meter, 4 bed detached, 2 adults, 3 kids. It's not going to solve your whole situation but if you/he insists on staying where you are, that's one thing that must be able to be cheaper. Do you use an excessive amount of water or do you have a leak?
Agree with others, one or both if you need to find a more local job.

We don't live in the town Bedford, Bedfordshire is the county (don't want to put myself completely so gave a rough idea).

This is the cheapest you'll get for a 2 bed property, £925 a month. It's a house and there aren't many flats around to rent otherwise we would.

There doesn't seem to be many jobs to fit DH's specific job title here/close by, and he's applied for a broader spectrum of jobs in the same sort of field but no luck. But anything he applies for in London, he gets interviews for straight away

DaddysGirl About 3.5 Years experience

Arg Ha, that sounds exactly like my DH. My family live in the South East (Essex), and would bite my hand off to provide free childcare for my DC! They're desperate for me to move there. But DH won't entertain the idea, just like your DH

We used to live in Berkshire. It took me two years to convince my oh to move up to County Durham. We have such a better quality of life. Help with childcare and more space for your money, less traffic at rush hour.

He wonders why he didn’t do it years ago.

It is hard until kids are in school just remember it isn’t forever.

Tinker it's such a shame because there are some gorgeous places in the UK for half the price or less with where we live!

He needs to learn to drive, I think. That way he could do property inspections for an estate agency locally (but would need his own vehicle as they all want that)

He needs to learn to drive, I think. That way he could do property inspections for an estate agency locally (but would need his own vehicle as they all want that)

Sounds like this would be worth the investment.

Your DH is being ridiculous. Move to Essex to be near your family otherwise you're in an impossible situation.

It's definitely on the cards, our next 'not essential essential' on the list.

It's laughable that we could be £400 or so better off a month that way !

You should have had all this sorted before sperm met egg

5plus is that really necessary?

You haven’t addressed the point of finding cheaper place to live at all. Idk why you think £925 is a reasonable rent, when there are places far cheaper within walking distance to the station including the one I saw at £575. jaseyraex said the same and there are a number of places at £650.

Mummy I did address it? And I also said we don't live in Bedford. We live in the county, Bedfordshire

£925 for a two bed is reasonable here

But if you're just renting, no school aged kids, you obviously need to move to either a nearby town/village with cheaper rent or back to near family where they can help with childcare. Essex is extremely commutable for London. Yes, you're currently in his home town but 5 years of living beyond your means could ruin you.

You're mad to commute to London at the moment...
my current salary is about £21k.

*If moving out of London, about 18k at very best.

Travel to local hospital would be about £70 a month, so not too bad.*

£18k - £70x12 = £17160
£21k - £550x12 = £14400

So nearly £3000 per year more after travel costs plus shorter commute so cheaper childcare bill as not paying for an extra 90 mins per day.