To wonder how I can afford to go back to work?

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DH earns £1600 a month.

Outgoings:

Phone bills: £50 a month

Groceries: £200 a month

Water bill: £250 every 3 months

Train fares: £550 a month (cheapest rate)

Paying back loan: £120 a month

Rent: £925 a month (cheapest in area)

It just all seems impossible and each month we struggle.

I'm on ML, due to go back in 9 weeks time. I don't earn enough to cover my train fare to the job, let alone childcare for our DC.

DH can't change jobs and move to a job closer to us and not London because he kept losing jobs at one point and can't leave this one otherwise it'll be a terrible career move and will look awful on the CV. He has to stick it out for at least a good year.

What do I do?

Go back or stay at home?

Childcare is a fortune here too.

DH refuses to consider moving to a cheaper area of the country. He won't do it, that's that. Although this area is far from 'nice', it's just close(ish) to London so more expensive for what it is.

I have a friend who's a nurse and she said if she wanted to do more flexible working hours, she'd join Bank staffing.

She said if she done this, she could choose her hours and availability.

She can not confirm if this is the same for admin staff though

Phelan overdrafts and occasion help from family, I suppose

Not wise, I know I know

You need to move somewhere cheaper, he might only be 25 but he should be putting his families needs first, you shouldn't have to be blue in the face and him still not see your pov.

She can not confirm if this is the same for admin staff though

Find out! You don’t have to wait for her to find out. Contact whatever agency is relevant.

So he plans on putting his head in the sand only removing it occasionally to say “mummy! Daddy! Help me, I’m stuck!”

How attractive.

You should be entitled to the childcare element of tax credits even if you're getting nothing now. Give them a call to check.

If you can't go back, you must have a decent typing speed as a medical sec, could you sign up to an online transcribing service? Money isn't great, but with no travel or childcare could be worth it.

We moved up north to have a family. Few can afford it around London. Quality of life is much better up here and they're always crying out for medical secretaries.

I dunno Sass. I'm in the north west. You can buy a little house round here (naice village) for about 120k, rent one for about £500 a month. We have hospitals that the OP could work in. Not sure what the OP's DH's job is exactly but my DS commutes to Manchester from here for £100 a month and earns similar.

I think mid 20s is fairly young to have a child though.

Op, it sounds tough.

The answer is for one or both of you to get local jobs. Even though you would lose London weighting, it surely has to work out cheaper than those travelling costs. Or could you drive together to London? That's got to be cheaper then both taking the train.

DP and I considered moving to Bedfordshire, as way to stay close to London, but cheaper than London. There's some lovely places to live, so I understand why your DH wants to stay. However, I wanted/needed to stay in my job in London. When I realised how much the commute would cost, it wasn't worth it the lower housing costs.

What is going on with your water bill? Are you metered? Do you have a leak on the property?

Perhaps weekend work would be a starter. If your in the NHS though don't you have to.work for a certain amount of time to.pay back.your mat pay? Certainly nurses do.

Sorry should have said a proportion of tour mat pay.

It would seem that you are not taking your full maternity leave. Given where you are it would seem sensible to extend that - you will get SMP and thus an income of sorts without childcare costs until the 9 month mark. But even after that you still accrue holiday and pension. It also gives you a bit more breathing space to work out a plan. But from memory you have to give 8 weeks notice of changing maternity leave dates so you may need to be quick.

You should also check whether you would need to repay and enhanced mat pay if you don’t return.

TBH most of the people I know in strained financial circumstances like yours who have returned to work have done so due to family helping with some or all the childcare. If this is his home town is there any chance of some help like that?

I’m in the SE train costs do over £500 mean you must be doing a long commute. What’s your plans for childcare if you go back? I presume Nursery given fees, but how will pick up and drop offs work if you have a long commute (and so does your DP).

I agree your water bill is far too high, suggest contact company to see if leak . Have you investigated all childcare options. ? The other thing that people talk about is if you stop working, it is harder to get back into work in a few years time. Can you work evenings and weekends locally ?

I work in private healthcare and hospitals in our company employ medical secretaries on full time/part time/bank hours. Do you have any local private hospitals you could approach ? In my experience, good medical secretaries are as rare as hens teeth. Try approaching local private hospitals asking for bank work; although it’s not guaranteed hours you may have far more flexibility with the hours. Where I work, we have med secs working in the evenings and at weekends (at enhanced rates).

£46 a week for groceries? That’s to feed 2 adults, baby stuff (nappies, anything else?), cleaning products, toiletries? And anything else required? That seems really low. Is it realistic?

OP I think you know here that there is no way out of this if DP refuses to do something - be it move or change jobs. Rent and his travel are sucking up all of his earnings, it really isn't sustainable. It sounds like evening work really isn't viable for you as you will be tired after having the baby all day. What about even trying to get a local weekend job so you can at least bring in a little bit without childcare costs? I think though that you need to understand what DP is going to do to your longterm career by refusing to make any sort of a change to enable you to go back to your job. I have to say, I would be having a serious chat about whether this relationship has a future. He seems very immature.

The problem here is your husband's immaturity and refusal to take responsibility for his family. He might not want to move, but does he want to end up bankrupt? It's black and white-you cannot afford to live where you do. I would have serious doubts about his priorities and consider moving elsewhere alone. The thought of spiralling into debt indefinitely would terrify me, all because your husband is too selfish to look beyond his own wants

Childcare vouchers and move one or two train stops away from Bedford, I think next stop is Wellingborough 55 mins from London, then Kettering. There will be local work available.

Its not going to be easy but I think you are going to have to take the plunge and tighten your belts where you can, there's some great advise on here already. Also don't underestimate how going back now will keep your skills up to date etc.

I’m in a very similar situation op in regard to having a DH who refuses to move to a cheaper area.

I was born in London, and my family still live in the suburb where I grew up (it’s so much cheaper there). They are willing and able to assist with childcare, but my DH detests the area I grew up in, and all of the surrounding areas, with the exception of two which are as expensive as ours, but further from Central London, so he won’t entertain the idea.

I became a sahm, as that’s what we both really wanted, and I thought that if he can just about manage, then why shouldn’t I. He won’t live where I want, so I’ll be at least doing what I want by becoming a sahm. I thought that if he had to work extra hours and struggle, then he would realise that moving away would be sensible, but he just will not!

If I went back to work full time, I’d bring in around £100 per month after paying for childcare and travel to work - those two things would deplete my income! What the fuck would £100 a month do for us? It’s not even half of our council tax! So mere strangers would bring up my DD, whilst I bust my ass working in a very stressful career, with a terrible commute. It’s just not worth it. I don’t miss going to work in the slightest (only the pay), and adore being at home anyway.

Could you not become a sahm, and your DH do overtime - would that work?

Could you do any kind of freelance work from home?

It’s bloody hard financially, and I’m always telling my DH, ‘If we lived near to my family, you could stop the overtime, and I could even work a couple of days a week, and we’d be able to do something nice with the extra money - like buy a new car that we really need.

If the figures don't add up, they don't add up
That's the beauty of numbers, they're solid and factual! So the only way to change that is to amend one of the variables, either the numbers going in or the numbers going out until the result is acceptable. If your Dh is refusing to consider moving and/or looking at job moves for both of you then he's being a short sighted, ignorant pig .

On Monday phone all the hospitals near you, private, psychiatric and the acute general hospitals. I know your area and can think of at least ten within about 20 miles. Call the community trusts too and ask about Staff Admin Bank. All the places mentioned above will bite your hand off for a flexible admin person who had medical secretary experience.

Then start calling all the GP surgeries if the above does not work. You will get work and you may well find a regular Saturday a mile or so away from you.

Good luck

Get a tax free childcare account set up. 20% is a lot!

Hi OP

How much medical secretary experience have you got? As there are online companies who will pay for you to work from home doing medical typing. You can either do it alongside your current job to bring in extra money or give up work and do this as a full time job, the work is plentiful and you just do what you can. I know some retired secretaries who do it.

If being a SAHM means that you can't work alongside it then you could do evenings and weekends when your DH is there for childcare.

Otherwise, I'd be checking bills thoroughly and seeing where I could save and also telling DH that moving is looking like the only option if there is nothing else

A quick search on rightmove tells me you’re living in a very expensive property in comparison to what is available in Bedford. I think your first priority should be to move to a cheapest place. The cheapest 2 bed flat with one parking space on the market is 575pcm. Now that one may not be ideal but your husband needs to cut his cloth. He wants a champagne lifestyle. He’s only 25. Time to grow up. He has a dependent now. And having family to bail you out isn’t going to fix this. You don’t solve money problems with money.