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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to do DP & his son's washing anymore?

116 replies

hoolagirl · 02/05/2007 11:22

I currently work from home full time. I basically do everything I can (time permitting) in the way of housework.
This usually ends up in me spending most of the morning (in between doing work) washing and ironing.
I have at least 2 loads every day. DP and his son tend to hoard their washing, so the day it gets dumped in washing basket there is no way I can get it all done, plus the following day there is twice as much ironing.
This leaves me less time to do other things that I would prefer to do.
Now if I just do mine and my ds's washing, I can comfortably do all my work and get the house in order.
It was starting to piss me off, and DP has said many times, not to do it if I didnt' want to and they didnt' expect all their washing and ironing to be done for them.
Now I have done it for 3 months and its what my day seems to revolve around.
I told DP yesterday that he now needs to do his and his DS's washing as i am resenting it.
He said that was fine and done it yesterday, he asked me last night to do his and his ds's ironing and I said no, do it yourself.
He is now in a strop, banging doors etc, saying that all I do is lounge around all day etc and basically he is acting like my 2 year old who is not getting his own way.
So, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
gigglinggoblin · 02/05/2007 11:23

no you are not. let the lazy sods do it themselves.

gothicmama · 02/05/2007 11:24

no

fizzbuzz · 02/05/2007 11:30

Nope, I adopted this stance when moved in with dp and his 2 sons, + my ds.

The washing was never ending, and I just refused to do it anymore, as I couldn't cope.

He does his and theirs, I do mines ds's and also dd (new addition!)Works fine. As for the ironing, that gets sent out. £10.00 for 40 items.

You stand your ground girl, he is an adult, and should be able to do it himself.

Original poster
hoolagirl · 02/05/2007 11:31

Oh im standing my ground, im being very calm (before I stuff the washing machine up his arse)

OP posts:
charliecat · 02/05/2007 11:32

Woould you be happy to wash it if they iron it?
Would they stop hoarding it if it meant it was washed ready to iron?

Saturn74 · 02/05/2007 11:33

YANBU.
Maybe you could look into how much it would cost for an ironing service, and split the bill?

Original poster
hoolagirl · 02/05/2007 11:33

They would wear wrinkly clothes first I suspect.

OP posts:
charliecat · 02/05/2007 11:34

Let them wear wrinkly clothes then

Original poster
hoolagirl · 02/05/2007 11:34

They can iron their own clothes, his DS is 13 and can work an iron.
We would not be able to afford to send ironing out, there is too much.

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 02/05/2007 11:38

NBU

stand your ground

Break the iron, it will free you all.

fizzbuzz · 02/05/2007 11:38

That would be interesting to watch!

Why can't he do his own? Why do people think if you are working from home, you are available to do housework errands etc? You'd hardly set up an ironing board in the middle of an office!

Point this out to him, and suggests he takes his ironing to work and completes it there if thats what he expects you to do.

How old is his son, and how did he cope before he moved in with you?

Carmenere · 02/05/2007 11:39

Ironing clothes for able bodied adults is a FAVOUR. This is one area where I put my foot down from day one when we all started living together. I do my ironing, dd's ironing and occasionally iron dp's shirts for work when he is very busy.
I never iron dss's clothes. He is 18 and perfectly capable of doing it himself.

Carmenere · 02/05/2007 11:39

Dss has been doing his own ironing since he moved in with us at 14.

Anna8888 · 02/05/2007 11:40

First of all you need to sort out the issue of DP and his son not handing dirty washing over immediately. They ought to put dirty washing in a laundry basket, RIGHT SIDE OUT, the minute they take their clothes off. I've had this issue with my stepsons (it's sorted now).

I think it's fair enough to do the washing for the whole family if you are in the house all day, as it doesn't take much time but you do need physically to be present to load and unload the washing machine. However, you should definitely not be doing ironing for your stepson. How about you get someone in once a week to do all your ironing?

FiveFingeredFiend · 02/05/2007 11:43

No. why can't they use the washing machine?

Original poster
hoolagirl · 02/05/2007 11:43

Because Fizzbuzz, I work from home and therefore do nothing all day and should therefore happily get on with everything that needs done in the house, so his lordship can come in and put his feet up without having to think of such trivial matters such as where the clean clothes come from. what a prick!

OP posts:
Original poster
hoolagirl · 02/05/2007 11:45

Im just not doing it, it drives me crazy and is causing me to hate them.
Im not lazy, I do all of the other housework during the day and work FULL TIME!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hoolagirl · 02/05/2007 11:45

I need to go now to hang out some washing!

OP posts:
fizzbuzz · 02/05/2007 11:46

We couldn't really afford an ironing service, but it became a necessity really, as about 80 garmets are washed every week in this house.

That equates to about 3-4 hours ironing, and is just too much when you work full time.

I think you have to make him realise that when you are working form home, you are working, not sitting around watching "This Morning"

Carmenere · 02/05/2007 11:48

Hoolagirl I feel your pain, I am in exactly the same circs however I just do the bare minimum of house work and they wouldn't dare ever complain. You are not a servant. Stand your ground, it is very very important that you are not percieved to be a dogsbody. So what if he has a strop? You are in the right.

fizzbuzz · 02/05/2007 11:48

I also know exactly how you feel re resentment and can offer loads of sympathy, because I felt like a F laundrymaid.

Also lots of laundry is heavy, pulling out of washing machine, hanging on line etc, and it made my bad back much worse.

FiveFingeredFiend · 02/05/2007 12:01

presumably then, you have an income?

I would ring around ironing and washing and cleaning places and sit down and have a discussion.

You obviously are not going to...but act as If you are going to ring and employ these people becuase your work brings in an income.

So no shouting just a discussion, until he says "look we can't afford this" at which point you have him by the testicles so to speak

Original poster
hoolagirl · 02/05/2007 12:13

He said he didnt want me doing anything that made me resent him.
Now i'm doing something about it he's not happy.
I do have extra tidying/washing up to do now.
The best bit is, that I would never dream of asking him to do my stuff.
Basically when we moved in together, his life became easier and mine became harder.
Ahh he can foook ooooff, his life is still easier because he doesn't have housework to do either.

OP posts:
bozza · 02/05/2007 12:23

You see we don't have this seperate washing and ironing thing going on. I organise most of the washing but ask DH to maybe put on a load I have left on the bathroom floor or bring the stuff in off the line. We do the ironing in shifts in the evening 2-3 times a week. So on Monday I started it and did what I could during Coronation Street. Then I went to the gym and he did what was left. I do tend to do all of DD's tricky blouses and dresses though.

But in your case I suspect this system would not work because you would do your half, leave him his and he wouldn't do it. So you have to do what you have done really.

DH sometimes works from home but I don't expect him to do housework beyond getting the washing in if it is raining or putting some jacket potatoes in the oven.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2007 12:28

'He is now in a strop, banging doors etc, saying that all I do is lounge around all day etc and basically he is acting like my 2 year old who is not getting his own way.'

Why, oh why do people put up with behaviour like this?

Seriously.

Splitting the bill, blah, blah, blah.

HIS washing, HIS son's washing, his problem if he's going to be using you as a skivvy.

You work full time from home and you allow someone to tell you all you do all day is lounge around?

I don't think so.