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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to do DP & his son's washing anymore?

116 replies

hoolagirl · 02/05/2007 11:22

I currently work from home full time. I basically do everything I can (time permitting) in the way of housework.
This usually ends up in me spending most of the morning (in between doing work) washing and ironing.
I have at least 2 loads every day. DP and his son tend to hoard their washing, so the day it gets dumped in washing basket there is no way I can get it all done, plus the following day there is twice as much ironing.
This leaves me less time to do other things that I would prefer to do.
Now if I just do mine and my ds's washing, I can comfortably do all my work and get the house in order.
It was starting to piss me off, and DP has said many times, not to do it if I didnt' want to and they didnt' expect all their washing and ironing to be done for them.
Now I have done it for 3 months and its what my day seems to revolve around.
I told DP yesterday that he now needs to do his and his DS's washing as i am resenting it.
He said that was fine and done it yesterday, he asked me last night to do his and his ds's ironing and I said no, do it yourself.
He is now in a strop, banging doors etc, saying that all I do is lounge around all day etc and basically he is acting like my 2 year old who is not getting his own way.
So, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 02/05/2007 16:53

Reading lots of threads about housework, the one thing that strikes me is that the ones who complain they don't have the time are the ones who IRON.
My mum has NEVER ironed anything in her life except her DH shirts for work, and she is now 63yrs old.
I had a friend at school who had to do ironing for her mum, dad and brothers from the age of 11yrs until she finally left home at 25yrs old.
Ditch the iron it is not needed.
Only work clothes need ironing if at all.
Who cares if you have a couple of wrinkles?
They just get creased as soon as you wear them.
The drudgery of the iron saps the spirit!
AB

Anna8888 · 03/05/2007 08:06

fizzbuzz - you are right, what one does for your stepchildren in the way of household chores is a big issue.

I started off not really knowing but being aware that my stepsons had been brought up with a full-time nanny/maid and waited on hand and foot by all the adults around them. However, my partner was not at all happy with their upbringing and gradually, between us, we have worked on getting the boys (now 12 and 9) to do more for themselves.

However, on principle, I don't go near their bedroom and bathroom on a regular basis - it gets a spring clean when visitors use it, otherwise the cleaning lady goes round with a hoover once in a while, but that's it, they have to look after it. We did spend a LOT of time designing their room so it was very easy for them to hang up their clothes, put their shoes away and their dirty laundry in a basket, and that effort has paid off.

The more I go on, the more I realise that I do not in any way want my relationship with my stepchildren (and my own daughter) to be one of servitude in any shape or form, but one of upbringing. I don't do anything for any child that that child is already physically and mentally able to do for him/herself. But I am very patient about showing the children how to do things, explaining why it is necessary (with good humour) and letting them doing things less than perfectly to start off with.

3littlefrogs · 03/05/2007 11:14

Everyone should be responsible for their own laundry from about the age of 13 or 14. And their own bedroom, homework and shoe cleaning.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 03/05/2007 11:17

Oh how do all you people whose children keep their rooms tidy do it?

I just can't get mine to. DS has this mental block about putting his clothes/ books/ toys away and it drives me nuts.

It doesn't help that I'm a slob too so am not as on the case as I should be every single day.

Think I've answered my own question. Are you all tidy yourselves?

3littlefrogs · 03/05/2007 11:20

Ds1's room looks like the aftermath of a hurricane at a car boot sale - but it is not my problem. He is old enough to take responsibility, and suffer the consequences if he can't find things.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 03/05/2007 11:23

Hmm, my DS is still only 7 so I feel I can't abandon him to it (much as I would like to)

Am trying to get it so that at least he knows it's his problem when he's older, and knows how to do it in theory if not in practice. But am not getting very far

3littlefrogs · 03/05/2007 11:26

Ah - but at 7 it would be a regular parent and child effort - too young to do alone at that age. I am talking about big teenagers.

going out now to shops

KTeePee · 03/05/2007 11:36

I am a sahm and don't do dh's ironing - in fact I do as little ironing as possible for me and the dc's too....

If your dp doesn't want to do his own ironing, he should find an ironing service and pay someone else to do it, imo.

KTeePee · 03/05/2007 11:38

BTW why is there so much ironing? We only iron things like shirts - everything else is folded as soon as it comes off the line/out of the dryer and so doesn't need ironing.

bozza · 03/05/2007 11:39

spotter I think you have to help him just now. I think the first step is for him to know where everything goes. So have a place for everything in his bedroom. Then ask him to just tidy up bits rather than tidy up the whole lot. So go in, decide what is the biggest mess, and say "DS can you put your dirty clothes in the basket/lego in the box/books on the shelves/whatever, please". And do it that way so that he is not overwhelmed.

speedymama · 03/05/2007 11:43

KTeepee, I even iron the tea towels. Fortunately I like ironing so I don't see it as a chore.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 03/05/2007 12:06

Yes it's that bit by bit thing I don't do

Must remember that

NKF · 03/05/2007 12:14

Blimey. How do men get away with it? How do they manage to convince somone to do their laundry? I don't know about when you make kids do their own (mine are young) but a grown up!

motherinferior · 03/05/2007 12:17

I work from home. I do unload the dishwasher but that is IT. I do bog-all housework because I am supposed to be at work.

motherinferior · 03/05/2007 12:18

Oh and DP does the washing, anyway, following an Incident when I did object, a couple of years ago, to doing constant bloody washing all day.

Original poster
hoolagirl · 03/05/2007 12:33

Ahh coming back to this thread.
Lucyellenmum, Yes i am differentiating (spelling) between my DSS and my DS.
Because one is 13 years of age and one is 2years of age!
My DP asked if I was also making a difference and I said fine, you do my DS's washing and i'll do DSS's washing. My DS has twice as much, he is a mucky pup!
He quickly changed his tune.

OP posts:
Original poster
hoolagirl · 03/05/2007 12:35

Motherinferior, there was nearly an incident last night with the dishes, I can sympathise!
I nearly chucked them all out on the path, this has opened up a can of worms in the house.
Basically if they don't wanna wash them, then there will be no dishes for them to eat off of.
They got done and not by me.

OP posts:
themoon66 · 03/05/2007 12:46

Ripeberry - Agree totally with your post.. Ironing is not necessary IMO. I only iron work shirts and a cotton skirt I have. On average I iron about 9 items once every 6 to 8 weeks.

fizzbuzz · 03/05/2007 13:27

The sad thing for me, is I love ironing!!! Just have no time to do it.

Loathe every other form of housework with a vengence though!

fizzbuzz · 03/05/2007 13:29

Also Hoolagirl, I frequently chuck shoes and bags outside, when there is so many at back door that actually accessing door becomes impossible........especially when the logistics of a pushchair are taken into account

3littlefrogs · 03/05/2007 13:41

With teenagers - gather up all their "stuff" that is lying around the house and place carefully in the middle of their bed. Close bedroom door and walk away.

fizzbuzz · 03/05/2007 13:52

Yes, I do that.....Ds has a bed on the floor, he just pushes it all off to form small obstacle course round edge of bed.

In fact sometimes piles of crap are higher than bed...most of the time really, with small pathway through to bed

3littlefrogs · 03/05/2007 14:01

But they really don't notice it, do they FB? I hate it, but I am a lot less stressed now I close the door and ignore it. If he can't find something, I sympathise and ask where he put it when he out it away.

With my much younger dd, we do room tidying together, one surface or drawer at a time, just for 10 minutes after school. It is less overwhelming that way.

3littlefrogs · 03/05/2007 14:02

PUT it away, even

fizzbuzz · 03/05/2007 14:06

I ignore it as well....the problem comes when it is time to change the sheets......

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