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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel awful about shouting at an older lady

540 replies

TheCrossKeys · 16/02/2018 01:17

I got the bus today with the baby, 6yo, and 4yo. Baby started having a little whinge when we first got on so I gave her a banana out of the shopping bag and she was silent for the rest of the trip, stuffing her face. 4yo and 6yo were chatting quietly but not constantly, I was across the aisle from them and could barely hear them. I am not shy about telling my DC to quiet down when they're being too loud, I will remove them if they don't and they know this as a fact.

When it got close to the stop we needed, 6yo asked me if this was our stop - it's not a route we usually travel so she wasn't familiar with it - I said yes. The older lady (maybe late 60s?) in the seat behind me piped up in a really nasty voice "good, maybe it'll be quiet now". I asked her what she meant and she pointed at the baby and DD and said "I mean the amount of noise from that and that!". I said she was being very rude about young children who had been sitting quietly and minding their own business, other passengers agreed that they were sitting quietly. She then told me "they're a disgrace and so are you". So I lost my temper and told her she was a nasty fucking witch and was sheborn this bitter or did it develop over time. I then lost whatever dignity I had left and (to my absolute shame) told her to go fuck herself.

I am not a horrible person, I try to be kind and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've been having a tough time lately and the DC have been so good during it all, they are not little angels all of the time but they really were being quiet and I simply lost my rag.

We have to use that same route again tomorrow and I'm dreading it in case she's on the bus again.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCrossKeys · 16/02/2018 10:44

So you took a quick survey of the other passengers

Other passengers said to her and to me that they weren't being noisy after she made her "that" comment. The man and woman sitting directly behind my DC told her and they were closer to them than she was so if anyone was best placed to judge their noise level it would be them. The woman in front of them also told the lady that they weren't being loud.

OP posts:
BuzzKillington · 16/02/2018 10:44

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Halebeke425 · 16/02/2018 10:45

Sometimes we all lose our shit and it sounds like you were at the end of your tether and this just tipped you over the edge. It happens. It's not ideal but as long as you don't make a habit of shouting at people I'm sure you're not a horrible person, just a normal person that had a moment. If you see her again I wouldn't say anything unless she says something to you, by the sounds of it she has form for being nasty. If she says anything just try to stay calm and say "well I am sorry for shouting but you were incredibly rude and unreasonable I lost my temper" and leave it at that. Then I'd just ignore her.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/02/2018 10:45

You sound about 12, whiskyowl, bless you...

Pengggwn · 16/02/2018 10:46

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BertrandRussell · 16/02/2018 10:46

“Do people think that children will combust if they hear a swear word? They could probably teach you some“

No. But I do think that teaching them that it’s OK to shout “Go fuck yourself” to a stranger who has upset you in a bus is not a good thing. And that it is possible to stand up for yourself without calling som3one a “fucking witch”

Ivymaud · 16/02/2018 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheCrossKeys · 16/02/2018 10:48

Wow. If this really happened, you sound completely unhinged. Nice example to your children there.

Wow. Managing to accuse me of lying and shitty parenting all in the one sentence Wink

I've said in my posts that I know it was a crap example to my children and I know I overreacted in the face of provocation. I've acknowledged that I did the wrong thing and that should have kept my dignity.

If you think I'm not genuine then feel free to report me.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/02/2018 10:48

So why, if the entire bus started up a Greek chorus of how your children hadn't been noisy, did you feel the need to screech You're a fucking witch, go fuck yourself??
You're really not making yourself sound any better.

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 16/02/2018 10:49

She won't comment again! She was rude and you stood up for your dcs. Next time keep your dignity by not swearing, but I can't see a problem with what you did. Do not apologise.

whiskyowl · 16/02/2018 10:49

I think what this thread is proving is that the approved Mumsnet way is not to shout, but instead to be unkind and slyly vicious against someone who has said she knows she was in the wrong, but is already really low. Great job guys, you're embodiments of moral worth.

Original poster
TheCrossKeys · 16/02/2018 10:49

I do think that teaching them that it’s OK to shout “Go fuck yourself” to a stranger who has upset you in a bus is not a good thing. And that it is possible to stand up for yourself without calling som3one a “fucking witch”

And I agree which is why I explained to them as soon as possible afterwards that mummy should not have done that.

OP posts:
phoenix1973 · 16/02/2018 10:50

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BakedBeans47 · 16/02/2018 10:50

What a rude bastard. Her, not you. Would I fuck be apologising!

mummyfeo · 16/02/2018 10:50

You were not BU to have a go at her. You were BVU to have sworn in front of your children. She does not need or deserve an apology. Your children do.

RoseWhiteTips · 16/02/2018 10:51

God, how embarrassing. You really did show your true colours.

Original poster
TheCrossKeys · 16/02/2018 10:51

So why, if the entire bus started up a Greek chorus of how your children hadn't been noisy, did you feel the need to screech You're a fucking witch, go fuck yourself?? You're really not making yourself sound any better.

Because that's when she came out with her comment about my children and I being a disgrace when I was already riled about her previous comment and I snapped. I'm not proud of myself but it is what it is.

OP posts:
OutyMcOutface · 16/02/2018 10:51

Well it seems that you proved her point. I hope that you had a chat with your DC about how that kind of behaviour is not acceptable

UgandanKnuckles · 16/02/2018 10:52

@BertrandRussell

Jesus wept. Unfortunately it looks like the OP as the affliction known as "being human" and this sometimes makes us do and say things that we might not normally do when provoked. She wasn't teaching her children anything.

UgandanKnuckles · 16/02/2018 10:53

I doubt 20 years from now they'll be lying on a psychiatrists chair recanting the tale of when "mummy told some woman to go fuck herself and that was the start of our sprial into drug abuse and crime" Hmm

RoseWhiteTips · 16/02/2018 10:54

Many of the people who are supporting you here are swearing themselves. Classy.

BakedBeans47 · 16/02/2018 10:54

Jeezo the OP lost her rag. Not ideal in front of kids obviously but she’s only human. If the horrible woman hadn’t started it OP wouldn’t have said anything.

Ignore the perfect parents and people who never lose their tempers and say something in anger OP 🙄

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/02/2018 10:56

She wasn't teaching her children anything Confused

UgandanKnuckles · 16/02/2018 10:57

^ yes?

Lizzie48 · 16/02/2018 10:58

Well YWNBU to be upset, the old lady was very rude to refer to your DC as that and that, and to say you were a disgrace, especially as the other passengers agreed that they'd been behaving nicely. I suspect she was cheesed off by the lack of support from the other passengers and that's why she called you a disgrace.

Of course YWBU to lose it the way you did, but you do know that. You do need to apologise to your DC for making such a scene, as they will have been scared by it. I know this because I had an altercation with a very rude, older man when going home after the school run. I'd parked outside his house, where he'd taken it upon himself to put illegal 'no parking' signs. He threatened to call the police, I pointed out that it wasn't permit holder only, and I was parking legally.
I shouted back at him, but I didn't swear. However, months later, my DDs remember 'the angry man' and that 'you shouted as well, Mummy.' So your DC will remember.

Don't apologise to the lady, just carry on as normal. She provoked you, you overreacted hugely, end of story. I doubt she'll want round 2, so I suspect it won't be mentioned again.