To feel awful about shouting at an older lady

[TheCrossKeys]

I got the bus today with the baby, 6yo, and 4yo. Baby started having a little whinge when we first got on so I gave her a banana out of the shopping bag and she was silent for the rest of the trip, stuffing her face. 4yo and 6yo were chatting quietly but not constantly, I was across the aisle from them and could barely hear them. I am not shy about telling my DC to quiet down when they're being too loud, I will remove them if they don't and they know this as a fact.

When it got close to the stop we needed, 6yo asked me if this was our stop - it's not a route we usually travel so she wasn't familiar with it - I said yes. The older lady (maybe late 60s?) in the seat behind me piped up in a really nasty voice "good, maybe it'll be quiet now". I asked her what she meant and she pointed at the baby and DD and said "I mean the amount of noise from that and that!". I said she was being very rude about young children who had been sitting quietly and minding their own business, other passengers agreed that they were sitting quietly. She then told me "they're a disgrace and so are you". So I lost my temper and told her she was a nasty fucking witch and was sheborn this bitter or did it develop over time. I then lost whatever dignity I had left and (to my absolute shame) told her to go fuck herself.

I am not a horrible person, I try to be kind and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've been having a tough time lately and the DC have been so good during it all, they are not little angels all of the time but they really were being quiet and I simply lost my rag.

We have to use that same route again tomorrow and I'm dreading it in case she's on the bus again.

Perhaps she'll learn to keep her mouth shut

I've done the bus trip and she wasn't there but it was the same driver and he remembered me I apologised for making trouble on his bus and he told me not to take it to heart as she's like that with everyone and I'm not the first person to have lost my temper with her. It doesn't make what I did any better and it certainly doesn't justify it but at least it's not only me. Sods law says she'll be on the return journey.

Is it possible that your idea of children sitting quietly is also different from other people's?

They were sitting having an on and off quiet conversation so it wasn't even constant talking. Other passengers agreed they weren't being noisy.

Bertrand

The 14 year olds behaviour would have been find if he'd used 'shove off, you prune' I suppose.

I agree with you but to say that in front of your kids

You did nothing wrong OP. I would have told her to go fuck herself as well.

DD used to do this thing when she was tired, it wasn't a tantrum because she was smiling, but she would thrash about and be completely out of control. The one time I managed not to lose my rag with her on the bus was when DH thought it would be a good idea to drag a 6 year old round the whole of London Zoo. I did say, let's all pick our favourite animals and just see those, but he was having none of it. So DD kicked off on the bus for the whole hour's trip back home, I was using all my strength to hold her down and talking calmy. All I got were sympathetic comments. If I'd lost it, I'd have had people ranting at me like I'd caused it.

If this were someone of around your age not one poster would have said You were being unreasonable. Some People seem to think that being elderly gives you a free pass to be rude.

You lost the moral high ground when you swore at her in public and in front of your children. Yup

I’m not gonna lie. I slightly cringe when I read what you said to her. It was another level, but admittedly, I probably would have shamed myself a little by saying similar things. I’m one for unnecessary confrontation, which isn’t good.

Sods law says she'll be on the return journey.

If she is and you apologise then I am going to lose it and swear at you ;)

Just to add. I would probably apologise if I saw her, not for what I said but how I said it. Tell her she was rude but you shouldn’t have shouted and swore and for only that, you apologise. Then ignore if she gets pissy about it.

I wouldn't apologise OP. And if she makes any little "can't believe the way you spoke to me" comments you should tell her that you stand by what you said. It was nice of you to apologise to the driver though, they put up with a lot.

“If this were someone of around your age not one poster would have said You were being unreasonable. Some People seem to think that being elderly gives you a free pass to be rude.”

I would. The age is immaterial. If the OP wanted to say something to this woman that would be fine. In fact I think she should have done, Shouting go fuck yourself to someone on a bus is never fine. And it is deeply depressing that the majority on here think it is,

f this were someone of around your age not one poster would have said You were being unreasonable. Some People seem to think that being elderly gives you a free pass to be rude.

I would actually, shouting and telling people to Fuck off isn't a great way to handle things no matter how nasty they are. All you do is bring yourself down to their level.

it was the same driver and he remembered me. I apologised for making trouble on his bus and he told me not to take it to heart as she's like that with everyone and I'm not the first person to have lost my temper with her.

Well, there you go. You explained to your DCs that you shouldn't have behaved as you did and you apologised to the driver. They are the innocent parties here and the woman was in the wrong and was downright nasty. If you see her again IMO you can hold your head up high. I don't have kids, but I think it's offensive to refer to a child as 'that'.

Bert people aren't saying that at all, just recognising that life has shades of grey and that putting everything into either 'absolutely right=saint' and 'absolutely wrong=awful person' is wearing.

You shouldn’t feel bad because she’s an old woman; being older shouldn’t automatically get you respect.

^This. Don’t apologise to her but maybe next time don’t swear in front of your kids like that.

Just read back and seen your least post. Given what the driver said, I probably wouldn’t apologise to her seeing she has form for this. I’d ignore from now on and move on.

I personally don't mind noisy children, as long as it's 'happy' noise. Jabbering and laughing and being silly is fine, it's the whining and crying that is unpleasant. So the fact that the DC were chatting and happy is really fine, and would've been fine with most passengers.

Do people think that children will combust if they hear a swear word? They could probably teach you some.

Other passengers agreed they weren't being noisy. So you took a quick survey of the other passengers whilst you were telling the woman she was a nasty fucking witch and she should go fuck herself?
Sure. I just bet they were all totally supportive of you
I'm totally cringing at the thought of the scene you must have created. Your poor kids.

Obviously you were both rude but your children bore the brunt of it from both of us. Yes, I would be ashamed if I behaved like that in front of my children. Try to learn some self control so that you don't do it again.

*both of you

A-one, a-two, a one, two, three four

SHE HAD IT COMING!
SHE HAD IT COMING!
SHE ONLY HAS HERSELF TO BLAME!
IF YOU'D A BEEN THERE
IF YOU'D A SEEN IT
I BET THAT YOU WOULDA DONE THE SAME!

"Do people think that children will combust if they hear a swear word?"

Not in the slightest. The proalem lies in witnessing their mother having an aggressive outburst.

OP has now posted that this was very out of character, and a one-off is rather different to a frequent pattern of volatile behaviour.