People who choose not to drive

[LouJDawe]

4 weeks until I drop and I have my baby shower this weekend. 3 people who I've invited (best friend, mil and nan) don't drive. This is out of choice, all have a licence but prefer to be 'driven' as cars are too expensive to run. All have text to ask what time I'm collecting them for my baby shower. AIBU in thinking if you choose not to drive it's not up to other people to pick up and drop off all the time? I don't know if I'm in the wrong because yes I invited them but surely they should find an alternate to me collecting them all as I have an 18 month old son as well as a baby shower to prepare not run around picking prople up?

Please don’t make up any excuses because it will make them think they can ask in the future, it’s better to nip it in the bud if possible.

I would reply something casual along the lines of ‘I won’t be driving, let me know if you want me to order you a cab to share’ and leave it at that.

Cheeky sods!

@Rednailsandnaeknickers oh god!! Not sure I should admit this but I have a toilet brush !! 😱😱😱

I don't drive. I am lucky in that pretty much everywhere I live is accessible by bus with one transfer as taxis here cost a lot.

I sometimes have to say to friends "hey, would you rather I were 10 minutes early or 10 minutes late" or wander round window shopping/sit on a bench with a book.

I usually accept a lift if it's offered (while assuring that I'm happy to get a bus) but I never ask for one. I certainly wouldn't expect the party girl to come pick me up.

Good luck with your baby and enjoy your baby shower!

I can drive but we don't have a car and I'm not a confident driver. If I can't get around on public transport I book an Uber. I'd never expect a lift!

dont be selfish and lazy , they need to learn how to drive or organise themselves accordingly
Friend of mine has just moved to rural suffolk and his oh does not drive so he has to ferry her about , shopping etc presumably while she sits in the back seat

Why is everyone so weird about baby showers? Is that the normal opinion of them? I've never had one because I can't be arsed and it's not really 'me' but I think they're a nice thing to do, kind of like a hen do and have enjoyed the ones I've been to. I didn't realise there were rules about how many you could have or who organised it.. Why are people so stuck up about these things?

Anyways yeah the non drivers need to sort their transport, I don't drive and would sort myself out not ask the host to come and get me! Enjoy your day.

Well, this is a weird thread. If the OP had posted that she was hosting an afternoon tea for a few friends (without mentioning babies or showers) perhaps people would have concentrated on the issue - that she was expected to provide transport for her guests who chose not to drive. No OP, you are not being unreasonable in expecting your guests to make their own way to your tea party.

Most social occasions have "rules" or social norms surrounding them Hale , that's how society works. So you don't invite people to your wedding unless you are actually getting married. If you are organising a funeral it is usual to provide some form of refreshment for mourners afterward. Baby showers are typically for the first baby and you don't attend empty-handed, you "shower" the mum to be with gifts.

You can of course break these rules as you chose. But then people may be a bit about it - esp if you are putting them to trouble and expense with no reciprocity.

As with all CF texts, just reply: “Lol.”

Well at every one I've been invited to the mother is someone who I like seeing and spending time with and whose baby I would have got a gift for anyway. If that wasn't the case I'd just decline the invitation. I couldn't care less about who organised it and how many kids they had. The op is putting on food and inviting close friends and family. I don't see why people feel the need to be judgy and rude about it.

I've been to a few baby showers and always go empty handed.... I like to buy a gift once the baby is born.

These people REALLY piss me off. If you don't want to drive, that's fine, but then sort out your own transport whether that's buses, taxis or a bicycle. Why the hell should anyone else have to drive you around because you CHOSE not to drive yourself?

Sorry if I'm venting a bit, but this is my MIL. She CAN drive, but chooses not too, but she won't use public transport (even though she has a pass) instead she expects everyone else to ferry her around when it suits her. My poor put upon FIL has been doing it most of his life and now that he's getting on a bit, he's not driving as much and so she's decided that my DH can pick up where FIL left off, despite the fact that DH has a full time job and can't just drive her around when she clicks her fingers.
I won't do it anymore because she's just taking the piss. I could understand if it was something urgent, eg: hospital appointment etc but 'needing' to be driven to three separate supermarkets to do her shopping. Just no.

My BIL's ex, nephew and myself call them Hyacinth and Richard.

No OP, you're not being in the slightest bit unreasonable.

OP this seems odd, is it because they are used to you giving lifts? Do you normally offer? In which case I can kind of see where the expectation came from. I think you have to understand that if they aren't given a lift, they may well not be able to come. With regards the mil, can't dh help with that?

Also, and I mean this in the nicest possible way...... has it occurred to you that maybe they don't want to spend a fortune on a taxi for this? I appreciate it is very special and important to you, that is clear from your posts with regards to you organising it yourself (I know you back track and say friends are organising it, but you explicitly say organising it and running it is stressing you). Maybe they just aren't that bothered about going? As you can see from this thread, a lot of people really are not into baby showers.

Yanbu. I don’t drive but I still consider myself responsible for getting places either on foot or by public transport. Spectacularly cheeky of your friends to just assume you’ll be collecting them. Tell them to get taxi if they want driving door to door!

Definitely cheeky. I agree with others, it's not the not driving that is the issue.. I don't drive but I get myself to places. If everyone drove we wouldn't be able to get anywhere for traffic. But yeah... It's the cheekiness and expectation that are not on.

I wouldn’t spend an hours taxi fare on going to a baby shower, but I also wouldn’t expect the mum to be to pick me up!
If I was you...
Nan - most nana’s of adults I know can drive but choose not to, can your DP give her a lift?
Best friend - CF, get public transport
MIL - does she have a car but just doesn’t like using it? Drive herself or get public transport again. Or share a taxi with BF.
Or don’t come. So so rude asking you to pick them up!!

It's not the non-driving that's at fault here; it's the entitlement. Most members of my family don't drive for environmental reasons but we are perfectly capable of getting ourselves places or politely turning down invites.

My nan has always been collected not always by myself but other family members as she chooses not to drive and doesn't like public transport. So I was expecting it from her. My best friend doesn't drive because she would rather spend her money on other things etc but amongst us friends we have always collected her but since having my son it just isn't possible to always pick her up and drop her off. As she doesnt have children herself i think she thinks im being silly but its a pain. My mil is ridiculous and won't drive anywhere as she says "some people drive and some should be driven". I was just having a rant really as I find it so cheeky, if you can't organise yourself to be somewhere then just don't come it isn't up to everyone else. I was feeling emotional I suppose when I wrote this and it wasn't me backtracking because the thread wasn't supposed to be about having a baby shower and my friends who were organising it as they were details I felt didn't need mentioning. It was just about the lift situation. My dp can't get mother in law as he is out early morning with my dss all day for football. I have actually sorted the situation and have my aunt collecting my nan, my sil collecting mil and my best friend I'm going to pick up as I don't want her missing out as we're all in the same circle and I know my friends who have organised it want us all together. Sorry for any confusion for people that felt I'm so self centred I organised my own shower but I didnt. When I was having my first child my friend couldn't make it and was so upset as there are five of us that have all grown up together. So when they found out I was pregnant this time around my friend who couldn't make it and is very unwell in hospital asked to organised it with the help of another friend (therefore my 2 friends organised it). They chose my house because I already have a wet room and a ramp for disabled access as my father has MS so we made sure everything was accessible for a wheelchair. And because she is allowed a few hours out the hospital my house isn't going to be over crowded and people won't be staring at her wondering what is wrong when we all already know. So thank you to the nasty trolls on here that couldn't quite get past all the minor details I hope this helps you sleep at night now you know the whole situation. I have wonderful friends and am very much looking forward to seeing them all, it's a shame people on here couldn't see the bigger picture.

Well I hope you have a lovely time

Ok but if you are having a christening or any kind of ceremony after baby is born they can come or not come. I wouldn't be collecting anybody anymore. You don't have time anyway. Let us know how helpful the non driving friend is when you are busy with 2 children.

Enjoy

Hope you have a lovely time, but really your enabling the lot of them, especially your MIL and best friend, they should be able to use public transport or taxi if they choose not to drive.

If they can drive but don’t want to run a car they must either get a cab or hire a cat to drive. It’s not your job to effectively subsidise them by acting as taxi.