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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People who choose not to drive

135 replies

LouJDawe · 15/02/2018 23:32

4 weeks until I drop and I have my baby shower this weekend. 3 people who I've invited (best friend, mil and nan) don't drive. This is out of choice, all have a licence but prefer to be 'driven' as cars are too expensive to run. All have text to ask what time I'm collecting them for my baby shower. AIBU in thinking if you choose not to drive it's not up to other people to pick up and drop off all the time? I don't know if I'm in the wrong because yes I invited them but surely they should find an alternate to me collecting them all as I have an 18 month old son as well as a baby shower to prepare not run around picking prople up?

OP posts:
cueominousmusic · 16/02/2018 02:27

Who cares who organised the baby shower? If the OP wanted to do so, that's her privilege. If a friend did, equally that's the friend's privilege. What has that got to do with self-centred people not wanting to pay for an Uber or taxi out of the (large sums of) money saved by not running a car?

I'll bet the OP didn't expect a grilling from the Spanish Inquisition (but then, nobody does!) over such a simple question and what are just extraneous details.

AstridWhite · 16/02/2018 02:28

I thought baby showers were for first babies only and I thought someone else was supposed to arrange it and host it for you? Confused

AstridWhite · 16/02/2018 02:31

It is being thrown for me by 2 friends of mine.

That's not how you made it sound earlier. You said you've' arranged and nice afternoon and you've^ asked for no presents. If your friends are throwing it for you then why aren't they the ones being asked to pick your MIL up? Confused

Coyoacan · 16/02/2018 02:47

It is your best friend that concerns me. I don't have a car because I can't afford one, hate driving and I think they are bad for the environment, but I don't expect lifts.

Vitalogy · 16/02/2018 03:12

Busses, taxis and feet are available. Nip in the bud from the off.

Vitalogy · 16/02/2018 03:13

*buses

BarbarianMum · 16/02/2018 03:25

Well OP tell them to take a cab. Then they can decide how badly they want to attend and act accordingly.

Cavender · 16/02/2018 04:05

Dear Lord there are some incredibly rude people on this thread.

Seriously you should be ashamed of yourselves.

OP you MIL and friend will
Simply need to make their own arrangements.

MaxWeber · 16/02/2018 05:04

Surely if your friends are organising it for you they can organise the transport. Sounds like they'd do anything for their mate. Forward the texts to them.

TheStoic · 16/02/2018 05:35

Presumably they are accustomed to not driving and making their own way to events? They don’t want to come to your baby shower.

BitchQueen90 · 16/02/2018 06:01

I don't drive through choice. I had a few lessons, was crap at it and decided I just couldn't be bothered.

It's never been an issue for me as public transport where I live is excellent, buses run 24 hours a day and I live a 10 minute walk from the train station. I also do a lot of walking which keeps DS and I healthy.

I never ask anyone for a lift anywhere. It's cheeky AF. I have made a choice not to drive so it's my responsibility to get myself around. YANBU at all.

Groovee · 16/02/2018 06:06

Tell them to get their own way to the baby shower. I've stopped running everyone everywhere as few people would return the favour.

DrunkUnicorn · 16/02/2018 06:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sanesera · 16/02/2018 06:15

Some pathetic people about already eyyy.

Hope you have a lovely time OP.

Snipples · 16/02/2018 06:23

Bloody hell OP - ignore the whiney gits about the baby shower 🙄🙄

Very cheeky and entitled to expect lifts. They should get a taxi.

Enjoy your baby shower! I hope you have a great time!

tvhearts · 16/02/2018 06:23

@Rednailsandnaeknickers toilet brushes?? 😂

IdRatherHaveABowlOfCocoPops · 16/02/2018 06:25

Very rude indeed! I don't drive I'd be coming by foot, bus or taxi. I would never dream of asking the host or anyone to ferry me about!!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/02/2018 06:38

Tell them you’re too tired to drive and pick them up and enjoy the party. You’re about to pop, why the hell should you be doing unnecessary car journeys. Blame it on baby brain if you want (you can also use this for a long time post partum as well as you’ll be tired). Read this article about the increased risk of accident whilst pregnant. www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/pregnant-women-at-increased-risk-of-car-accidents-9359249.html. Or say you don’t want to drive unnecessarily. Study of what can happen if involved in an accident. www.2keller.com/library/pregnant-women-car-accidents-and-the-unborn-baby.cfm

I’m not trying to scare you out of driving. This is in the realms of playing them at their own game and they don’t have to know your real feelings. Wink. Once your baby is born, you’ll have 2 children. No way in hell should you be driving them anywhere ever again for at least the next 10 years - and I’m sure number 2 baby will scream the place down every car journey, won’t they??!! Just say yes. You teach people how to treat you afterall. Right now, you’re rolling out the doormat.

BuckysRoboticArm · 16/02/2018 06:42

Did somebody ask what is the point of baby showers? I will tell you. It's for everyone to admire your huge awesome bump and tell you how wonderful and glowy you look even though you feel like a bag of spanners, because they love you. It's for eating lots of yummy cake and having a catch up with distant family and friends - let's face it you won't have time for a nice long chat for at least the next 6 months anyway. Its for eating lots of yummy cake. It's an excuse to buy a gorgeous and fancy maternity dress, as you usually live in leggings and the same 3 tops recycled now. Cake. Gifts are not to be expected but always received with appreciation. And who the jeff doesn't secretly enjoy buying tiny outfits anyway, I know I do. Wouldn't people have given gifts after the birth anyway? When you don't have time for a hundred visitors or to say thank you properly with some cake? Also when everyone goes home, you get to keep any leftover cake.

I loved mine. To think I almost said no too. We had a great time.

Enjoy op. Your relatives are cf.

Vitalogy · 16/02/2018 07:04

Gosh there are some vile people on this thread today! I really don't understand what joy you get from this sort of nastiness. I don't suspect any joy but some momentary relief from their own troubles. That'll do themselves or anyone else no good, negative begets negative.

twoplytwoply · 16/02/2018 07:16

I don't drive by choice but I certainly don't expect anyone to pick me up! Cheeky fuckers. They can make their own way.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 16/02/2018 07:28

They are selfish wanting a lift but only as bad as a baby shower and even worse for a subsequent child!! So you all sound as bad as each other.

stargazer2030 · 16/02/2018 07:34

Mumsnet at its absolute worse!
Enjoy your baby shower op! Tell them you can't pick them up and enjoy your afternoon.

Crackers1288 · 16/02/2018 07:42

Wow I never realised until now what a crime having a baby shower is.
Op whoever organised it, it’s your choice to do whatever the hell you like and you don’t need to be judged for it!

As for the matter in hand, any adult that doesn’t drive should be well used to making arrangements to get to places. My mil is exactly the same, has never come to our house unless someone drives her, tand it’s one bus ride from her road to ours.
I would reply with a taxi number Grin

Headofthehive55 · 16/02/2018 07:45

Just say sorry you can't on this occasion. Up to them to get a lift!